A MEMOIR

Hello, everyone! I am Krisshia Faye P. Abalo, welcome to my life!

[shaaaangiii]

Ending

“Goodbye world, hello afterlife!” 

In this final stage, our life ultimately ends. Before I die, I want to make sure that everything is stable. My children, my husband, our business, and etc. I want my death to be peaceful. No pain. Although I will understand that my family will really experience denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and I also want them to have the value of acceptance (Kübler-Ross’ stages of dying). 

During my funeral, I want to see who really went there to visit and say their last words to me. I want to know during my funeral who really treasures me as a person not because of how I succeeded in my goals. I want my body to be cremated and be placed in our family’s cemetery where all our ancestors are placed there. When I am already gone, I want to see how my children cope up with everything. I hope my children will keep on visiting me in the cemetery and pray for my soul. I want my children to teach my grandchildren like how I taught them when I was still alive. I want to see my husband still enjoying his life with my children having him by his side. I want to see, even in death, that my family will include and remember me in their joyous experiences. I also want them to always remember that I’ll always be with them in their lives and they shouldn’t be sad that I’m not around anymore. 

Aside from my children and husband, I also want to see my ancestors as well. My death will not only be sadness but also there will be happiness. It will be sad because I will be leaving my family behind. However, there will also be happiness since I will be meeting my mother, grandparents, and my other ancestors. When I see them in the afterlife, I wanna tell them how my life went and how their teachings and way of discipline have helped shape me, my husband and my children as well.

[shaaaangiii]

LATE ADULTHOOD (the 60s-70s to death) 

“Old-old, oldest-old” 

Late Adulthood will involve many changes. At this age, I am starting to have time to review my life, retirement from work, and adjustment to new social roles involving decreasing strength and health. In physical development, my skin continues to lose elasticity and age spots, reaction time slows further, muscle strength and mobility diminishes, hearing and vision decline, and the immune system weakens. According to hormonal stress theory, aging contributes to immune system deficits that give rise to infectious diseases in older adults.  I will slowly have memory loss and decrease intellectual function since this is due to aging. According to the evolutionary theory of aging, the benefits conferred by evolutionary theory decline with age because natural selection is linked to reproductive fitness.  

For me, I want to live until the age of 85 or if God will give me more years (100 years and older), then I would gladly accept to become one of the Centenarians. I want to surround myself in a great environment because for me when you have a great environment you can think of happiness. No worries, sadness, doubt, and all the negative thoughts. Aside from the environment, I want to surround myself with my family. Since they are the one who supports me since day one and who keeps all my diet, activities, and spirituality balanced. I want my family to become spiritual because for me prayer is where you ask for guidance and ease the stress and problems (nature vs nurture). At this age, the probability of having a disease or illness such as arthritis, osteoporosis, etc increases. I want to become physically active still. Aside from being physically active, I am starting to have some maintenance such as vitamins and minerals to keep my immune system strong and to slow the aging process. Some say that at this age, older adults reside in nursing homes. For me, I don’t want to be placed at the nursing home. Since at this age, I am financially stable and my children already have their own work, I want to stay at home and if there is a need for a healthcare provider, I don’t want it to be in the nursing home. I wanted to be just like my grandmother who is 82 years old. She can finish three household chores a day. Since my parents won’t allow her to go outside since she’s already too old and it’s dangerous for her, what she does when she’s bored is to clean the house. It also benefits her since it became her exercise every day. I want to have sustained attention like her. She’s focused on one task and then does the others when she’s finished with it. What amazed me is that she's really good at mathematics. She always has a good memory when it comes to math (semantic memory). 

At this stage, my husband and I are already retired from work and my children have their own path and family as well. I want my husband and me to travel as much as we can until we can’t do it already. I want to live my life to the fullest at this stage. At this stage as well I am already reviewing my life, how I spent my life for the past decades, how I became a good mother, wife, sister, daughter, and therapist. (Erikson’s psychosocial theory: Integrity vs. despair). With this, I became fully satisfied before I die with what I achieved, especially how my children are being raised and how my goals as a therapist became a goal to my children as well. 

[shaaaangiii]

MIDDLE ADULTHOOD(the 40s to about 60s)

“Work! Family! Work!” 

At the age of 40 to 60 or 65 years old, an individual is already in a middle adulthood stage. In this stage, I expect myself to be just like my mother who is already 47 years old. I will be experiencing changes in my physical appearance. I will be having wrinkles and gray hair and I will gain weight. I will also be experiencing menopause, a decrease in strength, and my sensory as well will slowly change and decline such as my hearing and eyesight. Aside from those, I will be aware that this period I am prone to diseases or health problems. So, to prevent these health problems, I will be physically active and begin to avoid unhealthy foods to keep myself healthy. Since in my family’s health history, both sides in my family are prone to diabetes and high blood. In this stage, I will already have a stable career, a family, and will continue to guide my children in the right path.

At this stage, my husband and I will still continue to bond with our children such as traveling even though our schedule is very hectic. Just like my parents who are part of the business industry, I know their schedules are very full however they still make sure to make time for us and that is what I want when I reach this stage. I want my kids to have a comfortable life just like what I am experiencing today and teaching them the values that were taught to me when I was little. Since my kids in this stage are already a teen or an emerging adult, I want them to become more competent, mature, independent individuals. (Seasons of Man’s Life by Daniel Levinson)  I want to share with them how important it is to choose their desired career and how to reach it and maintain their satisfaction. My husband and I will support them in whatever career path they want to take. At this stage, my husband and I already have a clinic. I want to pass it to my son or daughter. I want them to become exposed to what we do, how we do it, and why we do our job (Erikson’s Theory: Generativity vs. Stagnation). 

As I have observed in my family, I noticed how my parents sometimes forget what they said to us. According to the Seattle Longitudinal Study, the verbal memory peaked in the 50s and other studies also stated that verbal memory declined in middle age. However, not only my parents experience forgetfulness but also me. In my case, there are times when I become forgetful, especially what I said and what I was thinking. In this stage as well, my expertise increased, especially in my occupation. I become more creative and flexible, have better strategies and shortcuts, and have better decision making and processing information automatically and analyze it more efficiently. 

Knowing that at this stage, I will be starting to have a lot of connections especially at work and at school because of my children. Ever since I always value my friends since they provide practical and emotional support and vice versa. I truly believe that in this stage, I will become a successful mother, sister, daughter, and a therapist as well. Because of this, I envisioned a better version of myself that I always want to achieve. I always want to see myself a few years from now to become happy and satisfied with my work and my family. 

[shaaaangiii]

Early Adulthood (20s to 30s)

“Adulting, everywhere!” 

As an emerging adult, I am starting to explore my career path since my parents already planned my life. I am learning to accept change and responsibility within myself and start to have independent decisions. Since I am 19 years old and turning 20 in the month of April, I am learning to become financially independent. I am starting to save what my parents gave me so that I won’t keep on asking money from them. Since I have already entered college, I started to notice the difference between my high school years and today. My focus on achievements increased although it became harder since the subjects are more difficult than we have in high school and it's now inclined in our chosen course. I became more stressed since the number of responsibilities both in academics and extracurricular activities have to be balanced. 

When school started, it was all great but when the second semester started, I started to skip meals or bring snacks only instead of my lunch and to also help me save money. Sometimes I bring lunch but I tend to forget to eat it so I sometimes give it to my friends who don't have lunch. With all of this stress, I have my peers who helped me get through the week. Sometimes, my friends deal with their stress through drinking but since I don’t drink, I always tell them to have fun and that I will go home ahead. Not only my friends who helped me in my physical, emotional, and mental state but also my partner. My partner also became my number one supporter and became my secure base in times of need. We both accept and trust each other and when there are problems, we always try to talk it through. Our relationship would be in Sternberg’s Theory wherein he proposed that love can be in three main dimensions which are passion, intimacy, and commitment. Since I am in a healthy relationship with my friends and also my partner, it means in Erikson’s Psychosocial Theory which is Intimacy vs. Isolation, I am in the intimacy stage.  

Since my course is Speech-Language Pathology and it is a 4 years course, at the age of 25, hopefully when I finish my education, I will be taking up a board exam to become a certified speech-language pathologist. After that, I want to study abroad to widen my knowledge of my profession. When I become a successful professional, I want to have my own clinic, with my cousins who are also taking up medical courses, in my hometown which is here in Cebu. It has always been our plan to build one in our family. In this stage, it will be a never-ending process. There will always be problems in any situation given may it be in the family, in a relationship, or even at work. With this, when I face these problems, I want myself to solve these problems practically and in a realistic way, not getting my emotions first when thinking about some solutions. This way of thinking is in Piaget’s View which is called the postformal thought. When I reach the right age (28-30)  for marriage, I want to have a good marriage. I want to live a longer and healthier life with my partner and both of us will be successful for our family. I want my partner and me to have a stable career before we have a family. 

The progress from adolescence and adulthood vary among each person. The beginning of the progress is controlled by numerous components, for example, culture, family foundation, and the character of the person. With this, I always look forward to how I want to grow as an individual and to do more for me to reach what I want to achieve in the future.

[shaaaangiii]

ADOLESCENCE (10-12 to 18- 21 years old) 

“And now, puberty strikes!” 

Puberty turned me into the young woman I am today. Puberty was not a traumatic experience; nothing special stands out of the time. It developed my body and the way I think. It affects me today because it made me into the lady I am. 

My experiences fit into Erikson’s theory of Identity vs. Identity confusion; In my adolescent years, I have some of the same values and traditions from my childhood. I never changed my identity for the most part. My sexual identity has always been a girl. My work goals are really wanting to finish my course (Speech-Language Pathology) which I am starting to love, have my own clinic, and my last goal is to travel around the world with my own money and with my family. My religious identity has remained the same; I still believe in God and I am a Roman Catholic. Last, my political stances are forming from the same standards I grew up with.

My adolescent identity status according to James Marcia’s theory would probably be classified under the Moratorium  stage. I may have committed to my new career which is taking up SLP but I still want to explore new career opportunities so that I am more knowledgeable about possible options.

In my adolescence, the imaginary audience was prevalent; I always felt like everything I did was viewed by all of my peers. I was not shy to walk in front of everyone in the canteen. When I was a member of a dance troupe in middle school, I would get especially confident dancing in front of extra-large crowds. I never really experienced the personal fable that my thoughts were more awful than anyone else's. I had two very close girlfriends who I always talked with and that always helped in middle school to remind myself that I was not the only one experiencing the same things. I did always imagine being a flight attendant since my family and I love to travel, also that I would get an Audi for my first car. I quickly grew out of those thoughts.

My peer group was mostly the girls that I danced with since middle school and until the present; they were whom I did things outside of school with. But I was friends with everyone at school; I was friends with people of all types. My peers influenced me in good ways. I surrounded myself with people who had most of the same values as me. I got along with everyone. For the most part, my friends and I stayed out of trouble. I never experimented with alcoholic drinks, smoking or any drugs. It was something I was never interested in being apart of.

[shaaaangiii]

MIDDLE AND LATE CHILDHOOD (6 to 11 years old) 

“Get’cha head in the game!”

My writing and reading skills were mastered in this period. I was an active and athletic kid. I played sports such as badminton, swimming, and played with age appropriate games and toys. 

I was a good student all through out school. I made mostly As and Bs. School was a positive experience. I did not mind going to school because I liked my friends there and always had a good time at school. At school, I used information processing. I was able to learn the information every grade taught, I passed all of my standardized tests in school, and I was able to seek information, analyze, and express my conclusions in the classroom. 

I had many friends that I had known all my life. We grew up all in the same classes and some who did not go to the same school with me. I would say I was well liked and accepted by my friends. 

My family has always had a big influence in my life; My parents and grandparents had the biggest role in my life. They all tried to teach me what was right and to treat people nicely. They taught me to care for others and be respectful. My development was well on target at this age. 

[shaaaangiii]

EARLY CHILDHOOD (2-5 years old)

“Hello, Friends!” 

Ah, early childhood! During this stage, I started to become more self-sufficient and caring to my self, starting to develop school readiness, and spending many hours playing with my friends. 

My gender identity was very clear at this time; I was a little girl. I played girl toys such as barbies, baby dolls, and play house. However, I was a little bit tomboy since most of my friends are guys and I just followed them everywhere. We played basketball, pogs, dampa, beyblade, and so much more. I was a well rounded little girl; I liked and did little girl things, but I would still play with little boys. 

Piaget’s theory was framework from my birth to 2 years of age. I was a very active learner and used my motor abilities and senses. In the ages 2-6 years, I started playing barbie dolls, dancing, and my language skills increased. 

Vigotsky’s social culture theory of human development results from the interaction between developing persons and their surrounding society. In my preschool years, I was at the appropriate level for a child my age. I was also taught at home all the things that a children should learn at that age. 

[shaaaangiii]

INFANCY PERIOD (Birth to 18 to 24 months)

“Hello, World!” 

I was born on April 11, 2000 at St. Vincent Hospital and weighed 7 pounds and 6 ounces. Born with a fair amount of hair on my head. There were no medical complications during the birth. My father, mother, aunts, uncles, and grandparents were waiting my arrival into the world

I was described as a good baby. I did not cry much unless I was hungry. I had normal sleep patterns as a newborn. My family adjusted well to my birth, they were excited to have a little girl, finally! My mother was home with me and then our family stayed with my grandmother. My grandmother took care of me while my parents are not around because of work. 

My motor language development was described as early for a child. My mother told me that my first word was “Mama”. My development of attachment pattern would be in a secure pattern where I would be able to play happily without my mother around, but I would also be happy upon her return. 

Erickson’s psychosocial stages were apart of my life. In his first stage from birth to one year, trust vs. mistrust, I was parented in a trust way. I trusted and receive all the basic needs, nourishment, cleanliness, and physical contact. While in his second stage, autonomy vs. shame and doubt, between the ages one and three years, I was parented to be self sufficient. I was taught to walk, explore, talk, and also potty trained. 

[shaaaangiii]

PRENATAL STAGE (Approximately 9 months period)

“Hello there, Mom!”

My prenatal development was on target while being carried. My milestones during the pregnancy are on target and normal. I was carried full term; my mother never was sick. Thankfully, she doesn’t have any cravings and there were no complications.