New Beginnings: Chapter 9
Author’s Note: this chapter will take place directly where chapter 8 left off! Enjoy! :)
TW: Abuse is referenced, but not detailed. Very light sexual content.
“Hey, I love you. We don’t have to rush this.” 15 year old Suguru wiped a stray tear from your cheek.
“I don’t want you to get bored of me.” You whispered to your boyfriend.
“I’ll never get bored of you. I love you. You don’t owe me anything. Ok?” He assured you.
“But I’m your girlfriend and I can’t even kiss you. What is wrong with me?” You cried.
“Nothing is wrong with you.” He assured you gently.
“Sweetheart, look at me.” He tilted your chin so that your eyes met his. “You like coffee and hate tea. You could stay up all night, but waking up early is annoying to you. You’re smart, but you never flaunt it because you’re afraid that people will think you’re stuck up. You’re always cold. Your favorite color was blue until you were 13, since then, it’s been green, but not bright green: dark greens like emeralds and light like matcha. You prefer the right side of the bed. You sleep talk, but only if you’re really tired when you go to sleep. You have a birthmark on the back of your neck. You stutter when you’re nervous. You’re honest, you’re caring, and you’d do anything for the people you love.”
“What does all that matter?” You asked him.
“I know you, Angel. Like the back of my hand. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just scared.”
You looked at him, confusion all over your face as he continued.
“You’re scared of anything intimate. You’re scared of letting people get too close because you think they’ll hurt you.”
“I-I’m not scared of you.” The words were true, but sounded desperate.
“I know that.” His eyes softened. “That’s not what I meant. I just mean that the way you were treated before may be making you hesitate to feel comfortable with things like kissing.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to-“
“Stop.” He took your hand. “It’s not a bad thing. You may be a little nervous, even subconsciously, about taking those kinds of steps. That’s fine with me. I’ll be right here.”
You stared at him with awe. How could such a young boy be so wise? Images of the two people that created such a beautiful masterpiece of a human being came to your mind. It makes perfect sense really.
“Suguru?” You said slightly above a whisper.
“Yes, my love?” His honey colored eyes traced your face like he was committing it to memory.
“I love you. I think you’re the only man I’ll ever love my whole life.”
He smiled. “That’s what I’m going for. I’ll love you so much, you won’t want to think of anyone else for the rest of your life. I’m going to marry you, and I’m going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”
You smiled back at him. “I’m going to kiss you so hard one day.”
He laughed. “Sure Baby. When you’re ready, you can kiss me whenever and however you want. I’m all yours.”
“You ok?” Toji’s voice broke through the memory. Your eyes opened.
“Yeah.” You said, but you felt lightheaded from the contrast.
“Was that bad?” He asked referring to the kiss you had just shared.
“No.” You tried to hide the emotion in your voice with a smile. “No, it wasn’t bad at all.”
“Doll, I feel like I did something wrong here. Did you not want me to kiss you?” Toji asked. His hands were still around your waist and he slightly shook you as he spoke.
“It’s not that.” You could tell he was worried.
“Are you having second thoughts?”
“Toji, we’re already married.” You laughed a little, but it was hollow even to your own ears.
“I know, but…you’re looking at me like I stabbed you. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but it’s not going to be a believable lie if I can’t get near you, so the ball is in your court here. Whatever you want to do, we’ll do it.” Toji was kind underneath all the roughness. It seemed like something he didn’t like for people to know, but it was your favorite thing about him.
“Can I tell you something?”
“Sure.” His arms were still wrapped around you like he was afraid letting you go would unravel all hope and chance.
“Suguru-my ex- was the only person I’ve ever kissed. Or done anything with at all. I’m inexperienced and that’s why I get nervous. I should have told you that before. Sorry. I don’t know if I can pass this off because he’s the only person I’ve loved. I don’t know how to fake it.” It was a bit overly honest for your liking, but now it was all out on the table. That was probably for the best.
“Ok.” He said. “Then we do this differently.”
“Differently how?” You raised an eyebrow.
“I’m your friend. When I get close to you, or touch you, even kiss you, don’t think of it as romantic. I’m just your friend.”
“Friends don’t kiss on the lips.” You argued, though you were smiling.
“Of course they do.” Toji teased back. “See?” He leaned forward and kissed your lips quickly and softly.
It was better. Thinking of Toji as a friend instead of a lover, fake or not, took away some of the deep rooted guilt you had been feeling.
“I can do that.” Your eyes lifted to find his already on you.
“Good girl.” He kissed your head before grabbing his protein shake and heading out the door.
The next evening, you found yourself sitting pressed into Toji’s side. His ex sister-in-law sat across from the two of you. The kids sat beside her sharing the fourth chair at the table. Tsumiki wouldn’t let go of Megumi. She held him tightly and played with his hair softly as she listened to the conversation happening around her. The way she changed when he was near reminded you of Satoru and Suguru. The two of them were never meant to be separated, and neither are the Fushiguro siblings.
“Toji, this doesn’t make sense.” The woman, Kari, said. “You’re married to this woman? How long have you known her? Why didn’t you mention this before?”
‘Ok.’ You thought to yourself. ‘We can do this. We practiced for this.’
“I’ve known her a while.” He said plainly. “And I didn’t tell you because it’s none of your business.”
Rough, closed off Toji was back. His face was like a mask. You didn’t like this version of the man who had become a friend. This wasn’t his true self, though it did make you happy that you knew what his true self looked like.
“It absolutely is my business. My sister’s child will not be raised by some random woman off the street.” Kari exclaimed.
“She’s not random. She’s my wife.” He told her.
“She is random. Megumi, do you even know this woman?” She asked looking down at the little boy who rested in his big sister’s arms.
“Yes. I know her. That’s YN.” He smiled at you which you returned.
“And how well do you know her?” She pushed.
“Hey-“ Toji cut in. “Talk to us, don’t interrogate my kids.” His voice was firm and cold.
Slowly, you reached over and took his hand, interlacing your fingers. Your joined hands rested on your knee.
“Because you have something to hide? Afraid he may tell your secrets?” Kari pressed.
“No. It’s because I don’t want you speaking to my children about adult affairs.” He told her.
Toji was getting angry. His body was tense, his skin was hot to the touch, his jaw was stiff. You needed to defuse this situation before things got worse.
“That’s big talk from a man who left his kids alone.” She turned to you. “Did you know that? I came to their apartment one day when he was still married to that one’s mother. It was just the children home.”
You watched as she pointed to signify ‘that one’ as Tsumiki. Oh no. That wouldn’t slide.
“She has a name.” You spoke plainly. There was no rudeness, but there was a level of contempt you couldn’t hide. “It’s Tsumiki. If you are going to refer to her, you will use her name.”
Tsumiki’s eyes widened. She tried to hide her smile, but you caught it.
“She’s a child. I will speak to and about her as I please.”
Maybe you were projecting onto Tsumiki slightly, but the thought of allowing this woman to disrespect her made you feel sick. Hearing it was nostalgic in all the worst ways.
You saw Kari sigh before shaking her head. “We’re getting off track here. The point is, Toji, you’re in over your head. You don’t have time or capacity to care for Megumi the way you should. Nothing is going to change my mind on this. Not marrying some random woman for sure. I never understood what my sister saw in you. She would be ashamed.”
You stood up quickly, knocking the chair over you previously occupied.
“Do not ever speak to my husband that way. You have a lot of nerve coming into our home and speaking to my family like that. I never knew your sister, but I know what she created: this family. She loved Toji and together they built a life they loved. They had a child: a child in which she left with his father to raise. He’s been doing just that. Do you see how brilliant he is? Beyond that, he can carry on a conversation with you like he’s an adult. He’s polite, he’s well spoken, he’s educated, and he is part of this family. He belongs here. And Tsumiki, her mother may have gone to find herself, but her father is right here. Her brother is here. I’m here. And she needs us: all of us. Family isn’t created solely by blood, Kari. Family is the people who love you for who you are and decide that loving you and being together is the only thing that makes sense. How would your sister feel to know that you’re trying to break the family she created? I don’t think she would be too happy to know that.”
Everyone was staring at you. For a moment, you thought you screwed up. Maybe you had made things worse. Then, Toji reached down and set your chair upright. He pulled you to sit back down in it before placing his warm, calloused palm on your upper thigh. He squeezed it once. ‘Thank you.’ You smiled.
“I’ll listen.” Kari said finally breaking her silence. “Tell me everything.”
You and Toji began to explain your fake relationship. Essentially the story was you had known each other for years, but you moved away, though you both stayed in touch. Recently, you told Toji you were moving back to the area. You both planned that once you were back, your relationship would fully develop, but Toji didn’t say anything to anyone else out of fear you would change your mind about the move. Once you got here, you were both so happy to take the next steps in your relationship that you got married out of pure love and bliss at the idea of finally getting to be together after so long apart.
The story was good, not great. She could certainly poke holes if she tried, but she seemed to mull it over a while.
“Why would you marry a man with two kids when you have none? You’re young, don’t you want your own?” She asked.
You cleared your throat and tried to erase the mini you and Suguru’s from your brain, but there they remained as you always dreamed them. Happy and healthy mini versions of your love story.
“What do you think our kids would look like?” You asked 18 year old Suguru as you both lay naked in his bed.
“Beautiful.” He replied kissing your hand. “They’ll be beautiful and smart and they’ll be loved so deeply, they’ll never know sadness.”
You smiled at him. “I hope they’re just like you.”
“No.” He shook his head. “They have to be like us both. I want to look at them every single day and see me and you: souls finally formed into one body, one mind, one soul, and one heart. Wouldn’t you want that, Angel? To see you and me alive and existing together in one being?”
“Yeah.” You said dreamily.
“Exactly. I can’t wait.” He said.
“Me neither.” You told him as you closed your eyes to picture what they might look like.
“In fact, why don’t we keep practicing?” He quickly rolled over on top of you smothering you with kisses and making you laugh.
“Sugu! Sugu! Stop!” But the laughter continued.
“I love you.” He told you as the kisses stopped and the lust began to take over. “You’re my forever. I can’t wait to have so many babies with you.”
“Umm…” you tried to find words to say to Kari, but your mind was clouded.
“That’s a really personal question.” Toji butted in. “We’re newly married anyway. And she just took on two step kids.”
“Are you saying you haven’t spoken about kids?” She pushed as if this proved something.
You collected yourself finally.
“You’re right. I’m young. Starting a family has always appealed to me. That’s what I’m doing right now. I’m starting a family of my own.” You explained. “These three have been a family for a while, but there’s been a missing piece. I’ll never take the place of their biological mothers, and I would never try to, but we can still be family. Maybe one day, Toji and I will grow our little family, but even if we don’t, I’m content and happy with the two we have.”
“You seem to have an answer for everything.” The annoyance in her voice was apparent.
“Well, I’m just being honest.” You told her earning a pat on your thigh from Toji and sneaky grins from the kids.
“Do you even have experience with children?” She asked.
You didn’t really. Not apart from watching Suguru’s little cousins a few time, but he and Satoru were there too.
“Of course she does.” Toji answered for you. “She has experience with my kids. She took care of Miki when she was sick. Her and Megs go on walks all the time.”
Well, it was an exaggerated truth, but you supposed it was true enough.
“Yeah, she did. I was real sick and she made it better.” Tsumiki grinned.
She sighed. “Toji, I don’t know about this. It’s hard for me to let my sister’s child go. I feel as though he should be close.” There it was. Just as Toji said. If you pay attention, people always reveal more than they mean to.
“You don’t have to.” You said. “You don’t have to let him go. No one is keeping him from you. I’m sure Toji agrees that he should be connected to any and everyone his mother loved. But the answer isn’t to take him from his father. He can have both.” You slid your hand across the table and patted Kari’s hand. “You love him, so do we. Let’s give him all of it. A child can never have too much love.”
She wiped her eyes. “Damn it, Toji. I like her.” She laughed. “My sister would too.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. “I think so too.”
“I’ll agree to drop this for now, but if you two split, or if I haven’t any reason to believe that either of you are not taking care of my nephew, I will take him with me.” She said.
“That won’t be necessary.” Toji squeezed your leg again.
Kari left a little while later, leaving the four of you alone and finally able to breathe.
“You were great.” Toji hugged you. “Thank you.”
You hugged him back. One of his hands rested on the back of your head, the other on wrapped around your waist. You leaned your head against his chest. The hug was too long, neither of you wanted to let go. It felt so nice to be held like this. It felt nice to be wanted.
“Dad, don’t forget.” Megumi tapped his leg causing both of you to begrudgingly break apart.
“YN, come sit.” Tsumiki patted the seat of one of the chairs at the table you had all previously sat around.
“Ok.” You agreed, though you had no idea what was going on.
“Close your eyes. Megs, cover them for her.” Tsumiki ordered.
Megumi did as he was told. His little hands covered your eyes and you placed yours over his for extra coverage.
“You were so cool.” He whispered to you as you both stood closely and covering your eyes.
“Me? What do you mean?” You asked softly.
“The way you stood up for us. Thank you.” He kissed your cheek quickly.
Tears sprung to your closed eyes, but you pushed them down. If you made a big deal, Megumi might pull away. You didn’t want that. You wanted to pull him closer and hold him: keep him safe from every terrible thing in the world. The relationship with Toji might be fake, but the feelings you felt for his children, the friendship you and him were developing, all of those feelings were very real.
“It was absolutely my pleasure.” You responded to Megumi.
“Ok, open!” Tsumiki yelled. Megumi’s hands left your eyes and he ran to join his father and sister on the other side of the table. The lights had been turned off, but the room was lit up in warm light. In front of you was a birthday cake lit with candles.
“Sorry it’s late. We didn’t know.” Toji said. His green eyes were illuminated in the candle light. The three of them stood there bathed in golden, flickering light as if they had been sent to you straight from Heaven. Maybe they had been.
“How did you know at all?” You asked.
“The marriage license has your birthday on it.” He told you.
“Do you like it?” Tsumiki asked bouncing on her feet.
“I love it.” You told her as you blinked tears away.
‘You ok?’ Toji mouthed to you across the table.
You smiled the most genuine smile you had been able to muster in so long. ‘Yes’ you mouthed back. And you were.
“Make a wish!” Megumi exclaimed unknowingly breaking the moment between you and his father.
You closed your eyes and pictured your family: Mama, Papa, Suguru, Satoru. A tear escaped your eye. ‘Mama, Papa, if you sent them to me, give me a sign.’ You blew out the candles and your new little family clapped for you.
“What’d you wish for?” Megumi asked.
“She can’t say! Or it won’t come true.” Tsumiki scolded her brother.
Toji laughed at his children, and began to cut your cake into slices.
“Happy Birthday, Doll.” He told you, sliding the first piece over.
After you had all eaten cake, the kids went to get ready for bed. As Toji was putting the cake away, you walked behind him and pressed yourself to his back pinning him between you and the counter. Your arms snaked around his waist as you held him to you. Your cheek pressed into his spine. He turned his head in an attempt to look at you behind him.
“What’s all this about?” He joked.
“Thank you.” Was the only thing you could even put into words.
“It was just a cake, Baby.” His voice had softened and one of his hands reached behind him to rub your hip.
“It wasn’t.” You told him.
“Come here.” He pulled you so that you were in front of him before he lifted you to sit on the counter. His body was between your legs. “I meant what I said about making you happy. Even if this is nothing more than a friendship with a piece of paper, you’ll always have me, ok? You can lean on me. I got you.” He rubbed his hands up and down your thighs and around to your hips as he spoke. The motion was comforting and welcomed, but it was beginning to stir things inside you that you didn’t know could be reached by anyone other than Suguru.
Your hands found their way to the back of Toji’s head. You played with his hair as you stared into the emerald color of his eyes. They looked down at your lips briefly before making their way back to meet your eyes.
“Are you going to kiss me, Toji?” Your head tilted slightly to the side.
“Will you let me?” His face was inching closer to yours, but he seemed to be waiting for your permission.
“Kiss your wife, Toji.” He groaned lowly under his breath as he leaned in further. His hand found its way to cup the side of your face.
A knock at the door made you jump.
“Fuck.” Toji cursed. “Who is that?”
“I’ll get it!” Tsumiki yelled running from the bathroom to the front door.
Toji held your eyes a moment longer, heat radiating between you, before he finally walked away to where his daughter stood in front of the open door.
“Well, hello.” An all too familiar voice greeted your step daughter. “My name is Gojo Satoru, though to you now, it’s Uncle Toru.”
Tsumiki tilted her head in curiosity. “Uncle Toru?” She questioned.
Toji reached out and shook Satoru’s hand over Tsumiki’s head.
“Nice to see you again.” Toji greeted before shifting his attention to Tsumiki. “This is YN’s brother. Since we’re married, he’s your uncle.” He explained to his daughter.
“I would like to return your sentiment; however, I haven’t quite decided if I like you yet.” Satoru replied causing you to roll your eyes.
“Who is this?” Megumi asked making his way to the door wrapped in a towel from his bath.
“Uncle Toru.” Tsumiki informed him as if he should know already.
“Huh?” Megumi asked with a scrunched, confused look on his face.
“Where is my sister?” Satoru asked looking around the apartment behind the Fushiguros.
“Right here.” You called hopping down from the counter and making your way to the door.
“May I borrow her?” Satoru asked your new little family.
“Of course.” Toji replied as he ushered his kids to bed. “I’ll be in bed, ok?” He told you on his way down the hall.
It was an awkward arrangement to begin with, but with Toru seeing it, it felt…wrong again.
You turned back to your white haired menace of a sibling.
“What are you doing here?” You asked puzzled.
He smiled at you. “Dance with me?” He asked.
“What?” You looked at him with repulsion. “Are you ok?”
“I missed your wedding day. Dance with me.” He extended his hand to you.
“Toru, we went to the courthouse. I didn’t even dance with him.” You laughed.
“Humor me. Dance with your brother.”
You reluctantly took his hand and he pulled you close. The two of you swayed in the entryway of the apartment. It would have been weird, maybe awkward, definitely uncomfortable, except it was Satoru, and he had a way of making you feel like you could do anything.
“Are you happy?” He whispered.
“I don’t know.” The answer was honest. “I love his kids, and I like him. He’s kind and he’s a good friend to me. I’m happy I did it because it worked out for them.”
“Mm.” He hummed in understanding. “But what about you? You were right when you called me out the other day. I have forgiven and overlooked everything Suguru has done because I love him so much I can’t seem to turn my heart from him. I won’t apologize for that. I am sorry I haven’t done the same for you though. You deserve grace. You deserve love and support from your family, and that’s just me now. Actually- that’s not true, is it? You have a new family now.” He laughed into your hair from where his head rested. “Why does that make me feel sick?”
You pulled him closer. The swaying stopped and you just held him as tightly as you could.
“You’re still my family. No matter what. It’s you and me.” You told him.
“Promise?” He was doing as you told him to, you realized. He was coming to you with the hard stuff. He was in pain and he needed someone and he came to you.
“I promise.” You kissed his head. “Nothing will ever separate us, Toru. We share a soul.”
“That sounds like something…” he trailed off.
“Suguru would say?” You questioned.
“Well he shares it too.” You told him. “Even now. We’re tied together for life.”
“Yeah?” You stroked over his hair as the two of you stood wrapped in each other’s comfort.
“I hope that Toji’s wonderful. I hope he loves you. And even more, I hope you love him. I want you to move on and grow and love. You deserve it more than anyone.”
‘Thank you, Mama. Thank you, Papa.’
Satoru had always defended Suguru with everything he had. As children, if anyone crossed Suguru, they dealt with Satoru. It was never because of strength. Suguru could hold his own. It’s because Satoru’s love was so immense, that he used it to cover Suguru entirely. For years, you had known the depth of his love and devotion to your lover. They were one. For Satoru to tell you now that it was ok to let go and move on from him…that was nothing short of Mama and Papa’s intervention in some way.
“I love you.” You told him. Nothing else was needed. You both knew what the other was trying to say.
“I love you so much.” He replied.
After what felt like forever, he let you go. His eyes looked avoidant though, like there was something he wasn’t saying.
“I should go. I just wanted you to know that and to see you.”
“Toru, what are you doing here?” You grew suspicious at your dearest friend’s presence.
“I just told you.” He scratched the back of his neck.
“Yes, but what is the other reason? You’re not supposed to be back yet. I know you didn’t cut your mission short to come home and tell me that and dance in my entryway.”
Your heart felt like it stopped beating.
“Suguru knows you got married.” He clarified.
“W-what did he say?” You were shaking now.
“He officially declared war.”
You stared at deep blue eyes as they stared back at you.
“Because of me?” You asked.
“No. That was just the last straw.” Satoru’s attempt at comfort was appreciated, but not believed.
“What are you going to do?” You asked him. It felt as through the blood in your body was frozen solid.
“I don’t know.” Satoru’s voice broke.
“Let me talk to him.” You said.
“No.” The voice that responded wasn’t Satoru’s. The two of you turned to see Toji standing in the kitchen. You could only slightly see him from where the two stood.
“You don’t even know what we’re-“ Satoru’s voice was cut off by Toji’s.
“You’re talking about Geto Suguru. He’s declared war on Jujutsu Society today after finding out his ex-fiance married me. He’s killed hundreds if not thousands of non sorcerers in the last several months after what seems to be a mental break. And you-“ he turned to face you. “Are not meeting with him.”
“Back off, you don’t know all the details.” Satoru argued.
“I know enough.” Toji said.
“How do you know all that?” You asked. “Have you known the whole time?”
“Nah. You told me his first name. I looked into all of it before I married you to make sure I wasn’t fucking my kids over. Plus I got curious after your little drunken confession the other night.”
“Even still, you don’t get to decide what she does.” Toru told him. “This isn’t even a real relationship.”
“Maybe not, but the marriage is legal.” Toji told him stepping forward. “And I’m not letting that crazy bastard anywhere near my wife.”
