Mars

she/any ✨ some random nerd (who is over 18). ✨ terfs fuck off. fascists fuck off. etc. ✨ english, french, ASL.

[shakespeares-gm]

please enjoy this video of me, in my Mark Antony costume, performing Friends, Romans, Countrymen but it’s the Sonic Adventure 2 Real-Time Fandub

this version written by @trans-marcus-brutus. transcript below cut

Friends, Romans, countrymen! I've come to make an announcement. Marcus Junius Brutus's a bitch ass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking sugar daddy. That’s right, he took his dick out and he pissed on my fucking sugar daddy, and he said his dick was "This big" and I said that's disgusting, so I'm making a callout post on my pulpit, Marcus Junius Brutus, you've got a small dick, it's the size of a walnut except WAY smaller, and guess what? Here's what my dong looks like!!! Look at that, it's like a hilt, and a blade. And I fucked Caesar so guess what? I'm gonna fuck ROME. THAT'S RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SUPER SWORD PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on Rome. I'm gonna go higher. I'M PISSING ON THE MOON! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, CASSIUS? I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT! YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE THE PISS DROPLETS HIT THE FUCKING EARTH NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I PISS ON YOU TOO!

[sodiumvaporss]

i do have to say that no matter how shitty any sort of media is or how shitty your own creations are. always remember

[playwrongs]

Today I learned that the New York Public Library has what they call a “decoy” copy of James Joyce’s Ulysses. Before 1934, Ulysses was judged obscene and banned for sale in the United States. The “decoy” edition was published in 1930, and in an attempt to get around the censors, it was “bound in covers identifying it as the popular children’s book The Bobbsey Twins in the Country (1907).”

[playwrongs]

The spine is on the left and the actual title page of the book on the right.

[romanceyourdemons]

one of my favorite tropes in chinese literature is when a guy’s wife is clearly a ghost/demon/fox fairy and he just can’t see it. i’m reading a story where this guy keeps getting arrested because his wife will just magically steal steal shit out of sealed boxes and give it to him as a present, and whenever someone is like dude i think something’s up with his wife he asks her and she’s like i’m literally normal. so he turns around and says yeah guys she’s literally normal

[despazito]

Are we calling women who read shitty harlequin romance novels porn addicts now?

If you read one paragraph of vintage victorian smut you'd hurl.

[despazito]

God forbid women read a lame book with sex

[despazito]

people have been writing fucked up erotica for hundreds of years. of all porn consumption habits to label as an addiction i think reading erotica books is like.. one of the least applicable examples and written erotica is one of the least exploitative forms of porn out there. stop pathologizing things that give you ick, you're allowed to just say you dislike something

[stormsbourne]

again I must stress that ten or more years ago mormon leaders put out a statement that reading romance novels was equivalent to porn addiction and both would send you to hell

you guys are not progressive you're just mormons in disguise

[glumshoe]

I’ll never understand why anthropomorphic animal cartoons like Robin Hood and Zootopia will go to the trouble of creating character designs that are meant to be understood as “attractive” or even “sexy” to the human audience but explicitly avoid showing interspecies romances between anthropomorphic animals. Why is THAT weird but, like, trying to make rabbits recognizably sexy-coded to humans isn’t?

[glumshoe]

Sometimes, sure, but why was Maid Marian a fox in Robin Hood? There wasn’t anything particularly “foxlike” about her personality, and it would make more sense for her to be a lion. They made her a fox only because Robin was a fox and making her something else would be “weird”, but I don’t think the wolf cop or the chicken maid or the lion prince were actually meant to represent race.

[countesspetofi]

The best inter species couple is Kermit and Miss Piggy as the Cratchits in A Muppet Christmas Carol, because all their sons are frogs and all their daughters are pigs, as God clearly intended.

[glumshoe]

there are only two genders: frog and pig

[forestdwellingrat]

I’ve pointed out to my friends that the fact that Kermit and Miss Piggy’s kids are like that means either

1) they reproduce asexually and the children are clones of each parent OR

2) Kermit and Miss Piggy are members of the same sexually dimorphic species, hence the split between their male and female children

yes I have spent too long running about potential muppet biology

[glumshoe]

oh god

[sailor-lady]

Third option, when they want kids they get some fabric and make one, and hope a Hand inhabits it

[glumshoe]

Do you think there’s a ritual for inviting An Inhabiting Hand to possess the empty husk of your muppet baby?

[jenivi]

[aflowerthatbloomsinadversity]

Just wanted to show u guys that in Muppets Most Wanted, Piggy fantasizes about her and Kermit having babies and this is what they look like

So do with that what you will

[fremedon]

Recall that in The Great Muppet Caper, Kermit and Fozzie are brothers. And this was their dad (right):

[capitalism-and-analytics]

Thank you for specifying, which one of the two individuals in the picture was the dad haha

[la-pou-belle]

I, for one, think Shrek handled interspecies coupling the best. By this I am of course talking about the Dronkeys.

[kestrelsparverius]

[adrnired]

In season 3 of BoJack Horseman, we learn Diane (middle) has been impregnated by Mr. Peanutbutter (left). The fetuses are confirmed to be puppies.

[autisticexpression]

This is the worst addition to this post

[araku-validrava]

I am reminded of Treasure Planet.

In which Captain Amelia (left), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic cat, had hybrid babies with Doctor Doppler (middle), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic dog, whom also gave birth to the babies

[wizardlizardinhislair]

I always thought that in muppet movies like muppet Christmas Carol the characters are played by the muppets (so kermit is acting and playing the role of Bob rather than being him) so the kids in that film would just be other acting muppets right?

Or is that just something my brain made up?

[ridiculouslyphotogenicsinosauru]

[kingscrown666]

Last time I saw this post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at the second Eggman

[the-haiku-bot]

Last time I saw this

post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at

the second Eggman

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[astronomical-bagel]

anyone in this thread smoke weed

[susiron]

In Leo the Lion (2005) a lion and elephant have the most cursed hybrid children and I think yall should see them

(also Matt Mercer voices the villain, Maximus Elefante and I think that’s very important)

[spaceinvaydr]

[headspace-hotel]

I think that what they are talking about is perfectly clear.

[hiveswap]

Amogus

[hellsitegenetics]

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Ag

Closest match: Clivina fossor genome assembly, chromosome: 13 Common name: Digger Slope-rumped Beetle

[nudityandnerdery]

[theveryquietquiet]

‎

[croaksac]

HUGE developments in the big silly baby wearing fluffy pajamas fandom:

Oregon Zoo 05/30/26: This flouf is one of 15 healthy California condor chicks to hatch at our conservation center this season. A new record! #Condorable #KeepCalmAndCarrion

[pangur-and-grim]

always doing something annoying

[pangur-and-grim]

can I be honest? I was so pissed off by friends and family criticizing my soap choice that, for half a year, I did an experiment where I washed one hand with Palmolive and one with handsoap, to prove that it didn't make your skin any rougher. and do you know what the result is? it does make your skin rougher. and now I'm even more pissed off.

[heavilyglacialvalhalla]

I love this. This is the beauty of the honest scientific process. You had an idea, you tested it and you still reported the results even though the results disproved your idea.

It's ok to be mad at it, you're an honest scientist.

[despazito]

Crazy shit goes down in South America

[futchcommunist-deactivated20190]

all cops are bastards because all cops are just doing their jobs

[anti-dyrgrip]

“I’m just doing what I’m told. If I am ordered to remove gold fillings from refugees theeth then that’s what I’ll do”, says police officer Michael Hansen. Just thought I’d add this since not a lot of people outside of the nordic countries seem to have seen it. This is a danish police officer discussing a new danish law that says the police should seize the possesions and money of refugees to finance the integration.

[gunsandfireandshit]

He uh, skipped awful quickly to “stealing gold fillings” didn’t he?

[disbarredgoose0]

Original Article the image & caption are taken from.

It’s real.

[whereserpentswalk]

Remember that “just following orders” was a claim made by the nazis who survived World War Two who were charged with warcrimes.

They also stole the gold from people’s teeth.

[status-quo-hater]

This version of the progress flag legitimately looks so nice

Gilbert baker rainbow, huge intersex circle, the design is cluttered but in a good way 10/10

[ID: A version of the progress pride flag with a large purple intersex ring outlined in gold, looping through pink, blue, brown, and black chevrons on the side, which have a base of white. The horizontal stripes are: pink, red, orange, yellow, green, light blue, dark blue, and purple. End ID.]

[kira-serialfaggot]

It's happening the morphing into Ohio

[the-lumpfish-queen]

[yuriwinged]

[autistic-af]

[jam-does-audio]

Girls. That's the original image. We've come full circle. It's always just been the state of Ohio

[henk-heijmans]

Donkey getting some shade on a hot sunny day in Greece - photographer unknown

[chippyyyz]

Donkey about to get the fuckin drop on father konstaninos - photographer unknown

[ekjohnston]

We'd see this a lot when I was working in Jordan. My favourite was when there were 14-20 sheep crammed into a space like that. They prioritize their heads, so you just see a wall of sheep butts as you drive past, with one donkey getting increasingly uncomfortable in the middle.

[ruinedchildhood]

Tigers with a frozen milk brick on a hot day

[dragondriana]

needless to say they are hopelessly dependent on the ingot

[dajo42]

using "what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament" to mean "yeah i made an embarrassing reference but you understood it which is also embarrassing" is very funny to me

[computationalcalculator]

my favorite part is that absolutely nobody says this except here. so if you use it in public, it's a dead giveaway that you spent the last ten years on tumblr. but then again, they recognized it, which means they were at the devil's sacrament

[idontgettechnology]

I tested this theory in the wild the other day at work. I was on a call with my department lead and a few other folks and I replied to an email the DL had sent me, thinking that, because he was on this call, he wouldn't notice when I sent it and would not catch me multitasking.

However, he replied to said email within five minutes, asking a question that required an answer. So I answered and was like "Also, I was going to apologize for answering emails during this call, but I see we're both here at the Devil's Sacrament, so I don't think an apology is necessary."

I watched him read that on screen and try not to laugh. And then at the end of the call as everyone started saying goodbye, he goes, "Hey, MJ, I meant to tell you. I like your shoelaces."

And I looked straight into my camera, stone cold serious, and said, "Thanks. I stole them from the president."

And the rest of the team was like, "What...the fuck...?" before he abruptly ended the call for everyone.

So now my DL and I know this about each other. He could be any one of us.

[libraryogre]

At a certain point, the appropriate response to "What were you doing at the devil's sacrament" becomes "stealing shoelaces from the president."

[sensiblereblogifposts]

Reblog if you were stealing shoelaces from the President

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

[snapscube]

A summary of last night’s stream with @paperboxhouse​

[starlightshoe]

mim. *hearty laugh* sos. kay, now let me-HOW AM I GONNA GET MIM WHEN I ONLY HAVE A BUCKAYEYUP? well you gotta SUCC and you gotta SUCC ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴏᴛᴛᴀ SUCC  ᵃⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵍᵒᵗᵗᵃ seis. I CAN’T SEIS, I’M DWITCH. not with that attitude you 𝖇𝖎𝖌𝖊𝖚𝖗 𝖋𝖗𝖊𝖊𝖗𝖋. [break for chuckling]       DON’T YOU CALL ME A FRrᵣ rᵣʳᵣᵣ ₐᵃₐᵃₐᵃₐᵃᵃₐ ᵃₐᵃₐᵃₐᵧʸᵧʸᵧ ᵧʸᵧ ᵧ ᵧʸᵧ ᵧʸ I’M SWIS. you better. FUF. and then, you better BRRROOB, cause if you don’t BROOB, you’re NOTHING but a NOTHING and then the NOTHING becomes a NOTHING and then you’re NOTHING as a 𝓙𝓞𝓙 and then you’re NOTHING 𝓢𝓞𝓢 and then you think you’re thatthe top and you’re the Bottom and you’re a 𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚖 and youRearAvoovavoovavsusadSON. shis. I’ve been epIC, pa-

[hashtagyorlosalfie]

I… I legitimately can’t tell, did someone do sentence mixing on this clip or are they just somehow doing the most dead-on impression of sentence-mixing shitposting to ever be captured on audio?

[possqueen]

they are actually doing dead on impressions of YTP mixing and they did this for like a solid hour

[catcrumb]