The Library

My library of devotion, all for her

[valentina-poem]

[shakespearesboytoy]

53.

Surrounded by the green of life

And the burned grey of death

Winding roads and cloudy skies

A cold wind twists between my bones

Embracing me with chilled fingers

Running up my arm and to my neck

A lovingly cold hug to whisper

Welcome home, my dear

At last I have returned

[shakespearesboytoy]

52.

Sunlight paints golden grass

As the wind dances with my fingers

And caresses my scalp

[shakespearesboytoy]

51.

It’s that time of year

The climax of the story

The height of tension

In our daily lives

So close to the finish

That feels forever away

And God it’s so hard

My God it hurts

So much I want to scream

One mistake and everything

Comes crashing like a snowball

Rolling into an avalanche

Of academic pressure

Breaking backs and ribs

Sharp bones that puncture lungs

Dear God, we can’t breath

With the crushing weight of perfection

[shakespearesboytoy]

50.

The marks on her hands

Tell a 10 thousand page

Story made of minutes

Days and years

Oh how I’d love to read it

[shakespearesboytoy]

49.

It’s odd

And only getting

odd-er

What with the

Queer way

You look at me

And the

Queer way

I look back

[shakespearesboytoy]

48.

It’s funny how music

Can take you

Through the world

Someone else sees

[shakespearesboytoy]

47. Waiting

If I sat here long enough

Perhaps a bird would take a rest

On my still shoulders?

Would the bugs crawl up

My pant leg and burrow themselves

Into my decayed skin?

Would the roots take hold

Of my shoe covered feet?

Would the moss encompass me

In its loving embrace

And claim whatever’s left?

If I sat here long enough,

Do you think that maybe

My bones would rot and crumble

And I’d be one with the earth again?

[shakespearesboytoy]

46.

My ball point pen glides

Across the crowded page

As their eyes

Carve a path through my skull.

Their hatred stings

Like a fresh scrape,

I continue writing

And pretend I don’t feel it.

[shakespearesboytoy]

45. Splash

I wish I could learn

Like a sponge.

Sucking and hoarding

Knowledge like it is

My one true purpose.

I am not a sponge.

I am a glass cup

Filled too full and carried

Down the stairs by

Unsteady hands

[shakespearesboytoy]

44.

I’m digging up the green grass

Of my back yard

Hands covered in dark mud

The scrape of my nails

Against the smooth wood

Will wake you from your slumber

[shakespearesboytoy]

43.

[shakespearesboytoy]

42.

I’m getting high

Off of sharpie fumes

And nothing matters

Not anymore never again

Essays and essays and essays

Keeping me locked up tight

My room shifts and I’m in a tower

I’m a damsel in distress

I don’t need help I’m not

Weak

My body is heavy my head is in the

Clouds of smoke and I’m

Falling from the tower

Falling falling dropping

Like rain and I splash to the

Concrete of the schoolyard

And the clouds pass by and

They smell like tea

And sharpie and marijuana

Who am I? The princess

In the tower in the clouds

Writing and writing until

His hands break and

Crumble and turn to dust.

[shakespearesboytoy]

41.

She scares me. It is not her fault,

She never did me any harm.

She is beautiful and treacherous,

And when I look at her I see

I see my mothers eyes

And it scares me. She scares me,

And god she is one of the most

Beautiful things in the world no doubt

And I can’t imagine anyone

Living life without seeing her beauty

Pictures won’t do, you have to get close

Get personal, to experience that awe

That cool touch like the hands of death

The raw fear that could sweep you away

If you aren’t careful, she will. She will take

And she will never give back

But she is beautiful and merciless

And I am so afraid but I’m so glad

I’m honored I was able to learn this fear

I wouldn’t trade it for the world

[shakespearesboytoy]

40.

My god,

Can’t you see it?

Look around, we’re almost there!

So close and getting closer,

I can almost taste it

My god, we’re so close

And we can make it, too

If not both of us then you can

I’ll give you one final push

One last cheer, one last boost

Make it all the way to the end

My god, my god, you are so close

You can taste it, it is sweet

Sweeter than caramel,

The wind dancing through your hair

The scent echoing through your lungs

You can feel it, can’t you!

My god, you will make it

And it will fill your mouth, your lungs

Every part of you will be full

You will taste it, every part of you will,

And it will taste like

Misery

[shakespearesboytoy]

39.

My teachers have students

Help pass back papers

It makes things go quicker.

My classmates always struggle with mine.

Whether it is my messy handwriting

Or the name itself. I never expect

Them to know which is mine.

After all, who is ______?

I always write ______. A fine name indeed.

Six letters, two vowels,

Three if you count the Y

A good strong start and a softer ending.

I always write this name. It is mine, after all

And it makes things easier.

My name is too confusing.

Not for others, but for me.

What is my name again? Is it Mads?

Is it Kevin? Or is it Liam?

Maybe it’s Matthew. It couldn’t be Max.

It is definitely not Madeline.

That doesn’t sound right.

Too many vowels, it is bitter in my mouth.

I quite like Matthew, but is that me?

It’s too confusing. I can’t decide.

So ______ it is. The teacher

Points me out, says a name.

I can’t hear which one.

I am given my paper.

[introvert-unicorn-deactivated20]

Words to describe facial expressions

Absent: preoccupied 

Agonized: as if in pain or tormented

Alluring: attractive, in the sense of arousing desire

Appealing: attractive, in the sense of encouraging goodwill and/or interest

Beatific: blissful

Black: angry or sad, or hostile

Bleak: hopeless

Blinking: surprise, or lack of concern

Blithe: carefree, lighthearted, or heedlessly indifferent

Brooding: anxious and gloomy

Bug eyed: frightened or surprised

Chagrined: humiliated or disappointed

Cheeky: cocky, insolent

Cheerless: sad

Choleric: hot-tempered, irate

Darkly: with depressed or malevolent feelings

Deadpan: expressionless, to conceal emotion or heighten humor

Despondent: depressed or discouraged

Doleful: sad or afflicted

Dour: stern or obstinate

Dreamy: distracted by daydreaming or fantasizing

Ecstatic: delighted or entranced

Faint: cowardly, weak, or barely perceptible

Fixed: concentrated or immobile

Gazing: staring intently

Glancing: staring briefly as if curious but evasive

Glazed: expressionless due to fatigue or confusion

Grim: fatalistic or pessimistic

Grave: serious, expressing emotion due to loss or sadness

Haunted: frightened, worried, or guilty

Hopeless: depressed by a lack of encouragement or optimism

Hostile: aggressively angry, intimidating, or resistant

Hunted: tense as if worried about pursuit

Jeering: insulting or mocking

Languid: lazy or weak

Leering: sexually suggestive

Mild: easygoing

Mischievous: annoyingly or maliciously playful

Pained: affected with discomfort or pain

Peering: with curiosity or suspicion

Peeved: annoyed

Pleading: seeking apology or assistance

Quizzical: questioning or confused

Radiant: bright, happy

Sanguine: bloodthirsty, confident

Sardonic: mocking

Sour: unpleasant

Sullen: resentful

Vacant: blank or stupid looking

Wan: pale, sickly

Wary: cautious or cunning

Wide eyed: frightened or surprised

Withering: devastating

Wrathful: indignant or vengeful

Wry: twisted or crooked to express cleverness or a dark or ironic feeling