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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@shakespearesboytoy
53.
Surrounded by the green of life
And the burned grey of death
Winding roads and cloudy skies
A cold wind twists between my bones
Embracing me with chilled fingers
Running up my arm and to my neck
A lovingly cold hug to whisper
Welcome home, my dear
At last I have returned
52.
Sunlight paints golden grass
As the wind dances with my fingers
And caresses my scalp
51.
It’s that time of year
The climax of the story
The height of tension
In our daily lives
So close to the finish
That feels forever away
And God it’s so hard
My God it hurts
So much I want to scream
One mistake and everything
Comes crashing like a snowball
Rolling into an avalanche
Of academic pressure
Breaking backs and ribs
Sharp bones that puncture lungs
Dear God, we can’t breath
With the crushing weight of perfection
50.
The marks on her hands
Tell a 10 thousand page
Story made of minutes
Days and years
Oh how I’d love to read it
49.
It’s odd
And only getting
odd-er
What with the
Queer way
You look at me
And the
Queer way
I look back
48.
It’s funny how music
Can take you
Through the world
Someone else sees
47. Waiting
If I sat here long enough
Perhaps a bird would take a rest
On my still shoulders?
Would the bugs crawl up
My pant leg and burrow themselves
Into my decayed skin?
Would the roots take hold
Of my shoe covered feet?
Would the moss encompass me
In its loving embrace
And claim whatever’s left?
If I sat here long enough,
Do you think that maybe
My bones would rot and crumble
And I’d be one with the earth again?
46.
My ball point pen glides
Across the crowded page
As their eyes
Carve a path through my skull.
Their hatred stings
Like a fresh scrape,
I continue writing
And pretend I don’t feel it.
45. Splash
I wish I could learn
Like a sponge.
Sucking and hoarding
Knowledge like it is
My one true purpose.
I am not a sponge.
I am a glass cup
Filled too full and carried
Down the stairs by
Unsteady hands
44.
I’m digging up the green grass
Of my back yard
Hands covered in dark mud
The scrape of my nails
Against the smooth wood
Will wake you from your slumber
43.
42.
I’m getting high
Off of sharpie fumes
And nothing matters
Not anymore never again
Essays and essays and essays
Keeping me locked up tight
My room shifts and I’m in a tower
I’m a damsel in distress
I don’t need help I’m not
Weak
My body is heavy my head is in the
Clouds of smoke and I’m
Falling from the tower
Falling falling dropping
Like rain and I splash to the
Concrete of the schoolyard
And the clouds pass by and
They smell like tea
And sharpie and marijuana
Who am I? The princess
In the tower in the clouds
Writing and writing until
His hands break and
Crumble and turn to dust.
41.
She scares me. It is not her fault,
She never did me any harm.
She is beautiful and treacherous,
And when I look at her I see
I see my mothers eyes
And it scares me. She scares me,
And god she is one of the most
Beautiful things in the world no doubt
And I can’t imagine anyone
Living life without seeing her beauty
Pictures won’t do, you have to get close
Get personal, to experience that awe
That cool touch like the hands of death
The raw fear that could sweep you away
If you aren’t careful, she will. She will take
And she will never give back
But she is beautiful and merciless
And I am so afraid but I’m so glad
I’m honored I was able to learn this fear
I wouldn’t trade it for the world
40.
My god,
Can’t you see it?
Look around, we’re almost there!
So close and getting closer,
I can almost taste it
My god, we’re so close
And we can make it, too
If not both of us then you can
I’ll give you one final push
One last cheer, one last boost
Make it all the way to the end
My god, my god, you are so close
You can taste it, it is sweet
Sweeter than caramel,
The wind dancing through your hair
The scent echoing through your lungs
You can feel it, can’t you!
My god, you will make it
And it will fill your mouth, your lungs
Every part of you will be full
You will taste it, every part of you will,
And it will taste like
Misery
39.
My teachers have students
Help pass back papers
It makes things go quicker.
My classmates always struggle with mine.
Whether it is my messy handwriting
Or the name itself. I never expect
Them to know which is mine.
After all, who is ______?
I always write ______. A fine name indeed.
Six letters, two vowels,
Three if you count the Y
A good strong start and a softer ending.
I always write this name. It is mine, after all
And it makes things easier.
My name is too confusing.
Not for others, but for me.
What is my name again? Is it Mads?
Is it Kevin? Or is it Liam?
Maybe it’s Matthew. It couldn’t be Max.
It is definitely not Madeline.
That doesn’t sound right.
Too many vowels, it is bitter in my mouth.
I quite like Matthew, but is that me?
It’s too confusing. I can’t decide.
So ______ it is. The teacher
Points me out, says a name.
I can’t hear which one.
I am given my paper.
Words to describe facial expressions
Absent: preoccupied
Agonized: as if in pain or tormented
Alluring: attractive, in the sense of arousing desire
Appealing: attractive, in the sense of encouraging goodwill and/or interest
Beatific: blissful
Black: angry or sad, or hostile
Bleak: hopeless
Blinking: surprise, or lack of concern
Blithe: carefree, lighthearted, or heedlessly indifferent
Brooding: anxious and gloomy
Bug eyed: frightened or surprised
Chagrined: humiliated or disappointed
Cheeky: cocky, insolent
Cheerless: sad
Choleric: hot-tempered, irate
Darkly: with depressed or malevolent feelings
Deadpan: expressionless, to conceal emotion or heighten humor
Despondent: depressed or discouraged
Doleful: sad or afflicted
Dour: stern or obstinate
Dreamy: distracted by daydreaming or fantasizing
Ecstatic: delighted or entranced
Faint: cowardly, weak, or barely perceptible
Fixed: concentrated or immobile
Gazing: staring intently
Glancing: staring briefly as if curious but evasive
Glazed: expressionless due to fatigue or confusion
Grim: fatalistic or pessimistic
Grave: serious, expressing emotion due to loss or sadness
Haunted: frightened, worried, or guilty
Hopeless: depressed by a lack of encouragement or optimism
Hostile: aggressively angry, intimidating, or resistant
Hunted: tense as if worried about pursuit
Jeering: insulting or mocking
Languid: lazy or weak
Leering: sexually suggestive
Mild: easygoing
Mischievous: annoyingly or maliciously playful
Pained: affected with discomfort or pain
Peering: with curiosity or suspicion
Peeved: annoyed
Pleading: seeking apology or assistance
Quizzical: questioning or confused
Radiant: bright, happy
Sanguine: bloodthirsty, confident
Sardonic: mocking
Sour: unpleasant
Sullen: resentful
Vacant: blank or stupid looking
Wan: pale, sickly
Wary: cautious or cunning
Wide eyed: frightened or surprised
Withering: devastating
Wrathful: indignant or vengeful
Wry: twisted or crooked to express cleverness or a dark or ironic feeling