her denial was endearing, but sebastian knew jim moriarty. he knew him. which meant that for weaker, less intelligent men, the criminal mastermind might believe he could get away with bluffing. but for sebastian? no. it would be all or nothing. because of course sebastian would do his own search for the incision. of course he would do whatever was necessary to call jim’s bluff. except sebastian had known from something as simple as the tone in moriarty’s voice that this was no bluff. this was a game where the stakes were life and death. this was jim telling sebastian that if he cared a fucking iota for this girl, they would both be on that plane and in london within a day’s time. he had been faced with something like this before in his past. not against moriarty but against some… enemy. some opponent. and he’d offered the woman up to be killed. of course he had known that the other person had been bluffing. or so he’d claimed later. she hadn’t forgiven him. he hadn’t cared enough about her to ask her to.
moving quickly to close the space between them, sebastian’s hands suddenly wrapped around her wrists. “nancy,” he said. his tone was cool. calm. it was more no-nonsense than he had ever used with her. they’d spent beautiful weeks, months? together in this life. he’d been playful. charming. his darker side had remained hidden. but there wasn’t time for that now. she would see him. all of him. and he knew it would scare her away. but that was better. they could go to london, he could get the chip taken out of her body, and then she could leave him with moriarty to face his punishment.
“look at me, nancy. look at me and hear the words i’m about to say. these chips are top of the line technology. or they would have been if they had been… more durable. there were a handful of things that cause them to short circuit and ultimately release toxic levels of acid into the bloodstream, killing the wearer within hours. one of those things being the removal without deactivation. once the chip is powered down completely, there still needs to be a waiting period of a couple hours. then, and only then, can it be removed. if you remove it now, you–” the words were harder to say than he’d expected. “you’ll be dead before we can even get on a plane. i won’t let him kill you. i won’t let him hurt you again. but in order for that to happen, nancy, i need you to trust me. trust me in a way you’ve never trusted anyone in your life.
“i will protect you. with my own life if that’s what it takes. but i know this man and i know the lengths he will go to to win a game.” he’ll kill me. no matter what happens next. in the end, he’ll kill me. but i can still save you. “if we refuse to play? he’ll win that much faster. i’m going to get supplies to wrap that up again. while you please, please go pack a bag.”
his teal eyes were trained on her, beseeching her to just listen to him for once. “this game isn’t about you, not to him. but you can bet your ass that he has done his research well enough to know everything there is to know about you, including your medical background. i guarantee you that’s why it’s placed in such an area that you would believe yourself capable of taking it out on your own. it’s a false sense of security. he’s luring us both in. because if you die, i go to him. and if i want you to live, we both go to him. please, nance. go pack a bag. for me.”
she wishes --- she wishes --- there were some way to explain to him what he’s asking of her. trust. it’s not something she gives easily. she’s not her sister. she’s not chloe, who will give love and trust and respect to anything that breathes because she thinks everyone deserves it. no she’s...closed off. untrusting. cold. and they’ve been playing pretend for so long that she starts to forget that. it’s easy, living this life with him. she can be warm. friendly. make small talk about vegetable gardens and composting. she can have dinner ready when he gets home. there’s no cases to research or long hours to work through. she’s not her. and maybe that’s the problem now. because now...now she is. he says her name and she realizes much too quickly that she’s given herself to him before even calculating the risks. she let him in. she doesn’t do that.
her hand comes up to cover his, fingers slipping between his as he fingers curl. she has him in a death grip. and she refuses to let go. that’s the thing. people back home, they think she doesn’t let people in because she’s scared. because she can’t. because she’s incapable of pulling herself away from her job to focus on another person. but that’s not it. if she cares too much, she’ll break when she loses someone. it’s what happened when her mom died. she can’t imagine loving someone and then losing them and now --- now...
❝ promise me you won’t do anything stupid. ❞ she’s still holding onto him, gaze searching his. he’s unreadable. she realizes now that it’s more out of training than it is the fact that they’re living a lie. she’s caught glimpses before. but now the veil is lifted. the lies have worn away. it’s just them. she’s a fighter, she always has been. she survives. but this isn’t the kind of thing she can think her way out of. she has to trust her way out of it. and either way, she has the sinking suspicion that she’ll lose. eyes shutting tightly, nancy feels her throat thicken, tears stinging behind her eyes as her head falls forward, touching against his for a moment.
they haven’t had enough time. not for him to know everything. to know her enough to know how much the next words mean. how rare they are for her to say to someone who isn’t related by blood. ❝ i love you. ❞ her expression twists, a concerted effort to keep tears at bay until she finally inhales and pulls back, nodding her head. ❝ i’ll pack a bag. ❞ they’ll go. but there’s no way in hell that she’s leaving him there and letting him run her off. ❝ but whatever happens, i’m not leaving you behind. ❞ death doesn’t scare her. she’s been there before. it’s warm. comforting. she knows the first face to greet her will be her mother. death doesn’t scare her, but having to recover from this does.
several minutes later, she has a bag packed and sitting on the counter. the home they’ve spent the last several months in feels different now. colder. and she feels a sinking sensation in her chest when she realizes it’s because it was starting to feel like home. he felt like home. she’s still turning everything over in her mind, watching as he wraps a fresh bandage around her arm. when she speaks again, her voice is quiet. ❝ the people from before, that was him? ❞ they have something going for them, in that case. at least...she thinks. if they play their cards right. he’s checked the house for bugs and he found none. which means they’re clear, for now. clear enough that she can talk through the beginnings of a plan forming in her head.
❝ he wants me because it’ll keep you in line, right? ❞ or maybe that’s presumptuous. but he’s said...he’d told her he loved her. at least...in a way. she thinks he meant it. god she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to recover if he doesn’t. ❝ but if back there, if --- let’s assume you’re right, and he knows everything --- he’ll know that i said i didn’t love you. ❞ the hardest lie she’s ever told, really. but if it ends up saving their lives, it might be worth it. ❝ we can use that. buy some time? you’re good with a gun. i’m not...terrible with a gun. ❞ she trails off, because the plan falls short. it’s not even a plan so much as it’s an idea. one that might get them killed anyway. ❝ what does he want? ❞
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