imagine tying up your fav character and finger fucking them slowly, never pushing your fingers in more than halfway, occasionally twisting and wiggling them inside them. you get them begging desperately and thrusting their hips in the air to get any sort of purchase. in the end you only get them close to orgasm before stopping completely, forcing them to be reduced to a whining, moaning, squirming mess.
This is not the most comprehensive BDSM reference, it's just a basic guide to serve as a starting point for other, more extensive references so you aren't diving in without any idea what's going on.
Table of Contents: (ctrl+f to search for the headings)
I – What Is BDSM?
II – Safe, Sane, Consensual and Risk Aware Consensual Kink
III – Terms
IV – Consent
V – Safewords
VI – Types of D/s Dynamics
VII – The Importance of Aftercare
VIII – Resources
IX – Notes
General Note: If you came here because you want 50 Shades of Gray style BDSM, then please just go read the Wikipedia article for 'abuse' instead. They are much more similar.
I – What Is BDSM?
BDSM is an umbrella term for many kinks and erotic practices and roleplaying, often involving some level of power play.
BDSM stands for:
BD: Bondage & Discipline
A loosely defined collection sexual practices which combine bondage, the use of physical restraints (i.e. ropes or cuffs), and discipline, the use of psychological restraints (i.e. humiliation or loss of freedom), based on rules which, if disobeyed, can result in punishments.
DS: Domination & Submission
Also called D/s. A set of behaviors, customs, and rituals involving the submission of one person to another in an erotic scene or lifestyle. Commonly found in Dom/sub, Master/pet, and Caregiver/little relationships.
SM: Sadism & Masochism
Also called sadomasochism. The practice of using pain (inflicting for the sadist, receiving for the masochist) as a sexual stimulant.
II – Safe, Sane, Consensual and Risk Aware Consensual Kink
SSC is one of the mottos of the BDSM community.
Safe: attempts should be made to identify and prevent risks to health.
Sane: activities should be undertaken in a sane and sensible frame of mind.
Consensual: all activities should involve the full consent of all parties involved.
However, with some kinks (like breath play) SSC doesn't quite cover it, because no matter how it's done, there will always be some element of risk involved. For this reason, some prefer the motto Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK).
RACK is a a more inclusive term that means that, while there is some level of risk involved, every party is aware of it and has consented. It does not mean that you should be less careful when performing these acts, if anything, it calls for an even higher level of caution, considering that a lapse in caution could result in grievous injury or death. (Okay, that sounds scary, so take a second to breath and we'll continue with our explanation, alright?)
During some of the activities that fall under the umbrella term BDSM there is a risk of injury. Most of these risks are easily avoided through communication, caution, and attention. However, there are a few practices for which that isn't enough to completely avoid all risks. If those practices are what you're writing about, then extra discussion and more caution on part of both characters is important. You can't just have one of your characters hall off and choke the other until they're blue or they pass out (unless that's something that's been agreed upon, but that's extremely dangerous and should not be done by novices, even if it is fiction, because, again, fiction often sets expectations for reality.)
Kinks that fall under RACK need more caution and attention when being played out. They can be just as fun (even more so if risky behavior is what gets you off) but they carry more weight when it comes to the consequences of a slip up. So be careful when doing anything that falls this term but wouldn't fit under SSC.
III – Terms
Basic terms and their definitions. (The definitions I use, others may be found in various glossaries and people may hold differing opinions on what the terms mean, exactly.)
Aftercare: Aftercare is the period of time after a scene when partners attend to each other's physical, emotional and psychological needs. Usually, the dominant partner in the scene will be the one caring for the submissive partner(s), but the reverse can also happen. Can include: First aid, cuddling, baths, reassuring each other that the play was enjoyed, discussion of the scene, food/water, etc. What is needed from aftercare depends on the scene and the people involved.
Bondage: The act of restraining someone's movements via ropes, cuffs, chains, or other restraints. Can range from light (handcuffs or silk ties) to heavy (spreader bars or St. Andrew's crosses) with several other variations in between.
Consent: Consent means that all parties in a sexual encounter must agree to it, and any party may decide at any time that they no longer consent and want to stop the activity, and it should be stopped immediately. Consent to one behavior does not mean consent to any other behaviors. Consent on one occasion also does not mean consent on any other occasion. Consent means only that at this particular time, everyone would like to engage in this particular sexual behavior.
Discipline: The act of administering punishments for disobeying rules or orders given by a Dom to a sub. (Punishments can be enjoyable, but they do not have to be, because, by definition, they are punishments. However, they must never cross a sub's (or Dom's) hard limits.)
Dominant: The dominant partner, often referred to as a Dom, who is in charge and hold most or all of the power during scenes and is often the one giving punishments, rewards, and orders. (This does not mean they get to overlook subs boundaries and limits. Ever. Doms can use a safeword to stop the scene if they feel it has gone to far or starts to push their limits too far.)
Kink: A form of sexual desire in which sexual gratification is linked to a degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, sexual practice, etc. It is not always necessary for it to be present in order for the person to experience sexual gratification, but it is nice.
Limit: A limit is what you are not willing to do/what behaviors you are not willing to engage in. A limit can be hard, which means under no circumstances is that behavior allowed, or soft, meaning the limit can be pushed and the activity done, but you don't really enjoy it or want it to happen. (Ex: Ice play is a soft limit. You don't enjoy it, you don't generally want it to happen, but it may be done to you for punishment or because your Dom or sub requests it and you are willing to do so for their pleasure. OR Ice play is a hard limit. You don't enjoy it, you don't want it to happen, ever, and it will not happen, ever, because it is a No Go.) A limit does not have to be explained to anyone. You can simply not like it and not want it done, it doesn't have to be triggering (though some can be) or a squick for it to be a limit.
Masochism: The practice of having pain inflicted upon you for sexual gratification.
Sadism: The practice of inflicting pain onto someone for sexual gratification.
Scene: The time during which a sexual practice, most often involving BDSM power play or roleplay, is occurring. The time in which a fantasy is being played out that does not carry over into the 'real world.' (Ex: Dom/sub dynamics, a Teacher/Student roleplay, any time a BDSM related practice is being carried out, etc.)
Squick: Something that unnerves, bothers, or you find undesirable. A kink friendly term that means you don't personally like it and it bothers you, without saying that it's wrong or bad. (Ex: Say, watersports is a squick for you. You don't personally enjoy it because you may find it undesirable, but you aren't condemning anyone else for enjoying it.)
Submissive: The submissive partner, often referred to as a sub, who hold little to no power during scenes and is often on the receiving end of punishments, rewards, and orders. (However, regardless of the power dynamic, the sub can use a safeword and end the scene at any time if it becomes too much or starts to push their limits too far.)
Switch: Someone who can be either a Dom or a sub, and occasionally switches between the two based on their desires.
Vanilla: Sex and sexual practices without any degree of kink involved. Just basic sex.
IV – Consent
This is by far the most important part of kink play and BDSM, and sex in general. If there's no consent, it's not sex, it's rape and/or abuse.
One of the most important distinctions between BDSM and abuse is consent. (This is why you should never, ever, ever use 50 Shades of Gray as a guide to BDSM. Ever.)
You should address consent, because consent is very important in all aspects of BDSM/kink play. Whether it's light or heavy play consent is very important, even in fantasy, because fantasy can set the expectations for real life, so a lack of consent or ignoring when consent is revoked (looking at you E. L. James) is never a good thing. (Unless you're writing non-con, but that's a different thing entirely and we are not addressing that here.)
A few things you should ask yourself are:
Have all parties consented to the act(s)?
Have the acts been properly discussed?
Is it a new thing for one/any of them? Are they nervous, excited, scared?
How long have they been in a relationship? Or is it a casual hookup?
Have they been in a relationship where BDSM is involved before? How much experience do they have?
What are their limits; hard and soft? What do they like?
Not all of the questions will apply to every scene, so you don't have to go into explicit detail about the characters kinks and limits or their relationship details unless they're important to the story or you personally want to do so.
Regardless, consent should be addressed in some way, not just where kinks are involved, but in all sex scenes, but we're talking kinks here.
If you want to be realistic, you can have your characters discuss the scene before hand, which can be hot, cute, or even technical. Of course, if you'd rather just get to the sexy bits, you can smooth over all of that with a line about them already having discussed their limits/having been in the relationship for a while so it's not a new thing or however you personally wish to address it, as long as it is addressed.
Consent doesn't have to be long and drawn out, it can be smoothed over with a few well-placed words or even a simple 'yes,' but it should always be there, otherwise you run the risk of wading into dub-con or non-con waters.
Note: Consent does not have to be sexy. At all. It can be technical, it can be boring, it can be just a simple 'Are you okay with this?'/'Yes.' It doesn't always have to be sexy, so don't worry about it ruining the mood. It's consent, and asking for consent only ruins the mood for rapists and abusers.
That being said, if you do want to make it sexy, go right ahead. I find this post to be somewhat helpful with that.
V – Safewords
A safeword is a word that wouldn't otherwise be used during play that can be used to stop the scene, either partially or entirely. Some of them are ridiculous, but it's best to chose one you won't forget no matter what but also won't be used during sex.
Safewords exist because during scenes, the word 'No' is not always considered to mean 'No' due to the power imbalance. 'No,' 'stop,' are often used without the intent to actually stop the scene, however, it's probably best that if one of those words is used, you have your characters check in with each other, because it is possible that the words were actually meant to stop the scene. BDSM has a lot of gray areas, but safewords are an absolute. If a safeword is used, the play stops. If the scene doesn't stop when a safeword is used, it becomes assault, rape, and/or abuse. There are some differing opinions on this matter, but that's between the Doms and subs who hold those opinions. For most people, safewords are absolutes.
Scenes may continue after a safeword is used, after discussion of why the safeword was used, if that's what all parties decide on. This does not mean all scenes will continue, it just means that under some circumstances they may.
Never ignore a safeword or write a character using it and being ignored. (Once more, looking at you E. L. James.) Safewords revoke consent and bring the scene to a stop. Any act continued after the use of a safeword is rape.
When you pick out a safeword, pick something your character(s) will easily remember, and try to keep it simple. Nobody wants to have to shout out something really long like '42 Wallaby Way, Sydney' in order to stop a scene, no matter how hard it is to forget. (Seriously, it's near impossible to forget that.) Keep it simple, one word, and easy to remember.
Safewords aren't the only method of stopping play, though, there's also the Color Method.
The Color Method (also the Stoplight Method, I've heard both used) is an alternative to safewords, and is much easier to remember and communicate. It uses a system of three colors, green, yellow, and red, to communicate within the scene.
When the scene switches to something more intense, try having your dominant character (s) ask the submissive character(s) for a color.
Green: It's all good, everything is fine, keep going.
Yellow: Slow down, pause, discuss the scene.
Red: Stop. The same as a safeword, red stops the scene.
It's a simple and easy way to incorporate healthy communication into even the heaviest and most brutal of scenes.
It also works well with casual hookups and BDSM outside of relationships, because the method is universal and easy to understand.
Safe Signals are signals used when words aren't possible. (Such as with the use of gags, mummification, or during breath play.)
A safe signal can be anything from holding up two fingers or a thumbs down to holding a bell and dropping it to signal a stop. When safe signals are being used, pay close attention to the person using them, because otherwise they may get missed. It's a lot easier to miss a thumbs up than it is to miss someone shouting 'Aardvarks' at you, so more attention is needed.
(Just because it's easier to miss does not mean that safe signals are less than safewords. They hold just as much importance and should be respected the same.)
VI – Types of D/s Dynamics
There are many different variations to the D/s dynamic that can effect your story in various ways, so if you want anything other than the standard D/s dynamic, these are some of the more common dynamics.
Caregiver/little (age play)
This is where 'Daddy Doms' stem from, but the dynamic isn't always Daddy Dom/little girl, there are 'Mommy Doms' as well as gender neutral 'Caregivers,' and 'little boys' as well as gender neutral 'littles.' CG/l is where consenting adults engage in age play where the dominant partner(s) take on the role of a caregiver or parental figure and the submissive partner(s) become 'littles' and roleplay as younger, usually toddlers, but they can roleplay any age.
Dom/sub (the standard)
The standard BDSM dynamic with the dominant partner(s) being in control and the submissive partner(s) willingly giving up control.
Master/slave
A more controlling form of D/s, where the submissive partner(s) become slave(s) to the dominant partner(s), who take on the role of Master(s), to be used to their will for whatever purposes the dominant wishes. The slave(s) can sometimes be considered 'property' of the Master(s). (Limits and safewords do still exist, but the dynamic is a lot more controlling in nature.)
Owner/pet (pet play)
Pet play is a form of the D/s dynamic in which the submissive partner(s) take on the role and characteristics of a pet, sometimes with ears and/or tails, while the dominant partner(s) take on the role of Owner(s). There are different types of pet play, including but not limited to; kitten play, puppy play, bunny, play, and fox play. The dynamic tends to differ depending on which animal's characteristics are being taken on.
These aren't all the dynamics, there are others, but these are the most widely known and used. Each dynamic is different and each suits different needs. A little research into them could help you determine which dynamic suits your character(s) best.
VII – The Importance of Aftercare
Aftercare is one of the most important yet most often ignored parts of BDSM stories. Yes, the sex is great, so are the scenes, but what happens after? Your character(s) are coming down and your sub(s) has/have just been beaten and humiliated (depending on the story), what now? You can't just leave them like that. Imagine if it were a real life scenario, would you want to be left alone after something like that?
Aftercare is the time after the scene when the partners tend to each other's needs, be it physical, emotional, or psychological. BDSM scenes can cause a lot of stress, as fun as they may be, and they leave needs that need to be met.
Aftercare can be as drawn out and fluffy as you want it to be, with lots of cuddling and sweet words, or it can be as simple and technical as taking care of any wounds and offering water, but it is important.
Common methods of aftercare are:
The basics:
First aid
Offering water/food
Discussion of the scene
Sex (if their was none in the scene)
Naps
The fluffy:
Baths
Massages
Cuddling
Reassurance that the scene was enjoyed
Reassurance that they are loved (especially if humiliation was involved)
Characters should never be left completely alone after BDSM scenes unless you're going for angst, in which case, go for it. Leave them there, maybe even laugh evilly as you walk away or whatever. But if you're going for an actual relationship, most likely you're going need aftercare. It doesn't have to be extensive, though, unless you want it to be. In which case, more power to you.
They type of aftercare needed depends on your character(s) and their relationship or dynamic, so you really can't go wrong however you do it or don't do it. They're your character(s), you know them best.
VIII – Resources
Glossary of various BDSM terms.
Glossary of various kinks. (Non-graphic/No photos.)
Glossary of various philias. (Different from kinks. Not all are legal. Technical terms.)
BDSM For Beginners Guide. (Not specifically for writing, but it might be helpful. Really basic.)
IX – Notes
Not all play results in sex. Sometimes it's just the play, such as being flogged, and sometimes it's only practice, such as practicing knots for intricate rope bondage. It doesn't have to be sexy or smutty, it can be fluffy or funny, too.
Aftercare isn't for everyone, some don't want it, that's fine, too. It's up to you how you write your character(s).
Safewords are not used by all, if you want 'no' to mean 'no' and 'stop' to mean 'stop' go for it. Some real life BDSM relationships do that, too.
You'll probably find when/if you research BDSM that most of the subs are feminine-identifying, that does not mean they are they only ones or that masculine-identifying people cannot be subs. The internet just really likes tied up women for some reason. Ignore them.
Also, not all masculine-identifying subs are 'sissies.' Again, ignore the internet.
Humiliation does not have to be part of your dynamic, either.
It's your story, you can pick and choose what parts of BDSM you want. You don't have to take all of it. Most BDSM practitioners don't take all of it. Do as you please with whatever makes you comfortable.
If something makes you uncomfortable, don't write about it (unless you're purposely trying to write things that are outside of your comfort zone).
There are many, many kinks out there and if you're not sure what one is, wither ask someone or Google the definition of it. Don't use Google Images, tumblr search, or porn sites unless you know what it is before hand.
At the end of the day, you are writing fantasy, and as great a realism is, you do have a lot more leeway in fiction than the real world. Do what you please, but if the behaviors in your story would otherwise be illegal in the real world, trigger tag it. Especially if it's non-con or one or more of the characters are underage.
In fact, trigger tag everything beyond light bondage (pinning wrists) and basic dirty talk. Just as a common courtesy. It takes maybe a minute but it could save someone a panic attack or flashbacks. Be courteous and aware.
BDSM is not abuse. It's really, really not.
So, as a final note, let me just say; 50 Shades is horrible and depicts abuse disguised as BDSM. Do not use it as a reference. It's abuse and it is not okay, real BDSM relationships are not like that. If they are, then they aren't BDSM, they're abuse.
So under the cut is basically a whole big masterlist of resources, guides etc. that all have to do with smut. None of these are mine, but if you need any specific tips just hit me up and I will gladly help you out! If this helped, like this post or even reblog! I hope you enjoy this masterlist. Also, I have tried my best to categorize these. Let me know if any of these links don’t work. I’ll be adding more every now and again.
Rebloggable version, as requested by davrosbro. :)
Oooh! Yes! I love kisses. Kisses are where it all starts ;).
Okay, first, remember that a kiss is much, much more than just lips. It is lips, but also tongues, teeth, eyes, faces, hands, noses, bodies, heartbeats, breath, voice- and most importantly, a kiss is emotions. A kiss without emotion is just wet mushy lips stuck together. Ew. Gross. The most important part of a kiss isn’t the how, but the who- because of the emotions between the two people.
Okay so:
lips- Lips can slide, glide over each other smoothly, or they can be chapped and rough and dry and get stuck on each other. They can match, top-to-top and bottom-to-bottom, or they can overlap, with one person’s top or bottom lip captured between the other person’s lips (yummy). If there is lipstick or chapstick there is lipstick or chapstick flavor, otherwise, lips don’t have a taste (can you taste yours?). Lips also can smack- the sound of two of them coming together or pulling apart, because they’re wet and warm and soft.
tongue- Tongues are always wet, and always warm. They’re very versatile. They can trace over lips, teeth, or another tongue. They can be smooth and graceful or teasing and flicking. When tongues are involved, there is drool. It’s only sexy when you like the person you’re kissing, or else it’s kinda gross. :P
teeth- teeth can clack together awkwardly, or teeth can bite down sensually. A person biting their own lip is cute, a person biting another’s lips is sexy. A person biting gently is sensual, a person biting roughly is sexual.
eyes- Eyes can be wide open with surprise, half-lidded with desire, fully closed with pleasure. Eyes can gaze lovingly, lustfully, wistfully, hungrily, seductively- it all depends upon the emotions of your characters. Have them do whatever you like, but don’t leave them out- give them at least a mention!
faces- Faces are what the lips are attached to. Noses bump, cheeks flush, ears turn red, foreheads either wrinkle or relax. Kisses can leave lips, quite easily, and become kisses on chins, cheeks, noses, foreheads, ears, necks, throats. Kisses on noses or foreheads are cute and adorable, kisses on cheeks are sweet, kisses on chins, ears, and throats are very sexual. And a kiss on the lips can be all of those! <3
hands- Hands are super-important. In order to describe a kiss, usually you want to also describe the hands. Where are they? Does one character have their hand behind the other’s head or back, holding them close? Are they on someone’s shoulders pulling them near, or pushing them away? Fingers brushing someone’s cheek or palms grabbing someone’s ass convey two very different kinds of situations, even if the kiss itself is exactly the same.
noses- Noses are annoying. They easily get in the way, especially for first kisses! People have to tilt their head to one side or the other, and if they don’t, noses bump. I’d only mention noses if a kiss is supposed to be awkward or uncertain or nervous.
bodies- bodies are either close together, or far away. Someone can be surrounded comfortingly by someone’s arms, or terrifyingly trapped by them. Bodies are warm or hot, they are calm or nervous, relaxed or tense. Body language says a lot. Is your character pulling away, or moving closer?
heartbeat- Hearts can beat fast or slow, and that’s about all they can do- but there are lots of reasons why they do! A heart can beat fast with fear or excitement or nervousness; a heart can pound with lust or race with terror or sing with joy. Hearts can glow, cower, or shatter. When you really want to drive the emotions of a character home, mention the heart.
breath- To me, the most consuming part of a kiss is the breath. The air that someone else has just breathed going deep into your lungs is very intimate. Lips and tongues don’t have a taste, but breath does. Each person’s breath tastes different, smells different, and surrounds a person differently than anyone else’s breath. Breath can be warm and sweet, breath can be hot and sexy, breath can be hot and frightening. It is something that is very present and should not be left out. A lot of writers leave breath out. And it’s so important; it’s the most intimate part of a kiss. Someone else is breathing into your lungs, and it’s either heaven or it’s hell.
voice- Voice conveys much, even without words. A voice can groan, whimper, gasp, moan, catch, whine, scream, sigh. Voice can convey emotion powerfully, and while some kisses are silent, usually they’re not.
emotion- Emotion is the most important- and the thing you try not to say. You want to describe it, through all of the things above, so that it’s perfectly clear what your characters are feeling, without you ever using the “feelings words”. If they’re in love, their bodies will lean close, their eyes will smile, their voices will giggle softly. If they’re nervous, their palms will sweat, their noses will bump, their voices will shudder. If they’re afraid, their muscles will be tense, their faces will grimace, their lips will not open. Emotion is the color that you keep inside your mind as you write; it’s the base line that drives the description behind everything else you say.
Wow, that was a lot! Gosh I hope it wasn’t too much! Keep in mind not every kiss has all these things- this is just a list of things to consider when writing a kiss, and based on how long of a kiss you want to make. Keep in mind that typing “they kissed for a long time”…that’s six words, it takes half a second to read, so that’s a short kiss! If you want a long kiss, you need long sentences that make the reader linger.
So maybe to start off, pick three things on the list to describe in your first kiss. Don’t try to do it all- that would be too much for even the most epic kiss. Just pick what’s most important to this particular scene, to these particular characters, and describe those parts along with the lips, and you’ve got yourself an awesome, emotional kiss. <3
Okay, so you’ve done it – you’re there! You’re going to lose your smut virginity (or refine your skills in the paper bedroom). Whilst in the roleplay world you may be receiving a metaphorical pat on the back for your grafting; you may be feeling completely and utterly befuddled. Here’s a few tips to ensure you don’t become a hungry cock goblin and make a floppy tit of yourself. (I’m not funny, I know).
Ladies and Gentlemen, who doesn’t like shoving things up their holes?! Okay fine, I’m sure there’s a lot of people. But all those people are wrong and I have nothing to say to them. To those of you who enjoy or think you might enjoy the feeling of vibrations inside you, feel free to peruse the guide below to better help you in your valiant quest to find the ideal internal vibrator!
Vagina owners, there’s something important I need to tell you. This isn’t going to apply to all of you and for those of you who don’t share this experience I am by no means intending to discredit your feelings. For most vaginas, stimulation solely from an internal vibrator will not be enough to make you orgasm. Most vaginas require additional clitoral stimulation or g-spot stimulation to achieve orgasm. This means any straight up and down buzzing vibrator isn’t going to be enough to get you over the line. I’m telling you this because I don’t want your first purchase to be one that leads to disappointment. Keep in mind there are exceptions, some vaginas respond very positively to a plain old straight vibrator, but statisticallyspeaking they are the exception. The predominance of phallic vibrators actually stems from porn and from the idea that most porn viewers want to watch women fuck themselves with pretend dicks, not some fancy whizz-bang toy that might actually get them off. Internal vibrators can be great for anal play though, provided you have a flared base or safety stopper at the end of the toy so it can’t disappear up inside you. You don’t want that.
When it comes to internal vibes, there’s not exactly a comprehensive classification system. There’s pretty much two design variations, the straightforward internal vibrator which is more or less the proportions and dimensions of a very enthusiastic dick, and then there’s the *shudder* rabbit. Let’s deal with that monstrosity first.
RABBIT
The Rabbit was made famous by Sex and the City. That show is the sole reason many sex toy manufacturers are still in business today. Despite the episode going to air in 1998, it still informs the purchasing decisions of most vagina owners. Don’t get me wrong, I think that anything that encourages people to explore their sexuality and their pleasure is a great thing! But to be honest, I don’t approve of the rabbit design, for a number of reasons. As I’ve said before, if you own a rabbit and it makes you happy, then bless you and I wish you both well in this world. But most of the time the rabbit is selling promises that it just can’t keep.
Like so many things, the idea is great. You have an internal shaft to simulate a good dicking, and then you have an external clitoral stim. There’s my first problem. Most of the clit stims attached to these things aren’t flexible, so depending on your anatomy it can render the toy completely useless. For instance people without the mixed blessing of owning a vag, might still want to enjoy an internal stimulant with an external vibration say across their perineum…well they can’t, at least not with most rabbits. Even for those of us with a vag this design can be an inconvenience. I like my toys to be multipurpose; if I can’t use it in multiple holes at will, then what’s the damn point!
My other issue with the rabbit is that when you’re stimulating your clit, you tend to want to find one perfect spot and stay there, with minimal moving around. When you’re after a penetrative sensation, you’re generally looking for a bit of movement to go with it. Combine these two with the rabbit and it becomes impossible. You can’t pound away at your vag and keep the clit stim in the same place. This means you’re either stuck plugging up your vag-hole like it’s a bathroom sink while you get clitoral satisfaction, or you’re slamming it up there like nobodies business while your clit feels like the last ball in a Newton’s cradle. Alternatively there are other vagina owners who find clitoral sensations too intense and so prefer to circle around their clit with a stimulator. This again is impossible due to the rigidity of the clitoral attachment. The rabbit is a great concept, because the idea of having clitoral stimulation and internal penetration at the same time is statistically more likely to make vagina owners orgasm, but because of the design it renders one or both purposes useless. Don’t get me wrong, there are a few rabbit vibrators that I’m keen to give the benefit of the doubt too, particularly the Sky Alto by Ave (pictured above right), which looks like set dressing from a Samurai Jack episode. There’s also the Soraya and the Ina 2 from Lelo. But it’s not hard to see why these are a superior design when you compare them to the iVibe Rabbit (pictured top), the original rabbit design.
JELLY & RUBBER
As with every other iteration of this guide, prepare yourself for the usual jelly smackdown.
For a lot of people who have plumbed the depths of their personal caves, their first vibrator was a moderately anatomically correct jelly penis with a vibrator stuck inside it. Sadly, a lot of users might have given up on toys after this maiden voyage and it’s not hard to blame them. These toys have a lot in common with your creepy old Uncle Bill - they’re shittily put together, smell terrible, sweat profusely, are toxic as hell and are woefully inadequate at inducing any kind of orgasm (and should be kept away from underage children). Because they’re made from the lowest quality materials, the vibrator inside is never really strong enough to get the vibrations out past the jelly or rubber mould. This means once it’s inside you you’re going to feel only the barest of tinglings about your nethers. Additionally the shape of them isn’t exactly conducive to hitting a g-spot. They can be an acceptable anal play toy, but to be honest there’s better stuff out there that won’t give you ass cancer.
CERAMIC & ALUMINIUM
There’s a range of toys at the moment that are similar to the old rubber and jelly vibrators, but are instead encased in ceramic or aluminium. Obviously these new materials make them a MUCH safer option than the carcinogenic alternatives, but there is the drawback of a loss of flexibility. As terrible as a jelly vibe is, it does have a similar amount of give to it as a real penis. Not everyone cares about realism though, and if you’re okay with something a bit firmer that you can also heat up or cool down for temperature play, then a ceramic or aluminium internal vibe might be a good quality first vibrator. Keep in mind though because of the thickness of the casing you’ll still find the vibration levels to be quite minimal. Also, if you’re planning on using it anally, please buy yourself a safety stopper. Evolved Novelties sell a three pack of silicone discs you can slide onto the end of any standard vibrator to convert it into an anal safe toy. Please do yourself and the potential emergency room staff who have to retrieve your missing toy a favour - don’t lose a vibrator up your ass.
PROSTATE STIMULATORS
Internal vibrators designed to stimulate the prostate, or p-spot, are usually a pretty good starting place if you’re looking into anal play. Don’t be put off by the word prostate though, you don’t have to have one to enjoy these toys. There’s a huge variety of designs and shapes that are all marketed as p-spot specialisers, but to be honest the only thing you should really be looking for is a good quality material and a flared base. For instance, the Lelo Billy (pictured above) looks exactly like normal internal vibrator, but the flared base makes it anal safe. Fun Factory’s Duke takes it a little further by designing something that also stimulates your perineum at the same time. And then there’s the folks at Nexus who have a whole range of amazing, high quality prostate massagers designed specially for anal pleasure. Because anuses need love too!
STRONICS
So Fun Factory have concocted something amazing, something of a game changer really. We all know what a vibrator feels like, right? Of course we do. It vibrates. Well Fun Factory came up with the Stronic, which in their words “pulses” instead of vibrates. I personally think a more accurate description is “thrusts”. If you hold it in your hand, you can feel it thrusting, as though it is innately seeking some strange ephemeral hole that human eyes can not behold. I haven’t had the pleasure of trying one of these designs yet, and I’ve heard mixed reviews from the people who have, but I’m always a fan of innovation. If you’re interested in anal play, you’ll want the Zwei, and if you’re into vaginal thrusting, there’s the the Eins or if you like one that works for both there’s the Drei (pictured above). Also if you want to be hilariously bewildered, take two minutes to watch their promo video, which doesn’t feature anywhere near as much crotch thrusting as I would have hoped.
ORIGINAL DESIGNS
There are a few notable mentions in the realm of internal vibes that don’t really fit into any other category.
G-vibe (pictured left). Although it looks like just another take on the rabbit design, you can actually use it completely internally. The fronds (I like calling them fronds, it makes me feel like I’m fucking a fern), can be pinched together for insertion and then will fold out once they’re inside, stimulating both the back and front of your orifice of choice. Also, on a side note, they smell like candy. Not just any candy though, candy from your childhood. It’s weird. I don’t know if it’s a marketing gimic or just some weird psychological ploy they’re pulling, but they do smell great.
Another contender for the rabbit alternative throne is the Rock Chick designed Rocks Off Vibrator (pictured right). Although I’ve not had the pleasure of trying one myself, many vagina owners swear by its orgasmic inducing properties. The shape is similar to the We-Vibe, but it’s a lot sturdier and on a bigger scale.
And then there’s The Cone (pictured below). Oh Cone. One day, I will buy you and I will try you, but until then I’m going to continue to mock what I don’t understand. The cone, so the legends say, can be used internally or externally for clitoral stimulation. According to the tales it is also compatible for vaginal or anal use. I wouldn’t know. But one day I will. Until then, if you have used The Cone and lived to tell the tale, please get in touch!
This is a far from comprehensive list of all the different kinds of internal vibrators out there, but it should give you a bit of an idea about what you might want to purchase. Just remember to always wash your toys when you’re done with them. So go, frolic dear readers, fuck yourselves and others with your wonderfully informed choices of vibrators!
Sometimes it can be hard to write sexual content when you’re playing the opposite gender. This doesn’t cover sex, this doesn’t cover blowjobs, this doesn’t cover anything too graphic. This just… Kind of covers the sensations, the ups and downs (literally?) and the other random facts that might help you… grip your character better?
I lied it’s kind of vulgar.
