Okay wait wait wait wait. Tiny baby teenage Rumi who is a very popular but not especially befriended kid—doesn’t really know how to connect, is so overwhelmingly forward and bright that everyone thinks of her as a social butterfly despite that—and knows she’ll be having Her Hunters TM soon observing her schoolmates like an amateur anthropologist. Writing notes about how these friends share food, how those watch the same shows, how those two girls made matching friendship bracelets. Asking Celine what it was like getting to know her mom and getting frustrated when Celine tries to tell her about Miyeong. Making all her little plots and plans for how she’s going to make sure they will have the best bonding experiences ever
Oh my gosh, this pinched something in the feels...
An angsty something.
And whatever you do don’t think about Zoey
Zoey, who was always the odd one out, always too weird, always too forward. Had ADHD and all, but not in the cool, comes with superpowers way like in Percy Jackson—in the “Mom says it’s not an excuse, and Dad just tells me to be quiet” way
Zoey, who’s had enough fresh starts to know this one probably won’t be different, but not enough to stop her from hoping. (Celine—actual, for real, Sunlights Sisters Celine—gave her a contract. She said Zoey had potential. That’s the kind of thing Zoey used to daydream about.)
And she arrives at the hanok to find Rumi, who seems surprised every time a loser like Zoey gets up the courage to say something to her that isn’t “pass the salt, please?” or directly related to training
Not that she’s, like, mean about it! But Zoey can tell when she isn’t wanted. When she’s pushing her limits. And she’s always pushing her limits with Rumi
(Don’t think about Rumi, trying so hard not to make the same mistakes, to remind herself that Zoey wouldn’t want to be friends with her and she shouldn’t force herself on her, she needs to make sure that Mira and Zoey, at least, can get along, so she should keep her distance)
And then there’s Mira—it’s like no matter how hard Zoey tries to get along with her, she can’t! If she asks what Mira might want to do, if she tries to join her while she’s doing something, god forbid if she tries to suggest something she thinks Mira might like… Zoey just doesn’t get it
(And don’t think about how Mira might find Rumi and her perfect fucking life… irritating, but at least Rumi was honest. At least she actually thought her corny friendship bracelet idea was cool. And Mira maybe kind of agreed.
But Zoey? Zoey shapeshifts minute by minute. Zoey thinks banana milk tastes kind of weird, until Mira says she likes it. Zoey offers up nothing real, and that means everything about her is dangerous.)
Don’t think about Zoey, watching herself ruin yet another fresh start, crying herself to sleep, pulling all of her shame together and going up to Celine’s home office the next morning, ready to ask if she should just go or if Celine still thinks there’s some way she could do this right, muttering different ways to ask to herself as she tries to find the least humiliating
Don’t think about Zoey, walking straight into Rumi in the hall, looking up into her concerned face and bursting into tears again because there was no possible way she could ever deserve this and Rumi knew it
Don’t think about Rumi, tugging Zoey into her bedroom in the main house, throwing the teddy bear on the bed onto her lap for her to hold and panickedly doing everything she can to help calm her down, being so impossibly gentle with Zoey while she’s freaking out
Don’t think about Mira, being sent to find them because she’s the only one who turned up for their morning run and Celine is pissed, overhearing their quiet conversation from the end of the hall. Cringing as Zoey sniffs and says Mira’s been so mean, no matter what she’s tried, and bracing herself for Rumi to agree, because… fuck ‘em. They’ve already written her off, just like everybody else.
Don’t think about Rumi, still so gentle, instead saying, “Mira’s not mean! She’s just… selective about who she likes. I’m sure she’ll realize how great you are soon.”
Don’t think about Zoey, sitting there looking at Rumi, starting to wonder if maybe she isn’t as screwed as she thought.
Don’t think about Rumi, hoping that she’s right and that Mira hasn’t written Zoey off as someone too close to Rumi.
Don’t think about Mira, out in the hall, ache in her chest, trying not to let herself think it isn’t too late for them to forgive her.
And of course, do not think about Celine.
Celine, who desperately- desperately- wants Rumi to have what she had, for reasons beyond- above- the Honmoon (as wrong as it is for her to put anything above the Honmoon). To know what it is to share a life with people who make you feel whole and fill a part of you that you hadn't realized was empty.
(even if heartbreak comes later)
(which it won't; she will make sure of it)
Celine, who remembers what she wouldn't- couldn't- tell Rumi about her earliest days with Miyeong and Third; who didn't want to discourage her with stories of oil and water, of clashing personalities and arguments and her own snappish irritation at how Miyeong took nothing seriously except fooling around and Miyeong disparaged her back, of how she...doubted, that she could ever learn to like these girls, let alone love them.
It would be a disservice to Mi, and a disservice to her daughter, to daunt her with the growing pains of young friendships.
Celine, who raises a brow at Mira, all angles and broken glass, but trusts the Honmoon and welcomes her into their home, only to watch Rumi try and try and try.
And fail.
(Celine has failed)
Celine, who tells herself it's fine; Rumi is smart and kind and who couldn't love her Mi's little girl; they just need time.
They don't need her meddling; after
Celine, who gives them time.
Celine, who sees Zoey and thinks maybe this is what Rumi and Mira need, sunshine in human form. Because that's what Zoey, who hasn't stopped talking since they got in the car and whose face just lights up in a way that has Celine cracking the tiniest of grins, is.
Celine, who is wrong.
Celine, who is lying awake at night, lost, confused, alone, wondering what she's supposed to do.
Not what their mentors did, drag all three girls together for a talk about how "it's their duty to get along;" that's ridiculous.
(that was the first time they had a conversation that felt real, her and her girls, complaining about how ridiculous their mentors were, dictating friendship)
She is failing Rumi, failing Mi, failing the Honmoon and centuries of Hunters, all because she can't figure out how to help three girls who are soul mates learn to like each other.
Celine, who knows Mi and Third could have done a better job than her.
Knows...they should be the ones here, not her, who doesn't know what she's doing; hasn't, in so many years.
Celine, who's heart twists as she thinks about how she needs Zoey and Mira to love Rumi, because then maybe...if the unthinkable happens, they'll be able to do what she did so long ago and toss aside their blades.
Celine, who resolves that won't happen, since it's a risk she can't take.
Celine, who's still lost and confused and alone.
she wants her girls
Celine, who is standing in the training yard, watching the shadows grow short, irritation bubbling as she wonders whatever happened to Mira.
Celine, who goes looking for her in the main house, then freezes at the sound of voices from the hall leading to the bedrooms.
"H-hey. You- you two good?" Mira's voice, slow and halting and padding carefully around broken glass.
"Oh! Yeah, Zoey just...needed a moment." Rumi, trying to decide how much of a smile to give.
"Sorry." Zoey, who can't help but feel she's not allowed to take up space.
"Um, it's- it's okay." Mira again. "Celine just-"
Celine, who winces at the sound of someone bumping into a desk, followed by the hailstorm clatter of Rumi's collection of friendship bracelet beads falling on the floor. There's a silent beat, then apologies from Mira, placations from Rumi and Zoey, then they're cleaning up the mess, together, and-
"So, why all the beads?"
"Well, I...they were going to be for friendship bracelets. Which I guess in hindsight was lame, but-“
-and then there's chatter friendly as a spring breeze as Zoey vouches for the idea and Mira gives an assent that's the friendliest Celine ever heard her, spilling into the hall and lapping at her feet,.
Celine smiles, then turns back to the yard.
For one day, running laps could wait.
