Zach Ryan Poetry

All poems collected on this blog are the property of Zach Ryan, please credit accordingly when sharing.

[shamokindaaam]

Memories of Baby's-Breath

It wasn't supposed to happen like this

I had everything planned out

I was supposed to be on top of the world

Tenacious and business savvy

Taking the world by storm

As a CEO or attorney or something

That would let me afford you

I was supposed to have someone

By my side through it all

My awards and accolades

Stumbling through the nights

Terrified that I couldn't keep it going

Holding my hand

And my hair back when you brought home

That stomach bug running rampant

Through your school

I wasn't supposed to be sitting

In the middle of the kitchen floor

In my shitty studio apartment

Alone

Losing my hair from the stress

That losing you put on my body

And my mind and heart

I wasn't supposed to be struggling

To cope with the fact that nothing

Went according to plan

And I have no way to fight

The thoughts swirling around my mind

Like what your name would have been

Maybe something short

And simple

Like Nell

I wasn't supposed to lose you

And I want you to know

That I am so sorry

And I will always love you

That your clothes

Will be going to good homes

And that this life

Should have been yours

If you had only taken

A breath

An original poem by Zach Ryan

[shamokindaaam]

I saw your username and couldn't help but wonder if you were from Shamokin Dam, PA

I'm actually not from there, I'm from Northumberland! But I came up with the name while I was shopping in the Giant in Shamokin Dam!

[shamokindaaam]

A Star is Born

Every day I dream of stars

And every night I shake

Frustrated

That they stay too far

Out of reach

And every day's the same

After a while they all start

To run together

Like the colors of my

Celestial home

At first I thought I'd burn

Melt my marrow down to tallow

Be a pretty little candle in the wind

Then I recalled

That it might not be so good at all

Because who still uses candles anyway?

So I decided

I'd turn the car around

And get my ass back to

My favorite home

Planetarium

I'm not so strange among

The diorama diamond dust

The swirls and spheres

And when the starlight

Dances all around

So, I thought, I'll go

I'll make myself the man

I need to be to make it happen

I'll take my suit and helmet

My one-way ticket out

To the only home that's felt like home

It's hard to explain

To anyone with ears that doesn't

Use them to hear

The hate they spew constantly

To those who only need

A little understanding

But I don't feel safe here

I wander past the people-shapes

Because these aren't people to me

Humans they appear to be

And humans that may be

But so inhumane they are to me

And everything around me

I'm going to find my way

Straight out into the light of day

Feel myself in Sol's loving embrace

To dance among the stars

Court Luna from afar

I couldn't look her in her radiant face

I will become the Cosmonaut

In order to be more-than-not

To finally feel like I am allowed to live

To be above the zero

To be counted with the heroes

And breathe in constellations

And feel galaxies within me

I will be at peace

Not alone

Not anymore

The stars will be my home

An original poem by Zach Ryan

[romonicadigregory]

The new poem I wrote today. I took the feelings I’ve been trying to really crystalize lately, and wrote an attempt at a Joni Mitchell-esque piece that could be set to music, since she’s been guiding me through this last spiral.

Unfortunately I’ve been writing such long pieces lately that I can’t publish them as text posts anymore, so I’m linking you guys to my author page on Facebook! Please, if you like what I write, like the page and share with your friends. Poetry is what I am literally living for. It’s the only thing I care about leaving behind on Earth.

[romonicadigregory]

The new poem I wrote today. I took the feelings I’ve been trying to really crystalize lately, and wrote an attempt at a Joni Mitchell-esque piece that could be set to music, since she’s been guiding me through this last spiral.

Unfortunately I’ve been writing such long pieces lately that I can’t publish them as text posts anymore, so I’m linking you guys to my author page on Facebook! Please, if you like what I write, like the page and share with your friends. Poetry is what I am literally living for. It’s the only thing I care about leaving behind on Earth.

[romonicadigregory]

Rage

Red

Red

Bloody fists

On white walls

Chip away the purest paint

Revealing only anger beneath; a cancer growing within

What used to once be a healthy home but now is just a shell

Within which burns a fire that never sleeps

Blackened heart and busted lung

Eyes roll back

Fade out

Loss

Shame

An original poem by Zach Ryan

[shamokindaaam]

Hurricane Boy

I have eyes the color of a storm at sea

Complete with riptides and sunken ships

And the songs of sailors long lost

To the ages and environmental disasters

That have visited their former homes

Now long lost, Atlanteans in my vision

I come on too strong at first

I spew emotional detritus

And cause verbal mudslides

Burying anyone who happens to be near

And searching through the wreckage

Digging out any survivors

The more I try to grow the bigger my eye becomes

And I can keep everything safe and in order

Holding on for dear life to the normalcy

Trying to keep growing as a man, a storm

Hoping I never again devastate the land

Praying that the ones I love can be safe

But inevitably the eye must pass

And the lull in the land turns again

Into pain, and heartbreak, despair

Raging wildly into acid rain

Each word eroding the fertile soil

Of the farms which once grew grace

And then the storm passes

Leaving nothing behind but rubble

And broken feelings, broken thoughts

Littering the hills with shattered hearts

And drunken nights and once again

The storm falls apart

An original poem by Zach Ryan

[shamokindaaam]

Rubberboy

When most people think of prison

What comes to mind are concrete walls

Iron bars in windows and steel ones for doors

Lineups and mess halls and lawyers and visitation

My prison comes in the form of skin

Too thin to handle any outside pressure

Too thick for me to bust on out

And shed; A mammal trying to be a reptile

Bones for bars are no easier

No matter how I move they move with me

A never-ending barricade

Animated just to confine me to physics

Unsleeping guards for eyes

Always finding some hazard to fix on

To keep me terrorized

And unable to escape my own reality

My own mind is head warden

Pretending to play both sides

And promise my spirit it'll play ball

Only to placate my senses a while

It's hell to not feel at home

Inside your own body

To wake up each day

And try to find another way

To let myself out

And to let the art flow

-- An original Zach Ryan poem

[romonicadigregory]

Nebula

Whether or not it’s scientifically possible,

If I stood in the center of a swirling mass

Of stars and planets and galaxies galore

I’d still be able to gaze through the belts

Of asteroids delivering messages to other planets

And see your smile shining the brightest of all

– An original Zach Ryan poem

[shamokindaaam]

I hate when things post to my main blog instead of this one

[romonicadigregory]

Spider Man

The panic that rules my life

Feels like my arachnophobic heart

Is filled with thousands of eggs

And leaves it too afraid to even beat

Because it never knows if it’s strong enough

To crush them all or hatch them.

Depression sits pretty on my mind

Like individual gossamer strands

That turn into home-y cobwebs

Making the place looked lived in

And before you know it,

My brain looks like that toy truck

In that one corner of the basement that you don’t go.

I overthink and overimagine and overthrow

My own reasonable thought with

The terrible, comfortable sound of

Thousands of legs and tiny footfalls

Skittering across the walls of possibility

Because it’s easier to be scared than try.

I check my hair for dreams that get stuck

When they try to shake loose

From the killing strand in my head

And try to fly off to some other realm of winners

And successes and crush them while they’re aloft

Because the anxiety has to feed

And if I have no lofty dreams what will justify

The fact that I haven’t started toward them yet?

I knock my shoes together

I shine bright lights in dark spaces

I skirt around baseboard heaters

I dance nervously in musty attics

I shake and I shiver and

I quake and I quiver and

I moan and I groan and

I look in the mirror with eight eyes

All wondering where the hell I think I’m going

And compounding tragedies and inconvenience

Into reasons to be still and crush my furry fantasies

Because life in this old stone sink

Is just peachy, thanks, and I don’t need to move up.

I am the wrong side of a superhero

That got a bad test batch

Somewhere in the line of production

And instead of being able to swing into action

All I can do is crawl away from terror

Always feeling like this next day will be the last

And it’s a bummer, because when will I ever

Start living?

- An original Zach Ryan poem

[shamokindaaam]

Phantoms

There are two spirits of great power and import That swirl around this world and devote Their power to making those predisposed, Like you and me, see the negative colors Supposed to remain unpercepted by the human eye

Everyone's favorite, the unlife of the party, Is the world-renowned prophet of chaos Uncertainty. This superstar of the supernatural Is the one responsible for those "maybes" And "could-bes" and "who-is-its" the go bump in the night Sending your grasp on the now slipping away with cold sweat And derailing the train of your thought Into the side of the mountain of anxiety Where there will be no survivors.

Uncertainty is the one who, With a flick of his wrist, Silences all of your cocksure assumptions About whether you can make it happen Be it work, or art, or even long-standing Visions of the future you crafted so caringly In your little toy workshop as a child Painstakingly practicing your tricks and trades To get to the place you thought you belong, but are now Uncertain.

He gets his kicks hearing you say his name, And he'll dance around and perform for those around you A circus monkey collecting tips in exchange For stealing your peace of mind.

The lesser-known brother is the one you should watch out for. Uncertainty has a name, and you can always tell when he's near.

The greater of the brothers, his reach seemingly outmatched By his younger brother with the flashy black robes, Is the specter of Knowing. He's silent, he waits, he sometimes makes you wonder If he has even visited you at all. He tugs on your heartstrings, and weaves your thoughts together Until you are certain you can't go on, or that you Could never be as talented as your fellow man, So why does it even matter to go on anymore?

This wretched soul can take The foundation for a solid tower of effort To better the self and reduce it to dust With nothing more than a whisper Of a reminder that you don't have access To the same resources of someone better And that your luck won't carry you forever; Oh, by the way, your lottery ticket was One number off, but at least you won yesterday And you should be able to sleep better, right? Because you had the right stuff once upon a time, But now you know better.

The worst part of dealing with Knowing Is the fact that he isn't trying to harm you at all In fact, in his own way, he just wants to help And you can't be mad at him for that.

The poor boy just wishes he could hold you While he crumbles the walls of your inner peace.

- An original poem by Zach Ryan

[shamokindaaam]

Sunshowers

It’s easy to forget the way The warm glow of the sun Can break down all of the walls Of all the jails of all the towers Of all the castles you can’t escape And remind you that you’re royalty And your subjects really do love you Unlike the scenes that keep playing In your mind every time you doubt yourself And imagine them screaming “revolution”.

It’s hard to remember the way The warm caress of Sol’s Ray’s Can break apart all the storms Upon the sea on which you sail Setting out on a voyage of change For worse or for better because Both have winds that blow You off one course and on another But both of them can be too much When you haven’t seen still water in days

It’s fundamentally amazing how The gentle grasp of the daystar’s fingers Can pry apart all the clouds within yourself And dispel the chill of the mind Even if only for a moment And lets the weather within Do whatever it wants to do Whether that’s dry up the land Or cause sunshowers to spring From eyes long since thought to be dry

And there’s something so freeing About standing under this worldwide spotlight And opening up your heart Or hard drive or soul gem or whatever you may have Locked away deep in the closet of your reason And let it bleed out of you simply, Cleanly, effortlessly, endlessly Until the clouds have released their Heavy burden and are ready To take their place back in the stratosphere And you finally, if briefly, feel at peace

So take a stand in the sunlight And let it dig up what it may about your past Because it’s just making room for the future And don’t be scared to cry Because it feels fucking great To know you have something more than hate And anxiety and confusion and emptiness And a will to love again

– An original poem by Zach Ryan

[shamokindaaam]

The Pharaoh’s Curse

I'm too damn old, and I've come too damn far To keep my love for you like a mummy, Under wraps.

- An original poem by Zach Ryan

[shamokindaaam]

Redondo

I've never been to a real beach, But there's gotta be something real special about 'em If they get so many bands and songs and books named after 'em By people like Patti Smith all the time.

Then again, everyone writes about love, too And that shit never gets you anywhere-- Maybe you get laid when you play 'em a sappy song, But it never makes you feel like you did anything afterward

Like, you could do something important with that time Maybe feed the homeless, maybe plant a tree, Cook something great, fix a car, smash a fluorescent, Write a song, change a life, play with fire, or die free.

But no, you have to pretend to be deep just to get a shot With someone who tolerates you for a good ten minutes And grinds your heart under their heel with no remorse into the sand that drinks in the ocean, or so I'm told.

And I suppose I've done worse things than love the ocean With all of my being and existence, arms wide open, Trying to catch waves of anything that gets close enough, Because if it slipped away, I'd actually be used to it.

So I think I know enough about the beach That I'd fit right in, thanks to Patti. I feel like I'd be a lot better at beaches Than I am at this love bullshit.

- An original poem by Zach Ryan

[shamokindaaam]

Goliath

A gentler giant I’ve never laid eyes on— Nor have I seen one more calamitous You are a stone with a heart most warm Yet your warmest of hearts is stone And your casual embraces and platonic entendre Are calculated, precise blows Dedicated to cut swathes through me; My body into ribbons Your kind words the blades with which You carve my hopeless shell You land a massive blow And I crumble under the weight-- Your hand merely rests on my shoulder And I collapse as I stand Endlessly, longingly still.

David in all his earnest With a sling of cherubic cloth And stones made in the heavens themselves Couldn’t slay the beast within me Whose shadow is that of the giant; A ghastly, ungodly thing within me That only shrinks away when Replaced by the real creature itself I cannot levy the waters of emotion That froth and seethe at the sight of you And I cannot still the earth’s tremors Which reverberate also within my bones And I cannot quell the furious roar Of fires that engulf my tiny heart Which so easily I could place in your mammoth hand And you could crush so carelessly— A dance we repeat endlessly Day after day after day.

And if you were Atlas with the world On your shoulders, you could Be still as the lifeless bodies Of my endless incarnations Which have fallen to your might And I would still fall off the face of your charge Endlessly into this feeling of dread And excitement and passion And need to battle the giant again.

You may guard the gates of the kingdom above And I would still spend the rest of my afterlife Battling you just to stay at your side.

- An original poem by Zach Ryan

[shamokindaaam]

Pictures Are Worth 1,000 Words, But 1,000 Words Are Worth About $6.95

I’m not the kind of person who likes to sit for photographs Because I don’t believe they accurately capture my essence; Sure, they can capture my pensive moments, Or even recreate a moment of triumph, But they never really ascertain just how silly I am

For example, I am unabashedly happy with stupid things I believe that puns are the sincerest form of flattery, And calling someone’s horse Joe Neigh-meth Can provide me with hours of giggles

I’m a man who believes that stereotypes are base And morally reprehensible; but then I’ll laugh At myself because I’m Polish And I just ate a ton of kielbasa

I’m someone who will think racial humor Is too inappropriate for company But will then start a joke with something like “A Russian and a German are playing Risk”

I’m the kind of guy who complains about everything Like when a ketchup packet is too hard to open Or how I have no friends, over and over, Until my own dogs move out of the house

I find more kindred spirits in animals than humans; Like a picture of a hamster flopped half-off his wheel, Or a turtle with a crass message on its shell Or maybe a very grumpy-looking panda

I’m a person of remarkably fluctuating taste I’ll go from listening to classic operas To wearing flip-flops at formal events To the middle of the road—watching “Murder, She Wrote”

I’m also one heck of a wingman: From spectacularly failing at flirting on your behalf, To remembering exactly why you went to the store, To belting “Cabaret” to cover up your breaking wind

And all of these little things add up to something bigger— Something that pictures might provide glimpses of, But definitely don’t illustrate as well As just being locked in a car with me

And wouldn’t that be one crazy book?

- An original poem by Zach Ryan

[shamokindaaam]

Friend or Foe?

Being near you makes my heart Pound like soldiers marching across A wooden floor but I can’t tell If they’re being deployed Or if they’re coming home.

- An original poem by Zach Ryan