live deliciously

storm | canada | queer | 30s | they/them ✨mentally (ch)ill✨

[cleverbabyghoul]

what are you looking at?

[heavensghost]

[sharklunch]

Years of bending over backwards and trying to be the best,

Working hard to feel nothing and be stronger than the rest,

Asking for the bare minimum and sounding so demanding,

Wishing I was someone who wasn’t always so understanding,

The words are caught in my throat and I’m hanging from above,

Watching the world around me fall deeper into love,

Plummeting from 1000 feet and bracing for the ground,

Wishing the voice in my mouth was kinder than it sounds,

Feeling every feeling and thinking every thought,

Wishing I wasn’t the one catching but instead was finally caught.

Everything we write with intention is inherently a love letter,

Something filled with hopes and cares for a world that is much better,

We hope that others read our words and fill their hearts with care,

We hope that love is something we welcome and not a burden we must bare,

And in those times we feel it all and the world around us crumbles,

We hope to have the courage to speak it loud and in less of a mumble,

in those moments of fear and doubt we push feelings onto pad,

And hope that others find solace in the words that I feel and wear on sleeves, full clad.

[ancientsstudies]

I need to stay here alone.

[uniej]

[emotionalwords]

[sharklunch]

Rsd is so wild because it can exist alongside compersion. Which is really really unfair.

It’s really unfair to feel like I’m disposable when I know I’m not. I hate the way my brain works most days but today, right now. I feel like I’m being held hostage by a best friend. It’s not fair.

[aaaangel444]

[sharklunch]

It’s been nearly 2 years without you and I’ve changed so much.

I am not the person you once knew and while that is absolutely terrifying… I am so excited to see who I will be next year.

I’ve realized I can miss parts of you, parts of our relationship, good memories, our deep connection and still not want you back in my life.

I want to say I forgive you for the deep seated trauma I will forever experience and continue to unlearn, caused by your hands but….I will never understand how I was never enough for you… how you could have treated me the way that you did and somehow convinced me I deserved every bit of it and yet here I am. Smiling, arms open, free, loved and willing to try again… so maybe I do forgive you. Not for your sake but for mine ❤️‍🩹

[constellatedlove]

i love people you can just sit with. you do your thing, i’ll do mine. lets just exist alongside one another, in a silence that says “im glad you’re here.”

[rawhoneybliss]

You are entering a period of success. This is your breakthrough. Enjoy it, soak it in, give thanks, and know that you deserve it.

[libbyframe]

Forest scavenging haul

[prideandprejudice]

— Leave the others and come to me. My arms are hungry for you, my darling.

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)  dir. Francis Ford Coppola

[satanasaeternus]

Destroy, Erase, Improve

[sharklunch]

I have this beautiful connection with my partner that I have never had before in my life. We’ve been honest from the start about how we feel about each other and the people in our lives and how we feel about them as well. We both have significant exs/former partners and have been very candid about the trauma we endured from those relationships. Mine was a lot more… negatively significant than theirs and a part of me is so jealous of that. I wish I could be okay and not feel like fucking trash about the little things. I wish I could talk about the things that bother me without feeling like I’m being nit picky or fearing the fallback from it being so significant that they take back everything they’ve ever said. It’s also not their place to make me feel better about every little thing….. we’re poly. I’ve been poly my entire life but could never truly explore that because of my past relationships being with mono folks. This is my first delve into it and it feels so hard to not only experience a healthy relationship for the first time but also a poly one to boot.

The thing also is that.. the things that bother me have to do with their former partner. I know they have a significant connection with him and while it brings me such joy to know they have the capacity for such love and connection with others it also triggers a RSD sensitivity that comes with my BPD. they’ve mentioned having felt before that they were all in with him, they thought they were going to spend the rest of their life with him, they have never wanted to get married but considered it with him. These comments have sat with me since they told me those things, I feel myself shut down involuntarily when they mention having plans with him (only if I happen to ask if they want to spend some time with me) ((trigger RSD)) now in the end I know it’s not that they hang out with him that bothers me.. I love it actually it’s awesome! The things that bother me are.. they have this awesome friendship but haven’t told him who I am or what my significance in their life is. He’s not stupid but I believe he is using that to his advantage as, well I don’t know any better so I’m just going to take advantage of this opportunity to have my former partner care for and support me and potentially want me back in their life. This triggers a trauma for me that came from my last relationship of being hidden and lied about. Not being worthy of being proud of as being someone’s partner. It feels so bad and I really do t think it’s something I can comfortably sit with any longer. It’s also that they have 2/2 hung out with him on “significant” dates for us as a couple. Our first anniversary was primarily spent with him, they had promised a haircut and obliged on that date when we’d made tentative plans prior to it. I worked a day shift and was up for 530 am went home and made us dinner and desert (a rice pudding they’d wanted for some time) then ended up sharing that with him as well when I got there because I made so much and felt so fucking awkward to not offer him any. They had a long drawn out hug before he left and I just felt all around uncomfortable about the entire situation. & never said anything. And now it’s bothering me so FUXKING much. Last night I went and visited and offered to see them today, Valentine’s Day, after work to which they mentioned they had plans with him to “help with Rosie’s nails” I tried so hard not to shut down but immediately did. RSD triggered hard and immediately. Have felt weird and off all night and unable to shake this feeling. We made plans to hang out tomorrow because it’s my only day off so I guess that makes up for it but for some reason it just feels bad. I FUXKING wish it didn’t. I think I keep wishing I was someone different that could just… not feel so much all the time. It’s fucking exhausting. Other than these 2 things which I now realize aren’t small things everything is perfect. Everything is healthy but I just….. don’t know how to not be terrified of them leaving if I say something. 😮‍💨😪

[poisonnightmares]

Dark Gothic Room

[missvioletmoonstone]

I shall make it my personal mission to have a bedroom even remotely resembling this stunning decor 🤤

[scrixels]

1533. Grinch