Don't look at me

I think about my future dog a lot

[draconym]

My new coworker and I were just talking about our most dreaded Bad Texture Experiences and I mentioned that touching microfiber fabric makes me want to take off my hands and put them in the dishwasher, but that the next best thing is touching something else with a radically different texture, and that sometimes this makes me Weird in stores.

"Do you have a rock?" they asked, and then looked sort of embarrassed. "Or--not necessarily a rock, just, like--"

"Yeah, of course I have a rock," I said, and took my rock out of my pocket.

With relief, they said, "Oh, good. Me, too," and presented their own rock.

[council-of-beetroot]

"Kill them with kindness" wrong. 10 PLAGUES OF EGYPT!🩸🩸🩸🐸🐸🐸🪰🪰🪰🐅🐅🐅🐂🐂🐂🥵🥵🥵⛈️⛈️⛈️ 🦗🦗🦗 🌑🌑🌑🪦🪦🪦

[sunforgrace]

me burning the candle at both ends: oobh i got plany off wick

[squishytoebeanz]

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

A THIRD DISTANCE. check it out on Substack

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

comments like this are what keep me posting online

[gayvampyr]

stop that’s so funny

[cpericardium]

[kivanos]

[tpwrtrmnky]

i hope you all realize that literally nobody is going around forcefemming cis men in real life, right? like that is Not A Thing that is happening. everyone who posts forcefem jokes on tumblr is well aware that doing that would be. you know. a crime. it's barely even legal to consentfem trans women in a lot of places.

[tpwrtrmnky]

you also have to realize that to a lot of trans girl eggs out there, finding out that the forcefemmer isn't real hurts as much as learning the truth about Santa.

[lesbianlongsword]

What about Santa.

[tpwrtrmnky]

Santa... posted some problematic tweets in 2017 that really highlighted that his "naughty or nice" framework has some serious anglocentric biases.

[fraseris]

no matter how bad things are going at least you aren't watching instagram reels right now

[makingimages]

Have sex with books, Be Pregnant with knowledge and give birth to success❤️

[pussyronin-deactivated20260120]

Truly animals are some of the most numerous creatures of earth

[flipchild]

Count em

[pussyronin-deactivated20260120]

Well first of all there's this guy

[abonethrownfromthevoid]

Losing my mind over this

[softservewidow]

Never forget these two queens putting on the most showstopping tiktok of all time

[thasmentoilnessluvx]

I say “yourrr fuckin insanee” every day.

[deathgasmic]

i will not lie, friends in my phone, i have been imagining affection from time to time

[deathgasmic]

[oneheadtoanother]

[the-clapping-smiling-pig]

oooooh. ok

[nostalgebraist]

If Pikachu were real, it would not be a very pleasant animal. An enormous mouse that shocks you like an electric eel. I would run from these beasts

[transmortifried]

[gayemo]

I cannot get over the assassination happening while I was trying to get coverage for my testosterone. Imagine going into the pharmacy all excited to get your first ever testosterone prescription but find out it costs 800$ out of pocket for a three month supply and UHC won't cover it. So then you wait for your provider to get back to you about changing your prescription for an entire week and a half, and during that wait someone just. goes and fucking murders the CEO of your insurance company. Like they just kill him on the street. They had so much calculated hatred for this guy that they even engraved each bullet that hit him. Then, as if the heavens themselves opened up entirely to watch brian thompson descend into hell, your testosterone is ready two days later for pickup, and only costs 10 delicious dollars.

[afloweroutofstone]