Sharks Keep Moving

A mixed bag of thoughts, words, images, and ideas that either occurred to me or inspired me.

[sharks-keep-moving]

all at once I must

realize that those scars are

still open wounds

forever never

knowing whether I am right

or just triggered

over something so

miniscule, I tell myself

but isn't that it?

if it was such a

small thing why insist so hard

unless it matters

and if it matters

what's he really hiding

under the small lie

all at once I am

back in that car as my dad

hurls his offensives

another word and

I'm hearing her say again

that it's all my fault

I snap to today

and I ask myself again

whether it matters

but I made myself

a promise that no one would

ever convince me

never again will

I allow myself to be

blinded to the truth

no matter how small,

I can never again be

at peace with a lie

[sharks-keep-moving]

I think the worst part about anxiety and trauma is never knowing if I'm overreacting or if my feelings are justified. Even when I believe so strongly that my feelings are valid, there's still this little voice that says "you're the problem." I'm terrified it might be right. Because I don't feel right.

[sharks-keep-moving]

Even when I cannot see her,

I could never forget just

how lovely the moon is.

She's like the mother

I deserved but

never got to have.

She listens, patiently and

judgment-free, whether or not

I deserve judgment.

To her, I can say

anything, feel anything,

want anything, be anything.

She is the only being who

listens and loves, both

completely unconditionally.

[sharks-keep-moving]

Someone told me I

should be more traumatized.

Not sure what to think.

The feeling that things

were abnormal can't compare

to the ache I feel

when I remember

I'm not appreciated

for being myself

at least not by the

people who should be the most

proud of what I've done.

I went left at a

fork where I was expected

to go right instead.

I didn't know then

that it was a one-way road.

Would I still have gone?

I know it's foolish

to dwell on what might have been,

but it's hard not to.

Will this get any

easier, or is this just

what I should expect?

The trend of the past

three decades really doesn't

bode well for the next.

[sharks-keep-moving]

Nerves on nerves on nerves on nerves.

[sharks-keep-moving]

Nothing ever changes

[books-n-quotes]

“I will be stronger than my sadness.”

— Jasmine Warga, My Heart and Other Black Holes (via books-n-quotes)

[sharks-keep-moving]

If I wanted to spell everything out all the time, I'd have become a kindergarten teacher

[sharks-keep-moving]

I put on a front

Pretend that nothing you say

Matters much to me

Reality is

I overthink every

Little thing they say

Maybe it's me

And I'm the court jester or

Maybe you're the joke.

[books-n-quotes]

“I feel like I’ve swallowed a cloudy sky.”

— Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart

[vacantinkandprettypink-deactiva]

“I feel like I spend my life apologizing for things I cannot change. I am burdened by thoughts of inadequacy, of fears of falling short of what others might want me to be, and I’m sorry for that.”

— V.I.P.P.

[sharks-keep-moving]

I know I'm making it worse.

Walking away.

Saying nothing.

Refusing to even

acknowledge your existence.

This is the only way

I know how

to process the

way you cut me to the

core with your words.

Did you feel it

when you sliced right

through me?

I doubt it because

you're not here.

[sharks-keep-moving]

I was trying to convey something.

A thought, a feeling I've been harboring

that I haven't been able to put into words.

I stumbled over myself because

I cared too much about it.

It sounded too stupid to say out loud.

"Just spit it out."

If only it were that easy.

I want to spit it out, but

you shoved my words

right back down my throat.

[sharks-keep-moving]

[sharks-keep-moving]

Perception versus reality

[sharks-keep-moving]

Confessions to the moon

The moon greets me each

night like an old friend.

I can say things to her that,

to someone else,

would sound absurd.

I spill my heart to her

like a confession.

No ears to hear,

my thoughts are hers alone.

[captain-acab]

Coming out as a slave, and imma join the jedi

gotta make qui-gonn proud, because i’m way too old

it was only a sith, how did it end up like this

it was only a sith, it was only a sith

now she woke from her sleep

and i’m catching a cab

but my lead’s up in smoke

and she’s taking a stand

now mace windu is dead

im becoming a sith

and a hood’s on my head

but she’s clutching her neck, now

he takes off his dress, now

“we were bros”

i just got cooked, it’s killing me

i can’t feel my toes…

JEAAALOUSY, turned me into a machine

killing off all the jedi, choking out those who survive

but it’s just the PRICE I PAY, DESTINY IS ALL I SEEK

TAKE AWAY THIS REBEL SPYYY

‘CAUSE I’M MR. DARK SIDE

[sharks-keep-moving]

Dead.