The Rain, the Park, and Other Things

Just a messy bitch tryna get by

[thefriendlypigeon]

🩷💙 N E O N N I G H T S 💙🩷

⭐[my social media links]

[shawarmachameleon]

I feel about Destiel shippers the same way I feel about men— there are plenty that are absolutely wonderful people, but enough of them have been the bane of my existence that any new person I meet in that category is already on thin ice

[shawarmachameleon]

My mom: “I don’t understand why you don’t answer my calls anymore :( “

Also my mom, fifteen minutes into agreeing to hang out with her: “I was talking to this guy and he was into the same weird, stupid things you’re into!”

[shawarmachameleon]

I miss the person I thought my mom was

[shawarmachameleon]

If you’re pro-ICE you’re a bad person, period.

Full stop, no caveats. You’re a bad person.

There is no lawful, just society that should tolerate a secret masked police whisking people away because they may or may not have committed a crime.

[shawarmachameleon]

I am so fucking tired of this wave of “if they are inconsistent about texting/are slow to text back, just drop them as a friend because they hate you/they aren’t a good person”

I have 209 unread text messages. 37 unread discord notifications. 20+ unread insta DMs. God only knows how many emails I have— it’s easily over 10,000. On top of that,my phone has also been sporadically not receiving texts/calls/notifications, so this is actually an underestimate of the number of people that have reached out to me.

In my personal life, my mother is sick and my father’s health is starting to decline. I own/run a business as well as work as the main doctor in it— the business was dysfunctional as hell when I inherited it from my dad, so I’m trying to undo 30 years of mismanagement (and being fought the entire time while doing it). I’m on two professional boards as well as serving as a delegate to a national organization of my profession.

To add icing on the cake, my fuck ass country is full of fucking Nazis and pedophiles and they just fucking invaded another country. My rights, as well as the rights of people I love, are at stake.

All of this on top of the fact I have ADHD, anxiety, and depression, and the depression is currently the worst it has been since I started receiving treatment for it.

In a word, I am completely and utterly overwhelmed right now. I am barely hanging on by a thread.

If you’re one of those people who are pushing that narrative that if someone doesn’t text back quickly, they’re bad people, I have one thing to say to you:

Fuck you.

[shawarmachameleon]

I love that I’m basically eating zero of my trigger foods and I’m STILL having flares

Like OK!! Great.

[shawarmachameleon]

I know who I am. I know what I am. And I’m no longer running. I’m no longer dimming my own light because others may not appreciate or like it.

I’m no longer apologizing for being me.

[shawarmachameleon]

Yesterday was my first real EMDR session, so I had to discuss my “trigger events” (aka the traumatic moments I want to work on). After I went through all of it, she paused and said “So what I’m hearing is that you’ve never felt good enough because from the time you were little every time you tried to express yourself or even just tried to exist you were shut down and either explicitly or implicitly told you were worthless” and I just

Miss girl clocked my shit EXPEDITIOUSLY

[shawarmachameleon]

I had one session before this that was the “getting to know you” session where she introduced herself, explained the science behind EMDR, etc,. In that one she also asked for a run down of what I was working on, and after I told her the cliff notes about literally everything traumatic that has ever happened in my life, she sat there stunned for a second and then was like “… how did you manage to get where you are after all of that?”

[shawarmachameleon]

Yesterday was my first real EMDR session, so I had to discuss my “trigger events” (aka the traumatic moments I want to work on). After I went through all of it, she paused and said “So what I’m hearing is that you’ve never felt good enough because from the time you were little every time you tried to express yourself or even just tried to exist you were shut down and either explicitly or implicitly told you were worthless” and I just

Miss girl clocked my shit EXPEDITIOUSLY

[shawarmachameleon]

Some bitch that I have blocked on everything just texted me… this is like the third person I’ve had blocked that somehow figured out a way around it

How the fuck do these people keep bypassing it?? 😭

[shawarmachameleon]

She’s pregnant LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[sandersstudies]

Me: Okay improv class somebody give me an occupation. :)

Class: Dentist!

Me: okay, so in this scene you are going to be a dentist. :)

Child 1: WHY DID YOU STEAL MY TEETH!

Child 2, on the floor, sobbing: I’m so sorry! I sold them on the dark web. I’m in so much debt from medical college.

[shawarmachameleon]

I know I’ve made considerable progress with my mental health because I’ve been randomly texting the people I love when I think about them and so far I haven’t gotten one concerned phone call LMAO

[hellscupboards]

this is how that went in the show right

[hellscupboards]

Matt's little :] to hide the barely contained violence and rage and grief that's vibrating under his skin at a frequency that would register on a richter scale is everything to me actually

[bipolarapostate]

Some of you do not understand what it means that Dean was parentified. Because, no, it does not mean that Dean was a good parent. He wasn’t. Not because he wasn’t a good kid who did wonderful and selfless things for Sam, but because young kids cannot be good parents. Categorically. We even see this in the show! Sam asks Dean, politely, softly why they never talk about mom and Dean yells at him and towers over him threateningly before storming out, leaving Sam alone on christmas eve.

And that’s so understandable and not even a little bit something Dean should ever be blamed for, but it is also blatantly not how a good parent would act. If we had seen John do that, we would call it abusive, no question asked. Parentification isn’t just done to the oldest kid; it is abusive towards both of them. Dean deserved to be allowed to act like the kid he was, and Sam deserved an actual parent as a caretaker, not another abused child.

[bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky]

Charlie Kirk literally said he was anti empathy so I am respecting his wishes by not feeling bad for him