how do you stop caring about this ;;

i deal with things in the moment, i make the BEST decisions i can sometimes i'm RIGHT sometimes i'm WRONG and i accept that knowing i did the BEST i can to protect this city i have my own CONVICTIONS and i don't give a damn what anybody thinks of them

[iliedtoo]

[shaytorres-blog]

mishahue:

“You and I… are close,” so much for stating the obvious, O’Donoghue. “I thought it was only logical to apologize for being a dick, but I guess I got that one WRONG.” Her understanding of the spectrum of human emotions was small; she’s been taught that being open about the way she felt wasn’t the smartest, so she could only blame her parents on that one. In a way, she was supposed to focus on becoming a some kind of emotionless robot, made for active duty, and that didn’t exactly bother her as much as her father thought it would – that kind of went well with this entire ‘not having a proper childhood’-thing, as well. But, it wasn’t something Shay needed to know, now, did she? At least she didn’t need to hear about this now. “I actually prefer to PUNCH inanimate objects such as boxing bags and what-have-yous, really,” she stated. “I’m not the ‘flip the table’ kinda gal – it would only cause a scene and God only knows I HATE when people look at me when I do just about anything.” Now, she didn’t mean to make herself seem like she had some kind of anger issues, except that she probably did, but that was definitely the second thing someone could notice about the agent. She figured that releasing the anger and other possible emotions through sports would do her some good, and so far, it worked fairly well for her. “I ‘preciate it. If anything – I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU, too.” Friends reference? REALLY? Just as if she couldn’t hate herself any more, she said some cheesy shit like that. “I see – guess we can cross that idea off from the non-existent list, no?”

There she goes again. The same expression – raised eyebrow and a look full of concern. Misha had no idea what exactly she should expect, or what to say in a moment like this. She opted for a small frown as she listened to whatever else Shay might want to say about this. When she was met with silence, she managed to take a deep breath, not even reacting to her friend taking her sunglasses and putting them on. “You’re coming over tonight,” and no, it wasn’t even a suggestion – more like a statement, of some kind. “— but maybe if I knew how to keep my mouth shut, regular people would finally stop being so AFRAID of me, y’know? Ya’ girl needs some new friends.”

“Yeah... I guess we are,” Shay nodded in agreement. She hadn’t entirely noticed such a fact before, but she had been spending A LOT of time with Michelle out of work hours whether it be in a bar drinking after their shifts or afternoon coffee breaks. It had UNCONSCIOUSLY become quite the norm, so the other pointing it out was quite the pleasant surprise. It was... nice to know that she had someone that called themselves a close friend. It was COMFORTING, especially these days with everything going on in her life. “No, it IS logical to apologise for being a dick to something, but the whole point of being close to someone is that you DON’T have to do that. At least, that’s what I was led to believe. The other is just supposed to know where the line is and understand why it’s been crossed. Besides, no one should have to apologise for being angry at being hurt. I wouldn’t expect you to, either.” Michelle’s lack of knowledge about this kind of stuff was understandable, and Shay almost envied her for it. Almost. Now, more than ever, she had been wondering what it would be like to go day by day and just... NOT CARE. She supposed that was why she drank -- well, ONE of the many reasons why, at least. The whole caring profusely about something was draining, and it had been slowly eating away at the woman until she felt like she was just a walking talking shell. Surely there was something in not caring at all. It would make things easier, that was for sure. “Okay, then. That’s... good to know,” the detective nodded. “Next time you feel like hulking out call me and we’ll go to the gym. I’m sure that’ll be more BENEFICIAL than ranting in the middle of a coffee shop.” That, and well, maybe Shay wanted to punch something, too. “Punch bag it is,” she almost managed a chuckle. When the other said she would be there, Shay’s lips twitched. She didn’t quite get the reference, but the sentiment was appreciated regardless. “Sure. Let’s do that.”

After what seemed like an eternity, Shay finally decided to give up on the coffee that had long been stale. She pushed her chair out and stood up, dropping a few bills onto the table before grabbing her jacket off the back of the chair, sullen eyes still HIDDEN behind Michelle’s sunglasses. She didn’t even question the invite that was randomly thrown at her. Instead, she chose to APPRECIATE THE GESTURE and accept it with a slight nod of her head. “I’ll bring the beers, I guess,” she then spoke. Besides, it gave her an excuse to not go back to an EMPTY HOME now that her fiance was no more. “There’s nothing wrong with old friends. I generally just talk to the same people over and over again, and I don’t see the problem with that. Familiarity is fine.” Safe, even. It meant that those she chose to put her faith in could be trusted, and that was how Shay preferred it. “People should just learn to appreciate the honesty, and if they can’t then, well... tell them to fuck off. SIMPLE AS THAT.” True friends would see through that, anyway.

[shaytorres-blog]

mishahue:

Michelle wasn’t sure whether it was stress that caused her arrogance, or it was something else, but if there was one thing she knew, it was the fact that she needed to calm herself down if she didn’t want to end up being alone in this place, or in general. Sometimes, her own thoughts become a little bit more than just overwhelming and everything just seems to annoy her. “Right,” she stood corrected, keeping anything else to herself. There was basically no need to keep on droning about their misfortunes and who’s had it worse, because that wasn’t something they should even think of mentioning. The scars that marked their bodies weren’t as important as focusing on catching the person who caused the hurt in the first place. “— shit, okay. Look, Shay… I’m sorry, yeah?” Did this sound sincere enough? She wouldn’t know. There’s been only a handful of times she used those words before and actually meant them. And this time around, she did. “I know blaming this on a rough week won’t cut it, but let’s just say I’ve had enough of it already and never mention it again, deal?” Misha suggested, squaring her shoulders as her fists finally unclenched and her hands were resting flat on her sides. “Other people probably haven’t heard it, so you might as well just steal them and make them your own, I’m sure no one will mind,” she replied, matter of factly. “So… get the business going.”

Was it worth mentioning that Misha did end up noticing the shift in the other’s behaviour once the topic derailed from one to another? It was probably safer not to mention anything, so she simply arched her right eyebrow upwards, trying to play it off as something not-so concerning to her. “Guess so, YES,” the agent chimed in, shrugging ever so lightly. “Someone might be actually worried you’re not getting enough sleep or you’ve thrown yourself into work and stopped giving a shit about your own health.” And who that SOMEONE could be, exactly? Her gaze drifted to Shay’s hand and then right back at the woman’s face – and then it finally CLICKED. “— it’s not something I can be proud of, but it’s not my fault that it just comes out naturally when people are being cunts, alright? I am slowly working on keeping my mouth shut, but I don’t see this happening in any time soon.”

“You don’t have to apologise to me,” Shay pointed out with an arched brow. Her ENTIRE LIFE had revolved around law enforcement and everything that came with it, and that included injuries and how they affected each and every cop that she had come across. Some would internalise, some would take their pain out on others, and some would drown the pain out with whatever was strongest -- and for Shay, her coping method was alcohol. For Michelle, it seemed, hers seemed to be taking it out on those she spoke to. Shay UNDERSTOOD that, and she wasn’t going to seek an apology for the way someone coped, much less seek an apology from an agent. “You’re talking to someone who understands the whole shit that comes with this, so have at it. Flip the table for all I care, just don’t take it out on me when I’m the one WILLING to stick around while the shit sticks to the fan, okay?” She gave the other a look then attempted to relax back in her chair. “In our line of work, having a ROUGH WEEK is a perfectly acceptable excuse.” The detective ran a hand through her hair again and rolled her shoulders, attempting to remove the tension with a shift from side to side, though nothing seemed to work so the brunette gave up and shielded her eyes from the sun instead so that she could focus on the other better. “I’m not one for MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES, I generally leave that to my partner or some other sod in the office,” she shrugged. “I’m more of an awkward pat on the shoulder kind of girl.”

“I guess they’d be worrying about the RIGHT THING, then,” Shay retorted. She then pushed herself forward and grabbed the other’s sunglasses that had been removed and slid them onto her own face, hiding the tiredness behind a screen of black so that she could appear a little more normal than she had moments before. Still not saying anything about the missing ring, the detective took a short sip of her coffee... then another, filling the silence with an activity to keep herself busy, though the comforting taste was now LONG GONE with the heat it once held. “--- No one’s asked you to keep your mouth shut, O’Donoghue.” At least, no one PRESENT had.

[dangdfeng]

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[shaytorres-blog]

lucacostanzo:

Luca’s hands wrapped TIGHTLY around the mug as though she were afraid Shay might try to snatch it away from her hands, then lifted it to blow on the steaming black liquid, sighing in relief. “Smells like LIFE,” she added, taking a tentative sip of coffee, sighing again, contentedly this time, as the caffeine made its way into her system. “It’s sad that you don’t seem to mind,” she rephrased herself, shoulders heaving up and down as she shrugged. “I’m not someone who loves hard, you know? I’m not someone who has time for relationships, or ever put effort into a relationship before, but I do mind. I know I don’t need someone to love me to get through my day, but I WANT it.” She froze with the mug halfway to her lips. “— damn, this got deep real fast.”

“I bet it does,” Shay almost managed a chuckle. She was already MISSING THE WARMTH that the cup had offered her hands, but it was easier to just hand it over than continue denying the surgeon the substance she needed most -- she had known Luca long enough to know that could only spell disaster down the road. “Maybe,” she shrugged. “I’ve just seen and lived through ENOUGH to know both sides; going without is just as normal as having it.” Her parents had divorced when she was younger, after all. It mostly marred the concept of needing another person for her, but she had tried her best throughout the years to accept what came her way and be happy in it, but she never put all her chips on the same number so to speak. “I get that, I do. I just know that LIFE CONTINUES whether someone loves you or not, and I have to keep moving forward.” Arching a brow at the woman, Shay’s curiosity was rose ever so slightly. “I’m guessing you have someone in your life that kind of fills that void now?” she asked. She hadn’t seen Luca in a while and could only wonder how much she had actually missed. Either way, it kept the focus off herself.

[shaytorres-blog]

mishahue:

“— you say that as if I have NEVER heard that, or… uh… like, been SHOT a couple of times before,” she didn’t necessarily mean to snap at the other woman, but this topic wasn’t exactly her favourite. All these injuries could be fatal, she could’ve been dead several times already. But, Misha was still there – it’s almost like someone up or down there had planned something special for her; she didn’t believe in anything, but if no one could answer her questions, she had to think it was some higher power’s will, or whatever it really was. “Did ya’ ever think of becoming a YODA? You surely sound like one, and some extra cash wouldn’t hurt…”

Misha dramatically took of her sunglasses and then squinted, looking over at Shay, “You look much more dead inside than you usually do – ‘sup with you?” Now, it’s not that she was concerned or anything, the agent just wanted to change the topic to just about anything but herself or work-related. She ran a hand through her hair, removing some strands away from her face and then squared her shoulders. “I am a douchebag even without the glasses, that wouldn’t make that big of a difference, FYI.”

“You’re not the ONLY ONE to be shot in the name of duty,” Shay arched a brow at the woman’s grumpiness. In her line of work, it was pretty much a common thing to be snapped at and, for a while, it was almost a daily thing in Shay’s work life, but when she made detective the snarky comments seemed to take a back seat. At least, it did for a while. Reaching up, Shay pinched the bridge of her nose with her left hand, sighing softly as she waited for the brunette’s minor storm to pass before looking at her once more, hands then returning to the cooling mug of coffee she had been holding before. “Not really, no. Like I said, those were my FATHER’S words so they’re unoriginal and reused when it comes to me,” she shrugged. “But you’re right, the extra cash could do wonders for my days off.” In other words, the detective would be able to afford more alcohol. Whether that was a PRO OR A CON was up for debate.

When the conversation turned from Michelle to Shay, the woman sighed again and shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She now longed for the sunglasses that the other had just removed from her face. The bags under her eyes and the tiredness must’ve been more PROMINENT that she had first thought when leaving the house a few hours ago. “Should I be concerned that people think that I look dead inside...?” she questioned. With one swoop of her left hand, Shay shifted her locks out of her face while trying to subtly show that she no longer wore an engagement ring - saying it out loud was something that she was STILL struggling to do, and quite frankly, she’d rather not. “I figured that out on my own, but it makes me feel a little better knowing that you think of yourself like that. Makes me feel LESS GUILTY when I do.”

[shaytorres-blog]

mishahue:

Yes, Michelle was aware that wearing sunglasses inside was a DOUCHEBAG move, but she would rather do that, instead of being asked about the same thing over and over again. And yet, here she was – being pestered by someone who apparently was just curious as to what happened and why she was looking like she’s been basically driven over by a steamroller.

 “SERIOUSLY, ma’am, it’s just a black eye — it’ll heal in like two or three weeks give or take. It’s nothing you should be concerned about.” she answered, turning her back to the older woman ( frankly, she was guessing, Misha was BAD at this; her age was none of her business, still ) before she could say something else. 

As the other person walked away, Misha could only do so much as shove her hands into the pockets of her jet black jeans and lean against the wall to calm down at least a little bit.

“—— absolutely bloody fuckin’ RIDICULOUS,” she grumbled, mostly to herself. Not being used to having people genuinely care about her sucked, big time. But, in all honesty, who was she to know if the woman was worried, or just nosy, as per usual. “You get injured on the job that ONE time and then THIS shit happens…”

If it hadn’t been for the fact that Michelle had basically ANNOUNCED her injury, Shay wouldn’t have even noticed. She was once again nursing quite the hangover and was barely awake as her head dropped against a closed fist while her other hand cradled a steaming hot of much needed coffee. However, when she realised that the brunette was injured, the detective blinked and snapped herself out of the daze and looked up at the ranting women.

“Part and parcel, as they say,” she shrugged lightly and squinted to get a better look at the woman. “You wear a badge, EXPECT to be roughed up on occasion. It’s simple CAUSE AND EFFECT, really.” An eyebrow arched ever so slightly as she recalled the words that her father had once spoken; words that Shay now found herself repeating to the brunette in front of her. “If you intend to fight for the law you should expect and prepare for it to fight back. The injuries you collect along the way are proof that you’re standing for something that most would run from -- my father used to say that to me,” she shrugged once more.

“Like you said, it’ll disappear in about TWO TO THREE  WEEKS so you can go back to non-douchebag moves like not wearing your sunglasses inside,” the detective lazily smirked before hiding her lips behind her cup of coffee, a small sigh leaving her lips as the liquid proceeded to warm and comfort her aching, hungover frame.

[squishyharold]

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[shaytorres-blog]

luna-gully:

Galaxy had just opened up and most of the aliens were idling around, leaning against the bar and chatting, while some of the more hardworking ones were wiping down tables, getting trays ready. The bartender Vega, however, was running late which left Luna behind the counter instead of back in her office.

The place was already starting to get busy, despite it being just after ten pm, but that was how Luna liked it. A packed nightclub was a successful one. Only one person came up to the bar, though. “You need anything?”

Off duty and incredibly bored, Shay had once again found herself out of the house and in search of alcohol. She wasn’t much of a bar person, choosing to drink in SMALLER PUBS instead, but she had just heard of the club opening and a little recon couldn’t exactly hurt. Besides, alcohol was alcohol regardless of where it was purchased. So, peeling off her jacket as she approached the counter, she dropped it on the beside the one she had just perched herself upon.

Shay observed the surrounding area then settled her eyes upon the woman that seemed too... BUSINESS-LIKE to actually work behind the bar. Still, each to their own she supposed. “Two shots and a whiskey, no ice,” she replied. “You’re the owner, right?”

[dailyactresses]

[shaytorres-blog]

mikecoopcr:

“Took the words RIGHT outta my mouth,” he happened to disagree with the statement, but it would’ve been a CRIME to miss such a perfectly presented opportunity. “But, at least you’ve accepted it; that kinda thing takes GUTS.” A soft laugh escaped, and having hastily collected their coffees, Michael handed the appropriate order over. “Seriously, though. I could REALLY do with being at home in my pyjamas right now. Ignoring society’s restraints by sipping a beer and watching those crappy talk shows that’re ALWAYS on at this time.”

“Asshole,” Shay muttered as eyes narrowed at the blonde male. Another hand swept through her hair and she tucked the strands behind her ears before wrapping two EAGER HANDS around the cup she had been given. “I thought it was common knowledge that I’m all about the guts? Have you not been paying ATTENTION to me these past few years?” she arched a brow as a tentative sip was taken. “That -- that actually sounds entirely tempting. Shall we...?” Shay wasn’t normally one to willingly bypass work for an afternoon of MINDLESS TELEVISION, but with the overtime hours she had been clocking lately her time spent with Michael outwith a working environment had suffered greatly. “I’ve been ORDERED to take a break so this is doable for me. What about you?”

[shaytorres-blog]

charlotteharper:

“—-this is true. i concede,” charlie says with a laugh. “okay, okay, you win this round. once i’m more caffeinated, though, i’m taking another stab at this. there’s gotta be SOMETHING, i just can’t put my finger on it right now.” it would make sense any particularly bad advice isn’t coming to mind, as most of the time it’s being given, both women are extremely DRUNK. charlie has her flaws, just like anyone else, but one of her more prominent ones is that for the life of her, she can never remember anything she does while intoxicated, ESPECIALLY if it’s important.  “that’s the one,” she affirms, drawing a knee up to her chest and letting the sole of her shoe dig into the edge of the chair. charlie remembers that day as well, though she was watching from her tv screen with a half-eaten bowl of cereal rather than from the sidelines. “i don’t blame him, or you for that matter. i think that was a tough day for everyone.” the officer chuckles as shay complains about her grandmother and the weak capabilities of her phone, to which charlie points toward the offending device with her nose crinkled. “i don’t think that phone could handle much of anything, the state it’s in. are you sure it didn’t BELONG to your grandmother? you should really look into getting a new one.” she’s no tech genius, but charlie certainly has a larger affinity for the devices than shay seems to. “who knows? maybe you’ll even make the arrest. imagine all the press conferences you’ll have to deal with after THAT.”

“torres, one. harper, nil,” the detective smirks in triumph as the other CONCEDES to the challenge. “feel free to put it to bed, i’m more than happy with my current win. it’s not like i’m going to hold it against you for the rest of our lives.” then again, this IS shay. she is more than capable of holding such a fact over someone’s head for as long as it might take - or until she gets bored. besides, any fuel that can be added to the ‘wind charlie up’ fire is more than welcome in shay’s opinion. “i’ll be looking forward to your next attempts, then,” she laughs. she picks up the mug once more and she holds it in front of her lips for a moment or two before pressing it to them to take a short sip of the slowly cooling liquid. at this point, she would much prefer to get a new one rather than continue with this one, but that requires effort and, quite frankly, shay is enjoying the catch up with her friend and doesn’t want to be distracted from that - the coffee can wait. “HE LOOKS GOOD,” she comments idly, soft brown hues observing the other as if gauging her reaction. it has been quite a while since they last discussed each of their love lives, and shay just wants to get an insight to how charlie feels. either way, the woman will support the other without hesitation. “i’ve been involved in many press releases, but nothing can compete to one that’s dedicated to the loss of a badge. i’ve been CONVENIENTLY busy every day since. i’d rather not be at another - even if it’s a part of my job.” a part that the detective has made little effort to focus on. “you’re hilarious, honestly,” the detective makes a face. “why do i need a new one when i have this? and, if need be, i have michael’s, too.” she shrugs. “honestly? i don’t want ANY glory from this. none of us do.”

[xobarriers]

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[i-am-roadrunner]

[shaytorres-blog]

charlotteharper:

“well, there was that time just then where you told me i should break the law and beat up the guy trying to have a STARING CONTEST with my ass.” she tries and fails to keep a straight face, before becoming slightly pensive. “but, then again, that’s really only bad when you look at it in terms of the law… GIVE ME A MINUTE. i’m sure i can think of another one.” charlie snickers as shay sinks into her chair a bit, giving a decisive shake of her head before elaborating. “PLEASE. no one’s gotten a second date with me since noah, and before that, it was like… the eighth grade.” is it an exaggeration? probably. is it entirely out of the realm of possibility? not in the slightest. “it’s got my mom on edge, too, and she’s not even in washington state anymore. you know she still calls every day? if i didn’t feel so bad for her, i’d have told her to quit it ages ago. i really thought she’d have gotten it OUT OF HER SYSTEM by now.” the loss of their father had been hard on their whole family, but it had been the most painful for their mother, which charlie knew shay was already aware of. a soft grunt of frustration leaves her lips, and she settles back in her chair. “oh, well. we’ll catch this guy eventually. maybe not TODAY, but we’ll get him.”

“oh please, you would have said THE SAME THING if our places were reversed,” shay shakes her head and laughs. “that is true, but in this instance we’re looking at it as WOMEN so therefore we’re technically within our right to feel such a way when faced with such idiocy -- but sure, go ahead; take a minute. i’m DYING to see what you can’t come up with,” she smirks. though, to be fair, there are probably countless times that shay has offered up advice that isn’t exactly helpful nor... non-violent. it’s not like she has any choice in the matter, however, as she often finds herself speaking without thinking - a trait that she has unfortunately inherited from BOTH parents. still, she and charlotte are still friends so clearly the advice wasn’t too bad. “--- noah? oh, the firefighter? i saw him the other week, actually. i think it was a press meeting or something as the chief of police and the fire chief were being interviewed. i have to say, he didn’t exactly look like he WANTED to be there. though, to be fair, none of us really wanted to be there.” shay still thinks about that day a lot. it isn’t so much the discussion nor questions that has her shaken up, it was more the atmosphere and overwhelming sense of death that has lingered in the air since. no one could break free from it. “your mom cares about you, charlie. that’s what matters and yeah, i can get why it can be so annoying because i’ve been getting texts from my grandmother every other hour ever since i became a detective - which, i might add, was several years ago now. my phone can barely handle it anymore.” which is probably a sign that she should get a new one, but shay isn’t really fond of change. it had taken her long enough to get used to the device she now uses on a daily basis, it’s just DAUNTING to attempt to go through that again. especially when the city is in the middle of a crisis and direct contact is more important than ever. “i have absolutely no doubt in that,” she laughs. “i’m sure it’ll happen.”

[shaytorres-blog]

mishahue:

“— love the HAIR,” Michelle mumbled out. While this didn’t seem like a genuine compliment, she truly did mean it. Many a times she wondered what did Shay have to sacrifice in order to look close to a GREEK GODDESS, even when bloody hungover. “Seriously – HOW THE FUCK, Torres?” She carried on with her little banter, “If that’s how you look like on a BAD day, I seriously am scared for my own heart if I ever see you on an EXTREMELY GOOD day, really.”

Shay could barely stop herself from scrunching up her nose as she squinted at the brunette. Clearly they had CLASHING VIEWS on what was considered to be good or bad. Still, it was APPRECIATED and the smile that stretched Shay’s lips was testament to that. “I literally don’t know? Maybe it’s GENETICS,” she played along despite not entirely agreeing with what was being said. “Well, on a good day I would have a matching outfit that wasn’t from the night before and I would most likely not want to MURDER the sun for being present. I’ll be sure to give you enough forewarning so that your heart won’t suffer.”

[shaytorres-blog]

fircfightcr:

As quiet as usual, the man stood in line to get his ordinary morning coffee. There was something about routine that tickled his brain in the right places, and being in the shop at the same time as the day before made him smoothly pleased. Sloan turned as he noticed Shay speaking to him. “You look the FARTHEST thing from shit, Detective,” he noted firmly. It wasn’t, after all, the first time Sloan had noticed and appreciated the woman’s features, whether it be in work related encounters, or random coffee shop bump-ins like this. “C’mon, you’re functioning pretty well. I wouldn’t have noticed anything had you not brought it up,” he lied, and paused, then deciding to complement his phrase. “Had you not brought it up and had you fixed you hair before leaving wherever you were.” Sloan chuckled softly. As hungover as she looked, Shay was still a gorgeous woman, and running into her first thing after leaving his place in the morning was sure a sight for sore eyes.

“We clearly have DIFFERENT DEFINITIONS of shit, then,” Shay countered with a chuckle. While she waited on her order being made, the detective folded her arms atop of her chest and shifted from foot to foot, the RESTLESSNESS of the previous night’s alcohol intake was still causing her entire system to feel like it was buzzing. “I’m glad you think so, but the pole I shouted at this morning for being in my way would beg to differ.” It was safe to say that the brunette was in no way graceful while suffering through her current state. “I’ll be sure to keep my mouth shut next time,” she laughed and shook her head. Not that she would have much choice in the matter - she ALWAYS seemed to feel like she had to defend how she looked the night after her cutting loose. “But thanks, Walsh. I appreciate the attempt of making me feel a little more HUMAN than I did before.”