honestly, i'm a wolf

The actual for real writing blog of hellalambs. I'm always working on something. Usually two somethings. I write fantasy, modern and otherwise; I dabble in sci-fi. My focus is on queer characters, side-romances, and complicated plots. I go hard on prose. I wish I wrote more sophisticated poetry. I'm going through a period of creative growth right now. My current and past projects can be found in the pages and tags below. Please stay and browse. Feel free to send me any questions.

[sheepnanigans]

vampire stuff

vampires getting super invested in nutrition so they know how to take care of their humans, and then being horrified at what humans will actually consume:

three-day-old coffee

twenty piece chicken nuggets

one (1) granola bar as a meal

their own fingernails

humans lying about what they eat:

“How do pop rocks even work?” “They’re made of tiny larvae that explode when they come into contact with human saliva.” “… That can’t be real.”

the constant exasperated repitions of “human stuff” or “vampire stuff” whenever they don’t understand each other

humans dabbing garlic on their pulse points when they’re pissed

“C’mon, I’m starving, why are you like this?” “Are you sorry?” “Yes” “What’s the magic word, Clarence?” “Please?”

vampires that forget humans are delicate and accidentally hurt them

humans that act like wounded dogs over minor injuries just to watch vampires fall over themselves apologizing

vampires exaggerating time for comedic effect:

“I haven’t heard this song in forty years” “This came out in 2004″ “It’s been forty years. I have aged.” “You literally have not.”

“When was the last time you did any laundry?” “1965″ “Fuck you.”

telling vampires to “go back to your coffin” when they’re grumpy

humans constantly asking “how did they do this in your day?” about every single daily task

vampires who hoard tools and appliances from the time period they most enjoyed

young vampires flipping off the sun and screaming at it about evolution

old vampires who pull their collars up and frown behind their sunglasses

erroneous threats based on abilities no vampire actually has:

“I’m gonna show up to your wedding as a swarm of bats and shit on the cake”

[beckiboos]

BACK THE HELL UP.

WHAT ABSOLUTE MENTALS ARE EATING THIER OWN FINGERNAILS?!?!?

[sheepnanigans]

of all the people who reblogged this, this is the best response

[sheepnanigans]

Me: "I'm obsessed with this song."

Wife: "It reminds me of Bear and Chic."

Me: "Fuck you, now it hurts."

[hellalambs]

All I want is a fandom to send me unsolicited asks about the minute details of my characters’ lives and also to bug me about my creative process.

[hellalambs]

AU ideas:

1950s movie star couple who are in love irl and hiding it from the press

independent authors/comic creators/artists/etc. who attend a lot of the same cons and have been on like eight panels together but have never had a conversation outside that

inanimate object suddenly turned into a human by an inexperienced wizard and now they have to navigate their new life while never quite letting go of the characteristics of their original form

Person A has a crush on Person B and enlists the help of Person C when in comes to wooing. B discovers that A isn’t as smooth as they want to appear but just finds it charming that they asked for help. B and A both fall for the charm of C, who was just trying to get two cuties together but too much of their own feelings into the project

two cursed people trying to break their curses with true loves kiss but they just end up swapping curses when their lips touch

[sheepnanigans]

It’s so difficult to let someone else have the last word and recognize that it’s not because I lost. I was thinking back on that person who got really angry with me over the vampire post, and how frustrating it is to sit back and do nothing, just to avoid further unnecessary conflict. I want to defend myself. I want to hope a productive conversation will happen, and that maybe they won’t do that to other people.

It’s hard when what it boiled down to was a stranger making really bold assumptions about me as a person, beyond this one incident, and even though my kneejerk reaction is to go in guns blazing, I made the decision to leave their response hanging, to not engage, and to try to let it go.

I struggle with that. I struggle with the idea of my name or reputation being tarnished, even if it was some nobody with no real effect on my life.

[sheepnanigans]

vampire stuff

vampires getting super invested in nutrition so they know how to take care of their humans, and then being horrified at what humans will actually consume:

three-day-old coffee

twenty piece chicken nuggets

one (1) granola bar as a meal

their own fingernails

humans lying about what they eat:

“How do pop rocks even work?” “They’re made of tiny larvae that explode when they come into contact with human saliva.” “… That can’t be real.”

the constant exasperated repitions of “human stuff” or “vampire stuff” whenever they don’t understand each other

humans dabbing garlic on their pulse points when they’re pissed

“C’mon, I’m starving, why are you like this?” “Are you sorry?” “Yes” “What’s the magic word, Clarence?” “Please?”

vampires that forget humans are delicate and accidentally hurt them

humans that act like wounded dogs over minor injuries just to watch vampires fall over themselves apologizing

vampires exaggerating time for comedic effect:

“I haven’t heard this song in forty years” “This came out in 2004″ “It’s been forty years. I have aged.” “You literally have not.”

“When was the last time you did any laundry?” “1965″ “Fuck you.”

telling vampires to “go back to your coffin” when they’re grumpy

humans constantly asking “how did they do this in your day?” about every single daily task

vampires who hoard tools and appliances from the time period they most enjoyed

young vampires flipping off the sun and screaming at it about evolution

old vampires who pull their collars up and frown behind their sunglasses

erroneous threats based on abilities no vampire actually has:

“I’m gonna show up to your wedding as a swarm of bats and shit on the cake”

[crisontumblr]

“young vampires flipping off the sun and screaming at it about evolution”

“old vampires who pull their collars up and frown behind their sunglasses”

Hold on, are you implying that newer vampires would eventually develop a lessened or even no reaction at all to sunlight exposure?

Because if so, I am fully on board and would like to discuss the possible ways this might actually develop.

[sheepnanigans]

Heyo! This post is actually not a list of prompts, as it would appear (my mistake) but a list of lore about my writing. Surprise! And yes, my vampires evolve, slowly, and sometimes suddenly. I can take your questions, if you like.

[sheepnanigans]

I’d like to see you in front of a crowd, see them lift their heads for once, see them accepted. I'd like to see them humble you, the way I humble you. I’d like to see your eyes clear, for once; sober, for once. I’d like to hear what poetry you whisper alone in the dark, what songs you could bequeath us, grace us, praise us. When the land shifts and we face the new era, you are the prologue. Show us where to begin.

[sheepnanigans]

The funny thing is, up in Mercymore, being snow-kissed is lucky. The Daingroves had the gene in their family, so maybe it’s a county quirk more than anything else, but I hear it’s the same in Halla, and some hillfolk near the coast treat even the hint of patchy skin as a blessing. When I was young, my parents couldn’t take us anywhere without people fawning over me. A market outing with my mother could take an hour or more for all the well-meaning ladies who wanted to touch my hair. You’d think it’s enough to be born lucky, but I spent most of my life having more luck wished on me.

Needless to say, it was a shocking coming south and suddenly meeting people who whisper behind their hands when I pass by, the kind of pointed glances and ugly stares that would suggest I willingly go around looking like this, just to offend their sensitivities. One woman spat on me when I asked for directions. I showed up in Tourmalina as country green and stuck up as was possible to be, and it wasn’t just my colorless skin and yellow hair that people took offense to. Most men who join the military aren’t born scholars. Some have to learn the Gospel from the ground up. Not a one of them appreciated my ability to recite all eleven daily sequences with nary a pause or stutter.

You could say, it wasn’t a huge shock when they started calling me “Goldie.” I probably deserved it.

[wickedlittlecritta]

“Don’t tell me how to eat my gay sushi,” Finn said.

Raphael unwrapped his chopsticks and leaned over to see what Finn was working on. “A bridge troll permit? That’s an interesting career move. I support you. You’ll be a great bridge troll.”

“Thanks. Eat your gay sushi and stop bothering me.”

“Bothering you is one of my eighteen jobs,” Raphael protested, eating a roll.

[sheepnanigans]

I don't know what this is but I like it

[sheepnanigans]

There is something about him that reminds her of a dry lake bed, of when the neighborhood drained their pools to cope with the drought, and backyards all down the road turned brown, with gaping concrete pits in twisted shapes full of mold and dead moss. She wonders what Bear's heart looks like, if it's as pitted as his face, if it can grow anything anymore. The light in the bar is pink and she can see the edge of every one of his scars. She can see the cracks in his lips when he swallows.

"How drunk are you planning on getting?" She asks.

Bear doesn't react.

"I just want to know, in case I have to carry you out of here."

"You can't," he says. Luli frowns.

"Excuse me?"

"Too skinny." He shrugs, takes another drink, pours another glass.

Luli folds her arms before she realizes how childish it appears. She leaves her hands on the tabletop instead, and eyes Bear for signs of jest. His sparse expression remains the same. She waits to see if there will be anything like conversation, but Bear is more interested in watching the other customers than paying Luli any attention.

[sheepnanigans]

Consider the first time your mother handed you a knife Consider the jackrabbits Remember that even as you watched memorizing the angle of her blade and the tension in her grip you prayed for them

There is only one prayer for the dead and you spoke it well over children plucked from wombs like flowers out of soil over birds that died trapped in a chimney over chickens that bled out upside down above the garden bed

Consider the day you made him a promise Consider the look in his eyes He never asks for anything He does not care for the skills your mother taught you Consider that hands are made for more than stripping flesh from bones

There is a touch of grass at your wrist, where he wove nature into prayer; marriage; union One day, girl, the distance will vanish

[sheepnanigans]

Newsletter

Let’s try this, shall we?

I think I’ll be more likely to share secret things and world building this way. So, sign up for sporadic updates. I will probably keep this a pretty small group, being only friends and mutuals, or at least people I’ve interacted with before. Please don’t be upset if you sign up and then I remove you from the list.

For now I have no comment on how active this blog will be. But hey, it can’t get much less active than it is now, am I right?

[sheepnanigans]

I’m sending out the first email today, so if you’re not subscribed, now is the time!

[sheepnanigans]

Newsletter

Let’s try this, shall we?

I think I’ll be more likely to share secret things and world building this way. So, sign up for sporadic updates. I will probably keep this a pretty small group, being only friends and mutuals, or at least people I’ve interacted with before. Please don’t be upset if you sign up and then I remove you from the list.

For now I have no comment on how active this blog will be. But hey, it can’t get much less active than it is now, am I right?

[hellalambs]

A complete list of Jack’s near-death experiences

asphyxiation at birth

nearly pulling a pan of boiling water off the stove as a toddler

mugged as a teenager

mild heroin overdose

nearly walked in front of a bus

another heroin overdose

shot in the stomach his first day as a dandy

motorcycle accident

[sheepnanigans]

I forgot I made this post and it’s fucking hilarious okay. I’m still laughing about all the times Anza almost, but never did get to reap Jack’s soul, and then they become quasi-friends and during his last near-death experience, Anza is just glaring at him in the ambulance going, ‘don’t you dare, you reckless son of a bitch, don’t you dare make me do this now, when I’ve started to care.’

[sheepnanigans]

I am seriously considering starting up a newsletter for this blog. I’ve had one going for my main blog for several months now and I think it’s gone well. It helps me stay contacted with friends in a low-impact way. I’m not convinced that it would fulfill the same function for a writing blog as posting on tumblr, but at the same time, I’m not convinced tumblr is the best place to post my work. I find myself becoming bitter and frustrated with the way this website works, especially within the writing community, if there is such a thing.

A newsletter would let me share more, without fear of theft, and it would also let me share larger chunks of writing without the hassle of read mores. People subscribed would still be able to pass by things they aren’t interested in, and reply functions would let you leave comments in a cleaner way than reblogging or replying to a tumblr post.

I’m not sure I would use a newsletter more often, but I think it would help me feel less nervous about passing things around. I’d have more control over who is seeing what.

Anyway. If anyone would be willing to follow me to a different venue, I’ll probably go ahead and do it. But I don’t want to if it means losing readers. What are your thoughts?

[sheepnanigans]

Honestly, truly, so mad at myself for making that post about vampires. All the people reblogging it and slapping their own tags on it are completely missing vital context that I didn’t think it was necessary to include because I didn’t think anyone but my friends would see it. And I do not appreciate seeing vore-related, bdsm-related, or otherkin-related tags applied to my canon. I don’t like seeing my canon approached and treated like general ideas about vampire lore when it isn’t. I wish I had not made that post. It makes me second guess making any posts like that in future. And the worst part is that no one who reblogged it is going to know that it’s specific to my writing, or how bothered I am.

[sheepnanigans]

Hi so I rbed you're post about the vampire stuff and I'm about to delete it bc I found out youve been asking people to not rb but why don't you just edit your post and add that it's not just hcs and that it's your original work?

Hey thanks! I appreciate it. At this point, the original post has gotten so many reblogs that I don’t think editing it would do much good. I’ve made other posts and have been trying to spread them around, but I think it’s gone beyond my ability to reign in at this point. I really do appreciate anyone spreading the word and helping me try to slow the popularity of the post. I’ve learned my lesson and will make it very explicitly clear in any future posts I make.