Mmm listing some QUIRKY CUTE ADORABLE TOTTALY WEIRD things I do /j
-air finger writing, pretending the words are there
-chewing on shirts, headphones, and my fingernails
-making mouth sounds for no particular reason other than the urge to feel some sensation
-being a total whiny brat but also being kind and caring and wanting everything to be okay
-feeling gender envy for skullboy from ruby gloom and kind of kinning him
-wanting to get more muscular but having no incentive from outside sources to do so
-used to make extremely gore filled and triggering art when I was like 8-9 to “get the bad feelings out before they could come”
-being upset that my dad came back because I can’t make “my dad left” jokes anymore
-getting upset and annoyed when people are people around me and wanting to tell them to stop
-anger issues followed by extreme guilt and apologies
-slowly getting more childish in behavior because I felt like I always had to be mature and handle things like an adult should
-wanting the boob choppy choppy, deep voice, thicker and darker body hair, more body hair, masculine clothes, and slowly dropping hints to my family about these things very obviously
-thinking I liked to be more feminine and then finding out I only liked the way I looked because I thought I was hot like how I think girls are hot, and then realizing that I never felt like myself that way and I liked it because I liked girls and thought that feeling that way about myself in a dress was totally normal and not strange in the slightest. Like I just dissociated from myself and thought I was attractive like you find other people attractive but still being like “cute, that’s not me though”
-laying in bed and thinking about how much I just want a girlfriend to like- hold hands with and talk with
-my hygiene is absolute ass cheeks and it frightens me that I could go months without self care because I don’t find it important, and I need outside sources (my family) to tell me to to verify that it is important to somebody
So yeah, giant ass post about me, might do more because I’m self absorbed and need to vent about everything about me to the void
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
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