I have reason for why I am the way I am. I have a journal that dates all the way back to July 2015, boy the memories from this old worn out "life is art live it in color" book. It has some good stories honestly, but they feel like a nuse that has been tied around my neck for so many years that hasn't killed me yet. These stories are torching, critical, self hurt, jealousy of others, hate for myself. I was only 16 at the time but it's not like that's when I first started to think those types of things. Self harm doesn't really ever come into play anymore but the thoughts about how life still continues to go down hill and not have any sort of up hill yet boggles me. I have friend moving forward in their life, getting married, having babies, moving away, going to college, actually doing something with them selfs. But over here I sit in mine and my moms apartment, in my room writing, winding what good that's going to do. Trying to figure out how i can move forward just like everyone else. There's something pulling on my chest as if It was being hitched then towed by a big truck. And I have no control over it. Medication can help with ambition? Well doctors seem to think so. So since you have to take em, why not make your self believe they are giving you the ambition to go forward in life?
