Shelbs

~•Virgo•~

[walterbuller]

my biggest dream is to calm down

[lejacquelope]

[chocolatehighhh]

Please reblog this every time you see it

[qlexie]

“hey do you want the rest of my-“

[50shadesofyodaddysdick]

crush: why are you texting me its 3 in the morning?

me:

[cutemutant-deactivated20151226]

“you only started liking it cause everyone else did”

well yeah

everyone was talking about it

i got curious

i watched it

and i liked it

how is that a bad thing

[daily-showerthoughts]

You know the education system is bad when staying in school longer is a punishment

[daily-showerthoughts]

FedEx can get a can of corn from Nebraska to California faster than the human body can get it from one end to the other.

[sandandglass]

[hotboyproblems]

Anxiety: THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!!

Me: What is too much?

Anxiety: THIS

Me: I am literally sitting at home doing nothing. My only obligation this evening is to take out the trash. Work went well today. What exactly is the problem????

Anxiety: EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING ALL AT ONCE

Me: But nothing is happening?

Anxiety: TOO MUCH

[saythefisherman]

It’s like two people who don’t exist are interacting

[oysters-aint-for-me]

this is a video of two people who accidentally find out that they’re both extraterrestrials after they realize they speak the same language unheard anywhere on earth and jimmy fallon realizes what is happening and he tries to put a stop to it because if the government finds out about it they’ll kill all three of them

[itsjustaplantman-blog]

[lastsonlost]

upgrade 

[hotboyproblems]

*hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life

*gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I'm blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child

*heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is

*a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone

*taking a test*: don't take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing

*gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents

*tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me

*period is late*: shit i'm pregnant i'm the next virgin mary

[relatablepoetryandquotes]

via @extramadness

[pansoph]

for chinese new year they get all these famous actors and comedians together and they do a lil show and one of the comedians was like “i was in a hotel in america once and there was a mouse in my room so i called reception except i forgot the english word for mouse so instead i said ‘you know tom and jerry? jerry is here’

[beefmilkthings]

jerry is here

[eruriholic]

my chinese teacher once shared this story in class about someone who went to the grocery to buy chicken, but they forgot the english word for it, so they grabbed an egg, went to the nearest sales lady and said “where’s the mother”

[skarchomp]

i don’t remember making this

[rave-lord-nito]

Only logical addition

[caydebug]

[adzolotl]

you call it “really bad at darts”, I call it freestyle acupuncture

[yutoube-deactivated20131225]

not even a third wheel cause i dont have two friends