so_impressed

Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave their home, and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons. Im just a girl that goes by shelby. im a hair designer. these are my passions.thoughts.music.friends.interests.desires.

[shelsten]

OUT OF MY HEAD

It was just as if she was bit by a zombie right in her gut. ‘like carl was’  We couldn’t simply just cut off her arm to stop the dis-ease from spreading right where it started. And It spread like wildfire. Shock. Her organs resisted. Resuscitation. This insidious malady. Eating away at her. Killing every single fucking tiny fragment of her that it touched. Turning her insides black as night. Carving. Hacking. Slicing. At the skin of her entire stomach. Down her leg. Up her back. All the way down to the facia layer to try to save her. To TRY.. and I thought we had a chance.  No body wants to live after that. NOBODY.

[shelsten]

I'v basically been just, living.

Looking forward, but kind of blind to the whole process all the while. I'm not entirely sure why I put up with some of my past. Or why I let certain things last so long, and why I was so resilient to seeing how awful and unhealthy it all so quickly became. But then again, the whole time deep down, I was knowingly preparing myself inside my guts.

This was the longest I went without being in a relationship. Not to say I haven't been on dates. but, no commitment. I just couldn't.I didn't want to. Not because of you. screw you. but because. Everyone I met was just so. Boring. I came to notice how I just am SOO sick of 'liking' people. I wanted to meet someone who I could respect. 

I thought I was going to be so hurt by you. But realizing the insanely cruel shit you put me through. Blinding me with your arrogance. I just felt numb. 

And then.

I decided to surround myself with people who inspired me.  People that challenged me to rise higher. People that made me better. Why would I waste valuable time with people that are not adding to my growth? My destiny is just too important. 

I could no longer unpack and live in place where I was at my most weak.

And i just felt.

Free.

Lonely, but alive. and it was good. I'd never been placed in a position of that kind before.

But it was SO good.

And heres the kicker..

Its amazing how theres people that always pop into my life and say a few words to me every now and then...that mean so fucking much to me. And it seems to always happen when I need it the most.

But. 

I will wait.

and I will tell my honest truths and opinions, on love. and life. and what I require to survive.

and only time will tell.

[gosh]

It is easy to love people in memory; the hard thing is to love them when they are there in front of you.

John Updike, My Father’s Tears and Other Stories (via teenager90s)

[explore-blog]

The most important thing to develop in human beings is a sense of love, and an understanding of unconditional love. I’m not talking about the love towards a specific person, but love in a general sense; for life, for the planet, for purely existing. We completely forget how temporary we are. From the moment we are born, we are closer to death — and death can happen anytime, anywhere, unexpectedly… This uncertainty should make our lives more beautiful, appreciated and rich, but we forget this — and instead, we spend our time on bullshit. We spend our time wasting time instead of understanding our purpose on the planet.

A conversation with Marina Abramović.

Also see Alan Lightman on finding assurance in our impermanence, Alan Watts on becoming who you really are, and some thoughts on how to find your purpose.

(via explore-blog)

[aseaofquotes]

[sonofdust-deactivated20150620]

lovely

[kapn-q]

This is relevant as my 25th is coming up.

[gosh]

[coral]

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.

C. JoyBell C. (via feellng)

[coral]

Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff.

Harvey Pekar (via feellng)

[coral]

[shelsten]

love

[coral]

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol (via feellng)

[gosh]

[shelsten]

some more nature pics. =]

[shelsten]

great friends

[shelsten]

uhg. i miss my sophaloph so much. 

[gosh]

[coral]

I drink to make other people more interesting.

Ernest Hemingway (via feellng)

[coral]

I’m sick of just liking people. I wish to God I could meet somebody I could respect.

J.D. Salinger, Franny and Zooey (via feellng)