"how do i look?"
✧ ─ character: shenhe
✧ ─ warnings: mild angst to comfort, fluff included, mentions of WEIGHT GAIN, FLUCTUATIONS, and INJURY; does not mention eating disorders or habits; READER IS INSECURE ABOUT BODY IMAGE, non-implied n/sfw, gender neutral reader (mentions of wearing a dress), uses of pet names, established relationship
✧ ─ minors/ageless blogs dni
inspired by stolas, thank you for existing ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)
coconut scents infused with vanilla sprayed once more through the purifier. the tropical humidity waited outside as you tried another dress. and how many have you tried on? three of four? you were starting to lose count, trying to find the perfect one for an impromptu date night.
anyway, it was rare for you both to take some time off. so you figured, why not browse and treat yourself? though, a part of you felt guilty for taking so long in the changing room when your girlfriend sat patiently outside, probably bored to death as shopping was not much of ‘her thing’.
SHENHE slipped her slender fingers through a page, gingerly flipping through the thin magazine pages. products after products, labelled in a foreign language. this weekend getaway was supposed to be relaxing - she had booked all sorts of spa appointments, including facial packages to reward your recent promotion. little did she know how exasperated you’ve been feeling about your weight fluctuation.
tears pricked at the brim of your eyes as you sucked in your stomach to zip the dress up. was this the biggest size? of course it was. you were hoping that shenhe didn’t notice how your fingers danced along the hangers, peeking at the numbers ascending. you knew she was the last person on earth to criticise your weight, but you couldn’t help to feel insecure over her perfect, hourglass figure. almost like a rooster beside a crane.
the dress hugged your soft stomach so perfectly, however you were horrified how it accentuated your disappearing waist. hours at work had paid off for your promotion, no doubt, but what about the layer of fat that sat around your thighs? you pinched your legs and sighed, your breath shaking slightly as you controlled your tears.
“angel, what’s the matter?” shenhe peered through the curtain, opening it gently to check on you. “y/n, what are you doing—“
“please wait outside, i don’t like this dress—“ your nose reddened, a tear cascading slowly down your cheek.
“oh my sweet love, what’s the matter?” she asks again, extending her arm forward to pull you closer.
it felt almost ridiculous to open up about such a vulnerable insecurity. how you were always mocked or criticised for your body image. but she knew every part of you that worked hard to defy their negativity - that everyone around you was secretly jealous of your success, having to focus solely on your physical appearance. nothing was enough for horrible people, that sought vanity over intelligence and values such as you. shenhe was so proud of you everyday, and saw you as the most beautiful person to live. the unspoken insecurities broke her tremendously, but she understood your pain and tucked you close in her embrace.
her hands trailed along your hair and down your spine. almost flinching at her touch along your waist, you sighed, soaking every ounce of love and compassion she offered in this moment. you knew instantly that there was absolutely nothing wrong about your figure.
that nothing was wrong with the way your stomach folded as you sat comfortably, the way your skin rippled as an ocean’s wave. how the cellulite on your legs resembled cosmic dust made of a collection of stars to be coloured by blue and purple veins along your skin. the fat sitting on your thighs were made of layers of love in shenhe’s hours spent preparing dinner, to its finest quality, so you would be well fed and healthy. how your body repaired itself after every tear, scrape and bruise; how every cell in your body survived and worked for you, only for you.
your beauty had always been skin deep, beyond society’s deemed imperfections. shenhe always sighed and reinforced that society was quick to create insecurities, and try to profit off from them. while it seemed easier said than done, since she was so beautiful naturally, her insecurities stemmed from inadequacy and losing the people she loves.
as you melted in her arms, the weight of your insecurities lifted. almost as if her love radiated as a glowing aura of kindness and strength. she hummed into your hair, planting a soft kiss before whispering, “my sweet y/n, you have nothing to be insecure about. you are the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen. and i promise you this, that i would never get tired of looking at you. changes on your body turn like chapters in a book, each new mark or scar is a story to be read, my love.”
kiss after kiss, her lips followed the crook of your neck, to the dip of your shoulder. pulling away, she gazed into your eyes, softening with adoration.
“y/n, you look perfect in this one, and i love how you feel in my hands.”
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