My first love was partly a fairytale and partly the most unhealthy relationship I’ve ever had- somehow at the same time. But I’d do it all again exactly the same. He was the best first I could’ve asked for, even tho it was probably a big part of how flawed my view on love currently is. And my second boyfriend was very literally the guy I told my first boyfriend not to worry about about, but we didn’t reconnect until years after I broke up with the first one. And if I stayed with him we would’ve been married by now and I’d have anything I ever wanted- materially. But there were too many tests that we couldn’t pass, too many mountains- literally- that our love couldn’t pass through. But he always treated me well and I left for no good reason but with no regrets. After him there were a lot of maybes and some almosts and an I love you that I didn’t return. And then another one. And then I met my last (real) boyfriend and I found out what an unhealthy relationship actually is. But I don’t regret that either, staying or leaving. And I did both. And I said real because its not real unless they meet my family and the next two didn’t but they were still boyfriends to me- one technically and only for a month, and the other in every other sense of the word and for a while. And I might still marry that one but it’s not time for us yet. There are still some people I haven’t met yet and some mistakes I need to make that I hope will teach me about the things I’m unsure of. But I’ve taken some very important things from every boy I’ve loved and I’ve given away some very important parts of myself, so even though they’re in the past, they’ll always still matter.
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