Shes Getting Better

I’m twenty one. I'm battling depression, self harm, (bipolar), and anxiety on a daily basis. I do not promote self harm or suicide.

[shesgetting-better-blog]

I’m 22 years old. I’ve been having some pretty vivid real dreams. Half the time I don’t know if it’s real or if it’s just a dream. My dreams consisted of me being between 5-8years old in a barn/garage with a much older neighbor (16+yrs) who is touching me, kissing me, showing me their genitals and making me touch them. 

I’ve been really bothered by it. I know this neighbor, I lived next to them for I don’t know how many years. So it couldn’t be real, right? I mean, what 16+ year old is going to do that to a 5-8 year old?

I got the nerve to slowly work it into the conversation. Asking “Did we ever hang out when I was younger?” He would say “yes” and then I worked in where and he said garage and I asked “what did we do when hanging out?” He said “kissing you naked” I asked him if I had ever seen his genitals and he replied “yes. we were young.”

Yes, we were young. I was 5-8 years old (can’t exactly remember). Children that age only want to have friends and feel safe. So why not feel safe with a neighbor whom you have been friends with for a few years? A child that young doesn’t think about what that person is capable of, that child doesn’t know right from wrong. They trust the adult because they make children feel safe.

He admitted to molesting me when I was 5-8 years old and him being 16+ years at the time.  Why he admitted to it is beyond me. I feel really overwhelmed. My brain has suppressed it for many years and now it’s overloading. I don’t know how to feel.

Shortly after that I was raped at 12 years. So I guess I made the statistics on the chances of being abused multiple times. Awesome. I don’t know what to do with this. It’s well over the statues of limitations. Nothing can be done. It sickens me that he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. I’ve been having trust issues. I mean, I have every right. A neighbor and relative abused me. If they can do that, what says other people can’t?

No one seems to understand any of it. “Move on” “Get over it, it’s been so long!” But until you get abused you will never understand. Maybe I’m making excuses, I don’t know anymore.

[upsidowny]

Me on a daily basis:

[actuallyadhd]

[shesgetting-better-blog]

I’m 18. Recently I was diagnosed with ADHD. I know I have it. For the sheer fact that all the symptoms fit, and my therapist also tested me, but some of them don’t make sense. Now, the problem I have with this diagnosis is if I have ADHD why is it I can focus on some things so much that I forget...

[vsleep]

"at least it’s better than bipolar" cyclotymia: a loophole disease. bipolar without as large of poles. a fucked up cycle of ups and downs where the most beautiful days are really just hypomanic states and, one day, this whole thing might border on psychosis. they tell me a thousand...

[fadingscars-maniandepression-de]

[eliasericson]

basically having a depressed episode after a hypomanic one is like waking up after a wild night out regretting everything

[sheholdsyoucaptivated]

[touchdisky-deactivated20200106]

[sprinkle]

Glow x

[0pt1c]

For every time I gave a fuck, that fuck, fucked me over.

(via bl-ossomed)

[queen-of-limbs-x]

[wordsnquotes]

I have lost and loved and won and cried myself to the person I am today.

Charlotte Eriksson, Empty Roads & Broken Bottles; in search for The Great Perhaps (via neutral)

[shesgetting-better-blog]

friend: i'm here for you if you ever need me!

me: *needs friend*

me: i probably shouldn't bother them

[ozeia]

[noitsjosh-deactivated20151207]

if a black person tells you something you said or did is offensive to their cultural identity, listen.

if a woman tells you something you said or did makes them uncomfortable, listen.

if a trans person tells you something you said or did is offensive, listen to them.

stop dictating to oppressed people what is and isn’t offensive when you don’t suffer from the same hardships we face daily. LISTEN TO US.

why is this so difficult to understand.

[kushandwizdom]

[shesgetting-better-blog]

thegoodquoteco:

[shesgetting-better-blog]

It's come to my attention that having 3 dogs is bad and expensive. First off, dog food 50lb bag is $24 a month. They eat the amount they are supposed to and it lasts a whole month. Cheap! Second, these dogs would have been euthanized. All 3. We went to a shelter and they told us this (paraphrasing) "a black dog doesn't normally get adopted because they get overlooked and to make room for more dogs we have to put them down. A senior dog ends up being put down because no one wants a senior dog. A sick dog does not normally get adopted out because no one wants to deal with a sick dog- too much work and time, they end up being put down" I have all of those, a black dog, a senior dog, and a sick dog. We saved them. Strangers come over and compliment them all the time and thank us for rescuing them. That brings our cost to $24 a month which comes out to $288 a year and $30 in medical (including rabies). For THREE dogs. That's cheap compared to what other people do for one dog. We don't spend $50 on a bag of dog food twice a month or pay out of the ass for the vet to give it to the dog. I have seen people drop their dogs off at pounds or leave on the streets because they don't want the dog anymore or they are moving and can't take it. Those people give up on their dogs. And those dogs are lucky if they find a new home for the rest of their life. Not just a new home but a loving and caring home. Not many people seem to love or care for their pets and it's sad. So if you want to bitch and complain about MY dogs. Why don't you look at the other people who have one dog but neglect to actually care for it. Why don't you look at the other people who leave their dogs outside when the weather is in single digits or even negatives with nothing but a dog house to keep them warm IF THEY ARE LUCKY for that "luxury". I may have three dogs. But those dogs are seriously saving my life. They are helping ME in more ways then I can possibly explain. And those same dogs only want to be loved, fed, and cared for. We give that to them. So please, if you really want to complain about my dogs, go give hell to the dogs that actually are ABUSED, NEGLECTED, not fed, have skin infections, infested with fleas, left to fend for themselves to survive, and left in a home that doesn't give a damn about those animals they have.

[shesgetting-better-blog]

I stalk my rapist because he was a minor when he was charged with rape, so he was labeled "youthful offender" which is equivalent to throwing rocks at a window. Anyway, since the justice system sucks, I feel like I need to tell his "girlfriends" who he is and what he did. They always ask for proof documents and I provide them. His girlfriend broke up with him and now he's onto the next. I messaged her too! :)

It may sound dumb but I take it as I saved someone from emotional, mental, and physical abuse.