My Empire of Dirt

A closed-group RP blog for Director Phil Coulson of SHIELD. Please read my about page for more information!Affiliated with Marvel Task Force.

[shield-nanny-blog]

Dear Marvel Taskforce:

It is with a heavy heart that I step down from my position as moderator and resign from the group. There has been so much going on in my personal life that I haven’t been able to give the group my full attention.

For that, I apologize.

I have not been attentive, and that is something that is inexcusable to me as a moderator. Your moderators should be on the pulse of the group’s happenings. I was and am not. I haven’t logged into my accounts in months.

I don’t feel that I fit in with the group’s current goals or motives anymore, and I cannot in good conscience hold down such important characters while I get my life together. I’ve been busy attempting to make the move to Alaska, and as such I have no real time for roleplay.

As to the question of whether I will return: I doubt I will be back. It’s not anything anyone has done, I’ve simply grown out of roleplay and don’t feel that I should hold people back while I work on other projects.

As it stands, I relinquish the roles of Phil Coulson, Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange and Tony Stark to open status again. I hope that whoever you find to fill those roles does a better job than I did these last few months.

Thank you for your time and your consideration, and know that while I was here I enjoyed myself.

--Phil-mod

[shield-nanny-blog]

Scuff and Nonsense || Phil and Clint

[ahawkunmade]

Clint stopped chewing as he listened, processing the very broad and hole filled information being given to him. He was hesitant to dive in and commit to something that wasn’t whole, but then again he’d done what SHIELD wanted for years without having all the pieces to the puzzle.

“Does being ‘in’ mean I go back to being a dog on a leash?” Clint asked. “Wasn’t exactly fond of the terms tied to my first employment with SHIELD.” If the same restrictions applied, Clint would much rather go solo, even if it meant Coulson targeting him as a potential threat. 

“I’ll help, but I need to know the trust goes both ways here.” Clint added, watching the agent’s trained expression carefully. 

[shield-nanny-blog]

Phil offered him a close-lipped smile, his eyes pinched with stress and worry. He hadn’t been sleeping, though it hardly showed as he tapped his thumb against the formica of the table.

“You’re an Avenger now. That’s not something I can withdraw, even though I wouldn’t want to, Clint.” He drummed his thumb a little more. “I can’t revoke that status. What I want is more important--”

He hushed as the waitress came back to refresh his coffee. He took his time, spooning sugar in and then adding creamer.

“I want your endorsement.”

[thevalueofstrength-archive]

Nesting Above / Phyllis & Steve

[thevalueofstrength-archive]

“Well, it seems hardly a time to dally, does it?” 

Steve chuckles, coming to a stop from his long turn around in front of this feline. Keeping himself upright, he gestures back off to the side of the boat where he could disembark. He’d seen what he’d wanted to (though it wasn’t much giving with information) and now he was sure that she’d have just as much fury in his absence as his presence. 

“Had there been, I would have done so, post haste,” he assures, bowing his head a bit in apology. “Strange, I do not come out here much at night, so I had not seen the ship before! I thought time of the essence… oh, I should write that down. Time essence, that would do well in ghosts. But well done, for the time being. You have been affected, as surely as I have, and so the magic has come out to even the port. Strange.” 

Fingertips come together in front of him, tails of his suit flapping as he sits upon a pile of rope. Looking now up at the small feline, he offers a softer smile than the toothy baring of before. 

“Come, you must have a name, Captain?” he asks. “Before I set off in search of this fiend, I’d like some knowledge of who has helped me on my quest. And someone who does not shy from me, too! Well done, well done, though perhaps that also means I am losing my touch.” 

She did seem familiar, as if he’d crafted something for her before. But he couldn’t quite put his bony finger on it and that made him curious. Curiouser than he should be for the time being, but he had always felt a bit more free in his natural form. 

If this could be considered natural, he supposed, watching his finger bones flex before him before he tucked them back together and his gaze returned to the Captain. 

[shield-nanny-blog]

Phyllis’s ears flickered back and forth, and then she laid them flat as she composed herself.

“My name is Phyllis,” she said. “I am indeed the Captain of this vessel. Have you seen my crew, perhaps Mister Arrow, at least? He is a large man, and hard to miss.”

She gestured, stretching upward as though to indicate height.

“He is taller, even than you. And well-hove to keep the crew in line.”

Fingers tipped with sharp claws came up, and she stroked her chin.

“I feel that we have met before, sir, though I know not where.”

[thevalueofstrength-archive]

Nesting Above / Phyllis & Steve

[thevalueofstrength-archive]

Oh dear. 

Jack blinks down to the decks below, head tilting in curiosity at the feline below. Though he knows some of the residents of this town he calls home, that changes with him in the night (or did change), he cannot always tell who they are in the day. And now the reverse seems to be true, that when their forms do not melt away, he is left wondering who is who. 

Reaching around the crow’s nest, he grasps the main mast and spirals down it, letting small feet hit the deck lightly as he lands before her. Bowing, he offers her the scope he has been using up top, grinning. 

“You must be the Captain,” he intones, hands moving behind his back as he looks at the vessel around him. Large hollows scan each piece before he nods, convinced of it enough that the spines on his collar spread a bit upwards towards the sun. “Yes. Oh? I am Steve, the Pumpkin King. I was looking for a place which to spy the entire city. Since we are severely lacking a clock tower, and that is a shame in and of itself, I found the highest place I could. I hope you don’t mind, no one was aboard when I came to ask.” 

His hands spin the tale as he talks, having started to pace in his explanation. 

“You see, I am trying to pinpoint where this magic has come from that keeps us, well.” He gestures to her ears with a grin as he then gestures to his entirety. “I am not always this way, after all. Though I must say, it makes working on things much easier with my smaller finger bones working properly with no mess between them.” 

Muscles, who knew they could be so constricting? After all, these days he could detach his head whenever he wanted. Very messy, indeed, had he not been who he was. 

[shield-nanny-blog]

This...man was exhausting. Blue-grey eyes watched him pace the deck, her fingers curling around her rapier’s hilt as he talked her ear off. She twitched them up, in fact, the soft cartilage swiveling to follow the sound of his voice. Normally they lay pinned back beneath the smoothness of her hair, but as that was falling curled about her shoulders now--

and when had she not had time to monitor her appearance? it confused her to no end, this disconnect with who she was and who she would be when the moon set

--it didn’t matter. She was here now, and she was Phyllis. That much she knew.

“And as such, you’ve climbed my mast,” she concluded. “There was no other way to complete your task?”

She tilted her head at him, her ears perked in interest, her eyes glittering like pebbles at the bottom of a lake.

[thevalueofstrength-archive]

Nesting Above / Phyllis & Steve

Arms pinwheel around his body and Steve finds he is slightly distrusting of the light in the sky. It’s bright, much too bright for his bones, and he glares at it openly. After all, it’s made him miss his landing! 

Morning and he still finds himself clicking his fingers happily along their bones, though he knows that he cannot leave the town until he changes back. Oh, that won’t do. No, not at all. So he must find whoever had done this and have them change it back. Oogie couldn’t have, he’d been… dealt with, thanks to Santie Claws. Ah, that had been a good day, but how dare he try to determine what was to happen to a guest! 

Halloween town, oh how he missed it sometimes. But they’d dispersed across the world to spread the horror. 

So far, it had created delightfully horrible results for everyone. 

Still, it just wasn’t the same to climb a mast instead of a clock tower. And he’d almost fallen, the nerve of it! Oh, oh, what in the world was this? Steve gently picks it up, inspecting it. He was not familiar with seafaring vessels of this type and the scope looked odd. Especially when he held the small end to his eye, magnifying the spotted woman down below on the decks. How very small she is, almost ant size…

Oh! 

Turning it around, he realizes his mistake right away with a shake of his head and waves a long arm over said head. It’s strange, being up this high with no building at his back, but oh, it does have an interesting smell, doesn’t it? 

“Hello? Hello!” Oh wait, he could do that better. Hand on his chest, Steve clears his throat (or what’s left of it…) and tries again. “Ahoy, ye maties. Oh! What fun. But tell me, do you know the Captain of this ship?” 

[shield-nanny-blog]

Phyllis squinted up into the crows’ nest. Someone was here, and that someone was not Mister Arrow. She tapped one booted foot, her rapier hilt in hand as she strode across the deck. She was hardly tall, but she could tell he was taller still. She squinted up at him, her cat-like ears pinning back as she growled a bit.

“Remove yourself from my mast,” she roared, her voice carrying in the clear sea air. “You’ve no call to be climbing those ropes. Who are you?”

She couldn’t see him clearly up there, but she wasn’t going to let go her weapon so she could retrieve her personal spyglass.

This man was an intruder, and she didn’t know if he meant her fair or foul.

[shield-nanny-blog]

Ship Shape || Natasha and Phyllis

“Mister Arrow!” There was a sharp bark in the moonlight by the docks. Phyllis swung down on a line, landing hard on the wood of the deck. “Where in the world is my crew?!”

But Mister Arrow was nowhere to be found, either. Likely trying to break up a night of carousing. Phyllis sighed, her ears pinned back as the cat-woman surveyed the damage.

The RLS Legacy floated at dry dock, magnificent in the moonlight. It was a grand interstellar ship, and she’d have her ship shape soon.

Her hull was cracked; it would need extensive repairs before they could leave this backwater planet -- meanwhile her crew kept wandering off.

She blew out an irritated sigh and collected her coat. She would have to go and find them.

[shield-nanny-blog]

Harm Reduction || Phil and Steve

[thevalueofstrength-archive]

“No,” he answers honestly. A chuckle leaves him and he reaches into his pocket, flipping a piece of gum agilely through his fingers even with his injuries. “I don’t stop moving. I can act as soon as the thought comes to me, if not before. Normally, there’s a delay, where the thought transfers to the muscles and the muscles take action. I don’t have that delay. Even if I did, what? I’d be as good as anyone on the field on a bad day.” 

Better, maybe, depending on the realm of bad he’d entered. After all, he could rip a base apart. If that was the kind of bad day he was having, then it might be well and good to have him out there when he wasn’t doing so hot. 

Gaze drifting, Steve unwraps his gum with his thumb and pops it between his lips, shrugging up his good shoulder. 

“We’re all soldiers,” he offers, eyes dimming from the amusement he’d gained from the question before. “If any of us got regular sleep, I’d be surprised. We’re trained to take a beating, some of us more than others. Sometimes, it’s just easier to stay awake than have to deal with what comes out at night.” 

The scope of it was simple to the Captain. It was one and the same for everyone. It affected everyone. He wasn’t special because of that particular trait and he wasn’t going to pace his room and pretend to be asleep for anyone. It did no good to lay there, wide awake and not actually needing the sleep, when he could be doing something else. Something productive. 

A map on his wall of the world, with newspaper clippings all around it, has been the source of many nighttime perusal and frankly, that’s the best use of his time he has. No matter what anyone says. 

“I’m a good old boy with nothing to lose,” he chuckles at last, wincing as he remembers his ribs and breathing evenly once more. “I can get away with it where other’s wouldn’t.”

[shield-nanny-blog]

“You can’t take all that punishment for days and weeks, even months on end. Something’s got to give, and I know for a fact it’s not going to be the physical.” Phil tapped his temple. “Look. let me help. As a mutually interested party. I don’t know that we can be called friends, but no one deserves that kind of punishment, even if it is self-inflicted.”

Phil shook his head at the assessment. That was PTSD, plain and simple.

“You ever find it hard to breathe?” he asked. “Or claustrophobic? Wary of tight spaces?”

He leaned forward, his hands clasped between his knees, his focus razor-sharp on Steve.

[shield-nanny-blog]

Scuff and Nonsense || Phil and Clint

[ahawkunmade]

“If I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t be here.” Clint answered, pricking the top of his pie slice with the tip of his fork before cutting into it. He didn’t have much of an appetite, but he’d be lying out his ass if he said it didn’t look good.

At Phil’s question, Clint’s head raised, the fork coming to his lips so he could enjoy the first bite of his dessert. He felt he’d been asked a similar question before, or maybe it was just the feeling of getting into something there may be no turning back from. It had began with his freelance activities, the hits he did for profit before Coulson finally backed him into a corner, offering a cage or a chance to work for a different cause.

Maybe if he hadn’t taken that offer he’d be dead now.

“Yes sir, I do.” He said, giving a small nod before glancing over his shoulder briefly to watch a person that entered the cafe. He hated having his back to the door, but focused his attention on Coulson, trying to settle himself to believe he was with an ally that would no doubt warn him if there was danger. 

Falling into solitude no doubt had its disadvantages…

[shield-nanny-blog]

“All right, then,” Phil said with a small smile. “I’ll give you the vague outlines here, and then you can tell me if you’re in or out. If you’re in, we’ll proceed from there.”

He took a long drink of his coffee, setting down the empty mug and waiting for the waitress to check on them, refill it, and move away before he spoke again. He slowly stirred sugar and then creamer into the cup, his spoon clinking against the side while he watched Clint tuck into the pie.

After the waitress moved away, he began to speak.

“Our friends think they have us compromised,” Phil began. He painted the problem in broad strokes. “However, Fury had protocols in place, because he’s more paranoid than I ever was. We had triple agents embedded long before they thought to come forth, and we saw it coming. We knew Insight would be the Catalyst. We’re starting over. You want in?”

[shield-nanny-blog]

Harm Reduction || Phil and Steve

[thevalueofstrength-archive]

None of it was ever easy. In fact, his life had been one crack shot after another, attempting to make it just a little smidgen better. So far, he’d had some success, but more often than not, it’d failed him. Of course, his successes were big successes, but over a lifetime… they didn’t seem much looking back. Steve glances down, takes himself in, and flexes his hand enough to make the muscle jump in his shoulder. 

It hurts, but he’s used to things hurting, a small grin wafting over his lips. 

“Not as hard as some things,” he says softly, eyes coming back up to the strip of blue he can see through the door around the back. Getting lost was so easy in his own head, and for a moment, he wanders through his memories. “Definitely been through worse.” 

The questions turn his head, the Captain blinking almost owlishly at the Director. Slow but wide eyed, he tilts his head before giving it a very slight and slow shake. 

“Did you expect it to not be a problem?” 

Steve’s lips quirk up easily enough, a veneer that anyone had yet to crack that wasn’t around when it was being built. Buck could. Dugan could. Natasha had started to chip away at it and Sam had almost bulldozed his way in. But his smile is real enough to keep them at bay just a little longer, especially as it reaches his eyes and he chuckles, shuffling to sit across from Phil instead of next to him. At least then he can look the man in the eyes. 

“I don’t need as much sleep as everyone else. The serum pretty much keeps me going,” he offers quietly, eyes tracking over Phil’s face. “Have a lot to catch up on, too. Sometimes reading is far more… productive at night. I’m surprised you haven’t had any complaints come across your radar about me using the gyms until the wee hours of the morning, as well.” 

It was all for profit, though. The more his mind was worked, the more his body was worked, the more people he could save when it came down to it. The more things he could wreck when things got in his way of doing just that. 

“Besides, the floor is heated. Makes it a bit too hard to sleep in my apartment.” 

[shield-nanny-blog]

Phil listened, a frown tugging at his lips. This was part of the problem, though Steve likely couldn’t see it. He was missing sleep -- and not in the “I’ll grab four hours and be fine” way, but really going days without it.

“Are you not concerned it’s affecting your judgement?” Phil asked, leaning back. He watched Steve’s shoulders flex as he moved, and while he was struck by the power of the man, he realized that perhaps there was more danger in Steve’s form than ever.

At least with Banner, you knew what you got.

Didn’t the devil take the form of a man -- so that he was the least likely suspect?

Phil frowned a little harder, then reached for a bottle of water. The whole thing left a sour taste in his mouth, like a bender that he didn’t remember.

He cracked the seal and took a long, healthy swallow before replying.

“I have,” he said. “But then, if we frequented the same floors of the building, you’d see me there. So it’s not like it’s an unusual thing. I’m more concerned of the scope of it.”

[shield-nanny-blog]

Obfuscate || Phil & Thor;

[smol-avocadox-deactivated201701]

Thor nodded his head. “I never meant to sound like I doubted your decision. You made the correct one,” he assured him. “We should stand by our decisions, correct or not. But, you are a good man, Son of Coul. And, you saved many lives,” he explained.

Finishing his beer after a few drinks, he put it aside to dispose of later. Midgardian alcohol of any kind might as well had been water to him. Luckily, he had stocked up on ale from Asgard, and whenever anybody came by, he did well to mention to Heimdall to have them bring him a case.

Resting his chin in his hand, he watched as the other worked the grill. He really needed to learn how to cook. Mentally, he added that on his to-do list until he was brought out of his thoughts by the other showing him his a video on his phone.

He eyed the creatures features, pursing his lips. “Well… I have not met many—three, maybe four. It bares a strong resemblance to the Kree race. Was it blue before death? I know of some creatures that turn blue after death. Of course, I’m almost positive it’s a Kree, but best to be safe.”

[shield-nanny-blog]

“See, that’s what I don’t know.” Phil hummed, pocketing his phone again. “All the footage I have is of them in the tube.”

His brow wrinkled.

“It seems strange, to want to base fears on your assumptions,” he said. “I’m sure. But...can you tell me more about these Kree? What sorts of abilities they have? It may actually be important.”

More to him than to anyone else, but finding out a little more about Kree would help him, he was sure.

If he could get the carving under control, it would be a start.

[shield-nanny-blog]

Harm Reduction || Phil and Steve

[thevalueofstrength-archive]

The please makes him turn his head and Steve gives a single nod, blinking at Phil just slightly like he’d grown an extra head. There was little he could do about it, after all, as he was hurt. He couldn’t excuse going home to patch himself up when there were professionals literally on standby to do so. 

As simple as digging a bullet out of his arm sounded, he knew by the time they got to it, there wouldn’t be much digging required. Funny how healing worked with the serum. 

Foreign bodies just didn’t stand a chance when it came to him. 

“You got it, Boss,” he offers instead, leaning on the hull and shuffling so that his good shoulder took his weight. “Thanks for picking me up. I would have made it back in a day or two, I’m sure. But this is much faster.” 

And much more legal than stealing something to get back. Sure, he know how to do it, but that didn’t mean he liked to. Difference between necessary and superfluous actions, and the Captain was hardly one to like extra fluff around anything. Either get to the point or get out of his way, despite his longer speeches. Then again, the longer speeches were what were expected of him, and Steve knew how to give people what they wanted to hear to get through the system. He knew how to play the game. 

Sometimes he wondered if it was the same game as other’s, though. 

“Gotta say, it’ll be nice to lay down tonight,” he murmurs, watching blue sky through the cracks of the back of the hull. “About time something knocked me on my ass… sleep is definitely something that’s hard to come by, these days.” 

[shield-nanny-blog]

Phil let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“Thank you,” he said softly. “I know this can’t be easy. Any of this.”

While he wouldn’t admit he was wrong about SHIELD, Phil would admit and concede that there was a viewpoint to Steve’s behavior that made sense. SHIELD wasn’t to be trusted. There hadn’t been that work rapport that Phil had built.

Instead, Steve was leaping in, getting his hands dirty and expecting that to be all there was.

He didn’t know these people like Phil did.

He hadn’t had the benefit of dinners with Jasper, spending time with an agent that was now AWOL, in the wind. Phil’s heart was in his throat thinking about it. Steve didn’t remember beers with John Garrett, shoulder to shoulder as they watched a ship go up in a fireball -- the hostages rescued and the intel recovered.

Steve didn’t have that.

In a way, he’d have to make those memories. But Steve...didn’t seem like the type that would allow people in.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t feel he belonged.

“Sleep is a problem?” Phil asked, coming out of his thoughts. “How much of a problem?”

[shield-nanny-blog]

Scuff and Nonsense || Phil and Clint

[ahawkunmade]

Clint fell silent and glided his fingers through his hair. He was obviously still in shock, for the first time in his life doubting his eyes. But even that familiar shift in clearance level and rank had him quieting down.

Regardless of it not being a place for feelings, there was no denying they were still there.

“Let’s test this pie then….” He grumbled, propping his elbow on the table and then curling his fist so that he could rest his chin atop it.

He wasn’t going to get the answers he wanted, at least not right away, so he might as well listen to whatever Phil had to say and take it to account after everything that had happened. Survival was still top priority, and right now his trust levels were at a minimum. Clint could barely place a number of people on one hand that he would count on to have his back….made him think he should get a dog. They were loyal to a fault, right?

[shield-nanny-blog]

“See, that’s better,” Phil said, waving the waitress over. “Would you get my friend here a piece of pie, on me please? And some more coffee?”

She refilled Phil’s mug and he took his time stirring sugar and creamer into it before Clint got a mug of coffee put in front of him along with a piece of apple pie.

Phil smiled, lifting the cup to his lips.

“Now, where were we?” he asked once the waitress was away. “Ah, right. The helicarrier.”

Now that he’d established exactly where they were and who Clint was dealing with, he could proceed.

“Things have happened,” Phil said. “Things a lot of us are still working to understand. I will tell you, while we’re here, that I am working very hard to right several wrongs and keep the peace. And that, if you don’t trust me, at least let my actions speak for themselves.”

Phil quirked a brow at Clint.

“Now, did you want to see how deep this rabbit hole goes?”

[shield-nanny-blog]

Scuff and Nonsense || Phil and Clint

[ahawkunmade]

Clint tilted his head slightly, his jaw tightening visibly as if he was combating the urge to speak before thinking. 

“I have half the mind to come at you across this table right now…” He muttered angrily. 

The questions came rushing to his head at an uncontrollable rate, but he managed to keep his voice steady, staying aware that they were in fact in a public setting.

“I saw your body…I saw what he did to you…” There was strain, the pain of the memory and the guilt accompanying it forming a lump in the archer’s throat, but he pushed past it. “How are you alive? And more importantly why didn’t you fucking tell me?”

[shield-nanny-blog]

“You should know, that if you try, it won’t end the way you want,” Phil said, raising the mug of coffee to his lips. “You sure you don’t want a piece of pie?”

Clint started firing questions at Phil and he sighed. Always with the questions, never waiting for appropriate secrecy. He set the mug down and rubbed his face.

“Classified,” Phil said, leaning back in his chair. “As you well know. I don’t have to discuss what happened to me here, not with you, not with anyone. I’ve been under deep cover conditions for the last three years, working behind the scenes.”

His eyebrow quirked at Clint.

“You know, my job. This isn’t a place for feelings, Clint. You know that.”

[shield-nanny-blog]

Harm Reduction || Phil and Steve

[thevalueofstrength-archive]

If he falls asleep here, it would be a small miracle. But there’s an itching along his back that won’t go away and it’s starting to worm its way into his head. A tick, tick, tick of something counting down, sliding towards a messy end. Not messy as the mission had been, no, but something possible worse. 

“I’m not going to sleep until I get to my apartment,” he murmurs softly to Phil, eyes opening. “And if I did, there is something seriously wrong with me. It’s… it’s too open here.” 

Still very much a soldier at war, he keeps thinking in those terms. The entire city, the entire world, is a battlefield. 

He has to keep himself safe to move out into it the next day, and the next.

“I am resting,” Steve argues softly, lips quirking when he catches the tension in the other man. Ah, there it was. He’d been waiting for it. After all, he’d torn this place down and he’d done it before, to the very agency he was currently sitting in the clutches of. Something easy to jump to in a time like this and the Captain sets his feet, grunting a bit as he stands and moves more towards the back of the carrier. “I’m not good with sitting still.” 

Hurt arm settled over his stomach, shoulder leaning into the hull, Steve lets his breathing even out before he even lifts his head from where he’s staring out the window, feeling the breeze from the more open latches around the back. 

“Surprised you even came as fast as you did…” 

[shield-nanny-blog]

“I got a distress signal, weighed the pros and cons, and stepped to,” Phil said. He shook his head as Steve stood up, but what could he really do? Steve Rogers would move for no man.

He’d come to terms with that, at least.

“We’ll get medical to check you over and then I’ll see about sending you on your way -- if you check out. If not, you’re staying until released. Please.”

Phil didn’t often beg, but this time seemed necessary.

He felt a twinge of disappointment, in himself or Steve, he couldn’t tell.

He was far too close to the situation.

[shield-nanny-blog]

Harm Reduction || Phil and Steve

[thevalueofstrength-archive]

“I was made to be,” the Captain offers, shaking his head slightly. “You can’t kill something that can’t die until its duty’s done. And my duty is to make sure the world is safe.” 

Always had been. Always would be. And until something fired a round into his chest or cut off his head, he was going to keep moving. 

Keep going. 

“This isn’t actual conversation?” Steve asks, head back against the hull of the Quin and eyes shut. Still, his lips quirk up and he snorts softly out his nose, letting his head lull back and forth slightly. “Sir, no offense, but the only thing you’ll learn about what happened down there is from right now. I got caught. I got angry. And I tore the place apart.” 

It wasn’t cockiness, it was pure adrenaline rush that peaked and cut out right when it shouldn’t have. The Captain knows this, he always has, and he slumps a little in his seat, wondering if his ribs could heal at wonky angles being broken as they were. 

Hadn’t yet, but he was waiting for the day that his serum started to do the same. Peak and cut out, just when he didn’t want it to. 

“I’ve not been sleeping and things were prickling far more than they should have. But give me a cause and I’ll see it through to the end. And that,” he offers, gesturing to the smoke out the window that he can smell instead of see. “That is the end.” 

[shield-nanny-blog]

Phil chuckled. “It’s not. You’re barely hanging on there. I can see you drifting. So I’ll wait to ask you to make decisions until you’re a little more clearheaded.”

He watched the cloud of smoke dissipate with distance, his whole body feeling tense and raw. He had, in fact, signed on a ticking time bomb to his organization without realizing it.

At least with the Hulk, you understood where you were on the side of good or evil.

Steve Rogers was a loose cannon, an anomaly, and Phil wasn’t sure he liked where this was going. He took a long drink from a bottle of water, watching out the window as the jungle moved faster along. They were picking up speed, heading back to Epsilon.

“Until then, I’d like you to rest,” he said, his voice carrying a thread of strain through it.

[shield-nanny-blog]

Scuff and Nonsense || Phil and Clint

[ahawkunmade]

Clint was silent as he listened, managing only to swallow thickly before the communication was cut and he was left with a decision to make. For a long moment he didn’t move, his mind lacking thought as he tried to organize his emotions first. 

He had to go, if for nothing more than closure or confirmation. Maybe it was some kind of sick trap, or maybe it was the real thing….there was really only one way of finding out.

Clint arrive at the diner fifteen minutes later, slowly entering through the doors with his head down and his hand close to the gun hidden beneath his jacket. Glancing towards the corner of the building, he spotted a small table under dim lighting, Coulson present as promised.

He hesitated a bit, the hardened look in his eyes softening for just a moment as he approached the table and slid into the seat opposite of the senior agent. Fists were curled tightly, one resting on the tabletop and the other in the archer’s lap. He would wait for Coulson to speak first, otherwise the first words out of his mouth would be an eruption of anger.

[shield-nanny-blog]

Phil was stirring his coffee with an idle motion of his wrist when Clint entered the diner. Phil watched him approach through his peripheral, even as the archer slouched into a seat.

“Good to see you make it,” he said. “If you’re going to shoot me with that pistol, I’d prefer it to be above the table. Though you’re not a killer, Clint.”

He took a sip of his coffee. Black, strong, just enough sugar to cut the burnt flavor of the beans.

Setting the mug down, he gestured at the table.

“You hungry? They do an excellent piece of pie.”

[shield-nanny-blog]

Ribeye and Russet || Phil and Jasper

[takethefulltruthpoursomeout-blog]

“Well, I won’t argue with you on the food snob point,” Jasper snorts with a grin.

He doesn’t want to talk about this. He’s not going to. He doesn’t want to be told he’s a good man, doesn’t want to hear he’s a good agent. He’s neither of those. So he’s going to nod and tell Phil he’s right and they’ll move past it. It really is terrible that he hasn’t got enough of a grasp on his self-control to keep from cracking like this. Typically he’s every bit as unruffled as Phil when it comes to his emotions, but this whole thing, all of it, has got them both completely flipped on their heads.

It scares him, if he’s being honest. He feels exposed and that’s not something he’s felt in a very long time. Hell, he felt less exposed in that mission gone to shit in Slovakia in ‘02; and having your cover collapse beneath you mid-mission is, by definition, exposed. He knows Phil is feeling the same way, so he’d rather redirect the focus there.

“You know, it’s funny,” Jasper says, shifting in his seat, “I seem to recall something about me coming here to cheer you up, not the other way around.”

He reaches for the DVD he’d brought, shaking it lightly at Phil.

“What do you say? Pop this in and get to those steaks before they get too cold?”

[shield-nanny-blog]

“I think that’s a good idea,” Phil said. It was best to...drop all of it. For now, at least. He knew that Jasper had trouble with this part of things.

His involvement with HYDRA had come to an end. When Jasper had shown up to report in before, Phil had thought himself crazy. He’d never had the heart to mark one of his best friends off. He hadn’t been able to do it.

Now, he was glad he hadn’t had to.

Instead, he slung an arm around Jasper’s shoulders, hugged him tightly, if briefly, and then gathered up the food.

“All right,” he said, smiling. “What dreck did you bring me to watch today?”