a little shiguang fic about lu guang having nightmares after the season 2 finale. i started it on july 2024 and finally finished it because a certain snippet reminded me of That scene in the trailer, so i felt motivated djfjjd
So it's happening again, Cheng Xiaoshi thinks. He counts in his head to five and sighs inwardly, realizing it's about to be a week since it started.
A few days after they got discharged, Lu Guang began having nightmares that had him turning and groaning all night long. The first night, Cheng Xiaoshi was quick to sit up to go check on him, but as he was about to wake him up he stopped himself. He knew that if Lu Guang found out that he knew about this, he'd just make sure to hide it better next time.
So for five consecutive nights, he laid down in his own bunk and stayed up for as long as he could to make him some kind of company. He stared at the bottom of Lu Guang's bunk, which was constantly screeching from the movement, and gripped his cover. As Lu Guang's eyebags worsened, so did his feeling of impotence; the kind he's so familiar with it makes him sick.
This morning was his tipping point though, as Lu Guang almost fainted but pretended he'd just slipped, so he swallows and begins calling his name.
"Lu Guang." He calls for the third time, using a bit of a stronger voice without it losing its softness.
The movement immediately comes to a halt and there's more silence in the room than there's been in hours.
Cheng Xiaoshi huffs under his breath, calling his name again.
He decides to start carefully. "You're moving a lot."
"I'll go sleep on the sofa, then."
The alarms on Cheng Xiaoshi's brain blare loud when he hears him shift.
He gets up in an instant, putting his elbows on top of Lu Guang's bed and blocking his only exit. "That's not it!"
Lu Guang, now sitting up, stares down at him. "Then what." He deadpans.
Cheng Xiaoshi pouts, resting his head on his arms. "Well, I'm just worried! This has been going on for a few days now. Your eyebags look horrible too—" He bites his tongue. "I... you know you can tell me anything right? Like, anything anything? Help-me-bury-a-body anything?"
Lu Guang scoffs, trying to hide the smile that tugs on his lips and now Cheng Xiaoshi feels like smiling too. "What are you even talking about? I'm fine, just the usual stress."
They stare at each other for a handful of seconds until Cheng Xiaoshi declares, gazing up at him: "You're lying."
Usually, it's not easy to catch the shifts in Lu Guang's moods. He keeps himself pretty collected, which had made Cheng Xiaoshi become adept at recognizing them from spending hours upon hours studying him (in the least creepy way possible). So he quickly notices the tensing up of his shoulders and the quiet inhale he takes, rendering any possible excuse void.
Lu Guang seems to know better than to keep on lying, now, since his eyes fall on the cover his hands are fiddling with. "I'm just having a little of trouble sleeping." He takes a pause. Cheng Xiaoshi waits. "Because of a nightmare."
Cheng Xiaoshi frowns, straightening up. "What kind?" He doesn't miss the quick side-eye Lu Guang gives him. "...Does something happen to me in the nightmare?"
Lu Guang looks away, confirming his assumption. "It will pass with time, so stop worrying. Go back to sleep now."
Cheng Xiaoshi hates when he does this. He knows there's no one closer to him than Lu Guang, that he's shared things with him he wouldn't with any other soul, and he also knows this goes both ways. However, Lu Guang would get too quiet sometimes, and always in the worst moments for him to do so. He'd hide away, just like he's doing right now, and expect Cheng Xiaoshi to not break the wall he's building between them.
So he makes a decision. "Okay." He drops his arms from the bed to grab the ladder.
Lu Guang stares wide-eyed as Cheng Xiaoshi sits on his knees next to him. "What are you doing?"
"Going to sleep." Not letting Lu Guang answer, he loops an arm around his waist and drops the both of them on top of the pillow, pressing Lu Guang's back against his chest. "If you can feel my skin and my heart, wouldn't that make it kinda hard for your nightmare to come back?"
Cheng Xiaoshi snorts. "See? You should listen to my ideas more often."
He feels Lu Guang's sigh all over his own chest. "Just last week you almost tried to get us to sneak out of the hospital."
"Yeah, and who did it first?"
"For completely different reasons, idiot." He can hear the frown in his voice. "We weren't in any danger when you wanted to go to get fast food."
Now it's Cheng Xiaoshi who sighs. "You should live life a little, Lu Guang. Take adventures when presented to you."
"We just got out of life-threatening situations. Haven't you had enough?"
It's just then that he realizes his arm is right over Lu Guang's scar. He presses the slightest bit tighter. "Okay, okay. You win. Whatever."
Cheng Xiaoshi hears Lu Guang's breath hitch for one second before answering, "good."
In the silence, Cheng Xiaoshi realizes he feels just the right kind of warm. His covers aren't thick enough for late October midnights, so he often wakes up from the cold in the middle of the night. However, the warmth between them might just put him to sleep like a baby.
"Lu Guang?" He makes a small sound in response. "Next time you have a nightmare, just come down to the lower bunk without asking."
"One that got you eyebags for days."
Lu Guang says nothing, but Cheng Xiaoshi thinks it's too nice of a moment for him to let this conversation die down just like that. So he licks his lips and musters up all his courage as he focuses on the streetlights shining on Lu Guang's hair.
"Look, I... I can't read your mind. Even if sometimes I really, really wish I did. But I meant it when I said you could tell me anything."
Lu Guang says nothing for a handful of tense seconds. He doesn't lose his grip on his waist, but his other hand wanders off to rest over his chest. Lu Guang takes a deep breath.
"Cheng Xiaoshi, what do you think you would do if you discovered I commited a horrible crime?"
He takes the question in stride, choosing to put away his curiosity for the moment and focus on closing the distance. "I'd ask you why." He answers honestly. "And hope you answer me truthfully. I don't think anything could get between us as long as I understand why."
"That's naive." Lu Guang grabs Cheng Xiaoshi's hand over his chest. "What if you find out I'm the worst person on Earth?"
Cheng Xiaoshi huffs. "Then I'd be the second worst person on Earth!" He nudges the back of his knee. "We're partners, after all."
Cheng Xiaoshi laughs, resting his forehead on Lu Guang's nape. "Any more questions? I could keep this up all night, or you can just admit you're not getting rid of me. Too late to back away now."
"Scared of paying your debt on your own?"
"Ha, caught me." He presses down on his chest and realizes their heartbeats are synced. "I roped you into this for life."
"It's fine. This life's fine."
Cheng Xiaoshi's sure that Lu Guang can feel his lips spread into the widest smile he's ever had, but he still presses further into Lu Guang. His last thought before giving in to sleep is that he couldn't agree more with Lu Guang.
He dreams of coming home and a warm welcome hug. When he wakes up, he's not quite sure who was who. But as he looks at Lu Guang still sleeping peacefully, he thinks that maybe it doesn't matter.
