Hi everyone, this is r1-jw-lover and I want to talk about a very important issue that happened in the past. I am writing this for the Wickblr community but I want everyone who follows me to see this too.
It has been since three months since I made a terrible incident that I am not proud of and had voluntarily left the John Wick fandom as a result. Up until now, I haven't been completely honest with everyone or myself on the matter and I want to change that today with this post.
CW for mentions of racism and anti-blackness.
For context, somewhere in March 2024 I was invited to join a Wickblr discord server hosted by @/evren-sadwrn and @/tobytheeggo. I was lucky to be one of the first few to be invited and we had a lot of great time talking and chatting about the John Wick series and roleplaying as our favourite characters.
Then, on 4 June 2024, I made an extremely offensive racial insult directed towards @/evren-sadwrn's black oc named Eleanor Sallow. @/tobytheeggo caught me red-handed and I deleted the message ten minutes later. @/tobytheeggo rightfully called me out on it and kicked me out of the discord server.
On the same day, I made a public apology post on my rp account @/shimazu-akira (then I copied the entire text onto my second rp account @/caine-nobody), announced that I will stop participating in JW roleplay, and encouraged people to block and unfollow me as they see fit.
I did try to make a private apology to @/tobytheeggo a month later in July but didn't receive any reply.
Now looking back, I find that the apology I made was quite disingenuous, even arrogant in tone. I was willing to admit fault, but I couldn't set aside my pride when I'd obviously done something wrong and humiliating. I am a person of colour, had reblogged posts about racism on my tumblr blog and talked about racism to my friends on discord, yet I had made a racist insult in that same discord server. I had been a hypocrite.
Calling the incident a "mistake" was minimising the seriousness of what I have done. I thought I was taking accountability but really I was afraid of the repercussions, which was why my first reaction was to delete the offensive message in the first place. This is further evidenced by how I decided to voluntarily leave the John Wick fanbase/Wickblr.
But now I'm ready to face the music. I want to leave behind the old me in the past and start anew. Acknowledgement is not enough, I have to actually own it. I won't be surprised if nobody to whom it may concern would finish reading the whole post to the end (including those who had blocked me), but I will make an attempt regardless and move on with life.
I am sorry for what I had done to you, for disappointing you with my past behaviour and letting you down. Your views of me may not change after reading this, but I will try my very best to show you that I am changing for the better.









