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Claire Keane
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@shinwicks
I missed you very much.
obviously that sentiment is 100% believable i mean damn who wouldnt miss me my hair is perfect and my personality is indubitably irresistible so how have you been aster i imagine your life has been a wild roller coaster of fun and flirty activity i dont think im wrong and you probably couldnt convince me otherwise
Dave and i made our returns on the same date, you know what that means.
this hivemind can never be severed
im back from the dead you know what that means of course you dont it inevitably means that my beautiful and frightening ability to talk for literal kilometres is coming to a home near you. your home specifically because lets be real why would you be on a computer or a phone at a home near you when you could be on a computer or a phone in your home that would be like going next door just to take a selfie how much do you wanna bet if you took every word i have ever typed side by side on one really really long fortune cookie paper it would stretch around the planet about a gazillion times like exactly a gazillion
not as much as that guy though
ive literally never met a badass alt were all losers
i guess ill just have to reign over you all as the prime winner i mean dont get me wrong im sure youre all great and all but trust me when i say there can only be one take it from the guy who can go through beauty school without losing his fucking mind and family and aesthetic and probably his dog too idk i never really had a dog so ive got that non dog owner priv where i dont actually know what its like to lose my dog my brother is kind of a dog so i guess that counts but no matter how much i wish hes lost he still pops right the fuck back into my life where i dont want him heres 200 dollars wicks why dont you ever visit me wicks where are those swords i bought you wicks clean your fucking apartment i cant see the ground wicks anyway sorry loser buddy but im going to have to smack you down into a pit of despair in a universe where i beseech all for a little bit of tlc for your almighty lord and ruler dave wickman strider
"backgrounds in politics" well thats one thing to call it
you dont count as a badass older alt youre kind of a loser
i love how my older alts are these badass movie director dudes with backgrounds in politics and i wake up at six am on a monday every two weeks to sit in my sink and cut my own hair with safety scissors
rubber is a good movie
there it is
accidentally unfollowing someone more like smh
teendawg replied to your post:
did you have fun? o:
have fun with what? swan diving into a swimming pool full of plastic balls and breaking my wrist?? yeah i guess i cant stiff you there that was pretty fun i had a great time on that stretcher after the inevitable concussion that followed that fractured wrist the cast was too soon covered in sharpie drawn penis but hey what can you do other than turn them into the weapons wielded by tiny stick figure men dont get me wrong im not really one for pain but im just sayin if you had the chance to swan dive into a swimming pool full of plastic balls wouldnt you do it id do it all again
i know what youre probably thinking 'whos this asshole' well this asshole is dave strider and you probably dont remember following him at all because its been literal months since hes posted a single damned thing and hes pretty sure hes been assumed dead by now being dead isnt so much of a bad thing i suppose but i can assure you now that whatever reason you followed me for in the first place you will probably regret trust me when i say that regret is imminent it will be a lot easier for you that way because if beauty school taught me one thing its that always having something to say to your client gets you a bigger tip because people are less likely to be generous when you stun them into silence as you chop away at their hair or paint away at their nails with not a single fucking thing to say to them its much better to run your mouth like they actually care whats going on with your day so far and how much your feet hurt from standing around all day as if you have the most difficult job in the world if you think you have the most difficult job in the world boy do i have news for you because theres also jobs like that one guy who goes through those overcrowded disgusting tyson chicken slaughterhouses and picks out the dead from the living thats a pretty difficult job and so is that one guy who is paid to get rid of insect infestations or hell even the one who just so happens to specialise in using those cool magnet things to buff the dents out of brass instruments would you want to be paid to punch a dent out of a sousaphone? i dont know about you but i think that would be a pretty cool job to have anyway my point is im back and on summer break hey
jakepalooka replied to your post:jakepalooka replied to your post Oh wow what a...
Haha okay. Its pumpkin and ginger! Should help settle the stomach. Do i have you coordinates or no?
you dont but i can totes give those to you
I’m pretty sure genetics dictate that not bein’ allowed.
sorry bro rose is my new older sibling shes a real bro except you know female girl bros are the best thing i hope you know
Tumblr user shinwicks come over ASAP and I’ll make you food and give you something for the hangover.
I posted that right as he reblogged my post.
this is amazing
Why is it that my brother gets online just after I’ve already claimed a new honorary lil bro? Just my luck.
youre awful i quit im finding a new big bro bye loser xxxx
I’m in such a good mood today.
i am also in a good mood i expect you and me to be in a good mood together while i inevitably hack at your hair hello rose im glad youre in a good mood i feel awful because hangover but i am also in a good mood. in fact i am in an excellent mood and i would be skipping down the hypothetical yellow brick road if not for the fact that i feel like i just got bricked in the face if you know what i mean. if you dont know what i mean well then i guess thats a good thing because no one wants to be bricked in the face unless their into that sort of thing then by all means get bricked i guess im not judging
