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@shinygentlemenpainter
Beat your jobber stupid.
They hire me to put over the heel. He's going to throw me around. I know that before I step into the ring.
Night after night, the treatment takes its toll on my body, but allowing myself to get smashed up for other people's entertainment is how I've come to earn my living.
Here's Billy Watkins, posing for a publicity shot, but it's fair to say his fans would probably never expect to see him like this!
This popular entertainer is better known for his regular TV comedy programme, 'Track Your Delivery', aimed at kids. Watkins' character is himself called Billy, a perpetually frantic delivery driver who reliably suffers some messy predicament each week. They've just laid cement between his van and the doorbell, or there's a guy on a ladder above with a pot and a brush? Guess who ends up coated in mortar or sodden with paint?
When filming, Watkins reckons he spends as much time in the shower as he does in front of the camera. He performs every one of his stunts himself, gamely enduring regular mucky punishments by drawing upon the training that first toughened him up at Slapstick School.
It's unlikely the wardrobe department provides him with briefs as classy as these when his costume gets soaked through on every take, but ... uh ... do we really need to tell him where to leave his package?
Drop him on the ropes
No - pitch him even higher and let drop face down. (My opinion, anyway.) He knew he'd be taking some stiff punishment, and those young lads in the front row deserve their 'Wow!' moment. That's more important than a pro wrestler's pain. A hard bump is just part of their job.
Sometimes it really does connect.
But the promoter wants the young star to win, and despite that you've got 12 more years' experience, it's your job tonight to take the punishment.
'Do whatever you need to,' you told the lad beforehand, '- I can take it.'
They're going for the record. Over the long holiday weekend in the UK, this 5-man team is attempting to wrestle in mud continuously for 15 hours each day for three straight days - from 10:00 till 01:00 the following morning. No-one has ever tried doing this before.
Each bout consists of three rounds of three minutes each, with breaks of thirty seconds in between, just long enough for the guys to flick away the worst of the ooze from their eyes.
Man 1 fights Man 2, 3 is on against 4, then Man 1 is back in the ring to take on Man 5, before 2 faces 3. And so on. Each man has to wrestle in four matches every two hours, so that by the day's eventual finish, they will have wrestled as many as 31 times. That's gruelling.
In between their matches they have as little as 12 minutes to scrape off the top layer of mud, shower, change into clean briefs (or a jock), while grabbing a protein drink before heading back out to their audience and the slime.
And there must be no slacking. The men are expected always to perform with energy, delivering the punishment - and taking it, too. At least once in each bout one of these men is going to be pinned down while his victorious opponent scoops up a handful of muck to drop onto his defenceless face. As Dave Danzey (pictured above, lowest) asks, 'Someone tell me why I do this?'
Lock Ewan Truscott in the stocks and he'll take anything for hours on end. His ability to withstand lengthy periods of unremittingly messy punishment has quickly established him as one of the world's top slapstick stooges.
This reputation for resilience has won him a prestigious job. Over the next long UK Bank Holiday weekend, he'll be the resident endurance stooge at Chace, the gay country house resort. For three days and nights, and with only a few short breaks, Ewan will be manacled in the stocks in just his trunks, receiving as much gunk as the hotel guests care to throw over him.
'I know it's gonna be tough,' he says, '- but I really want to do it.'
super geile Kopfwäsche
Taufe
If you're a member of Sordesco, you'll be accustomed to having things like this done to you for other people's entertainment.
This 13-strong, all-male, experimental theatre company is based in Berlin and puts on boundary-breaking wet-and-messy spectacles that frequently involve the performers' own bodily fluids. You couldn't have any inhibitions if you wanted to join the troupe, and you certainly wouldn't expect to find an intimacy co-ordinator in the rehearsal room.
Instead, you'd train your body to urinate or perform sex acts on cue during a live show - even when you're covered in paint or mud or have just been penetrated with an oil gun. And whether performing or rehearsing, you'd have constant contact with your colleagues' piss, spit, snot, and wank.
Impressive, first-rate work from a committed jobber.
A lovely shot of popular comedy actor Jerry Chalfont.
Many of us have fond memories of the crazy sequence in the slapstick film, 'Drop Dad, Gorgeous,' in which Chalfont's character suffers multiple mishaps while on vacation - ending up drenched each time. He falls from a paddleboard, gets knocked off a barge into a canal, accidentally cycles through a car-wash, and - when he's at the the top of a ladder and it tips backwards - fortunately splashes down in a child's paddling pool in his neighbour's garden.
Were these what he was wearing underneath while filming those stunts? Maybe. In an interview he gave to Y's Men magazine, Chalfont said that he'd had to change every item of clothing between takes, and how he'd arrive in his trailer each morning to find a stack of clean white briefs awaiting him. It felt weird, he added, knowing he'd be wearing every one of them in turn and that they'd soon be soaked right through and clinging to him.
Does it hurt your back?
Sometimes. When it's night after night.
Does it hurt your pride?
Now that's a dumb question. Seems like you haven't got it. Look - I get thrown around. You get entertained. I get paid. That's all there is to it.
On the plus side, Japanese pro wrestlers are given time to recover between gigs. They don't work several times a week or on consecutive nights like some of their western counterparts.
But on the debit side those slaps and punches aren't pulled. They land - and the wrestlers feel them. On the Japanese pro circuit you're expected to absorb huge amounts of genuine pain as part of your job. Most likely you'll return to the dressing room hurting.
You don't have to sell being kicked in the testes - you've been kicked in the testes for real.
[ Image thanks to Boston1972 on Tumblr ]
always repost
Have we reached Cockenzie?
A professional slapstick stooge. This is what he undergoes every day of his working life.
'Silence', directed by Martin Scorsese, was filmed during the late winter and early spring of 2015.
Sacrifice ...
It's not what you'd expect. When at last the cold gnaws right through, a strange, pleasing calm sweeps over him. The pain no longer registers. This is what he wants to do.
The anticipation is always worse than the physical ordeals themselves.
He is woken before dawn in the dortoir he shares with his fellow communards, and - just as they do - proceeds outdoors to his tiny cell beside the pond. There, he must shave his body hair and put on his loincloth. He has renounced all other possessions.
At first light - even when there's ice - the men enter the pond together. They swim until they lose all feeling in their hands and their heads throb from the press of the cold water. At first, once he's out and dry, he feels ecstatic, although he knows that after a short while his shivering will come upon him in spasms. There will be more tests like this today.
He likes this way of life. It's a monastic, isolated out here in the deep countryside with his dozen confreres. Yes, the daily ritual acts are harsh - a self-imposed regime of bodily endurance. But he feels safe. They share the cooking, they share their clothing. And sometimes in the evenings they treat themselves to a log fire.
The Eurovision Snog Contest.
It's a simple game, and it's been a regular feature of The International Slapstick Championships for years.
Two teams, two men in each team, rounds of 6 minutes each. One team deep kisses while the other team tries to break them apart by pouring gunge over them. The teams swap place in alternating rounds. If the kissers disengage tongues they lose a point, if they're still kissing when time's up they gain a point.
