i got a few followers on this small corner of the internet, so I thought i'd properly say hi.
HI! I'm Ale, from Brazil, i'm a 32-year-old woman that has been online for the most part of my life now. My pronouns are she/her and I'm just a full time fan girl.
I like music, films and books, irl i'm wearing headphones like 70% of the time, i'm currently unemployed so that's why i'm always lurking around.
had a tumblr account in the late 2000's/early 2010s when it was all about David Tennant's Doctor Who and the aesthetic posts, cameback because I have since returned to my twilight origins after discovering Charlisle and have since started writing fanfic again about twilight and more recently the Pitt TV show (:
this is a place where i will ramble about my writing, random thoughts and a lot of reblogging the awesome things I see around.
i find it delightful that my charlisle piece with the highest amount of hits and kudos is a (now) two-shot I wrote in a matter of hours and thought about while turning around in bed unable to sleep
there's little to no world building and even the reliance on canon events is barely just there
but it is probably my favorite one too out of everything i wrote maybe ever since the beggining of the year, i just got the perfect flow state
Three weeks into his secret fling with Robby, Dennis hears about the older man’s seven week itch.
At first, he didn’t know how to feel. Hurt, definitely, because there was something between them that Dennis had never felt before. Not with any past hookups in college or whatever girl he’d forced himself to have a crush on in high school. Robby was patient with him, valued his opinion, wanted to know more about him, took care of him in bed— all hallmarks of what could eventually be something great because Dennis did the same for him.
So, when he overheard Noelle talking quietly about it to someone he couldn’t see outside the break room during his lunch, he was stunned. He had no idea Robby and Noelle had fizzled out earlier that year, just before Dennis started his rotations, but that wasn’t exactly at the forefront of his mind anymore.
No, he was thinking about what he was gonna do about it.
If it was true, Robby would break things off in a couple weeks, and then what? Awkwardly move around Dennis? He’d just started his residency, for fuck’s sake.
And maybe he was too naive, or too forgiving, but…he couldn’t find it in himself to be mad at Robby. Sure, he could be, but it was so hard to be mad when he was being treated so well. And if Robby needed this temporary feeling, Dennis’ affections and body, well…he must’ve really needed it. He was a lonely man, after all. And so was Dennis.
His decision was probably stupid. He decided to just enjoy the time he had with the older man, continuing to act the way he had when he’d go over to Robby’s for dinner or sex or both. It hurt to think about it, how fleeting each moment felt after hiding decision, and he knew he should probably stop it before Robby did but it was just so damn good. To be held, to be listened to, to be cared for in a way he never had been.
But, he put up that wall between them, on the sixth week. He stopped holding Robby’s hand while they watched movies, stopped kissing him goodbye when he left, stopped telling him about his life back home. It was cruel, maybe, but Dennis knew what was coming.
And it did. On the 7th week.
“I’m sorry, I just…can’t.”
A pathetic excuse, but Dennis gave Robby a tight smile and a nod, sighing, “Yeah, sure. We can just…go back to how it used to be, right, Dr. Robby?”
There was a look in Robby’s eyes at that, like something shifted, but his face remained the same. Closed off, ashamed.
Dennis gave him a nod before ducking out of his house and back to his and Trinity’s.
And the next day at work, it was like nothing had happened. Except maybe Dennis was kinda dying a little inside, already craving Robby’s heavy hand on his thigh or his lips against his neck, but. He knew what he had gotten himself into.
Robby, for the most part, kept it professional. He was a little stunted, like he couldn’t really find his balance, especially when Dennis was in the room. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even look him in the eye or he’d full on leave, muttering something about a patient or test result or whatever was more convenient.
And Dennis didn’t know why. Robby was the one to call it off, right? Why was he the one acting like he’d been dumped?
So, Dennis doubled down. He wanted Robby to know that he was fine, that there was no reason to be weird or awkward around him. He greeted Robby with a bright smile every morning, like he used to. He got his boss a cup of coffee from the break room before rounds, like he used to. He even found himself leaning into Robby’s space, hoping to feel a steadying hand on his arm or a guiding palm on his shoulder blade.
But, there was nothing.
If anything, it made Robby worse.
He was pissy, snapping more frequently, barking orders at his students until Dana was snapping back and taking him outside to the ambulance bay to calm down.
“Wonder what crawled up his ass and died,” Trinity huffed as she scanned her badge at the station where Dennis stood, watching the ambulance bay entrance. From here, he can see Robby and Dana talking.
“Maybe a rat,” he sighed, frustrated because weren’t things supposed to be back to normal by now? It was two weeks since they’d stopped seeing each other.
“Maybe you can reach up there and grab it for him?” Trinity smirked, typing away at her charts.
“I doubt that’ll help,” he muttered, watching the pair come back in, and when Robby’s eyes met his, Dennis smiled warmly.
Which made Robby’s jaw clench, his gaze snapping away from him as he continued down the hall to the lockers.
And that’s when he decided enough was enough.
Leaving Trinity’s side, he followed Robby down the hall, finding the older man opening up his locker and rifling through it in clear annoyance.
Not really thinking, he stopped a couple feet away from Robby and asked, “So, what’s the problem?”
Robby stopped, his expression dropping into what might be annoyance or disbelief or a combination of the two upon hearing his voice. His voice tense, Robby replied simply, “Nothing.”
“I think I deserve a little more than that,” Dennis frowned, crossing his arms over his chest, “You’ve been in a piss poor mood for the past two weeks and if it has anything to do with what I think it does, you need to grow up and get over it.”
It’s the wrong thing to say. Not only because of how inappropriate it is for where they are, but because Robby’s face lights up with poorly controlled fury, his dark eyes flicking over to him and fixing on him so intensely it almost makes him want to back off.
But, he doesn’t. He knows Robby’s moods. How he gets. Instead, he clenches his jaw and stares back.
“Get over it, like you have?” Robby finally says, his voice dripping with heat, picking a fight.
Dennis’ eyebrows lift, because what? “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” Robby says lowly, stepping away from his open locker and over to Dennis, stopping until he’s just inches away and staring down at him. His eyes are dark, his brow furrowed with anger, his mouth twisting with words unsaid.
And Dennis, with his arms crossed over his chest, furrows his own brow up at him, his voice quiet and calm, “I’ve been nothing but nice to you.”
“Nice? Is that what you’re calling it?” Robby grumbles, his nose scrunching in distaste, “You know what you’re doing, Dennis.”
His jaws drops in disbelief, a soft little scoff leaving his chest as he does, “Dr. Robby, I promise you—”
“—ah! See! There it is,” Robby frowns deeper, “That, Dr. Whitaker, is what I’m talking about.”
Okay. Dennis is confused. He scrunches his face to show just how confused he is, asking, “You’re mad that I’m calling you by your name that literally everyone else calls you?”
Robby looks like he wants to put his own head through a locker, he’s so frustrated, but instead of doing that, he hisses, “No,” and takes a deep, probably not calming, breath before he drags his hands down his face and rubs at his beard.
Dennis is quiet, patient. Waiting. Staring up at Robby with his wide blue eyes, flicking his stare across that handsomely troubled face until Robby’s eyes meet his and then they’re standing there, staring at each other.
And that look from two weeks earlier is back in Robby’s eyes, the cracks in the surface showing Dennis glimpses of the lonely man underneath.
Quietly, nearly a whisper, Robby admits, “I can’t get you out of my head.”
Time stops for a moment.
“And I know I’m the one that broke it off, I know I can’t say shit, but you have been driving me fucking insane ever since that first day back. You bring me coffee, you always ask me if you can join an incoming trauma, you fucking smile at me like you’re the sun personified and you’re always in my fucking space so I know you’re doing it to get back at me for breaking things off.”
There’s silence, again. The sound of the ED is almost background noise now.
Dennis was oh so wrong about things.
Robby does look close to losing his mind now, his eyes wild and hair askew, searching for any sort of tell on Dennis’ face so he could feel vindicated.
“So,” Dennis starts, quietly and slowly, glancing down at Robby’s neck, where he’s eye-level, “You think I’m torturing you for breaking up with me by…doing the things I’ve always done…?”
He said it slowly, not to be condescending, but to understand.
And then Robby’s expression is melting, realizing how wrong he’d been about it all. About Dennis.
“Robby, I…” he flicked his gaze back up to the older man, taking in his open expression, how confused and hurt and disappointed he looks. Licking his lips, Dennis mutters, “I wouldn’t do that to you. And you know that.”
“I know, I do,” Robby whispers, looking rather ashamed now, “I just…fuck, kid, I don’t know. I was losing my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about you after you left my place and then the next day you were acting fine, like the last couple of weeks meant nothing to you—”
Dennis frowned and stepped closer to the other, staring up at him with a set jaw, “Those weeks I spent with you were everything, Robby, I just…” he closed his mouth and moved it around, trying to find the courage to say what he wanted to, and he found it when found Robby hanging on his every word.
He comes clean, “I heard about you, and Noelle. And Dr. Collins. About how you…just stop, after a while. So, I just…didn’t fight it. I took the time I had with you and just accepted that would be it.”
Robby swears under his breath and rubs his face again, taking a moment to let the words sink in before he says, “Yeah, I, um…I get scared. I push away people before they get too close. I think it keeps me safe, but…”
Dennis blinks, “But…?”
“You’re really gonna make me say it?” Robby sighs.
He gives Robby a look, and then the older man is shaking his head, pressing his lips together before admitting, “It doesn’t keep me safe.”
It’s satisfying, to hear Robby admit it, but it doesn’t make Dennis feel any better.
Robby leans against the locker then, finally letting go of that anger he had, and now he looked just plain exhausted. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, sincerely, “I shouldn’t have let myself get in the way of what we had.”
“You shouldn’t have,” Dennis agrees, leaning against the locker with him, the two of them still only inches apart and facing each other.
“And…I don’t think I should tell you this, but…I miss you,” Robby whispers, his eyes so soft that Dennis swears the man is yearning.
And it melts his heart to hear it, because he missed Robby, too, but…
He reaches forward, brushes the backs of his fingers down Robby’s forearm and asks, “How will I know you won’t do it again? How can I trust you?”
“That’s up to you, baby,” Robby murmurs, visibly relaxing and leaning into the gentle touch, “I plan on making it up to you in every way possible in hopes of gaining your trust again, but its also your choice. So…do you want to try again? Because you know my answer.”
He supposes Robby’s right. Robby can bend over backwards for him, swear up and down to him and show him that he can be trusted again, but it’s up to Dennis to actually do it.
And maybe he’s stupid, or glutton for punishment, or just utterly hopeful, because wants to. So badly. He gives Robby a soft smile and glances down at his lips, wishing he could kiss him, but knowing better. Quietly, just for them, he whispers, “I think you know my answer, too.”
Robby’s smile grows, the lines around his eyes deepening in result, and he looks so smitten that Dennis swears his heart skips a beat.
He gives Robby a pained smile then, asking, “Now will you please stop terrorizing everyone and truly go back to normal? For me?”
Robby chuckles at that and nods as he pushes himself off the lockers, throwing his arm around Dennis’ shoulders and pulling him back towards the hub — but not before leaning close to whisper into his hair, “Yes, baby, I will. Promise.”
It pleases Dennis so much he ducks his head with a smile and a blush, buzzing with happiness.
this college AU i'm writing has the potential to become my longest piece yet but i'm still struggling with stitching some parts together so i'm thinking about turning into a series of sorts... otherwise my brain will latch on small details and i'm afraid it will lose traction.
anyways, just thinking a lot about it today but I feel like I finally know where I want it to go.
one of my headcanons for twilight is that Charlie thinks Edward is insufferable, he doesn't buy the "good guy" front he tries to pull in front of him and is always wary of his intentions... Especially since Edward has a very annoying habit of underestimating humans and I'd love nothing more than to have Charlie punch him and actually Edward taking the hit.
might add this to my college AU since they're all human hihi
CW: dubcon? just a random blurb, wanted to make Carlisle do something completely out of character out of spite (:
Carlisle was sick and fucking tired of being the sensible one. Of always holding himself back, burying the animalistic parts of him in order to maintain his perfectly well kept image.
It was fucking exhausting. Fighting against his very own nature for centuries was exhausting.
So when he tasted human blood for the first time in years, it was like something unlocked inside him, like his unending thirst was finally quenched and it brought him to a new level of enlightenment.
He didn't need it, that much was clear, he was perfectly happy with hunting animals and feeding off them.
What he wanted. Nay. Needed, was to just lose himself, relinquish that self control he was so proud of and be consumed by something or someone else, turn off his brain even if for a while.
And, oh, it was just his luck that Charlie was tipsy and giggly and flirty after a hard day at work. So open and pliant that when Carlisle pressed himself against him, he was quick to respond, moaning and whining as they got undressed right there in Carlisle's living room. Neither one of them paying any mind about the glass walls that showed to anyone who might walk by what they were doing.
(why, how or when would Carlisle drink human blood? don't know, don't care, so many questions, not nearly enough answers)
