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How much interpersonal "drama" would you say there is in your life?
Tons/constant drama
A lot/frequent drama
Some/occasional drama
Not much/infrequent drama
Very little/rare drama
None
It's complicated
I don't understand the question, show results
We ask your questions anonymously so you don’t have to! Submissions are open on the 1st and 15th of the month.
Omg you’re right about the “stop fighting your partner and give in” conflict in all of vivienne’s personal ships. Blitz needs to “stop fighting, give in and appreciate stolas more” Vaggie needs to “stop fighting, give in and support Charlie more” fizz needs to “stop fighting, give in and let Ozzie, take care of him” Husk needs to “stop fighting, give in and admit he’s in love with Angel and take care of him” Vox needs to “stop fighting and give in to and be the best boyfriend to valentino” it either one partner hurts the other “feefees” and HAS to apologize and appreciate their partner more, OR It’s a give and take situation where one partner gives (blitz, Vaggie, Ozzie, husk l) and the other partner alway takes (Charlie, Stolas, fizz and Angel) and if you complain and fight against it, you’re the problem and need to learn you’re lesson, again.
Millie and Moxxie are interesting, they embody everything you mentioned about how vivienne writers relationships. Upon my rewatch for HB season 2, they got worse. In season 2 when the show made a steep decline. They devolved. Moxxie is still insecure, incompetent and spineless but needs someone to talk down upon to lift himself up (blitz) and he becomes a sycophant when someone shows him the slightest bit of attention (blitz, Chaz, and now Stolas) but instead of that being a negative trait that Moxxie needs to grow from they make it his only trait. Millie feels under appreciated and not important so she married Moxxie because his crippling insecurity will make him latch on to her and worship her, thus making her feel important and all she has to do is lie to him and tell his great when he isnt. However this backfired on her because in season 2 episode 4, unhappy campers, Moxxie feels threatened by her because she’s the best fighter, assassin and gets the job done and he’s the one making her feel under appreciated and she needs we to feel worth something. At the end he learns to appreciate her more,
Now this could work as an intentional unhealthy marriage like Beth and Jerry from Rick and Morty, but like Vaggie and Charlie it’s not intentional, vivienne wants to make you believe that this type of dynamic is healthy and pure. Just stop fighting and learn to apprentice your partner more.
No notes. Anon hit it out of the park. I also was thinking about Moxxie and Millie while writing my last post, so I am ecstatic you pulled them in as well. You understood the assignment.
"Ragatha is manipulative and evil!"
WRONG
She THINKS she is manipulative and evil. That's what mental illness like trauma and Bpd will do to a brain. Make you believe that you are the scum of the earth and that that's why your relationships never work out. That it's your fault no matter what is really going on.
"like she sees through all my tricks" some thought she literally meant that she was tricking Pomni. She THINKS that by being a normal person reaching out to Pomni that means she was being seen as "tricking her". Cause again, she sees herself as manipulative even if she isn't because that is what was done to her. Probably with her mother. And constantly blames herself for any small problem in a two sided interpersonal relationship. Even if there is no tangible problem at all.
Kinger involved her in a self reflecting conversation that was perfect for her to realize other perspectives besides blaming herself all the time.
Today I got a question I never got asked before and while I should have always understood its importance, having it asked while in a cis-het environment when I'm not out there genuinely put into perspective how important it is the idea is normalized.
The woman asked casually(converstionally) if I was in a relationship and I said nope, single as a Pringle *which is what I always say the underlying symbolism means nothing*.
But the she looked at me without judgement or critique or pressure and gently asked: Do you want to be?
She asked it with more weight than the first question. Like that was the question that really mattered.
And I realized it's the first time I think in my whole life that someone actually asked me what I wanted for myself as far at any future relationship holds.
And while I genuinely don't know, because the last romantic interest I had ended so catastrophically and painfully the idea of someone romantically pursuing me or even touching me makes me want to trash like a trapped animal and vomit, I also still am hungry and longing for that deep connection and intimacy that still comes with a romantic relationship.
But I had never been asked if I wanted to be in a relationship before. If I told someone I was single I was always told "well you'll find someone eventually" or "you shoul find yourself someone nice" or whatever other pressured and pushed idea of "ope can't have you being alone, that won't do" that seems to invade everyone's minds to the point it feels obsessive.
I love that someone asked, especially someone I know for damn fact wasn't trying to pursue me or guage interest, it was simply a conversation.
I really would love for that question to be normalized more when people talk about relationships because while I do fall on the ace spectrum (demi) I'm not anti-romantic relationship but see how important it is that question is asked for those who don't want anything.
Honesty time: I don't think self hatred leads to effective activism, or effective anything for that matter, based on my own experiences with people.
Those who hate themselves, tend to project that hatred onto others. Those who are unhappy with their own lives, tend to make others unhappy. Misery loves company. Those who are miserable tend to want to make others miserable.
I have had friendship after friendship go up in flames, because I simply can't help those who don't want to help themselves, and they were dragging me down and down with them and with their unhealed shit. And this goes the other way around, too: there's no being there for others, if you're not here for yourself.
“The here and now is a prison house. We must strive, in the face of the here and now’s totalizing rendering of reality, to think and feel a then and there… Queerness is that thing that lets us feel that this world is not enough, that indeed something is missing.” — José Esteban Muñoz, Cruising Utopia
“I want a world where friendship is appreciated as a form of romance… I want a world where our worth isn’t linked to our desireability, our security to our monogamy, our family to our biology.” — Alok Vaid-Menon
Our Manifesto
Romance is inherently queerphobic
The organisation of queerness around the celebration and pursuit of romantic desires and pleasures reinforces queer oppression
Queer liberation must abolish romance as its long-term goal
it really feels like there's this culture right now on Tumblr like
"be okay with friends and loved ones not talking to you! be okay with friends and loved ones leaving you for months on end! don't ever expect anyone to text you back! omg you want friends to actually CONTACT you? you feel hurt when you're always the one reaching out? wow just say you hate mentally ill people and go!"
I've seen a lot of folks saying that it's your responsibility to work on abandonment issues if you have them, and that's true. but nobody ever says "maybe work on not abandoning people, too"
This was something that I had to learn the hard way.
We may find ourselves wanting to be open and charitable when someone approaches us with this kind of behavior.
We see innocence.
We see someone who may never have had anyone to show them grace.
We see someone who needs closness and compassion
We see ourselves as a person who can provide each of those things.
This is just something that exists within us. The kindness. The willingness and the ability to show up.
However, energy vampires exist. They will come into your life telling you everything listed in the graphic above. "I'm not good enough for you." "You deserve better." "I know I'm going to hurt you..."
Sure, there are some people who genuinely do have these fears, which can stem from a true lack of confidence in themselves, or from past trauma.
However, if you have been in the vicinity of a person for quite some time and have done what you could to reassure them of their desirability yet, they aren't working on working on themselves and continue to say the above phrases on a more regular basis instead of less often, they never give a reason for why they feel the way they do, and they seem like they are trying to convince you that they should not be in your life, allow this to catch your attention.
Observe their other patterns and behaviors. Get curious about them.
More than likely, they are hiding something that is going to hurt you extremely deeply when you do finally see what it is.
They are acting this way to gain leverage over you. That way, when you do find out and react in a way that is likely justified, they then can hold your reaction to their obvious wrongdoing over your head.
Be aware early on that people like this exist. They only want to control the narrative of the connection, making themselves look like the innocent victim and you like the villain.
