So one time (I believe in 2017) this straight ("straight") couple shows up to this bar I'm at. The guy barges in first like an excited puppy, his girlfriend is trailing behind him looking very apologetic. He's clearly already drunk (It's like, 6:30 pm), and she looks like this kind of thing happens with him a lot. But the guy's friendly and he clearly just wants a little positive attention from some fags, so the bartender humors him.
I'm sitting alone at the bar, and Drunk "Straight" Guy comes up to me and asks me to arm wrestle him while he waits for his drink. I'm pretty put off at first, like, come on, don't drag me into your weird psychosexual bit. I tell him, "That's kind of a straight guy thing. And anyway, I'm not all that strong."
He shouts, "No, no, come on, you can do it!" And then he clumsily leans in, tripping into me, and stage-whispers into my ear "I promise... I'm a HUGE pussy."
INSTANT boner, oh my god.
So of course I arm wrestle him, and of course he lets me win, and then he continues to stumble around the bar until he trips and falls and acts very hurt in way that makes it clear he wants a big strong guy to come help him up.
Eventually his girlfriend calls a cab and ushers him out of there and they disappear into the night. Hopefully to break up, because, girl, let him figure this out on his own.
Anyway I jerked off thinking about spitroasting him with the bartender for MONTHS after that.
