meta about how he viewed Beth and how her death affected him :)
SEND ME A TOPIC TO WRITE A META ABOUT MY MUSE ON ( accepting )
there’s really nobody else that he thinks so fondly of. it’d all began at the farm when he’s slouched over his son who was STRUGGLING to keep his life in his grip and she was making sure that the stranger had water and a cooked egg or piece of smoked ham to chew on. every time she’d peek into the room, rick’s glossy eyes would meet hers and the conversation would be the same every time. no, i’m all set. i don’t need anything to drink. eat? no, i couldn’t possibly eat. really, i’m sure, beth. thank you. you’re right though, i should eat something SMALL. what? no, the one blanket is enough. really beth, thank you. there was such kindness and sweetness from the start from the southern belle.
carl’s recovering and she’s playing checkers and scrabble with him, and even helping him do his homework. every time he sees her at the dinner table or on the front porch he’s smiling or giving her a warm greeting. she’s a doll, she really is in his eyes. that’s all before he heard the young blonde singing one night from her bedroom when he’d gotten a glass of water in the kitchen; she’s got a soft voice and it’s so lulling. he stands outside her door for a minute as he absorbs the melodic tune. he smiles before retreating to the tents outside.
nobody had known that he visited beth when she was in her suicidal state. he pulls up a chair to her bed, looking at her with worried eyes. this was hershel’s daughter and he feels RESPONSIBLE for the way she feels. even though it was shane who should have bore this threat … rick looks at beth and talks about how he felt when he woke up from his coma. the whole story and everything. she lay there STILL and silent but he tells it anyhow. after he’s done comforting her, seeing shane outside getting ready to go dispose of randall, he places a kiss onto her temple.
it’s the first night away from the farm and he finds her crying softly to herself away from the fire. he’d stayed up on watch and heard the silent sobs and knew it was beth. he talks with her; about the future. what it held and what he had to do. beth comforts him, telling him that rick had to do the right thing for his family and the group. beth admits she never liked shane much, especially after the barn incident. rick squirms at the name, but nods nonetheless. beth apologizes and hugs him tightly because she knows that HURT IS JUST PART OF THE PACKAGE.
he places a hand on her shoulder as she and maggie crowd her father. rick had saved hershel, and that was the day. beth thinks to herself over and over how rick is just a GOOD MAN and that he has saved her father countless times. later that night, when rick gets back from the food haul they found in the cafeteria, when lori isn’t looking she places a kiss onto rick’s cheek and quietly thanks him for everything he’d done. rick had blushed, trying his BEST to keep that rough exterior present but he melts at the innocence.
every kiss she plants on his cheek from there on sends his heart racing and he feels like he could fly. though, every kiss is so secret and hushed because her FATHER and lori had just been watching over them no matter what. though the kisses were not sexual, but rather a thankful gesture. lori never saw them. that is, until rick had lost lori. he’s fresh from a shower and making his way back when he runs into her in the cell block. big blue hues meet his as she says six words. HURT IS JUST PART OF THE PACKAGE. rick nods and pinches the bridge of his nose as beth embraces him tightly.
a cool rain hits the windows hard one morning as they approached the middle of summer. and beth is up early, just like rick, getting judith for the morning when she finds him feeing her breakfast. beth smiles at the scene and rick looks back at her with a joyful look because he knows beth thinks the world of judith more than anyone ever could. beth, you don’t have to watch her if you don’t want to. are you sure? i don’t want to make it seem like i’m forcing you to watch her is all … oh, you enjoy watching her? you’re hired. rick says with a laugh as she giggles softly. there she goes with that kindred heart, again.
it’s the first time he’s seen her in nearly a month. not sure if she’s dead, not sure if she’s alive, not sure if she’s UNDEAD or just gone. she’s not with daryl. she’s not with anyone. she’s alone. when rick gets the first trail to find her he’s rushing and pushing everyone to get there as fast as possible. and after the maze of obstacles it took to plant an AMBUSH on grady memorial he can see clearly down the long hospital corridor. he sees beth, cowgirl boots and blonde braid in her ponytail. he knows that she’s almost safe. but he can’t wonder what she thinks of him after he had lost in the fight to save her father.
his eyes are wide when he sees the scene unravel, and he reaches forward so quickly when he hears the bullet tear her skull at the seams. he thinks of the farm. he thinks of the singing. he hears her voice like he’s in a cathedral; the ECHO that rattles his mind. he watches as her body falls to the floor, blood seeping from her cranium. her delicate fingers still clenching a pair of medical scissors and her hair is staining with red blood. rick’s in DISBELIEF as he stares at the lifeless body and he doesn’t even hear the gunshot that kills dawn because he’s so focused on beth’s lifeless body.
the first few steps are hard and his legs are weak, but he makes it. she’s so light in his arms; and the light of the hospital was just feet away. her head bobs as it shifts the weight with his steps. he walks out and looks up at the sky because he knew that she would be at peace. he looks down at closed eyes, studying porcelain features before he hears those six words again. HURT IS JUST PART OF THE PACKAGE.