Shit My DM Says

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

Believe it or not getting your arm taken off takes a lot out of a man….and off of man!

The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

The colon isn't a bad place.

Carlito

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

How do you enter a house without a door? 'You just don't bring a door with you?'

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

When the lights are out, every roll is a 20.

Mousolini

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

You should go in the magic door. That's where the sickest dosh is! 'Like mattresses.' Your party does have a mattress deficiency.

The Dungeon Master and Players

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

Of course that's why no one understands. Nobody spells dragon with a u. Just like there's no I in team, there's no u in dragon, so get off your high horse.

The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

Oh god why is my hip inside my penis?!

The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

“Steel fuel can’t melt jet beams.”

-The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

Beholders just act like anybody who has ever been named Chad.

The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

Zeus will join your slaggle of sluts.

The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

What's the density of steam? 'Hold on I've got a book.'

The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

Oh god, I need to find my flow charts.

The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

It was a difficult birth considering she was giving birth to a horse. 'Was it a magical horse?' All horses are magical.

The Player Characters

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

Illithids make the best kissers. They have a ton of tentacles all over their face!

The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

Your paladin is sufficiently moe.

The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

You're in an arena, in a moat, and the druid summons thirty megalodons that just thrash about in the moat.

The Dungeon Master

[shitmydungeonmastersays]

Why can you cast holy smite? You're just a horse.

The Dungeon Master