I shit posts @shitpost-gener-ator - Tumblr Blog

MY childhood treehouse was so cool, it wasn't even in a tree. Or was a house.

It wasn't a tree house it was a blanket fort that i got yelled at for

Sir, please take the egg out of your shirt. We can all see it. Sir- sir please stop running you're going to dr- *sound of egg hitting floor* sigh sir please stop licking the egg on the floor.

#shitpost #egg #sir why #please don't run with eggs #or eat raw eggs #especially off the floor

*Hacker voice* I'm in.

*screen shows the Webkinz homepage*

#shitpost #webkinz #scraggly puppy webkinz my beloved #hacking

Oh fuck oh shit oh no guys you gotta- you gotta help me! They found my collection of-

#shitpost #what did they find #who knows #gonna need someone as an alibi though #paranoia tw #paranoia

Smile today. Smile at everyone you meet, and especially at strangers. They will be checking that you are smiling, so better safe than sorry.

#shitpost #paranoia tw #paranoia #smile :)#let me know if i should add a tw

Have a good day today, it's your last

#shitpost #paranoia #paranoia tw #death mention #death tw #smile :)

Guest bedrooms that seem smaller than they are. Is it smaller today than yesterday? Tomorrow the bed takes up the whole floor. By the end of your stay, you are stuck. The ceiling presses you flat, your hand can barely fit through the door. When the next guest arrives, it is bigger than before you arrived.

#shitpost #but a deep shitpost #I'm staying in a guest room tonight #wish me luck that my stay ends before i get devoured #slightly horror?#idk #claustrophobia #tw claustrophobia

While cats and dogs fight, the toads and rats have made an alliance. Beware the dark corners you can't quite see and the soggy mud you just stepped in.

#shitpost #cats and dogs #I've met plenty that get along but it seems the majority don't #toads are cool #so are rats #but they will take no shit #beware the corners that bite and the ground that devours #:)

Sometimes when you've been awake for three days and your dog has 3 more eyes than usual, you just gotta make yourself the first full meal, even if the toast has fingers and the sausage has nails.

#shitpost #please sleep if you're hallucinating #and maybe ask your dog to return to normal #but like #a good breakfast can make you feel so good #some good fingered toast #wait not like that-#the sausage doesn't have limbs #just nails

'unleash the crabs!' i bellow. thousands of crabs scurry in and battle mushrooms

#shitpost #crabs #but like the animal #they attacc #the mushrooms have gone too far today

How many toes does your dog have? Are you sure? That seems weird. Might wanna call the police.

#shitpost #dogs #toes #illegal amount of toes #call the police

When all else fails remember that one day the government will come to your house and take away everything that you love and that will be just fine.

#shitpost #the government #will come to take everything #at one point or another #and thats Fine

Remember that fate has a plan for everyone. And you'll probably be fine. Maybe. There's a 24.5% chance.

#shitpost #fate #24.5% chance #youll be okay #maybe

You must never cheat toast without giving the butters of time

#shitpost #butters of time #dont cheat toast #toast #butter

Many things aren't real. You want to know what's real? Then it's the Illuminati. Yup. For sure.

#shitpost #illuminati #its totally real #its the only real thing there is #definately #for sure

When tragedy strikes it's a love-hate relationship. We both love it and hate it.

#shitpost #but a deep shitpost #love-hate relationship #love tradegy #hate tradegy #i made a lot of typos when i wrote this #theyre fixed now

The prophecy states: you'll understand when you're older

#shitpost #what every child is told #yOu'Ll UnDeRsTaNd WhEn YoU'rE oLdEr #the prophecy

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