Shitposting Rick C157 @shitpostingrick - Tumblr Blog

Going On A Haitus

Gonna be very sporadic. I don’t exactly feel wanted around. I am going to take a break. I am open over at @skullgruntdana

@evilrabbitmask

“Hey, dude, be cool alright? I’m sure we can sneak out of here. But we have to work together. Okay? Will you listen to me,” Rick hissed, leaning forward and eyeing the other.

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#evilrabbitmask

Starter for @floweremojilost

“And that’s why you should never let your daughter use the oven,” Rick said to the other, sipping on his latte. He’d managed to meet the other at a local cafe, and offered to buy her a drink. He was being friendly and noticed she was the object of affection to every known Morty across the time lines. Part of him wanted to see what the fuss was all about. The other part of him was bored; his children were busy and his wife and husband were at work. So clearly the man needed something to take his mind off his boredom. Even if it was talking to a teenager. “So- how’s school going? Teachers giving you a lot of homework? Essays and the like?” God, what did teenagers these days talk about? The times were so much different. Things such as cell phones, memes and the like. How was an old man to cope? Unfortunately, his kids were starting to drop pop culture references and he had no idea what the fuck they were talking about.

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#floweremojilost

memewhore

#ɪᴛ's ɴᴏᴛ sʜɪᴛᴘᴏsᴛɪɴɢ ɪᴛ's sᴄʜᴡɪғᴛ ᴘᴏsᴛɪɴɢ [ᴄʀᴀᴄᴋ ᴘᴏsᴛ/ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢ]

miracide

Your ask box said "do you like me" and "yes" is the answer lol. I absolutely love your art, your punk Rick could choke me to death and I would thank him. If you're doing requests still, could you maybe have Seal Team D-99 Rick in casual/comfortable clothes? :3

my 2nd fave seal team rick also thanks for the comment abt punk rick lol id write porn of him if i knew who to put him withALSO IM RUNNING OUT OF REQUESTS YALL

Starter for @riccardosanzio

“Hey, I know you’re excited about showing him your bug- Dana, young lady- Hey. Are you listening? Stop eating the dirt. No. Icky dirt. I’m sorry about her- Come here,” the old man admonished, grabbing his daughter and gently pulling her against him. The child squirmed as her father wiped at her face with a cloth. Dana had been showing the other Rick the bug she had in a little carry case. The bug in question as a large black ant. But during conversation, Dana had gotten distracted and began to eat dirt. Her father, quick to respond, made her spit it out. Now, he was trying to clean it off her face.

“No, stop it, you’re embarrassing me,” the child complained, flailing around to try to get out of her father’s grasp. Pulling on Riccardo’s hand, she whined. “Make him knock it off!”

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#riccardosanzio

insheepsclothing

he had assumed having rick be there would end up being something of an ASSET, and merty was quite pleased to find he hadn’t been wrong in his reasoning. the teen remained fairly quiet for the majority of their conversation, sparing dana one of his practiced SMILES when her attention briefly shifted over to him. at the mention of text messages, merty appeared to visibly perk up a little, his INTEREST clearly piqued.

❝ yes, i would. ❞ it took no small amount of effort to keep any SINISTER undertones from seeping into his voice; it was best she didn’t know about his intentions, the teen reasoned. even if dana was uncomfortable with the text messages- and merty could certainly understandwhy- there was no need to inform her that he was plotting MURDER on her behalf. if everything went smoothly, the “ other man ” would CONVENIENTLY fall out of contact and fade away into obscurity, never to be heard from again.

life was rarely that easy, but he could dream.

❝ take COMFORT in knowing that he won’t be doing it for much longer. ❞ merty replied smoothly. to be honest, the texts made him feel a bit sick- not out of fear so much as it was anger. ❝ you’re not in TROUBLE, ❞ the teen continued, turning his attention to dana. ❝ so don’t worry. everything is going to be fine, okay? ❞

glancing at rick, his voice dropped just a tad. ❝ i know where that is. i know where to find him. ❞

“If you ever need my assistance, I will be there. Part of me really wants to beat his face in, you understand. It’s more of a personal matter. But, if me being there complicates things, I will gladly stand back,” was the silky response. He was keeping his voice that way should Dana ever hear them. Being an Irken, Dana’s antenna were adept at picking up sound vibrations. But if she heard anything, she didn’t say anything. Rick’s hand absently pet at his daughter’s hair (she had her human disguise activated.) “Should I inform my wife? The Rick in question...did a lot of damage to her,” Rick said, a growl in his voice. Poor Elise. Elise was an emotionally frail woman. “Elise is...a very fail woman emotionally. Very easy to get attached. So all of this was a shock to her system. If he dies, I’d like her to be assured he will never come around; you know, he stands outside our house when I’m not around. Just stands there. Looking. It’s disgusting. Of course, the doors are locked and the windows shut. But he never approaches the house....but it’s nasty. I bet he gets off on it.”

A few tears rolled down the child’s face. Being a child, she didn’t understand half of what Rick was saying, but she understood when he mentioned the other Rick standing outside the house. It had been a sight she was used to. “He follows me...he stands outside the fence and looks at me,” she said tearfully, trying to keep her voice calm. Rick looked at his daughter before pressing her head to his shoulder. But when he looked up at Morty, there was a look of pure rage on his face. “Kill him,” he mouthed to the other. By now, it was apparent to Rick that this other Rick most likely had a very unhealthy, borderline sick interest in Dana; none of the other children spoke of being watched by this man. It was Dana and Dana only who this Rick was targeting.

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#insheepsclothing

shitpostingrick

ɪ ʜᴀᴛᴇ ᴛᴏ ʙʀᴇᴀᴋ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴄᴀʟʟ “ʟᴏᴠᴇ” ɪs ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀ ᴄʜᴇᴍɪᴄᴀʟ ʀᴇᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴇʟs ᴀɴɪᴍᴀʟs ᴛᴏ ʙʀᴇᴇᴅ. ɪᴛ ʜɪᴛs ʜᴀʀᴅ, ᴍᴏʀᴛʏ, ᴛʜᴇɴ ɪᴛ sʟᴏᴡʟʏ ғᴀᴅᴇs, ʟᴇᴀᴠɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ sᴛʀᴀɴᴅᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ғᴀɪʟɪɴɢ ᴍᴀʀʀɪᴀɢᴇ.

“Happy Valentines Day to my lovely wife and children. Mun is sorry she’s been busy! I’m sorry too. I hope to come on here more. Please, if we don’t have one already, like for a starter! I’m sure my children and I will love to meet you!”

#ᴡᴜʙʙᴀ ʟᴜʙʙᴀ ᴅᴜʙ ᴅᴜʙ [ɪᴄ ᴘᴏsᴛ]

squeebean

His chocolate eyes squeezed shut as he gripped the old man’s hand tightly as he was walked into the mysterious green portal. Tears threatened to spill from his eyes out of happiness or sadness he wasn’t sure, but it was too late to back out now.

The prospect of having brothers and sisters fascinated him. He was an only child and had always longed to have a bigger family even of the family that he had never felt like one. He was going to miss Pepito and how they would watch “El Chavo del Ocho” on TV on the weekends. He was going to miss the creepy girl at skool with fierce eyes, his only other classmate to show a bit of kindness towards him. He was going to miss the scary neighbor man and the times where he would sometimes bring him a slushie when he snuck into his room at night.

Todd kept his eyes shut even after the pair had only taken a few steps. Did they already arrive? He was too afraid to open his eyes to see.

Rick gently lifted the other before entering the portal. It could be scary for children who weren’t used to it. An old, withered hand rested on the back of the child’s head; as though protecting him. Rick already felt protective over this kid. Squee already had a hard life. “You don’t have to worry, kid. I’ve got you,” he murmured, patting the back of his head. Going through the portal was easy enough. It was quick, and on the other side was a cheerful house. The living room was comfortably furnished, and there was a fire burning in the fireplace. A scent of roses was present, most likely from the roses in the dining room. On the table. There were voices from upstairs and downstairs. Some soft and others loud. “We’re home, kid,” he said softly, a grin on his face. It was good to be home. A few kids were on the couch in front of them, and they all had curious looks on their faces. They were very interested in meeting Squee. “Girls, this is Squee. He’s going to be your new brother.” The girls slowly got up and approached him, grabbing at their father. He laughed a bit. “Now, girls. I’m holding your brother. I’m going to show him to his new room.”

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#squeebean

insheepsclothing

❝ noted. ❞ the teen chirped, his voice and expression both far too PLEASANT for the subject at hand. he was already building a rather DISTINCT picture in his head of what this rick looked like. ❝ every detail you can remember helps. ❞ trying to hunt down one specific rick was a bit like searching for a needle in a haystack- except the needles and hay alike were sentient and the ground he needed to cover spanned countless DIMENSIONS. still, it wasn’t the first time merty had taken on such a task- far from it, honestly- and he couldn’t help but feelCONFIDENT about their chances.

after all, he could be very persistent when he wanted to be.

the teen remained silent when dana entered the room, greeting her with a friendly smile and a little wave. despite his thoughts veering sharply into MURDEROUS territory, merty was a talented enough actor to not let it show on his face. ❝ no need to apologize- this is actually a good thing, actually. ❞ he replied. ❝ i mean, you said it yourself, right? she might know something IMPORTANT, and i think she’d be more comfortable having this conversation if you were here with us? ❞ or at the very least, rick would probably have a better idea of what questions to ask.

❝ if you remember the NAME of that bar, though… i would really like to know it. ❞especially if it was on the citadel.

Dana waved at Merty before putting her face in her father’s neck; it was her favorite place to be. It was comforting, though the child was relaxed in Merty’s presence. But she heard her name, and assumed she was in trouble. “I don’t know what I did, daddy,” she said softly, her eyes wide as she peered up at him. The poor thing looked so close to tears, and Rick rushed to placate her. Big, blue eyes were watery, and Rick felt bad. The child didn’t understand any of what was going on.

“Honey, it’s okay. You’re not in trouble. Merty is happy to see you. See? He’s waving at you, dear.” The child looked up, and slowly waved at the other. This seemed to comfort the child. “Honey, do you remember the other man?” He hoped she did- but to an extent- and watched as she nodded. “Yeah, I do. He texts me sometimes. Do you wanna see, Merty?” The child took her pink smart phone out of her pocket, and handed it to her father. Rick flipped through the messages, and suddenly a smirk ghosted over his face. “It says he’s been at the Citadel Beer Hall. I don’t know why he’s texting my child. I think he finds a sick pleasure in making her uncomfortable. Does it bother you, sweetie?” The child answered with a nod, looking completely detached. It was sad to witness the child like this.

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#insheepsclothing

the-name-is-lee

For the first time in a while the red head actually smiled, a head shaking yes as her hands soon ceased. The male reminded her of her father if she were to say so, and the comfort the couple brought made her envelope him in a tight hug. “Dhank vou.”

Rick was so bad with affection from people not from his immediate family. So when the other wrapped her arms around him, it took him a while to adjust. “It’ll be okay. Now cmon. Tell me where this guy lives. Tell me everything about him. Alright?” He patted her back, trying to make her feel more comfortable.

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#the-name-is-lee

Continued @evilrabbitmask

evilrabbitmask

“Last guy who tried ended up with a knife in the head do you think I give a shit?” He responded snarky as he stared at the other with a monotonous glance

“Hey, you should fucking relax. I’m not dangerous, and I’m a very nice man. Don’t do this to me.” There was an edge of warning in his voice. Rick was nice, but he was also taking shit from nobody.

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#evilrabbitmask

insheepsclothing

❝ then i’ll KILL him. ❞ the words were spoken swiftly and with such ease they might as well have been a comment on the WEATHER. it had been a while since he had last intentionally sought out a specific rick to kill- too long, if merty was being completely HONESTwith himself.

❝ give me details. ❞ he spoke in a tone that was eerily BUSINESSLIKE, like rick had asked for a hitman instead of a favor. ❝ his appearance, his mannerisms, his likes and dislikes- anything that sets him apart from the rest. if you happen to know his dimension number,even better. ❞ his lips twitched upwards as if he was trying to hold back a SMILE- probably not a very nice one, considering the topic at hand. ❝ it doesn’t matter if he’s prone to RUNNING. ❞ no one ever suspected the morty, after all- a fact that merty used to his advantage, more often than not.

❝ if you help me, i can help you- it’s as SIMPLE as that. ❞

Oh yes. This was something Rick wanted- to see that bastard killed. The other seemed to be on board, so that was even more exciting. “His name is Rick B227. He’s got a generic Rick look, but his hair is more slicked back. I think he has a cigarette burn on his left cheek, and a mole on his chin. Big smoker. Elise told me he was a heavy drinker too, heavier than most Ricks. Got violent when he was drunk.” Rick flinched at that comment. Often during intimate moments with his wife, he would see the left over scars. Which was truly haunting. “I think you should talk to Dana too. She, oddly, knows a lot about him since he shared all kinds of things with her. Dana once said he was partial to eggs, and I have no idea why that came about. He also tends to frequent a bar at the Citadel. The one-” Before Rick could finish his sentence, Dana, who had gotten tired of waiting for him, ran into the room. Rick scooped her up and sighted. “Daddy and Merty were having a talk, Dana. The nice guard was keeping you safe.” “I don’t want the guard. I want daddy,” the child replied, putting her head on his chest. Rick placed a protective hand on the back of her head, and looked up at Mery with an apologetic look. “I’m sorry about her.”

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#insheepsclothing

mcrtimersmith

@shitpostingrick

At this point of their presidency, EVERYONE knew of the giant and overly friendly guard dog that the two kept around. Sylvie often left the Government building with her owners, following them around as a personal, yet astute guard. But that didn’t mean Sylvie wouldn’t stop to say hello to everyone.

While Mortimer stood discussing the next plan for their little excursion out among the common man, Sylvie was laying around on the ground, letting a few Mortys go about petting through her fur. Even one or two Ricks approached her. It let Mortimer have some time to himself and let Sylvie have that much needed attention she wanted at all hours of the day.

Her ears do prick at the sight of a small girl running through the crowds. She was laughing out loud and zipping herself through the crowds of Ricks that were TRYING to meet the president. The large alien hyena pushes herself to her feet, much to the disappointment of the Mortys; Sylvie jumps into action after the little girl. Her teeth SNAP down on the back of her shirt, dragging her completely off the ground and high up into the air.

Here, she carries her out of the crowd, setting her down on the ground a few feet away from where Mortimer stood. Her curious growl down at her was nothing but FRIENDLY.

Going with her father to the Citadel was a real treat, but it there was always one rule she had to follow- always stay within sight of her father. Sadly, this was one rule the child often broke. Poor Rick would look up, and his child would be gone. A piercing panic would pierce his heart, and he would search for her. This was one of those times. Dana had gotten away from her father when they were at the Rick Cafe. He turned his back for one second, and Dana was off like a bullet. That was how fast she was. After some running around and dodging though crowds of Ricks, Dana managed to get almost near where Mortimer was standing, but she was having way too much fun running around to notice the big alien. Laughing and gigging, Dana ran into some Ricks, who turned to look at her. The little girl had no idea Sylvie was nearby until it was too late. “Huh,” was all the child managed to say before Sylvie’s teeth snapped the back of her shirt. Dana tried to turn around in mid air to see what was going on, but was unable to do so. Before she was plopped down, the child kicked out her feet in an attempt to get away. “Please let me down. This isn’t nice,” the child yelled, but did nothing to harm the alien. Dana wasn’t going to harm anybody, unless she needed to. Mouth opened to yell, Dana was stopped from speaking when she was dropped down near Mortimer. Now that she was down, she finally managed to turn and look back at Sylvie. “Isn’t that the president,” she asked, her brow rising.

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#mcrtimersmith

insheepsclothing

❝ you have no idea what kind of PERSON you’re asking that favor of. ❞ which was presumably the entire reason why he was even asking in the first place; after all, one was more likely to ACCEPT a deal with the devil when they didn’t understand what they were getting themselves into.

❝ i really don’t know what you’re expecting, ❞ merty continued, ❝ i’m not aBABYSITTER. i don’t have time for that. ❞ for once, he was being completely honest; the citadel alone was already a handful. still, from the RESIGNED sigh that followed his words, it was clear the teen wasn’t done talking. ❝ i make no promises. i’ll do what i can if i NOTICE anything, but only because the idea of letting another innocent kid get FUCKED UP by a rick makes me sick to my stomach. ❞

Rick didn’t know how to break it to the other- he was a little late to that. Unfortunately, Dana and her siblings had already been fucked up by a Rick. And it was hard. Hard to wake up to hear the children, screaming out in their sleep. The traumatic events entered their dreams, and he spent countless nights comforting them. “They’re already fucked up,” he said, a bitter tone to his voice. Without his knowing, the man’s aged hand clenched and loosened at his side. Teeth ground together as memories appeared like fog in his mind. Shaking his head did not dispel them. “It was a Rick. My wife had been dating him. He was extremely abusive- hitting her and the kids. Telling her if she ran away, he would kill her. Elise finally left him. Kicked his ass good.” This last part was said with a tone of pride. Rick was partial to strong women. “I went and kicked his ass. I tried to kill him, but the bastard got away. So I’ve been trying to hunt him down. That’s why I’m asking for your help, Merty. I don’t want that bastard going after my kids.”

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#insheepsclothing #tw abuse

the-name-is-lee

Lee gave a thankful look to the man before her, despite his bragging manor being called suicidal by his spouse. She stands from where she had been seated, looking to the two with a moment of thought.

“If you do this, I don’t know how I can repay you. You’ll be removing the worst thing that could have possibly happened to me and I… I’ll be forever grateful.” Her hands clasped each other, shaking a bit as she withheld her need to wrap her arms around the male and squeeze him till his eyes popped out of his skull.

“Elise, it’s really not that big of a deal. I’m not going to die- I kill people for a living, remember? This is my job. But this time, I’m doing it for free.”

“Fine. I do think it’s necessary, but I think you should stop being so cocky. You’ve gotta be careful,” she retorted, her patience running thin. “My wife is being difficult,” Rick chuckled, prompting a huff from Elise. He noticed the woman’s shaking hands and placed his hand on hers. “Are you okay, Lee?”

#ᴘʀᴇᴘᴀʀᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴀᴅᴠᴇɴᴛᴜʀᴇ [ʀᴘ]#the-name-is-lee

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