Willing and Able by Noah Kahan gets me so bad. Every time I listen to it I think of my cousin. We used to be so close, skeepovers on weekends, always begging our parents to see each other-to spend one more night at her house. She was one of my best friends for a long time.
Her family is extremely religious, and she became more religious the older she got. She absorbed the ideals of the Quran, and the media she was consuming. Soon she was talking about being a housewife and not going to college and moving to turkey to marry a Muslim man and have his babies. It became harder to talk to her, harder to relate to her.
I think the last straw for me was when we were having a sleepover, and she was going on and on about the ideal Turkish man she would marry, when all of a sudden she turned to me. “What about you, what kind of man do you want to marry?” And I told her the truth, that I don’t like guys, and (if we choose to) I will get married to a girl.
She got kinda quiet, and then said “you will find a man at some point” and then followed it up with “this is just a phase.” And those were the first homophobic comments I ever got. I don’t think I have had a real conversation with her in the 4 years since this happened, but I still think about it. I would love to go back to being friends again, but deep down I know that that isn’t possible, and I don’t know if she will ever approve of my “lifestyle”. The one who once would have been one of my bridesmaids, turned into someone who will likely not get invited.
Anyways Noah Kahan makes me emo and Willing and Able always makes me cry and think of her and what could have been for the two of us.