Shitty Star Trek Recaps

Every single Star Trek episode and movie completely and perfectly explained

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‘Sixty Nine Time’

1x4 Star Trek: Tactical Ostrich Sand

So in this episode, a couple of the boys beam down to this planet to get some nerds, but they were dead and completely frozen, so naturally one of the boys touches the snow and contracts an std and brings it back to the ship, then everyone starts acting angry, sad and horny. Sulu attacks people with his sword, Spock has a meltdown and cries a lot, then everyone just kinda wants to die and the ship starts falling into a planet, but McCoy thinks up with a cure and they start up the engines up causes time to go back 71 hours somehow. The end.

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‘Where some guy has been’

1x3 Star Trek: Thoracic Outlet Syndrome

In this episode, the enterprise really wants to leave this galaxy but this energy said no, and give Gary Mitchell and this woman Both got tin foil eyes and powers. A little while later, the woman tries to kill Gary because he’s being too naughty but it doesn’t turn out good for her, and he kills her. And now this man of godlike powers, who can kill anyone with a thought gets squished by a rock and dies

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‘Professor X’

1x2 Star Trek: Table Of Specifications

Poor old Charlie X has been living alone on a planet for a long time, the gang bring him onboard and good old Charlie really wants to fit in and have people like him, but everyone hates that loser. But it turns out this loser has powers and he becomes fixated on Yeoman Rand in a very creepy way. Uhura and Spock have an epic duet. Anyways good old Charlie X uses his powers to do some crazy shit with a bunch of women, like turning them into a lizard, or old, or removing their face (very weird fetish). And so this big old green glowing head guy appears and takes him away to presumably kill good old Charlie X, oh how I hate him

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‘The Mouse Trap’

1x1 Star Trek: Terms Of Service

ST finally gets picked up, pike goes bye-bye, hello there Kirk. So the boys beam down to this planet and find a couple, they are up to something, a bunch of redshirts get the salt sucked outta them. It turns out the wife is a trap (not like that), and she’s is a shape-shifting alien who sucks out people’s salt. Then the monsters turns into Dr. Bones, and starts going after the crew, then the real Bones kills him

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‘The Enclosure’

0x0 Star Trek: Those Old Scientists

In this episode, it’s the unaired pilot where captain Pike meets a space babe, and these bald people, and they capture pike, and make him see all his desires, but he’s like “no uh” and it turns out the space babe is not a babe at all, and she’s old or hurt or something. So Una and the gang go to the planet and free him, and the space babe can’t leave so the bald people duplicated pike and he stayed there with her, (they probably had a lot of sex). The end.