' i'm so sorry, sven! ' mya hugs him tightly, her own voice choked by emotion. ' i wish i could bring him back to you. i really do. ' ( post iw angst 👀👀👀 )
random stuff ; always accepting.
LOSS. He has never been unfamiliar with it; he knows it well, like an old friend who still remembers to check in every now and then. But this loss is DIFFERENT. Where in the past, it has burnt a fiery anger in his chest, he now feels nothing. Rather, not so much nothing as an empty, dull ACHE reverberating in his bones. Part of him is missing; he will NEVER get it back. His sister, his parents— James. He has nothing. He is NOTHING.
MYA AND STEVE WILL HAVE THEIR HAPPY ENDING. A long time coming, perhaps, but they will have it. The angry bitter part of himself, the one he’s always wanted to cut out of him like bad meat, LOATHES them for it. Sven won’t have that, not with James. He doubts he’ll have it with anyone. For two years he told himself that he and Jamie would have that ending, that things were going to be alright. There’s no LYING to himself anymore. He and Jamie were never a fairy tale— they were star-crossed lovers, destined to fail from the start. They are a TRAGEDY.
IT ALMOST SEEMS LIKE JUSTICE. After everything he’s done, to have the one being on the planet who made him whole RIPPED from his arms, it seems right. The universe is PUNISHING him. He has nothing. Mya will care for him, he knows she will, but he is not worthy. Not after what he’s DONE to her. He can’t look her in the eyes without flinching, there is nothing tethering him to this life anymore and he cannot bear her worry. Sven is dead weight; she still has a HAPPY ENDING to live. He cannot find his own name among its pages.
SVEN IS LIMP IN HER ARMS. She speaks the words he’s heard a thousand times. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. He’s trembling, and it’s humiliating but he cannot find it within him to stop. His forehead comes to rest dully against her shoulder, blue eyes open. He wants to cry, to sob, to SCREAM, but he cannot find the will to do that, either.❝I don’t want to do this without him, Mya.❞ Sven’s voice is small, shaking. BROKEN.❝I can’t. I can’t do it.❞
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