bluebeard's last wife

[shoelacestied]

sweetheart, 

you  look  a  little  tired

a study in .. not just some concept you dreamt, she herself is a haunted house, twinkle twinkle little star, finding pieces of yourself along the way

an independent and private writing blog for my canon divergent, guinevere beck, by abigail . parental death, drug addiction, drug abuse, gaslighting, murder, ptsd, and unhealthy coping mechanisms & other triggering content. due to beck’s background, content and life all of these can be found on this blog and will not be consistently tagged without request. please read all information before following & interacting.

one .. carrd, two .. playlist, three .. pinterest, four .. study

[maycanady]

ELIZABETH LAIL as GUINEVERE BECK YOU (2018 - 2025) 5.06 "The Dark Face of Love"

[shoelacestied]

“if uh.. if it’d help to talk about it… I would like to listen.”

“  you're  sweet,  ” 

but  joe  had  been  sweet  once  upon  a  time  before  the  mask  fell  away  to  reveal  the  monster  underneath  her  knight  in  shining  armor.  she's  not  stupid  enough  to  assume  every  person  she's  run  into  is  evil  now  or  that  every  man  is  going  to  lock  her  away  in  a  cage,  but  even  the  seemingly  harmless  man  in  front  of  her  with  his  sad  eyes  makes  her  a  little  jumpy, 

“  i  wouldn't  ..  it's  a  very  long,  very  sad  story.  " 

one  he's  probably  heard  all  the  other  sides  of  if  he  follows  the  news  at  all,  what  difference  would  her  side  make  in  the  grand  scheme  of  things  ? 

[shoelacestied]

and  after  the  storm,  i  run  and  run  as  the  rains  come and  i  look  up,  i  look  up, on  my  knees  and  out  of  luck, i  look  up.

a independent & private blog for canon divergent & headcanon based guinevere beck of netflix's you, written by abigail, 21+ only, personals will be blocked. viewer descretion advised.

[shoelacestied]

she doesn't know why she thought she could do this, be this person. she's never been the strong one, never been the hero or the white knight .. maybe those two never really existed outside of fairytales in the first place. she's not clyde .. she's not strong or brave like this world demands, but she can't .. she can't just give up. she didn't give up down in that basement and she's not giving up in this filthy subway.

" i'm okay, " it still feels unsteady, but less like a lie as she drags her hand over her face and through her hair. her sleeve damp with fearful tears that she sniffs back, " i can't just pretend, ben, could you ? just walk away from all of this now ? "

[archive-benbraeden]

he wants to lie to her, and tell her that yeah, he could just walk away from all of this now. that he could go to a home night after night and pretend like he doesn't see the horrors of the world that are brought on by unnatural forces that normal people, unfortunately, won't wake up and realize. they pretend like it's just monsters that are make-believe, as though they never made them up themselves based on the foundations of truth. "no, i couldn't," he says, almost too confidently for a guy who didn't know that the words were going to filter through his mouth faster than he could grab them and tuck them back behind pearl teeth and swallow them whole. so that she doesn't have to damn herself, like the braeden has done himself. "it's hard when you realize the truth of everything. it's harder to look away when you know deep down, something bad is happening."

[shoelacestied]

it's both the answer she expected, wanted and dreaded all at once. if anyone was meant for this world it seemed like ben was even if he didn't deserve it, she wonders if anyone in this world ever did. she definitely doesn't know what she deserves anymore whether she was meant to die in that basement, whether she was meant to never been in the subway that night, whether she deserved this or the good life where things healed themselves almost in a fractured way.

" because you're a good person and i'm- " beck sticks on the words that would confirm she was a good person too because honestly she knew fundamentally at her core she wasn't. " i need to be here, i think i need this, ben. somehow, someway i think i need this because bad things keep happening and there's so many people who don't deserve it. "

maybe she was never one of them.

" i can .. i can do this. " there's a firmness to her words now as she blinks past the film of tears still lingering just enough to blur her vision in the slightest, " i need to do this. "

[shoelacestied]

beck's out and about. there's no tsunami, killer bees or even just road rage. it's a regular tuesday that she's sipping on a caramel macchiato of all things in los angeles when of course she's bumped into someone by a passerby rushing by on rollerskates,

" fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't spill on you, did i ? "

... @skunkks

[skunkks]

i'd always thought chicago had the most assholes per city block, but since i'd moved to los angeles i'd learned that assholes are just kinda everywhere. workin' with the public will teach ya that, but i'm off today ... just enjoyin' the sun when some prick zips past on roller skates, no care for anyone else around. sends someone stumblin' right into me, a curse leaving my lips in surprise as i falter on my feet. my hands reach out on instinct, gently steadying her by her shoulders.

"shit ..." i glance down at myself quickly, no spillage, thankfully. i look up at the stranger, flashing her a smile. "... no, no y' didn't. and don't apologize, ain't your fault that dude was goin' like forty miles an hour." my words are light, tryin' to be reassuring. i can't help but chuckle at my exaggeration, dropping my hands once we're both steady. "y' okay, though? did y' spill on yourself, burn your hand?" i ain't at work, but the questions come naturally. "roll your ankle ... ?"

[shoelacestied]

she can't help the flinch when he grabs her shoulders, but she manages to keep steady on her feet when she pulls away because all she can are joe's hands pulling her to safety, " sorry, uh .. sorry about that. "

thankfully, at his words she can be sure she didn't spill on him because that would just be her luck to spill all her coffee on the seemingly nice guy, " right ? didn't even think people roller bladed anymore, guess its still a thing. "

slight surprise covers delicate features before she covers it up with a smile, at his words she realizes her hand does hurt, she doesn't think its a bad burn, but he sounds more experienced than the somewhat failed writer, " think it should be okay, coffee wasn't scalding at least. "

[wiildflowers]

(　◕‿◕✿)

[shoelacestied]

it's just the subway and still it makes her want to scream, all these little things in her life that are gripped by darkness .. more darkness than she ever really knew. beck still wonders if she'll ever be able to breathe the way she did before, to just live the way she was before, but it feels like some far off dream that disappears further everytime she wakes .. or now when she's huddled by the steps in the subway wishing her brother was there because there's monsters everywhere now. it's not her brother that calls out to her, but a man with dark and messy hair and concerned eyes,

" i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm okay, "

she used to be such a good liar.

... @benbraeden

[archive-benbraeden]

he hates that she has been dragged into this, and ben wants to look around and make sure that no one else is here to reap what is about to happen to them. a local subway that is often used to help people get around cities, but there's one subway cart in particular that seems to be taking these people away from their destinations, and go missing somewhere. "look," ben starts, looking at beck through her fingers that seem to cover her countenance, as if she can shield the darkness that seems to engulf the lives of people like them. doomed from the beginning; a life of a hunter. "if you want to sit this one out, that's fine, no one expects you to be a martyr." and oh, ben hopes that she will take the offer and walk away from this now. walk away from the life, walk away from this case, maybe walk away from it entirely. find herself somewhere else, where she isn't bent over her legs shaking from her own onslaught of ptsd that clouds her.

[shoelacestied]

she doesn't know why she thought she could do this, be this person. she's never been the strong one, never been the hero or the white knight .. maybe those two never really existed outside of fairytales in the first place. she's not clyde .. she's not strong or brave like this world demands, but she can't .. she can't just give up. she didn't give up down in that basement and she's not giving up in this filthy subway.

" i'm okay, " it still feels unsteady, but less like a lie as she drags her hand over her face and through her hair. her sleeve damp with fearful tears that she sniffs back, " i can't just pretend, ben, could you ? just walk away from all of this now ? "

[shoelacestied]

the soft tinkle of the bell greets her in such a normal way that it almost makes her forget what she's here for. she hasn't heard from her brother in over a week and while that's been normal for the past couple of years, this past year he's been the one making sure they stay in contact, he's the one looking after her again, and now he's gone and she doesn't know what to do. a frantic search through his things had led her to this diner of all things, it's warm inside and makes tears spring to her exhausted and red-rimmed eyes,

" i was told this was a safe space for .. " she lowers her voice, blue eyes flickering around almost desperately, " for hunters, i'm looking for my brother, "

... @milleroptimism

[shoelacestied]

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