It’s been a while since I’ve shared some thoughts, so let’s do it. Last Saturday has been on my mind for a bit now so I’d like to write about it. It was cool, my boyfriend and I went to this dive bar we went to one time before. It was cool the first time, there was this bartender that was like the perfect balance of social and a little awkward. She made a lot of convo the first time we went there and then made a really pretty free shot for us that day too. And the drinks we ordered were STRRROOONG lol. But anyways yeah we went there again after maybe a month and she was there and welcomed us in again. Me and Zach saw the tequila selection and saw it was a little minuscule but said fuck it and went for patron. She said she’d give it to us for the price of the cheaper tequila and we were already just like “oh shit that was nice” and then he was hungry so he got food and I just got a marg and he got a corona too. We then noticed she didn’t even put it on our bill so we got shots for free. Literally hella nice! We all made convo for a good amount of time. Started talking about movies and stuff we’d recommend and it was cool.
I noticed that she made my drink and got his but had these shot glasses upside down next to both me and Zach. I didn’t want to sound dumb so I didn’t say anything about it at first but then I finished my very strong marg lol and asked Zach if he knew what it meant bc I’m not as much of a bar girlie lol. He said he didn’t know and that I should ask her. So I did I was like “hey this might be a dumb question but what do the upside down shot glasses mean?” And she said “it means you guys have another drink lined up” homegirl gave us a drink for free now too be we didn’t preorder those ones. So we literally only payed for one marg and one corona. It was just super nice. I know it sounds just like a quick little thing of “wow she’s really nice I’m gonna tip her well and enjoy and move on from that night” and of course we did tip her well💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼 haha. But yeah I think the thoughts just stuck in my head
Like someone just being nice. It made me feel like I existed. Idk how to phrase this right but I feel a little nonexistent outside of my close circle. Like I don’t say any of this in a “feel bad for me” “pity me” kind of way, just more so outside people are very straight forward w me. Take like, me going to Starbucks. It’s very straight to the point, I ask if I could get something, they say yes, and I pay and we both say “have a good one” it’s never like people ask me questions. That’s another example, like take my coworkers for example. It’s actually become this running joke at work that I ask everyone a bunch of questions and get coworkers to tell me their whole lives and they don’t know literally anything about me lol. Lol I don’t ask them to snoop or anything I just like knowing background/ knowing how I should talk to them in future work situations/ also bc it makes the time go by faster. And so it’s not like I consider myself closed off, I just don’t tell people information about me unless they ask. And they don’t. And so once again I’m not asking people to. I gave all my reasons to why I ask people questions but I do recognize people don’t ask much about me. And I don’t feel down about it or anything. More so just neutral. But I will say it did feel cool that that bar tender was nice and asking Zach and I about ourselves and then gave us some freebies. It’s just not something I’m used to and just felt nice.
Another subject that’s been on my mind I think the past two months is just this weird thing that’s happening w my boyfriend. The beginning of my boyfriend and I being together, he was underweight. Was for most of his life and then he went through a bad situation that stressed him out more and led to him being even more underweight. He had a nutritionist and then maybe two months after we got together he no longer needed one bc he was eating good and at a healthy weight. Both him and I definitely gained some relationship weight and ayo I’m not hating on it. It means we’re happy. Weight fluctuates and sometimes I personally can get self conscious about it but it’s life, it’s all just fucking bags of flesh carrying our beings, but I digress. Anyways I remember him saying maybe three months ago his coworkers have been bringing up that he’s gained weight. “Has a belly now” and he was pretty light hearted about it. He said to me, “yeah I’m eating and also I’m getting close to 30, metabolism changes lol, but I think I am going to start exercising again. “Which I think, great reaction to that. I’ve never been on the other spectrum of being underweight, but I assumed at first hearing “you’ve gained some weight, you look good” to him would be nice to hear? But then that weird belly comment made me feel a way. I kept it to myself bc I’m not projecting my own insecurities onto him. But I heard it a lot more often from his coworkers. It’ll be like him and I are on the phone together and you’ll hear one coworker he hasn’t seen in a while be like “dang *bfs last name* you gained a couple lbz “ or “your face is looking fuller” and all these comments are said in this “light hearted” condescending tone. It continued to bug me tbh, bc Zach would just be like “haha you’re right” and idk it’s just weird for people to say. One instance got me really upset though, I went to chilis w him and one of his coworkers. And you could tell their work relationship is that she picks on him. But that hangout where we were maybe there hour and a half to two hours. She was ripping him to shreds about his weight. It made me actually upset. He laughed it all off and I didn’t feel comfortable commenting bc I don’t know their relationship like they both do. But it made me physically uncomfortable how much she was talking about his weight. The hangout ended and the first thing he said to me was “jesus Christ, she went in on me today” and I was like “yeaaaah…. Those were all super weird comments to make. I wasn’t a fan, I just didn’t know if you guys always talked that way w each other.” And he was like “yeah that’s the norm.”
It just it made me so mad that people are talking like that w him. It got brought up again a few days ago when he was getting through his gate while we were on the phone and one of his coworkers said “looks like you gained some happy weight” and Zach was just like “haha don’t say that “ and he left the gate and I just said everything. Why the fuck are his coworkers SO weird. He’s in the military and I know that involves being physically fit and I’m sure there’s a fair share of eating disorders in that place bc of it, it’s just really disturbing how much people have said things to him about it. Like I thought the whole commenting on weight was something our aunts and uncles did and would die out in that generation. Not continue onto people our age. I thought people knew better. Idk if he’s getting more comments bc people think they could say it bc he’s been skinny his whole life compared to someone who’s always been bigger you assume you shouldn’t say that to them. I just hate how comfortable people feel to comment on is weight. It makes me mad for him. He’s definitely not a person who gives a shit about what people say (genuinely one of the reasons why I think he was meant to be in my life, so I could be better at that) but it makes me upset people say these things to him. Like why not just be a normal person and make small talk? Why talk about the way you’re perceiving someone physically.
He’s so fucking cute and I love him so much. I just want him to be treated respectfully and I don’t want him to eventually be self conscious bc people feel entitled to making these weird and rude ass comments
Those two things have been on my mind heavy though. Just needed to blurt it out. I know it’s going into the void of tumblr but it was nice to get these thoughts out
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