SHORT BLACK TO GO. @shortblackk - Tumblr Blog

My ex acts in ways where he doesn’t want me to be happy but tells me to go be happy.

Just doing mom things.

I’ve had a couple exes tell me they were sorry but there’s only one apology I genuinely accepted even though I never needed it. I felt devastated at the time but there were no regrets and for that kind of love, I’m grateful.

They came to visit me from Oki. Love you all so so much! Xoxo

New hat to inspire my girlies ♥️

Cirque De Soleil Luzia in Brisbane 🦋🤹🏾‍♀️🎪🎭

Carter training with Trent Oeltjen and Donald Lutz.

#BPD

#DV abuse DARVO distress

Repairing a toxic relationship can be complex and difficult.

It can be done, but by the time most people realise their relationship has turned toxic, it's too late...

But identifying if you're in a toxic relationship can be even more difficult because it's hard to see it when you're on the inside.

There are many traits and many faces of a toxic relationship.

A beautiful relationship can turn toxic even when there's still love.

The lack of trust and respect begins to turn into anger and resentment.

A toxic relationship is when they always bring up your past mistakes and continue to judge you and punish you for them even though you've taken steps to fix things.

A toxic relationship is when they show no empathy towards you and don't care about your feelings or the way they make you feel.

A toxic relationship is when they constantly break your trust, breach your privacy, and knowingly do things that are disrespectful towards you and that they know upsets you.

A toxic relationship is when they are selfish and self centered; everything is always about them.

A toxic relationship is when they want you to make them a priority but they won't treat you like a priority in their life.

A toxic relationship is when they won't communicate with you and when they do, they don't communicate with any sort of level of emotional maturity.

A toxic relationship is when they never apologise or take accountability for their mistakes or wrong doings and they make everything your fault by deflecting, blame-shifting, projecting, and turning things around to make you feel guilty for something they've done.

A toxic relationship is when they neglect and manipulate you by deliberately withholding what they know to be your love languages; such as giving affection, spending time together, and communicating openly, honestly, and effectively.

A toxic relationship is when they constantly put you down, make you feel worthless, and tell you that you're not capable.

A toxic relationship is when everything you do right is negated by that one thing you do wrong; they will continue to remind you of this over and over. They will make out like everything you ever do is wrong and you can't ever get anything right.

A toxic relationship is when they make you feel guilty for bringing up how you feel or how they upset you, they always turn it into and argument and blame what they did on something that you did.

A toxic relationship is when you don't feel emotionally safe, and you're too scared to express how you really feel because you know they will become angry and defensive instead of acknowledging what they did and trying to make things better.

A toxic relationship is when they deliberately hide things from you or do things behind your back. They do this in a secretive and deceptive manner to avoid you finding out what they're really up to.

A toxic relationship is when they have deteriorated your support network, restricted or significantly deteriorated your finances, and their abuse has deteriorated your mental health.

A toxic relationship can cause a significant decline in both your mental health and your physical health.

A toxic relationship will increase your depression, anxiety, fear, anger, stress; and decrease your happiness and feelings of self-worth, confidence, and self-esteem.

The way you feel is important.

The way someone makes you feel is important.

If someone really loves and and really cares about you, and they value the relationship; they will work together with you to make things better again.

But if someone doesn't respect you enough to make you feel respected, safe, heard, and loved; they've already shown you what you mean to them.

And if that's the case, then don't waste your heart, your tears, and your health on them any longer...

#toxicity

1. The Power of "I'm Sorry": Lerner explores the immense emotional weight of a genuine apology and its role in VALIDATING your hurt, fostering hope, igniting healing, and eventually, restoring trust. Offering and receiving apologies are crucial for healing and maintaining healthy relationships.

2. Beyond "I'm Sorry": The book goes beyond expecting a simple apology and delves into these deeper needs that arise after betrayal. It reveals that an apology is an acknowledgement of responsibility and the impact of our actions on others. It is also one sure way to show remorse and the desire to repair the damage.

3. The "Non-Apologizer": Lerner explores the psychology behind individuals who resist apologizing, including factors like shame, denial, or difficulty facing their own wrongdoing. This knowledge helps you detach from their behavior and manage expectations, focusing on your own healing journey.

4. The Over-Apologizer: Excessive apologies can also be problematic. The book examines those who apologize excessively, often due to low self-esteem or fear of abandonment. Recognizing this dynamic can help you avoid getting caught in unhealthy codependency patterns.

5. Healing Without an Apology: While an apology is ideal, focusing solely on its absence can hinder your healing. The book offers strategies for healing even if you don't receive one, such as self-compassion, setting boundaries, and reclaiming your narrative by focusing on your strength and resilience.

6. Anger is your friend: Your anger is not your enemy. It signals a violation, fuels change, and motivates you to protect yourself. Lerner normalizes and validates anger as a natural response to betrayal, and offers healthy ways to express and manage it constructively instead of allowing it to consume you.

7. Forgiveness is a Personal Choice: Forgiveness isn't about condoning the act; it's about self-care. Focus on letting go of anger and resentment for your own peace of mind, not theirs. The book challenges the societal pressure to forgive automatically. You decide what forgiveness means and looks like for you.

8. Grieving the Loss: Allow yourself to feel the emotions. Betrayal often involves a loss of trust, safety, or the relationship itself. Acknowledging and grieving this loss is crucial for processing your emotions and moving forward.

9. The Power of Connection: Don't heal alone. Reconnect with supportive loved ones, seek therapy, or join support groups. Sharing your experience and receiving understanding can be invaluable for your emotional well-being.

10. Rewriting Your Story: The power lies in your narrative. Lerner encourages you to rewrite the narrative of betrayal on your own terms, focusing on your strength and resilience. While you do, remember that the experience doesn't define you, but empowers you to become a more authentic and resilient version of yourself.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/3OUHM2e

1. Redefining Introversion: Introversion is not shyness or social awkwardness, but a preference for quieter, more reflective environments. Introverts gain energy from solitude and internal processing.

2. The Power of Introverted Strengths: Introverts excel in deep thinking, creativity, focused work, and one-on-one conversations. They bring valuable perspectives and insights to teams and communities.

3. The Extrovert Ideal: Our society often favors extroverted traits, valuing loudness, sociability, and risk-taking. This can lead introverts to feel undervalued and pressured to conform.

4. Embrace Your Introversion: Don't apologize for your preference for quiet. Value your strengths and find ways to thrive in environments that suit your needs.

5. Create Your Own Success: Introverts can excel in various fields, not just traditionally "quiet" professions. Find your niche and create a work environment that allows you to be your best self.

6. The Power of Solitude: Introverts need time alone to recharge and process information. Schedule regular quiet time for yourself without feeling guilty or unproductive.

7. Mastering the Art of Conversation: Introverts can be engaging conversationalists in smaller groups or one-on-one settings. Focus on quality conversations over quantity and let your thoughtful contributions shine.

8. Networking for Introverts: Networking doesn't have to be loud and crowded events. Build relationships through smaller gatherings, online connections, and written communication.

9. The Importance of Authenticity: Don't try to be someone you're not just to fit in. Embrace your introverted nature and find people who appreciate you for who you are.

10. The World Needs Introverts: Introverts bring unique perspectives and strengths to society. Advocate for understanding and acceptance of introversion, and encourage others to value quiet and reflection.

I read the book When You're Ready, This Is How You Heal by Brianna Wiest and I would like to share with you some of the lessons that I learned from it:

1. Healing is not a one-time event, but a continuous process of becoming. The author explains that healing is not something that happens overnight, or after a certain amount of time, or after a certain amount of therapy. Healing is a lifelong journey of discovering who we really are, what we really want, and how we can align our actions with our values. Healing is not about fixing what is broken, but about creating what is whole.

2. Healing is not about avoiding pain, but about embracing it. The author argues that pain is not something that we should try to escape from, suppress, or numb. Pain is a natural and inevitable part of life, and it can be a powerful teacher and catalyst for growth. Pain can show us what we need to heal, what we need to change, and what we need to let go of. Pain can also help us develop empathy, resilience, and gratitude. The author encourages us to face our pain with courage, curiosity, and compassion, and to use it as a fuel for transformation.

3. Healing is not about finding happiness, but about finding meaning. The author challenges the common misconception that happiness is the ultimate goal of life, and that healing is about achieving a state of constant bliss. She points out that happiness is a fleeting and subjective emotion, and that chasing it can lead to frustration, disappointment, and emptiness. Instead, she suggests that we should focus on finding meaning in our lives, and that healing is about discovering our purpose, passion, and potential. Meaning can give us a sense of direction, motivation, and fulfillment, and it can help us cope with adversity and suffering.

4. Healing is not about changing ourselves, but about accepting ourselves. The author reveals that one of the biggest obstacles to healing is our own self-judgment, self-criticism, and self-rejection. We often believe that we are not good enough, not worthy enough, not lovable enough, and that we need to change ourselves to fit in, to please others, or to meet some unrealistic standards. The author urges us to stop trying to change ourselves, and to start accepting ourselves as we are, with all our flaws, weaknesses, and imperfections. She reminds us that we are all human, and that we are all worthy of love, respect, and compassion.

5. Healing is not about relying on others, but about relying on ourselves. The author warns us that one of the most common mistakes that we make when we are trying to heal is to depend on others for our happiness, validation, and security. We often look for external sources of comfort, support, and guidance, and we expect others to heal us, to fix us, or to save us. The author advises us to take responsibility for our own healing, and to cultivate our own inner resources of strength, wisdom, and peace. She teaches us how to trust ourselves, to listen to ourselves, and to love ourselves.

6. Healing is not about staying the same, but about growing and evolving. The author inspires us to see healing as an opportunity for personal growth and evolution. She explains that healing is not about returning to who we were before we were hurt, but about becoming who we are meant to be. Healing is not about restoring the past, but about creating the future. The author invites us to embrace change, to explore new possibilities, and to express our true selves. She shows us how to use healing as a catalyst for creativity, innovation, and excellence.

7. Healing is not about reaching a destination, but about enjoying the journey. The author concludes that healing is not a linear, predictable, or finite process, but a dynamic, complex, and infinite one. She acknowledges that healing can be challenging, painful, and scary, but it can also be rewarding, joyful, and beautiful. She encourages us to appreciate every moment of our healing journey, and to celebrate every milestone, every breakthrough, and every achievement. She reminds us that healing is not only about surviving, but about thriving.

I hope that these lessons resonate with you as much as they did with me, and that they inspire you to embark on your own healing journey. When You're Ready, This Is How You Heal is a book that I would recommend to anyone who is looking for a deeper and more holistic approach to healing, and who is ready to transform their lives for the better.

BOOK: https://amzn.to/3SKyXco

That’s the way love goes…

This book is a collection of honest and poignant essays that explore the art of letting go. Priebe shares her wisdom and experience on how to release the people and situations that no longer serve us, and how to embrace the new possibilities that await us. Here are some of the lessons that readers can learn from this book:

1. The Power of Choice:

Priebe reminds us that we always have a choice in how we respond to the circumstances of our lives. We can choose to hold on to what hurts us, or we can choose to let go and move on.

2. The Beauty of Closure:

Priebe teaches us how to find closure within ourselves, without depending on others to give it to us. She shows us how to accept the reality of what happened, learn from it, and grow from it.

3. The Art of Detachment:

Priebe helps us to detach from the outcomes of our relationships, and focus on the process instead. She helps us to appreciate the moments we shared, the lessons we learned, and the love we felt, without clinging to the expectations we had.

4. The Freedom of Forgiveness:

Priebe guides us to forgive ourselves and others, not for their sake, but for ours. She helps us to release the anger, resentment, and guilt that weigh us down, and free ourselves from the past.

5. The Joy of Moving On:

Priebe inspires us to move on with courage and optimism, and embrace the new opportunities that life offers us. She helps us to rediscover our passions, pursue our dreams, and find happiness within ourselves.

6. The Value of Self-Love:

Priebe encourages us to love ourselves unconditionally, regardless of what others think or do. She helps us to cultivate a positive self-image, a healthy self-esteem, and a strong sense of self-worth.

7. The Wisdom of Trust:

Priebe teaches us how to trust ourselves, our intuition, and our decisions. She helps us to trust that everything happens for a reason, and that the universe has a plan for us.

Lies are told for one of two reasons: either the deceptive person believes they have more to gain from lying than from telling the truth; or the deceptive person is incapable of discerning what the truth is, either temporarily or owing to some permanent mental defect.

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