And so it goes...

Shosh Lipsky | 28 | Veterinarian How nice -- to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive

[amarling-deactivated20200605]

Carey Mulligan for Dazed & Confused, Rankin Photography

[adamxcrane]

Trade Mistakes | Adam + Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

He chuckled at her question as he slid his phone into his pocket. 

"I don’t think so," he responded with a shake of his head. Reaching over, he popped open the glove compartment, producing from it a swath of black fabric, holding it out to her impatiently. 

"Over the eyes."

They’d turned off the main road, finding a side street that gave the dark car and its passengers cover. There’d be no notice of a girl in the passengers seat with a blindfold on, especially with the rain that was starting. 

He’d never dared to bring one home. But he had panicked and the wheels of this new strange car had taken him down familiar streets until the trees, the turns, the signs, began to become familiar. 

[shoshana-lipsky]

She froze as his hand reached over, terrified from all the movies she had seen. Her breath failed to return, even after seeing its contents was a mere blindfold. Hands shaking she tried to pick it up, failing to do so on the first few attempts. There was something unnerving about the loss of sight, and the idea of heightened senses was the last thing she wanted. Every steady breath that left the man's lips left haggard against her ears. Burning them red until she began to shift uncomfortably. Instead Shoshanna began to focus on the rain she could now hear falling, the soft prattle, and turn of the wipers swishing back and forth, back and forth. She was grateful for the mantra, allowing her breathing to regulate at the sound.  As the initial panic began to subside, Shosh managed to wrestle her fingers from her own vice like grip. spreading them against her legs, the cuff of her skirt, before reaching against the cars seat, fingers hesitant she felt around, for the hard plastic indicating where her cushion would stop, and her captor sat.  

"Can you tell me where we are going now?"

[adamxcrane]

Trade Mistakes | Adam + Shoshanna

They’d fucked up. He wasn’t in charge of locations, and that’s the one thing that’d been screwed. He tightened his hands around the steering wheel, grinding his teeth to the voice in his ear. 

"Where am I supposed to take her?"

The response was barked, dismissive, and left Adam wincing with a dead line ringing through the device. He silently cursed ever getting involved with anyone so insufferable. 

He ignored his passenger as best as he could, despite everything in his mind and life being about her, at the moment. Cases always consumed him, in the sense that it took so much energy, from start to finish, to ensure everything went according to plan. Keeping his composure in situations like this was a close second in terms of mentally draining. 

"Change of plans," he grumbled, changing lanes before he could change his mind. 

[shoshana-lipsky]

Shoshanna stared at the dashboard, its patent leather lining the only transfixed notion in her conceivable future (if she had one- that is). She didn't dare glance across at the driver, especially as he barked back into the phone. Whatever his name had been, had he gave it? The blonde shook her head, If it had been given, it was probably fake.  To any person outside, Shosh was sure they appeared just like a couple, her, a pensive girlfriend, wife or sister. The way her hands sat folded on her lap, tracing her knuckles in a rigorous fashion. She had never taken her brothers worries seriously. She lived in a fairly quiet suburb, and her reserved nature had kept her from late night partying, and in subsequent she had never walked home alone in the wee hours of the morning (unless it was due a sudden surgery). 

Shosh turned her head after he spoke, watching his own hands tighten around driving wheel. There was a fanatical moment, where perhaps she could have pushed the man. But her fear had taken hold the moment he had encountered her, and all thoughts of running already seemed as vapid as they were impossible. "Where are we going?" She wasn't expecting an answer. Not a real one of coure. But she had to ask. 

[amarling-deactivated20200605]

[gunrunnerhell]

Visit Original Link

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

Her quip had him hesitating. The girl knew how to push her luck. Were he in a worse mood, he might’ve made her regret it - put her in her place early - but she was lucky that for whatever reason, he didn’t feel quite like setting such a tone just yet.

The train slowed, stuttered, and stopped, the station enclosing them. Adam wasted no time.

"Stay close," he instructed - no, no, it was more of an order - as he rose from his seat. On reflex, his hand found its way to hover just above her lower back. From the outside, it was a simple gesture, hardly noteworthy; he was helping usher in to the exit amidst the bustle of the train. But he - and she - were both too aware of its actual meaning. He wasn’t letting her get far at all.

Their feet touching down against the platform was a checkpoints of sorts. They’d made it this far. There was a car waiting for them in the lot outside, as there always was, and though the walk itself there would be short, he knew too well from experience that the journey there seemed to stretch on forever. 

[shoshana-lipsky]

It all felt like clockwork, terrifyingly honest clockwork. The way her joints rose and turned to leave with his, the subtle reminder of their true relationship was both concealed and amplified by the sudden weight across her lower back. A guiding hand that would inevitably set her feet in motion as they safely disembarked. The ashfelt below their feet crunching in rhythmic beats with each step.  Nothing felt natural, were her hands always this straight? Shoshanna felt her neck too rigid, too cautious, surely it would be natural to glance momentarily at her captors face? If she ran now, would she even remember it properly after? The way the two walked, she was sure from the outside, seemed casual, a couple, good friends, returning home after a lifetime together. Head staring straight ahead, she found herself focusing more and more on his hand against her spine than the man itself. 

[shoshana-lipsky]

Progression of Shoshanna Lipsky's relationship with Connor Fitzgerald. 

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

"You don’t," he answered bluntly. "But I am."

Her compliance would make things easier, for the both of them. Adam hadn’t expected that, upon his initial encounters with her. She seemed skittish and prone to panic. He’d have to rethink his perception. 

"I’ll try to make things as easy as possible." His words weren’t a comfort, nor were they intended to be. He wasn’t doing her any favors. Still, he let her know that so long as she adhered to the plan, there would hardly be much to worry about. 

The train skittered slightly, a gradual gearing up for the next stop. The man shifted, readying himself for a swift exit. 

"All you have to do is follow me. Closely. And no tricks. Please, I’ve seen it all before, and you don’t need me getting upset.

Clear?”

[shoshana-lipsky]

Eying him wearily she nodded, there was no conceivable way she could disagree- at least not a way that would spare her brothers life in the process.

"Excuse my ineptitude to say thank you" She rolled her eyes, knowing all too well she shouldn't have said it, if this was Connor, than she was already walking on thin ice, and a cold depth of darkness was waiting for her below.

Shosh noted his stance and looked to her side, ready to pick up her bag for their apparent departure. Hands still shaking softly against the rigid leather. Perhaps her legs would fail to carry her out the door? What would he do then? It was a horrid thought. Reluctantly she prepared herself. "Clear." 

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

Shoshanna complied without argument. She was smart. While her eyes watered incessantly, her resolve was strong, and she managed to remain shy of hysteria. 

"I don’t want anything," he replied once she’d settled back in. "I don’t. In fact, I’m just the middle man. To get the job done, though, I, uh, need you to cooperate.”

Adam himself eased back in his seat, his demeanor softening slightly. 

"You’re the ransom."

Might as well be blunt with her; she wasn’t going anywhere.

"You come with me or your brother dies. And then, your brother pays up, or you die. It’s actually a rather clever arrangement."

[shoshana-lipsky]

He spoke softly, not necessarily with anger, but an alarming sense of calmness that could only be acquired with practice. Resigning into herself further she pressed the length of her spine against the back of her carriage seat. Allowing the soft vibrations of the train to resound throughout her body like magic fingers on a cheap motel bed.  Softly she closed her eyes, allowing the world -and threat- to disappear with each slow blink into darkness.

"Okay." It felt ridiculous, to sit there holding back the urge to scream or cry. She could feel it caught at the very bottom of her throat, constricting her movements, making it difficult to breath without opening her mouth to take large gulps. When had breathing become so complicated? "W-what... What do I do. How do I know you're telling the truth?"

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

"Mm -" He grimaced slightly, shoulders curling up in a sort of shrug. "Actually, see - you do."

With only a slight movement, he positioned himself in his seat in such a way that the door beside him seemed impassable. There was no holding the door shut or blocking it, but instead more of an unspoken threat, one that was conveyed effortlessly through the look he directed up to the girl.

"Unfortunately, Shoshanna, there’s been half a dozen tips called in to as many stations up ahead. Small girl, late-twenties, blonde; off her meds and outrageously unstable. Heavily armed, of course."

He gave pause. 

"You can take your chances getting off on one, or you can get out with me - the one without officers swarming the platform."

Adam nodded back towards Shosh’s former seat.

"So sit down."

[shoshana-lipsky]

Shoshanna gave pause to the movement, watching as the man's back aligned to give height as he sat. The sort that would tower over her with broad shoulders.

The carriage swayed with momentum, and the blonde's feet faltered, her hand reached to steady herself on the train as it slowed down to the station. Carefully she considered the man's words, already she had gotten several arrests, nothing serious, just runaways and the occasional trespassing. No charges. But already she was considered with strange regard by authorities. The girl who at fourteen ran away to find aliens. A strange man threatening her on public transport was far less believable than his lie. As the train slowed to a halt, she stumbled, looking around quickly as others left. Her eyes transfixed longingly at the door, it was one of several escapes. But she couldn't risk it. Settling herself back into her seat, Shosh resigned herself to staring at the floor, how her feet sat parallel to the others. This moment couldn't be real. It was some horrible persistent nightmare. Letting out an inaudible cry, she wiped away a stray tear, cursing her own emotions for betraying her.  "What do you want?" she repeated. 

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

She was quick with the question. Usually, it took several more moments of stalling, staggering, before the person came to terms with the reality. Shoshanna’s eyes were panicked, her face contorted with confusion, but the rest of the car was unaware, apathetic, blind to her situation and the ice that was no doubt was creeping up her spine.

"I’m the man settling the score," he explained curtly. 

"Your brother has a debt. He owes a lot to some very important people."

He gave a long exhale, nearly silent through his nose.

"And you? You’re, uh - You’re gonna help with that."

[shoshana-lipsky]

It was at that point that she wanted to run. Wanted to stand on her feet and pray that it was her stop. Shoshanna's hands trembled as they reached for the sides of her seat, she couldn't possibly stand quick enough without him getting in the way. Surely someone would notice? Anyone would notice? But her frantic search to catch someones eye proved useless. 

The words seemed foreign, crude, like stuck in some trancelike state that she would inevitably soon wake up from. A half smile plastered against her distress. "He... I... I'm sorry- w-what?" But that man's stare was more than confirmation of what she had just heard.  "I... I don't, I don't have to do that."

Reaching for her bag she fumbled to try and stand, it was if her limbs were no long in her control.

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

Slowly, calmly, Adam shrugged in response. While he could sense the elevation in her anxiety, he did not reciprocate. He had no reason to. Rather, he seemed to melt further, that meek facade fading with every steady beat of his heart.

"You would just think that your brother would be more careful about the kind of personal information he lets out. Especially in his line of work."

"He hasn’t been very considerate of you.” 

The dark haired man gave a slight scratch at an itch along his neck, stubble long overdue for a trim. He waited a beat, thinking over the conversation, the plan, and then looked back at her. 

"But I hear Henry’s never been the most.. responsible. Kind of explains why we’re here, doesn’t it?”

[shoshana-lipsky]

Shoshanna's fingers had already tightened around the flimsy fabric of her skirt, kneading and pressing the material in rhythm with each drastic thought that collided inside of her.

Mouth slightly ajar she turned her head, looking to others on the carriage  frantically to see if they too had felt the alarming chill that began filling her body. A sense of fear that promised to hold her under until whatever the man wanted was done. 

"Henry?" She repeated. It was the mention of her brother's name that made her jaw close, and her fingers release ever so slightly.

"W-who are you?" 

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

Adam blinked at her, several times while taking in her reaction; no doubt, her mind was going to the very person he was implying. He wondered how strained the relationship between them was - their past, their shared history, their mutual hardships. He knew little save for the fact that Shoshanna was to be the most direct link to Henry, the achilles heel that was needed. 

Swallowing lightly, he glanced back out the window. Her sad voice rang in his ear. The landscape sped past, every moment bringing them closer to their destination. His watch received a cursory glance as he turned back.

"I’d always heard family should be… supportive."

"But not yours. Hm?"

[shoshana-lipsky]

It was the shift in tone that startled her. The statement too accurate for her to believe a coincidence. But she did, the blonde's eyes narrowed as she revised the words that were said only moments before. Sheepishly she clenched her jaw, teeth grinding softly out of nervous habit.

"I er..." Her fingers reached back again to straighten the long seams against her legs. This time nails grasped at the hem of the fabric. "Mine? Oh it's... Why would you say-?" Shosh pondered as she stuttered out the thoughts one by one. Like her capacity for contemplation had spun out at the mere modal change. "W-what would make you say that?" 

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

He hummed slightly, the noise vibrating within his throat. 

"That’s reassuring."

Fingers drummed along the back of his hand in time with the clicking of the tracks under them, a sort of lull falling between the two. He enjoyed the all-too obvious feeling of her eyes on him, trying to figure him out. People often did - try, that is. He permitted it for entertainment’s sake. She’d pin him as an awkward thing, out of place in public transportation, nervous around women or maybe, more likely, just people in general. She’d feel bad for him. She’d pin him as the feeble hare, but he was the fox. 

For a moment, he considered her question. How to answer such an inquiry? There was time yet to stretch out the charade, but there was the matter of slipping the true nature of their meeting into conversation as subtly, at first, as possible. Otherwise he’d create alarm, and he hadn’t the patience for that.

"I’m not sure yet." He cleared his throat and shifted where he sat. "Brothers can be.. less than helpful with directions."

[shoshana-lipsky]

She tried not to watch him as he sat there, stammering out sentences whilst waiting peacefully for time to pass. He reminded her of some sort of puppet, all strings and all alarm with not much direction. Endearing but worrisome, like Henry in many instances when they were growing up. Like Shoshanna herself, Henry had never found his footing within the walls of their home, being passed as sole heir was a hardship he faced at 21, and by then he had already found himself so far down the rabbit hole even Shosh's monthly visits couldn't snap him out of it. 

"Brothers are like that" she grimaced, mind wandering too far back to moments that had frightened her. "But I guess that's what they are for"

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

Brown eyes flicked minutely at her movement, a nervous shifting in her seat. He watched her hands smooth against the fabric, her muscles tighten ever so slightly, her skin be smothered by the hem of her skirt. He wanted to laugh, if even slightly, at her misplaced nerves, but instead replaced the sound on his tongue with a clearing of his throat, averting his eyes in his own self-conscious fashion. Oh, no, he sold, even to himself, I’ve made the poor girl nervous. What a disaster.

The way her own name slipped through her teeth was different than how it had replayed in his own head since he learned it. It was exotic and old fashioned. He supposed she was a little like that, as well; odd, modest. Adam nodded to her like he was committing the name now to memory. In fact, he’d done that weeks ago.

He shook her hand briefly and was the first to pull back. Perhaps his tactic was slightly off. Internally, he made minuscule alterations to change his demeanor - a touch more introverted, a hair less confident. 

"I don’t often take the train." His eyes were elsewhere, thereby implying less focused attention on her. "People seem so savvy with it; I’m just.. hoping to get off at the right stop."

[shoshana-lipsky]

Amidst her dreary shuffling she looked up, eyes focusing on the way the man sat precariously in front of her. Neck not entirely comfortable in the shallow breaths that were reminiscent of any family member abroad "Oh, well it all comes with practice." Eyes following his trail, as she too recalled the blatant stumbling and anxiety at her first train ride, 14 and having snuck out of her extensive family reunion she took to the streets. Perhaps even her parents still refused the subway. "It's much more crazier closer to the city, so I'm afraid you've missed the worst of it."

She wondered how a man his age, and judging by his clothes not too far off from her own wage had avoided public transportation this long. Perhaps he too had overbearing parents and a small fortune in his name several lifetimes ago.

"What stop are you getting off at?"

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

ŸAdam’s chuckle was genuine. She had a funny way of putting things. He’d hardly consider himself lucky for something so trivial as being able to maintain his balance, but he eyed a bruise or two along the girl’s legs, telltale signs of clumsiness, and figured it was something she herself struggled with. Not to mention the way she picked her fingers was manifested anxiety. His mark was something of a neurotic young thing. 

"Well, I’m glad yo…u were."

The puppydog routine was starting to make him nauseated. But he couldn’t drop it just yet. There was a while to go. He threaded his fingers, dropping his hands into his lap, a slight fiddle for good measure. 

"I’m James." He held his hand out, the lie lost in his natural charm. 

[shoshana-lipsky]

For once it was Shosh's turn to be unnerved by a strangers comments, despite their well meaning intentions. Watching his smile she squirmed uneasily, pressing straight her skirt pleats against her thighs.

"Happy to help" she murmured, eyes flickering to the window to settle herself, before turning back to take his slender hand. "Nice to meet you James, then." Fingers resting against his for a beat, she turned her head away sheepishly, smiling at their reflection. Formalities always felt so unusual, and Shoshanna was never far away from laughing at her forced strangeness. "I'm Shoshanna." 

[adamxcrane]

If You're Still Breathing, You're The lucky ones. | Adam & Shoshanna

[adamxcrane]

He met her gaze, eyes soft, brows upt…urned. If his upset had been genuine, she would’ve done wonders with her gentle voice and kind words. 

"No, no. Definitely not." 

He offered her a smile, one as warm and genuine as he could manage, and held it momentarily. She offered the seat beside her, a gesture he was quick to take her up on. 

"I.. No, not often." His bag took rest against the empty seat at the window, and he sunk into the aisle seat opposite the blonde. "Must just be one of those days."

Without words, his pointed gaze conveyed a more cheeky message, ones along the lines of, maybe it was just seeing you. She was the type of girl to make men nervous. It wasn’t much of a stretch. 

The train once again picked up momentum, sending the car and its inhabitants forward. Adam glanced out the pane of glass and settled into his new seat. 

"Thank you," he added, looking back, "for the assistance. I think you’re the only one in this car who even looked up."

[shoshana-lipsky]

Shoshanna's eyes softened as he spoke, taking in the words slowly as she met his gaze with a gentle nod.  "Well then you're one of the lucky ones" she concluded, watching him as he sat across from her. Fingers slowly fumbling in her lap, picking back the calloused skin that formed from nervous habits. 

There was silence momentarily, the sort that allowed the passengers a chance to shift and change as the atmosphere settled. Bowing her head once more she let out a small delighted sigh.  "Oh no, it's quite alright. I always seem to drop my things when I have other thoughts on my mind. I'm sure someone would have come to your aid if I hadn't been here" She scoped the room, eying the sparse people in transit amongst them.