Knife Party. Because Rob Swire is Better than You.
Rob Swire. how does he do it? Every time he comes out with a new EP, it is bigger, meaner and bolder than the previous. This one is no exception. but that’s not what im talking about. How does he do it, while looking so UNHAPPY?
DUDE YOURE ON STAGE IN FRONT OF 10,000 PEOPLE. YOU CAN ENJOY YOURSELF.
he’s probably just pissed about that internet girl who broke his window and threatened to kill him… and that she came back for the VIP.
Oh yeah. and Gareth McGrillen. I’m not sure he really does anything. I think Rob just keeps him around because his name sounds like he’s lead chef at McDonald’s. but he’s not. which would explain Rob’s perpetual disappointment.
The EP? It’s sweet. In fact, it’s TOO sweet. it’s as if Rob (and Gareth.) sit down and listen to the 4 top EDM tracks of the year, are like “we could do that,” then do it. LRAP? it’s a rehashed version of Epic by Quintino and Sandro Silva.
But Knife Party’s is better.
Power glove? it’s like Rage Valley. but fuck you he redid it and it’s better. now he gets the best electro track of 2013 too.
EDM Death Machine is literally just a shot at everyone popular in the EDM scene before the craziest drop i’ve ever heard in my life. Oh and it has hints of Darude’s Sandstorm, as if taking over just the 21st century wasn’t enough. Darude is sitting over in his gold studio throne wondering why they couldn’t leave the 90’s alone. and as if Steve Aoki didn’t have enough problems already, Rob decided that in the future, no bitches are gonna love cake. Well shit. there goes his only contribution to EDM.
and Internet Friends (VIP)? they already had the best song in 2011 and 2012. so they just released it again. and sort of changed it. sort of.
they already have the top songs ever at 110 bpm with Sleaze and 140 with Centipede. Pendulum wins everything at 175bpm. So all other producers go home. This frustrates me so much I wrote a poem.
“Anything you can do, Rob can do better.
Rob can do anything better than you.
(no he cant!) Yes he can. (no he cant!) Yes he can. (fine he can. but he’s a dick for doing it.)”
This would explain why he’s so upset. He looks at what all the hot new artists are doing, realizes how easy it is, makes it, and then goes back in his vampire dungeon and relistens to The Island Pt. II on repeat and wishes Pendulum was back together. He’s probably gonna write a song Get Unlucky tomorrow and be more popular than Daft Punk in a week. He’s so disillusioned by his own genius he has parties with knives. that’s terrifying why would anyone do that?
My favorite part, as always, are the comments. Between “SUKZ SO BAD I THREW UP” and “OMG JUST CAME IN MY PANTS” (both of which I’m assuming are untrue. that would be a very unfortunate reaction in either case) there’s no one who seems to actually have a legitimate opinion. whatever. I HAVE A LEGIT OPINION. SO DISGUSTING BRO ITS LIKE A ELEPHANT MATED WITH A BASS CANNON.
from the disillusioned capital of the world. Let Rob rewrite this blog post better.
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