ALL OF OUR LOVE

now i bend like a willow thinking of you, like a murmuring brook, curving about you, as i sip on the coffee you left — a kiss left of you   //   日向翔太

[visithollow]

𝒃𝒐𝒚 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒊𝒅𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 —

written for 𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚 ( @shoutabe ) ♡

they touch down in brazil 🇧🇷 like they;re crashing through a fever dream. the jet still hums, a monster stitched in polished chrome and decadent silver, hungry for attention even at rest. it feels right, arriving in a place that doesn't quite know them yet, humid, hot, endless, promising, dangerous. he likes the taste of it, all sweat and sugar and a bite of something he can name, shouta. maybe that's what makes him grin as the steps lower, the heat blasting them in the face like a lover's slap. yeah, this is living. this is how gods lived.

shouta is beside him, small and stunned. there's no script here, myungsoo thinks. no rules, no agenda, just a savage wanting to celebrate the kid, celebrate everything shouta's survived and everything he's about to become. shouta deserves this chaos, deserves the sun on his skin and the ocean roaring for him and the bright, dizzy colors of rio or salvador or wherever the hell they decide to land next. he especially deserves myungsoo's arm heavy around his shoulders, deserves to be reminded that someone is willing to toss away entire empires to give him a day, a night, a week of worship.

the concrete underfoot radiates heat as they step down, a private car waiting with windows dark enough to drink secrets. myungsoo takes a drag of the thick tropical air, the kind that tastes like syrup and gasoline, and imagines the nights ahead, neon, samba, a thousand strangers pressed against them, sweat dripping down to silk collars, kisses traded like stolen jewelry. he imagines shouta in the middle of all that, hesitant at first, but then blooming in the noise, becoming feral with joy, bright with newness.

he wants to see shouta high on life, wants to see him laugh until he chokes, wants to see him glow in the carnival lights with that pretty vulnerability turned to something almost holy. that's why they're here, myungsoo tells himself, to celebrate, to bear witness, to make sure this moment marks them both. there's mystery tangled up in the timing of it, too. he can feel it on the back of his tongue, like smoke. maybe they'll meet the wrong people, maybe they'll fall in with saints or devils, maybe they'll break something they can't fix. he doesn’t care. he'd rather risk it all than stagnate. shouta deserves that, too: the possibility of ruin, the thrill of rising from it.

so he pulls him close, fingers threading through the soft hair at shouta's nape, voice low against his ear. "you ready to let the world eat you alive, baby?" he teases, half-laughing, half-meaning it with his whole corrupted heart. the sun is already burning down on them...

[shoutabe]

it's summer vacation and even though his school schedule has been non-existent since the break started, his life has continued to move at a relatively quick pace. lots of changes are on the horizon and he has a lot of things to consider, a lot of decisions to make, but he's trying his best not to fret too much about anything for the time being, especially since myungsoo wanted to treat him to a surprise vacation to an entirely different country.

shouta thinks this happened because myungsoo knows how stressed he's been and wanted him to quite literally escape from all of it for a period of time, and he's so appreciative of that, despite being a bit timid about discovering a new place for the first time ever.

he has relatives who have spoken highly about their time in brazil. a few of them even lived in são paulo for awhile, too, claiming it as a second home to them even. he's always been curious, but never had the means to fly out there himself... until now.

sometimes he feels like his boyfriend is a little too generous with his gifts. myungsoo's extravagance is a foreign concept to shouta. while he didn't grow up poor, per se, his own family prioritized being a lot thriftier with their earnings and taught their kids the importance of having a hefty savings account.

seeing how much capital myungsoo is willing to drop in a manner that seems sudden and excessive shocks him, but at the end of the day, he has no control over how his lover spends his cash. all he can do is show appreciation and trust him when he says not to worry about anything. however, in this moment, he can't help but think of mindeulle, too; wishing he was here to enjoy this time with them.

it makes him want to plan a trip with just he and min sometime soon so they can make up for the lost quality time. maybe they can go to japan, or thailand, or somewhere a little closer to korea.

trying not to sink too deeply into his distractions, shouta feels the weight of myungsoo's arm around his shoulders, and he leans into his frame; finding his grasp safe. there's so much going on and they've only just departed their flight. he's overwhelmed, but knows that once they settle in and have time to recuperate from being stuck on the plane for so long, everything won't feel so overstimulating.

smiling at the question, he nods his head, but is interrupted by a yawn; one that prompts his hand to raise up and rub at one of his eyes. "yeah..." he coos, feeling bad that he likely doesn't seem as excited as myungsoo, but it's largely due to how exhausting the flight was. twenty-four hours of travel time is a lot to recover from. "can we... would it be boring if we checked into the resort, then took a shower and a nap first?" he asks, hoping his different energy isn't a buzzkill.

"i need to wake up a little bit more, i think. besides, i just... i wanna be close to you." the second he says that, he laughs at himself; rolls his eyes, too. "when don't i want to be close to you though?"

[yum-nyang]

[mindeullebe]

[ BRIDGES TO MEND ]

𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐀'𝐒 𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓, Seoul, SK May, 2025 w. 𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐀

The last time Mindeulle saw Shouta, they'd both been crying. Min, breaking both of their hearts, had broken things off, 'for Shouta's benefit'. He still believed that to be true. Who wanted a boyfriend who was stuck in hospital? Who's health overtook their life over and over again. He'd set him free, and in doing so, he'd lost the only person he'd ever loved. They'd stay in touch, he'd told Shouta. They could still be friends, he'd told Shouta. Yet their messages were sparse, and lacked the feeling they used to hold. Both retained too much hurt and sorrow, and so they'd left their chat room dusty for far too long.

Min had never stopped loving him, even after months apart. He'd lain awake thinking about the boy with the bunny teeth and catlike eyes. He loved him with every fibre of his being, and being without him hurt more than any sickness he'd ever endured. It's what had led to his inevitable return to Shouta's doorstep, ready to grovel for forgiveness, though he knew he'd have to be the luckiest man on earth to win his affections back after breaking his heart, regardless of whether he'd broken his own in the process. It takes a full ten minutes of standing a few metres down the corridor from Shouta's front door for him to finally muster up the courage to just go over and knock. As soon as he does, though, his stomach drops into his feet and he feels like he might faint. He should have texted ahead of time, warned Shouta he was coming. What if he was with a new man? A man better, healthier, stronger than Min? It would be what Shouta deserved, of course, but Min could already feel his heart bleeding at the mere idea of it. What did he even intend to say to him, past 'I'm sorry'? What could he say to make any of it better? At the very least, they had a lot to talk about. Bridges to mend.

[shoutabe]

his entire love life has been a whirlwind for months now, and although the storm of it all seems to have calmed down over the last few weeks, the gusts have picked up once again; carrying him with them in a manner that's given him whiplash, leaving him dazed, confused, and lost. going from having three men in his life that were interested in winning over his affections, to then there being none, to now having one of the three return to ask for forgiveness... it's a lot for him to keep up with, especially given that he's still inexperienced when it comes to nurturing long-term relationships.

it's always been his biggest dream to find a love that nourishes him, but more than that, he wants to be able to nourish someone, too; to love them in the purest way possible in an attempt soften whatever harsh edges they have, or to ensure that they're healthy and able.

though, doing exactly that left him wounded. both of the men that he'd felt deeply for left him in the air and didn't allow him to continue loving them in the only way that he knows how to. instead, they ran away. they hid. they were cowardly and refused to trust that he's strong enough to weather storms alongside them.

that's what hurt him the most. the pain of losing them was immense, but knowing that they seemingly didn't trust him enough to let him stand by their sides tore him apart. did he not give them the impression that he could care for them and help them heal? did he fail to convey his heart's strength? these questions have eaten away at him for so long now.

regardless, he's tried his best to keep his head up. he recently moved into a new studio apartment, one that his father is helping him pay for since he was finding dorm life a bit restricting. it's only been a few days since he's made a home out of it, but he's glad that everything is in its rightful place and that he can find sanctuary in a space that belongs entirely to him. though, being that the move into his apartment is still fresh, he's not expecting a knock at his door. figuring that it must be his mom or one of his siblings stopping by to say hi, he opens the door without checking who it is, but when he realizes its mindeulle standing beyond the threshold, he feels a herculean tug at his heartstrings.

shouta has no idea what to do. does he leave him stranded by slamming the door in his face, much like mindeulle did to him? no, no, he can't do that. he can't be hypocritical by showing his own cowardice, especially after having judged the others for it.

seeing him in the flesh for the first time in a while feels bittersweet. he's not only reminded of how much he's missed him, but one of the memories mixed into the many that come flooding back to him is the last night they spent together. breathing heavily, he stands in his doorway and finds it hard to make direct eye-contact with mindeulle, but tries his best not to seem overly meek, albeit to no avail.

"hi," he begins, not really knowing what to say. "sorry, i just... i wasn't expecting to see you." it's clear that he's stunned. "why... um, well, what are you doing here?"

[visithollow]

𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 —

written for 𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚 & 𝐜𝐡𝐨 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞 ( @shoutabe & @mindeullebe ) ♡

myungsoo's shirtless, got a half-dead cigarette behind his ear and a baby strapped to his chest like an ironic accessory. the hills of seoul rise like lazy giants around them, dusty green and moody under a sky that can't decide if it wants to rain or just sulk.

he looks back once at his boyfriends, over one shoulder, mouth curled in that semi-smirk he wears when he's thinking about something he won't say. myungsoo thinks maybe this was a mistake, hiking with a (toy) baby, louis iv, and two boys he's not quite dating but can't quite quit yet is very dangerous.

they pass a rusted-out vending machine swallowed by weeds. he tries to shake it for a can of pocari. nothing. myungsoo laughs, low and cracked, the kind that tastes like last night's hangover and this morning’s regret. to shouta, adjusting the baby sling and rocking gently while walking: "don’t worry, kid. you'll grow up and make better choices than your three dads."

[shoutabe]

the fact that not only one, but two of the men who abandoned him within the last year are on this hike with him still gives shouta whiplash, but he can't deny that there's something nice about being sandwiched between them. they both hurt him, he doesn't think he'll ever forget that, sadly, but they also seem to be working hard to prove that they won't cause him anymore pain. maybe it's silly of him to trust them again, but his mom's always taught him that everyone deserves a second chance, so he's decided to take their hands now that they've been offered to him.

however, if for some reason things go awry again, he knows that there's no going back. the ties will be cut with no opportunity for repair, so all he can hope is that neither of them screw this up again.

following myungsoo and mindeulle closely, he takes in the sights around them, enjoying the summery weather and the handsome company that he keeps, even louis iv and the baby-doll they found earlier in their trek. this is shouta's favorite time of year. the sun is big and bright, there's a sense of freedom in the air, and it's his birthday in around a month. he hopes he can get to the nearest beach to celebrate, but has no honest idea what his life holds for him, so he chooses to hone in on the moment; laughing at myungsoo's joke.

"three dads?" shouta teases, licking over his lips. "isn't there a movie called 'three men and a baby' or am i making that up?" he swears he's heard that title somewhere. maybe it's a movie or a show that his mom watched when he was a kid. "also, speak for yourself! i think it'd be cool if my future child ends up like me. we can bake together." he beams, then looks up toward the other two.

"should we give the doll a name, by-the-way? we've been walking with it for awhile and it's only fair that we give it some form of identity, right?"

[visithollow]

𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒍 —

written for 𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚 ( @shoutabe ) ♡

myungsoo waits at the curb with the engine running, headlights off. campus is quiet in that way it only gets right before sunrise. everything washed in blue, the air heavy with silence and old dreams. streetlights flicker like they're tired. somewhere, music drips faint through a cracked window. seoul hums around him, familiar and sharp, like biting your lip too hard. he left europe behind for this. for him. canceled shows, packed up canvases, made promises in a language he barely believed in anymore. told the gallery in seoul he was staying. that his next exhibition would be in seoul.

that he had something to come back to. someone worth it.

shouta's voice still lives in the walls of every half-finished painting. he still dreams in the exact shape of his lips, his waist. shouta lingers, like cigarette smoke in his coat, like a melody he can't stop humming.

he doesn't get out of the car. doesn't have to. shouta knows. he always knows.

his fingers tap the steering wheel, slow, like he's keeping time with his own heartbeat. he stares at the dorm entrance like it might break him open. he still sees it, last winter, shouta standing barefoot in the doorway, hoodie too big, eyes shining with something he didn't say. lips parted just enough to mouth don't go.

and myungsoo went anyway. like an idiot. like a coward. like a man who thought he had time. but he's here now. and he's not making that mistake again.

[shoutabe]

the last several months have felt like a whirlwind. this seems to be how his life operates though, and honestly speaking, shouta isn't sure if he likes it or not. he'll have long periods of time where there's nothing going on in his personal life, so he buckles down and focuses solely on his studies, the sports he plays, and connecting with his family. then, all at once, a new rush of people come into his life and sweep him off of his feet; derailing him from his usual routine and taking up his time, not to mention all of the space in his head and heart, as well. a lover of romance and a believer in true love, shouta puts a lot of stock into giving himself to the men who pursue him, centering them in his world when he maybe shouldn't do that.

time and time again, the sheer weight of his emotions and the seriousness of his feelings for people screws him over. he'll choose to trust the free-fall, only to not be caught as promised. instead, he falls flat on his face and lives with the consequences of his actions from that point on. despite the revolving door of failures, his belief in love never falters. maybe it's naïve of him, but he refuses to give up on something that he yearns to possess, and thankfully, his family encourages him to keep his head up through all of the turmoil.

what he wasn't expecting was to reconnect with someone who chose to reject the love he offered them, even after it seemed like everything was going so well, and when he leaves his dorm to meet him in the car, shouta tries his hardest to make himself strong. a part of him feels moronic for even agreeing to see myungsoo, but the heart wants what it wants, and all he can hope is that the past doesn't repeat itself, like it knows how to. before he knows it, he's tucked into the passenger seat and finding it hard to make eye contact with his former flame, and finding it all too easy to remember the pain that he caused during the frigid chill of wintertime.

after a moment of silence, he decides to speak, but his eyes still stay angled downward toward his lap. "why?" he asks simply, taking a deep breath to regulate himself.

"why... are you here?"

[bejiu]

"you're not obligated to talk to me. i just thought we were on the same page when we clearly were not." jiu doesn't mean to be harsh, he doesn't intentionally cut into the other man as he extends the olive branch. he's just never been able to be anything other than honest. and yeah, being ghosted sucks no matter the situation. it leaves so many unanswered questions, so little resolution. was it me? was it something i said? did i offend you so badly that you didn't want to have any communication whatsoever? they're questions he'll likely never get answers to, even with shouta standing before him now. there's a guardedness between both of them, feeling each other out in a way that's more careful than ever before.

"i appreciate the apology, though." it's not forgiveness, not exactly, but it's the best jiu can offer right now. the unknown of the situation holds him back, unable to gauge just what shouta wants from this interaction. is he trying to rekindle whatever connection they had briefly shared before? is he just lonely and looking for someone to talk to? jiu can't help but feel like he's being used, like he's some accessory in the other man's life if he can be so easily discarded and picked back up again. he's not quite sure if he can trust that any other reality may be the truth.

it's hard to hide his suspicion, his lips pressed a little too tightly together even as he tries to maintain the smile on his face. jiu never claimed to be an actor and his honesty can be his fatal flaw at times. that, and perhaps his penchant for taking the bull by the horns when it's probably better off left alone. "what do you actually want here, shouta?" he tries not to sound accusatory, his words coming out more as a weary sigh. "i don't mean to sound harsh but like... i can't stand here talking about whatever and pretend that you didn't hurt my feelings back then. i don't hold grudges but honestly, i'm really confused about why you're suddenly talking to me again."

they were never really friends—there was hardly enough time for any meaningful rapport to develop between them. jiu would find a better way to ask those nagging questions if he could but he's always felt that being straightforward is the best course of action when everything else feels unsure. at least he can make himself as clear as possible, or at least he tries.

[shoutabe]

okay, so this is backfiring much, much worse than he anticipated. honestly speaking, shouta doesn't really know what he expected out of this conversation either, and the more jiu presses him about the fact that he's standing before him after such a prolonged silence, he's starting to see the error of his ways more clearly. approaching him like this, especially in a public setting, is highly inconsiderate. he's kicking himself in the backside for this, but doesn't flee just yet. if anything, he feels like he deserves to be treated like this by jiu.

"i'm sorry..." he utters again, still having a hard time finding the right words to say. though, the more pointed jiu's tone becomes the more his lower lip starts to quiver, and simultaneously, a lump forms in his throat. he's extra sensitive because he's already feeling wounded, and well, this whole encounter is pouring salt directly into each of them. the sting he feels is something that he's not emotionally equipped to handle right now. shouta doesn't know why he thought this was a good idea, but there's nothing he can do about it now.

at the end of his senior's tirade, shouta keeps his head low; averting his eyes for a second so he can muster up some strength to not leave things hanging. "look, i just wanted to say that i was sorry... i didn't mean to make things awkward by doing it here, and i'm sorry for that, too. don't worry though—i'll leave you alone from now on. i don't want to cause anymore harm than i already have..." he utters, clearing his throat. "bye, jiu." it's the last thing he murmurs before turning on his feet, trying to spot the easiest way to the nearest door.

[yum-nyang]

[bejiu]

of course jiu noticed shouta on stage. the young man stands out, all elven features and saccharine smiles that somehow manage to be genuine despite the sweetness of them. so many others can only mimic what seems to come naturally to shouta. jiu won't lie, he smiled when he recognized the boy on stage. he had no idea that shouta could sing, especially not like that, but it's not like they really got to know each other all that well after all. some things just fizzle out.

still, he can't say that he wasn't disappointed by the abrupt drop in contact. there was no more reaching out, no response when jiu himself attempted to check in once or twice. he heard through his brother that shouta was still regularly attending his tutoring sessions so he found out eventually that nothing was wrong. whatever he did, or didn't do, it was clear that the other man no longer had any interest or desire to communicate. so jiu left it at that and moved on. being ghosted is never fun. it's why, even seeing shouta again in an unexpected place, jiu doesn't go out of his way to approach. he has enough friends in the performing arts scene to keep himself busy with anyway; it's not like it was hard to avoid him.

it's completely unexpected when he feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around, finding himself face to face with the man who he assumed wanted nothing to do with him for reasons that would forever remain a mystery. jiu's brows raise, his lips puckered into a surprised 'o' as he processes this. what does shouta want? they had gone their separate ways months ago.

"of course i remember you." jiu can't help himself, consciously relaxing his expression into a smile. "we had one great date, in my opinion, and then i never heard from you again. i thought you were dead or something." he keeps it lighthearted, for the most part, but he can't help letting a little bit of the hurt slip through. maybe it's the teacher in him; maybe he's supposed to teach shouta the consequences of treating people like they're disposable. but no, that's not jiu's responsibility. there's natural consequences to any action, in this case it's the way jiu holds shouta at a metaphorical distance, a wariness in the way he approaches the conversation now. what do you want? if the words weren't so harsh, he'd just ask them outright. there's more polite, albeit roundabout ways to get that answer instead.

"better every day," jiu assures the younger man. "i didn't know you could sing," he remarks, "i'm no expert there but you sounded good to me."

[shoutabe]

shouta won't lie, he feels a stabbing sensation in his chest when jiu mentions the lack of contact, even if it's casual. he's the guilty one and he knows that, but that doesn't mean being confronted with it so plainly doesn't feel like he's been splashed with frigid water. the pain caused here, too, isn't necessarily jiu's fault either. it's self-inflicted. it's consequences that he has to face for being wishy-washy. "yeah..." he sighs, feeling dumb for not knowing what to say just yet. he's never been someone that's quick when it comes to this.

ever the introvert, he prefers having time to put a lot of thought into his responses; to speak with intent. here and now though, that's not exactly an option. "i'm sorry about that, for not talking much lately." what makes this more complicated is the reason why the talking stopped. lee myungsoo came into his life and things took off rather quickly. there was a passion there that he'd always ached for, one that he hadn't felt with anyone else before he met him. obsessive, shouta let him take up all his time.

however, their flame extinguished as abruptly as it was ignited. thinking about all of it still hurts, but he doesn't want to make any of this about him. it wouldn't be fair for him to unleash those emotions. he doesn't want to make jiu feel guilty when he isn't. "i had a lot going on. it wasn't right of me to just... ghost you. that's why i wanted to talk to you when i saw you here." his arms are crossed over his chest, it's clear that his body language is guarded, but he's trying his best.

"i really am sorry. i'm also glad to know that you're feeling better. your performance was really good... it made me smile to see that you're healing so well." when he's complimented, he shakes his head and half-smiles, but scrunches his nose at the same time. "thanks. people tell me i have a nice voice, but i never believe them. i wanted to see if they were right and i'm just in denial."

[shoutabe]

YESTERDAY 쇼우타 → 김지우

shouta's learning that his choice in romantic partners isn't great. whenever he falls for someone, instead of landing in their embrace and having the love returned to him, the man meant to catch him with arms wide open steps out of the way and lets him fall flat on his face. not only is it humiliating, but it's heartbreaking, too, which is worse than any embarrassment he's ever felt. time-and-time-again, he's been led up to the point where he's mere footsteps away from domestic bliss, only to discover that that's actually not what his selected sweetheart wants, too.

it's grim, but it makes him feel as though he'll never get chosen by anyone, ever. he tries not to get so down on his luck about this, but ever since entering college, this seems to be the theme of his love life. a lover of all things roseate, shouta's gotten so, so close to experiencing his own relationship, but it never fully blooms for him. instead, an icy gust kills all of the seeds that were once sprouting. it's discouraging, to say the least. his brother tells him that it'll come when he least expects it, but as a full-time yearner, he doesn't know if it's possible for him to file love in the back of his mind.

above all, he still believes in true love. shouta may be one of the only people left on this earth who does, especially in his age bracket, but he doesn't have it in him to give up on pursuing romance. finding his soulmate is his biggest dream. that's one of the reasons why he chose to sing 'first love' by utada hikaru at today's talent show. though, speaking of which, what he wasn't expecting was to run into someone that he was talking to before myungsoo swept him away.

kim jiu was always so sweet to him. even the times they hung out, shouta recalls feeling at ease; comfortable. he feels bad for getting so wrapped up in someone that ended up getting bored of him, especially since it led to him ceasing contact with jiu, mostly because of how preoccupied he was. that in mind, he decides to break the ice between them again. walking over to him, shouta reaches up and taps on the other's shoulder, hoping that he isn't interrupting anything. "h—hey..." he stutters, then clears his throat; his throat still dry from leftover nerves and adrenaline.

"remember me?" his question is a joke that he hopes is obvious. he'd hate for it to seem as though he's blaming jiu for their lack of communication. "i wouldn't blame you if you don't, but i remember you. i didn't think i'd see you here, much less on stage. i guess your leg is feeling better?"

[shoutabe]

STAGE FRIGHT 쇼우타 / SOLO RE: COMMUNITY TALENT SHOW /

there's a part of him that feels almost bullied into doing this, but he's here now, and he genuinely has no idea how he's going to survive this, but he has no other choice but to present his best self. this is no time to clam up and become crushed under the weight of his nervousness, people will be watching him and the last thing he wants to do is embarrass himself. etching a permanent memory of public humiliation into his brain is something that he genuinely doesn't think he'll ever get over if that's the outcome, so he either needs to somehow knock this out of the park or give a completely forgettable performance that no one remembers by the end of the night, which, as sad as it sounds, would be completely fine with him.

the upside to doing all this is that he's been able to distract himself with everything else the pop-up shop has going on. as he's a fan of many idol groups, he's been excited to see lime entertainment's new one ever since he read rumors about their debut, so celebrating them has been fun. he's tried both the jasmine tea cake and the sour cherry muffin because they represent the members of vybe that he finds exceptionally handsome, and to his delight, their flavors helped set him at ease; the rush of sugar and carbohydrates the perfect antidote for the nerves that settled into his stomach.

however, they're quick to return when he's guided to the stage entrance and told that he's up next. it becomes all too real while he waits, peeking from the back to catch glimpses of the crowd before him. his sister told him not to focus on everyone's face and to instead look over their heads, allowing the lights that shine down on him to blur his vision so it doesn't feel nearly as daunting having to stand center-stage in front of many pairs of discerning eyes. in these final minutes, he goes over the lyrics of the song over-and-over-again in his head, and when it's time for him to make his entrance, he timidly walks to the mic, bows, introduces himself, then waits for the music.

maybe it seems a bit cliché for him to cover 'first love' by utada hikaru, but it's too timeless and iconic of a ballad to avoid. it's also a song that he knows forwards and backwards, and on top of that, it's the one his sister heard him singing in the shower, which is what prompted all of this. thinking he had the house to himself, he wasn't shy about letting the fullness of his bari-tenor range shine beneath the shower-head, pouring his heart into the song as if he wrote it himself, and that's what he's trying to emulate now. with eyes closed, he lets the instrumental take him on a journey, and though his vocals start off shy and unsure, they grow over time, especially when he hears some people singing along with him.

the other voices are what cause him to open his eyes again, and not wanting to panic, he follows his sister's advice; singing to the back of the room. he's never had any proper training when it comes to singing, it's just a natural gift of his that he's always kept private. here though, he's unveiling to everyone for the first time, and though he's definitely not perfect, it's clear that he has the potential to be great. his pitch is good, but there's not a lot of breath control. the emotions he weaves into each word are potent, but he's quite literally hiding behind the microphone stand, lacking some presence.

when it's over, he can tell that his hands and his knees are shaking, and he blushes when he gets applause; bowing his head a few different times as he takes his exit, terrified of still being in the spotlight like that. thankfully, nothing went horribly wrong, and all he can hope is that he did a good enough job to warrant walking away unembarrassed, or that people will forget about him by the time the next performer is done. either way, he's proud of himself for doing this. shouta didn't think he was capable of it, and yet, here he is: conquering his fears little-by-little. it's proven to him that he's stronger than he once thought and he hopes to carry this knowledge with him going forward.

[myungbe-deactivated20250515]

Shouta's words land like flint on dry tinder, one spark and Myungsoo is burning hot.

There Shouta stands in front of him, cheeks pillowed in Myungsoo's palms, lips adorably puckered from the gentle squeeze. A petal‑warm blush spreads beneath Myungsoo's fingertips, silent gratitude blooming brighter than any spoken "thank you." Every cell in Myungsoo's body seems to echo that gratitude, even while Shouta teases about clinging to him like a koala.

"I'm serious," Myungsoo murmurs, his voice sinking low as gravity, "because I'm the kind of man who honors his promises. You say you'll glue yourself to me? Good. Saves me the trouble of reaching for you." He loosens his grip just enough for Shouta’s cheeks to relax but keeps his hands in place. His thumbs wander to the corners of Shouta’s mouth, smoothing the pout into something softer, something kiss‑ready. "And if people ever called you a crybaby," he adds, tone turning gentle, "they clearly didn't understand limited‑edition treasures. Some things are rarer because they feel more."

He leans in until Shouta's breath feathers across his lips, the space between them a taut thread of anticipation. Myungsoo's heart thunders, how can anyone feel this much dizzy sweetness and remain upright? "You want a kiss 'so, so, sooo bad,' huh?” he whispers, a smile tugging at his mouth. "Then take it."

He tilts his head, closing the sliver of distance, and their mouths meet, no half‑measures, no hesitation on his end. Shouta's lips taste like the promise of spring rain: soft, bright, inevitable. The instant they touch, the room seems to shrink to a single pulse and he swears he can hear a heartbeat that isn't his own. One of Myungsoo's hands slides to the back of Shouta's neck, anchoring him, while the other settles at his waist, ready to haul him close if his knees give way.

He deepens the kiss, slow but hungry, savoring first‑time electricity even while greedy for the next spark. When Myungsoo unfortunately breaks away, just barely, he rests his forehead against Shouta's, breathing him in. "You know," He murmurs, lips brushing Shouta's as he speaks, "I could hop in the shower with you…" He can't help huff a soft laugh, their breath mingling. "Dangerous offer, I know, and I'm sure you want time to yourself after the day you had." He whispers, but his fingers are already sliding beneath the hem of Shouta's shirt.

"What do you say?"

[shoutabe]

for all of the web comics he reads and romance dramas he tunes into religiously, shouta never thought that he would be living out one of his own, and yet, here he is, wrapped up in a man that’s doing everything right, and it has him teetering along a dangerous tightrope that’s becoming thinner and thinner with each step.

he’s terrified to look down, his fear of falling keeping him careful, but the longer he remains in the air, the more tempting it’s becoming to let his weight come crashing down all at once. before, he was sure that no one would be waiting below with arms wide open to catch him, but now, there’s a certain confidence that convinces him that myungsoo is the one who will give him a soft place to land. sure, that doesn’t make the journey into his possession any less scary, but for once in his life, shouta wants to be brave. he wants to let go.

for many years prior to this, he’s simply been a man who yearns, who aches. every minute that he’s consumed content that’s meant to be viewed through rose-hued lenses, there’s always been an irrational sense of envy for the leading characters, one that only added to the levels of passion he felt. he always wondered what it would be like to find love like that in another person, and though he’s trying not to move too fast, he’s positive that he’s found it here with myungsoo.

every word that falls from that man’s mouth tugs at his heartstrings and weakens his stance, his knees buckling when their mouths meet, but his posture remains upright due to the hold his senior has on him.

myungsoo’s strength never ceases to impress shouta, and with the older man as his anchor, he pours every ounce of his heart into their embrace; tears starting to burn in his eyes and gather in his ducts in a manner that’s unexpected and somewhat unwelcome, but he can’t control the way his emotions are surging right now. it’s been a hard day, as he discussed earlier, and though this makes up for it tenfold, his feelings are still in a rather tender place. he just hopes they don’t continue to embarrass him.

he’s breathless when their kiss ends, and while he was dead-set on maintaining his balance before, he realizes now that, during their collision, he fell… and much to his supreme delight, he was caught. it births a new neediness in him and he’s clinging onto the other after their lips part; dizzy, unsteady, but in the best way. however, he has no time to relocate his footing when myungsoo suggests continuing their moment in the shower… together.

shouta feels bad for being so quiet, but that’s just his nature. timid, but absolute nevertheless, he nods his head. “n—no, don’t worry, i want you in there with me…” he assures, then lifts one of his hands to dab at his eyes, chills racing down his spine as myungsoo begins to tease the skin beneath his jersey. “sorry, i just don’t think i’ve ever felt anything like this before. i feel like my entire body and soul are on fire, but the burn feels so comfortable and warm. it’s like i’m laying in the sun on a breezy day…” sighing, he crashes his face into the other’s chest now; permanently connected to him for the night. for life.

“will you carry me to the shower, too? pleeeeease?”

[myungbe-deactivated20250515]

When he hears the soft "thanks," Myungsoo only nods, just once, and lets the silence stretch in a way that’s comfortable. Some things are better felt in the quiet, in the space between one breath and the next. A quiet thought drifts in: how easily Shouta's vulnerability draws something protective out of him. Not in a patronizing way, but in that deeper, quieter way that makes you want to be someone better. Someone steadier. Someone who makes the world feel softer for the people they care about.

In the same breath he gives Myungsoo strength. They walk in, hand in hand, and he keeps glances at Shouta, whose fingers stay curled around his. He tucks himself almost behind Myungsoo, his cheeks already coloring with a soft, unmistakable flush. Myungsoo sees and feels it, the shift. He understands. The world still pauses, sometimes, to gawk at things it doesn’t see every day. And he feels sorry, realizing Shouta still flinches under the weight of them. But he didn't let go. And that matters.

He just adjusts his stance, subtly shifts to take up a little more space, to make the path ahead feel safer, warmer. He becomes something between like a ship and a lighthouse. Steady enough to guide, strong enough to carry.

—

Myungsoo barely misses a beat. The second the question leaves Shouta's lips, he huffs out a small laugh, half in humor, half in fondness, and without a word, bends slightly and hooks his arms behind Shouta's knees and back. "Alright, up we go," he says, scooping him into a piggyback position like it's second nature. No hesitation, no asking twice.

"You're lucky I like you," he says, voice lilting with fondness as he adjusts his grip to hold Shouta just right. Then, with a quiet laugh, he adds, "Actually, forget that. You're lucky I've got this ridiculous soft spot for you." He glances to the side, smile turning gentler. "I don't just give out piggyback rides, you know. This is VIP-level affection. Very exclusive." His tone stays teasing, but it’s layered with genuine care to make Shouta smile, like he wants him to know that being carried like this isn't just a favor, it's something he's happy to give.

His hold is solid, warm, secure, like carrying Shouta has been the norm for weeks now. He starts down the hallway at an easy, steady pace, not even remotely bothered by the weight on his back. "You know," he murmurs, "I can do this all day,” He flashes a grin over his shoulder, flexing a bit. "Easily the highlight of my day."

After a short pause, his voice softens. "And for the record? You're not a wimp. You're someone who cares a lot. That kind of heart's a strength, not a weakness, but if it makes the bad days feel heavier, I'll be here to carry you." They stop at the apartment door, and Myungsoo carefully balances Shouta with one arm while unlocking it.

"Alright, once I set you down, you're going straight into blanket-burrito mode. I got you. I'll set a side my hoodie and forehead kisses once you're all washed up." He cranes his head slightly, "I can't have my baby feeling down." He unlocks the door and gently lowers Shouta to the floor, slow and careful, like letting go of something fragile he’s not quite ready to part with. "You don't have to say anything else," he says, finally. "Just… let yourself be taken care of, yeah?"

Myungsoo slips off his shoes, flicks on the lights and turns to Shouta fully, his hand drifting up to cradle his face. His fingers press into soft, flushed cheeks, squishing them just enough to make Shouta's lips pout involuntarily. The sight is so unbearably cute, it knocks the air right out of him. "Mine," he murmurs, and his chest tightens, but he doesn't take his hands or words back. Instead, he softens his hold, tracing his thumb lightly over Shouta's cheek before finally letting go.

Inside, he's already settled on something deeper: if Shouta keeps letting him in like this, he's going to be there every time. No questions asked.

[shoutabe]

when myungsoo huffs and laughs in response to his question, shouta isn't sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing right away, but the instant that myungsoo gets into the position to lift him, shouta grins, then assists in being picked up piggyback. once they're secure, his legs coil around myungsoo's waist loosely and his arms drape around the breadth of his shoulders for extra stability, locking in tight. the words that follow next make him chuckle and he scrunches his nose in response, the blossoming scarlet on his face deepening even more.

knowing that they can play around like this sets him at ease, and while he knows that myungsoo can tell that he's sensitive, shouta appreciates that he still isn't afraid to tease him or poke fun at him. he would hate for anyone to think he's someone that needs to be handled with extreme gentleness and caution. "i am lucky you like me because i like you, too. i really like you. i like-like you, in fact." with that, he turns his head slightly and nuzzles into the space between myungsoo's neck and cheek.

he smells so good... shouta thinks to himself, then ghosts a kiss over his skin; a little too timid to actually connect. "don't say that unless you want to spoil me. i'm so serious, if you're offering to carry me around everywhere, i will take you up on it basically one-hundred percent of the time." it's one of the perks of being smaller in stature, at least in his opinion. "be careful because you'll have me glued to you, and you won't be able to get me off either!"

his voice rises and falls with a cheeky inflection, but his demeanor shifts as myungsoo's voice softens, and he's so appreciative of what's been said. "thank you. i've... always been called a crybaby. other kids hated me in elementary school—middle school, too—because of it. even though it was so long ago, i sometimes still feel like being how i am is a bad thing..." the smile returns to his face, his gaze honing in on myungsoo. "i'm glad you don't think it's a bad thing though. your opinion matters much, much more to me than anyone else's."

once they finally get into the apartment and he's set down onto his feet, he sighs somewhat pathetically; upset that their physical contact has to stop for the moment. however, before he can say anything else or make his way to the shower, the affection is quickly given back to him in a micro-dose, his cheeks grabbed and face contorted into a silly expression, squished together in a way that makes his lips pout and nose scrunch again. as if that wasn't enough, what actually stuns him though is when myungsoo says 'mine'.

in that moment, it feels like cupid's arrow punctures his heart; its point dead-center and shot clean through. as cliché and cheesy as it is, he melts into this touch. it makes him feel so special. swallowing hard, he decides to be more daring. "i want to kiss you so bad..." he states, his face still smushed together. shouta may look a little ridiculous right now, but he doesn't care. he hopes that his words are heard loud and clear. "like, so, so, sooo bad, myungsoo..."

[myungbe-deactivated20250515]

Myungsoo’s heart flips at Shouta’s words. 'Home is the only place I wanna be right now,' he repeats it back in his head. Hearing it aloud cements his own feelings. He only recently moved to Seoul, unsure how long he'd stay, but Shouta made it feel like home in such a shortspan. Just the other day, he’d even considered getting a copy of his keys for Shouta.

But then later Myungsoo grips the steering wheel tighter, his chest tightening at hearing him talk about his day. Haven't had a good day. He had felt it, seen it in the way Shouta came over to him, the way his smile seemed dimmed, but hearing it out loud makes his heart squeeze since he knows he can't fix every problem, be there all the time.

So he feels two things at once and doesn't say anything right away once they're in his car and on the road. Instead, he lets Shouta speak and the moment settle between them, his free hand reaching across the center console to find Shouta's. He gives it a light squeeze, grounding, reassuring. "I'm really glad I'm making you feel better and your day brighter. I want to be your safe place." He murmurs, "But you don’t have to keep your head up all the time, you know. Not with me."

A small chuckle rumbles from his chest as he shifts lanes. "Oh, Louis is gonna be so happy to see you. He gets sad every time you leave, you know." He peeks over, catching the slight upturn of Shouta's mood, and it feels like a victory. "I might have a solutation for that..."

They won't be stopping for pizza, not when Myungsoo is determined to get them home as soon as possible. "We'll order in once we get home," he says, voice warm and certain. "Bulgogi with jalapeños—it's happening, bunny."

He pulls into his apartment building, smoothly handing the keys over to the valet before turning back to Shouta. Without hesitation, he finds his hand, lacing their fingers together as he leads them toward the entrance. Myungsoo has never been one to shy away from displaying affection, and he knows his building's discretion ensures their privacy. But still, he wonders how Shouta feels about it. If the warmth of their joined hands in public is comforting or if it makes him self-conscious in front of people.

His thumb moves in slow, absentminded circles against Shouta's skin. A quiet reassurance, a silent I'm here. No rush. No pressure. Just them.

They take the elevator, Myungsoo glances down at Shouta, taking in his expression. Just before the doors slide open, he squeezes Shouta's hand gently. "Before we go in, though, are you sure you don't wanna talk about your day?" His voice is low, coaxing, offering an escape but never pushing. "If you don't, that's okay," he adds quickly, giving Shouta room to breathe. "But I just want you to know… I'm here. For all of it."

His lips curve into something small, but undeniably sincere. "And after we eat, I'm gonna make sure you get all the cuddles you want."

[shoutabe]

it's simple, but the reassurance that myungsoo gives him sets him even more at ease, enough that he feels his chest flood with warmth and his eyes become watery; a few stray tears even start making their way down the roundness of his cheeks before he's able to catch them. "thanks," he replies, then clears his throat and stares at his lap. he feels lame for letting his emotions get the better of him, but in truth, he's never been someone that can hide them. not fully.

maybe in professional settings he's able to keep them at bay, but for the most part, shouta practices expressing what goes on in his inner world, especially to his loved ones, so if myungsoo says that him opening up and coming out of his shell is okay, then who is he to deny that or tell him he's wrong? what convinces him to let his guard down further is that he can genuinely feel his senior's honesty when their hands lock together. his heart flips, any lingering stress from his rotten day disappears, and he hopelessly admires the grounding strength myungsoo possesses; leaning into it, even.

it's the most attractive thing about him in shouta's opinion. beyond his handsomeness, his glorious height, and even his effortlessly sweet disposition, the sturdiness myungsoo has to him is what tops shouta's list. it's the sole reason he's been able to recenter right now.

"aw, that makes me sad," he whines playfully. he hates that louis misses him when he's gone. though, the sunny-side to this is that he's sure to be greeted with lots of love once they get home. "trust me, if i could hangout with louis all day everyday, i would, but i'd be afraid he'd get, like, overly spoiled by me. i'd indulge him a little too much..." with that, he sighs; resenting the fact that he's a softy in that sense. what he's not remembering is how responsible he is, too.

when their pizza order is confirmed, but delayed until after they arrive at home, it doesn't take them too long to make it there, and when shouta's guided by hand into the building, his cheeks flush and he's quick to hide behind myungsoo, almost; using him as a shield. it's not that he doesn't enjoy this, but as someone whose naturally more shy, he's unsure how he feels about any attention their affection draws toward them. even though it's no one else's business, people still make themselves curious to things they don't witness everyday. at the same time, he feels stronger when myungsoo is around, so he tries not to cave inwardly on himself like he normally would.

it's hard to keep that up when, in the elevator, he's asked again about what happened over the last several hours. because he's started feeling better, he half-smiles and shrugs; shaking his head. "i'm just... kind of a wimp who cries when he wakes up late, gets a bad grade, and screws up during practice," shouta states, mostly lightheartedly. his self-deprecating sense of humor is hit or miss with people, so he hopes that myungsoo doesn't mind that much. "whenever i put it so simply, it doesn't sound like a big deal, but i get kind of lost in my feelings. it makes thinking logically pretty hard."

then, he's shown even more of myungsoo's loyalty, at least in words, and though he's a little afraid to put all his trust into him so early on, it's becoming a little too easy to believe that myungsoo will be there to catch him when he falls. not if, but when. "i know. you've, uh—... done nothing to convince me otherwise." with that, he squeezes myungsoo's palm back, and when the elevator doors open, he knows he's seconds away from comfort and bliss. however, for some strange reason, he decides to ask for some coddling. "c—can you give me a piggyback ride the rest of the way?"

the question feels silly, but he does mean it. his body is exhausted. "my legs are pretty burnt out and i don't feel like walking. please?"

[shoutabe]

& NEW 쇼우타 → SOLO

february rushed in and completely swept him away with many things to do. with a new semester starting, a new season of soccer underway, and business booming at the bakery, shouta hasn't had a lot of time to spend with himself, let alone with any friends. homework piled up at the speed of light, he has more kids to tutor now, and whenever he's not at practice, he keeps in shape by training at the gym. the more he dwells on his weekly itinerary, the more tired he becomes just thinking about it. he's someone who always likes having something to do, but he also loves sinking into his bed and catching up on content he loves all the same; making it hard for him to find the sweet-spot balance he so desperately craves.

he's very much determined to clutch onto some r-and-r though, which is why he decided to take a floral arrangement class he saw advertised at a local cafe. is it as cozy as crawling into his bed and never leaving? not exactly, but it's therapeutic and meditative in its own way. besides, he's most excited about being able to bring home the bouquet he made himself as a gift to his mother. maybe it's cheesy of him to do so, but he doesn't care. she's always been so proud of his creations, regardless of their scale, and he always feels special whenever she displays them in the bakery, or at home somewhere. he may be an adult now, but some things never really change.

studious as always, he retains the instructions that he's given by his teacher, taking her ideas in stride while still wanting to try things out on his own, too. there are so many flowers to choose from, all of different shapes and colors, and knowing that his mom's favorites tend toward hues of buttery-yellows and golds, he focuses on those shades primarily; weaving them together in a variety of ways until he finds a shape that he enjoys. whenever another classmate, or even the instructor herself, compliments him on his creativity, he bows and smiles, happy that his gentle nature works here, too.

his nurturing spirit tends to fare well with plant-life, the animal kingdom, and children; all of which is true of him. he's always cared for his house plants, he has animal magnetism, and his goal is to someday be an educator to elementary school students. he's always been told to make good use of his strengths, and despite not really believing it as a kid, he's come to learn that softness is his strength. maybe it isn't entirely becoming of a man to be so delicate, but in growing up, he's learned that hardening himself to life only makes him miserable; a lesson he's glad to have learned.

when the class ends, he takes a step back and gazes at his arrangement; finding its vibrancy fun, refreshing, and uplifting, and the vase he chose for sells its silhouette all the better. carefully taking it into his possession, shouta makes his way to his parents' house; ready for the breath of spring to bring in new energy and excitement to his life.

[yum-nyang]

🌻 HARUA 🌼 for ar magazine

[myungbe-deactivated20250515]

Myungsoo watches Shouta approach, and that familiar flutter in his chest starts kicking up like it always does when the other is near. But something’s different today. There’s a subtle shift in Shouta’s smile (he loves his smile), a softness that doesn’t reach his eyes like it usually does, and it stirs something protective inside Myungsoo.

Shouta’s been on his mind constantly—it's like he's woven into every thought, every moment. Just the other day, Myungsoo caught himself sculpting for a client, but instead of shaping it to the requested design, his hands had unconsciously carved Shouta’s features, every curve and angle as familiar as his own. And now, when Shouta says they should, "go home," it hits Myungsoo like heart-shaped arrow.

Without thinking, Myungsoo grabs the bag from Shouta. The way Shouta adjusts it, his current clothes, says more than words need to—there’s something probably more that happened than just an apology for being late. “You’re not late,” Myungsoo says, his voice a little too soft, even for him. But as he observes Shouta’s demeanor, the familiar ache tightens in his chest. Something’s off, he knows it, and it pulls at his heartstrings.

“Of course we can get pizza,” Myungsoo adds, trying to sound casual, though his eagerness slips through. He quickly hides it behind a smile, one that’s almost too smooth to be real. “Anything for you. Let's go home.”

The fact that Shouta still showed up, even though he doesn’t feel ready, speaks volumes to Myungsoo. Even after a tiring soccer practice, he’s here, perfect as ever in Myungsoo’s eyes. He steps forward, closing the distance between them just enough so the air between them feels warm, comforting. He sweeps Shouta under his arm finally, pulling him close into a hug as he tightens his grip.

“You look great, you know,” he says before he even realizes it. The words fall from his mouth with a soft exhale, like they’d been waiting for the right moment to escape. “How was your day? I have a feeling practice kept you busy.” He pulls back from the hug, his hands instinctively lacing together with SHouta's as he steers them toward the way his car.

[shoutabe]

when myungsoo motions to take the backpack off of his shoulders, shouta not only feels the weight of its contents lifting from him, but also the weight of the world; of his rotten day. all at once, there's a renewed sense of peace around him, one that he hasn't been able to clutch onto since he woke up this morning, and the words that follow only accentuate myungsoo's actions, easing tension little-by-little.

there's a part of him that's worried, though. with how everything has gone today, he's concerned that, the second the two of them are alone and hidden away somewhere, that his emotions will come pouring out of him like a waterfall. he's yet to be that vulnerable around myungsoo, and though he doesn't think the other would respond negatively to it, it's a big step. a scary one, in its way.

not wanting to get too ahead of himself, he nods and hums at the approval of his suggestion; overjoyed to know that eating pizza and sinking into the couch sounds like a good plan to his date, too.

"you... you're really sweet, thank you." it's spoken in a sigh, but one that's meant to relax and re-center him. "home is the only place i wanna be right now." he's not talking about his dorm room, nor his parents' house either. the more time he's spent at myungsoo's, the more it's started to feel like a place of his own, too.

he worries that maybe his feelings are moving too fast, but it's moments like this that continue to encourage them. all he can hope is that, if he trusts the free-fall, myungsoo will still be there to catch him. though, he's convinced he will be whenever he's wrapped up in a hug on top of all the sweetness. his knees go weak, and it's so cliche, but there's no better way to describe it. inhaling his delicious scent, feeling his warmth, the protective strength of his arms, and then the compliment on top of it all?

consider shouta wooed.

"you're just being nice," he replies, blushing. "i'm covered in grass stains, dirt, and sweat..." pivoting his body to follow myungsoo's lead, he tucks himself into the passenger seat, then waits for myungsoo to take the driver's before answering his question. "honestly, i haven't had a good day. it's been hard for me to keep my head up, but thankfully, you're helping me feel much, much better." pausing for a moment, he stares at his lap, then back over to myungsoo. "what's kept me going is knowing that, later on, i get to cuddle up with you and louis. it's the only thing that's brought a smile to my face."

leaning back against the seat, he takes another deep breath. "what kind of pizza sounds good to you? i love bulgogi pizza, but i also love pepperoni and jalapeno, too."

[shoutabe]

SUNCHOKE 쇼우타 → 이명수

shouta's not going to lie, he's been having a pretty rough day. for some reason, he's been unable to access his usual social grace. it all started when his alarm failed to ring and it ruined his morning routine. since then, conversations have not come easily, making every interaction he's had extremely awkward. not to mention that, he also learned that he didn't score as high as he thought he did on his most recent exam, making him wonder what he had a hard time comprehending. then, he got caught up talking to his professor about his grade, and was quite late to the first soccer practice of the season as a result.

because of that, he had to stay behind to do some extra running drills as a soft punishment for being somewhat scattered; unfocused.

he's felt so disorganized and thrown-off, it's stressing him out a lot, and what's adding to this is, he agreed to meet up with myungsoo after everything, but he no longer has time to stop by his dorm to clean himself up. now, he's mad-dashing his way toward their meeting-place; still dressed in his disheveled soccer kit. despite everything, he's trying his best to keep his head held high. he doesn't want to show up to his date in a rotten mood, but he won't lie, it's starting to get difficult to not crumble under the weight of his emotions. it makes him feel extremely pitiful.

shouta's always been extremely sensitive like that. his feelings take a massive toll on him, whether he likes it or not; even when it's very inconvenient.

he finally makes it to the restaurant they settled on earlier, and when he catches a glimpse of myungsoo waiting outside, he feels both comforted, and embarrassed. all at once, shouta takes in the sight of how handsome—how stylish—he is, but before he's able to fully appreciate it, he immediately compares it to how he looks. i'm so lame, he thinks, a meek half-smile tugs at one corner of his lips as he wanders toward him. "hey..." he begins, adjusting the backpack he has draped over his shoulders. "m'sorry i'm a little late. practice went on longer than i thought it would."

there's a deflated vibe about him, even if he's trying so hard not to show it. truth is, he's never been good at faking smiles. "i don't mean to, like, change plans last minute, but... is it okay if we just grab a pizza and go home?" shouta sighs, looking up toward myungsoo. "i... clearly am not ready to go into such a nice place."