lost boy

cho mindeulle. 22. korean lit. major @ SNU

[choiyeonjuns]

SOOBIN :: SUNDAY DRIVER

[shoutabe]

his entire love life has been a whirlwind for months now, and although the storm of it all seems to have calmed down over the last few weeks, the gusts have picked up once again; carrying him with them in a manner that's given him whiplash, leaving him dazed, confused, and lost. going from having three men in his life that were interested in winning over his affections, to then there being none, to now having one of the three return to ask for forgiveness... it's a lot for him to keep up with, especially given that he's still inexperienced when it comes to nurturing long-term relationships.

it's always been his biggest dream to find a love that nourishes him, but more than that, he wants to be able to nourish someone, too; to love them in the purest way possible in an attempt soften whatever harsh edges they have, or to ensure that they're healthy and able.

though, doing exactly that left him wounded. both of the men that he'd felt deeply for left him in the air and didn't allow him to continue loving them in the only way that he knows how to. instead, they ran away. they hid. they were cowardly and refused to trust that he's strong enough to weather storms alongside them.

that's what hurt him the most. the pain of losing them was immense, but knowing that they seemingly didn't trust him enough to let him stand by their sides tore him apart. did he not give them the impression that he could care for them and help them heal? did he fail to convey his heart's strength? these questions have eaten away at him for so long now.

regardless, he's tried his best to keep his head up. he recently moved into a new studio apartment, one that his father is helping him pay for since he was finding dorm life a bit restricting. it's only been a few days since he's made a home out of it, but he's glad that everything is in its rightful place and that he can find sanctuary in a space that belongs entirely to him. though, being that the move into his apartment is still fresh, he's not expecting a knock at his door. figuring that it must be his mom or one of his siblings stopping by to say hi, he opens the door without checking who it is, but when he realizes its mindeulle standing beyond the threshold, he feels a herculean tug at his heartstrings.

shouta has no idea what to do. does he leave him stranded by slamming the door in his face, much like mindeulle did to him? no, no, he can't do that. he can't be hypocritical by showing his own cowardice, especially after having judged the others for it.

seeing him in the flesh for the first time in a while feels bittersweet. he's not only reminded of how much he's missed him, but one of the memories mixed into the many that come flooding back to him is the last night they spent together. breathing heavily, he stands in his doorway and finds it hard to make direct eye-contact with mindeulle, but tries his best not to seem overly meek, albeit to no avail.

"hi," he begins, not really knowing what to say. "sorry, i just... i wasn't expecting to see you." it's clear that he's stunned. "why... um, well, what are you doing here?"

[mindeullebe]

The moment the door opens, and Min's eyes fall upon Shouta, his heart seems to stop in his chest. He looks the same, still so pretty, with his catlike eyes and sweet, plump lips. He remembers kissing him, and the pressure in his chest worsens. What did he even want to say? He's sure he prepared it all, an entire speech almost. Apologies and explanations, but now... it's all gone and his head is empty apart from a wailing void of desperation. He wants Shouta to forgive him, to let him back into his life. Does he want another chance? Does he even deserve one?

"Hi... I... I wanted to apologise. I'm sorry for coming by without warning... I thought I might chicken out." He kicks himself mentally for admitting to that. It'll do him no good in the long run. Shouta must already think Min is a coward. A terrible, mean, selfish coward. Perhaps he is. Maybe Min had always thought he was selfless and kind, but in reality he was nothing of the sort. He knows Shouta would have stayed by his side through his health crisis. He'd have comforted him, and kept him company during his hospital stay... But Min hadn't wanted to be a burden like that on him.

Shouta deserved someone strong, who could look after him.

"Can... Can I come in?" He's fully expecting Shouta to say no, and force him to go through his whole apology out here on the doorstep, and Min knows he will if he has to, even if he breaks down in ugly tears for all his neighbours to see. In all honesty, he isn't sure what he hoped to gain out of this visit. He didn't expect Shouta to want to take him back after he left him crying that night. But he needs Shouta to know that it hurt him just as much to leave. That he didn't do it to hurt him, he did it because he couldn't burden someone he loves so much.

Yet... maybe that explanation in itself is selfish... He isn't sure anymore.

[visithollow]

his hands find min’s waist like they've always belonged there. warm, loose, cocky as hell. min turns in his grip, and myungsoo's mouth quirks up the second those arms loop around his neck. the boy is smaller than him, but god, the way he fits, it's stupid, absolutely fucking criminal. myungsoo dips his head so his lips hover just below min's ear, breath hot and deliberate. "you can call me daddy if you want,” he murmurs jokingly, with a wicked little smile that suggests he's only half joking.

then he pulls back just enough to look at min's face more closely now. curious. flushed. hungry in that sweet, inexperienced way. "but if that’s too much too soon…" he chuckles, lazy and low, "quincy works." his hands slide down, slow drag over hips, palms splayed across min's lower back like he's setting boundaries just to break them later. their bodies fall into a rhythm, hips slotting together like puzzle pieces made for sin. "first time drunk, huh?" he mutters, voice thick with amusement, lips grazing the shell of min's ear like he’s whispering secrets that could ruin him. "you’re doing suspiciously well for a virgin."

he pulls back just enough to look at him again, eyes glittering under the strobe. a smirk blooms, self-satisfied. his fingers toy with the hem of min's shirt like a such tease. like a question. and then, because he's not done yet (because teasing is half the fun) he leans in again, lips brushing feather-light across min's cheek, stopping just short of his mouth. "careful," he murmurs, eyes locked on his. "you keep dancing like that and i'm gonna start thinking this night out of yours was meant for me."

[mindeullebe]

Min hadn't been held in a long time. In fact he hadn't been held like this ever. It's nice, feeling a little small for once. When you're as tall as he is, you're almost always the tallest in every room. It isn't that there's a huge difference in height between Min and this man, but the way he holds his hips, and talks to him with an air of dominance makes Min feel about a foot shorter than he actually is. His inexperienced hands fumble across his shoulders, his fingers awkwardly weaving into the short hairs at the nape of his neck.

He giggles when the man says he can call him 'daddy', though it makes Min's insides tighten and quiver. "Quincy.." He settles on, wondering if this guy comes from America. He flushes—being seen so clearly by a stranger makes him feel a little vulnerable, but not in an entirely bad way. As obvious as his inexperience seems to be, he's got liquid courage in his veins tonight. "Maybe I'm a natural," he offers up, pressing closer.

As if to encourage him, Min pulls himself as close to Quincy's body as he can get, swaying them both to a beat of their own. "Would it be so terrible if it was?" Even though Min's sure he's flushed to the tips of his ears, and his chest tightens with anxiety at his own confidence, he throws caution to the wind and hopes for the best. The best being a night with this man who makes him forget his current woes. A man who might make Min feel like he's good enough to be desired.

[choiyeonjuns]

SOOBIN :: THE STAR CHAPTER: TOGETHER - ETCHED CONCEPT CLIP

[visithollow]

𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅 —

written for 𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐚 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚 & 𝐜𝐡𝐨 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞 ( @shoutabe & @mindeullebe ) ♡

myungsoo's shirtless, got a half-dead cigarette behind his ear and a baby strapped to his chest like an ironic accessory. the hills of seoul rise like lazy giants around them, dusty green and moody under a sky that can't decide if it wants to rain or just sulk.

he looks back once at his boyfriends, over one shoulder, mouth curled in that semi-smirk he wears when he's thinking about something he won't say. myungsoo thinks maybe this was a mistake, hiking with a (toy) baby, louis iv, and two boys he's not quite dating but can't quite quit yet is very dangerous.

they pass a rusted-out vending machine swallowed by weeds. he tries to shake it for a can of pocari. nothing. myungsoo laughs, low and cracked, the kind that tastes like last night's hangover and this morning’s regret. to shouta, adjusting the baby sling and rocking gently while walking: "don’t worry, kid. you'll grow up and make better choices than your three dads."

[shoutabe]

the fact that not only one, but two of the men who abandoned him within the last year are on this hike with him still gives shouta whiplash, but he can't deny that there's something nice about being sandwiched between them. they both hurt him, he doesn't think he'll ever forget that, sadly, but they also seem to be working hard to prove that they won't cause him anymore pain. maybe it's silly of him to trust them again, but his mom's always taught him that everyone deserves a second chance, so he's decided to take their hands now that they've been offered to him.

however, if for some reason things go awry again, he knows that there's no going back. the ties will be cut with no opportunity for repair, so all he can hope is that neither of them screw this up again.

following myungsoo and mindeulle closely, he takes in the sights around them, enjoying the summery weather and the handsome company that he keeps, even louis iv and the baby-doll they found earlier in their trek. this is shouta's favorite time of year. the sun is big and bright, there's a sense of freedom in the air, and it's his birthday in around a month. he hopes he can get to the nearest beach to celebrate, but has no honest idea what his life holds for him, so he chooses to hone in on the moment; laughing at myungsoo's joke.

"three dads?" shouta teases, licking over his lips. "isn't there a movie called 'three men and a baby' or am i making that up?" he swears he's heard that title somewhere. maybe it's a movie or a show that his mom watched when he was a kid. "also, speak for yourself! i think it'd be cool if my future child ends up like me. we can bake together." he beams, then looks up toward the other two.

"should we give the doll a name, by-the-way? we've been walking with it for awhile and it's only fair that we give it some form of identity, right?"

[mindeullebe]

Min's out of breath, and can feel the sweat gathering between his shoulder blades and along his hairline. His calves ache, and he decides to blame all this on Jindallae. If only his brother had pushed Min to workout in a way that would make a hike like this easy-peasy, then he'd not be lagging behind the two men he so desperately wants to impress. It's much easier than blaming it on his shitty health—he's trying not to even think about that anymore. Half of him feels accomplished, though; he'd not have been able to make it this far had he not spent months now working out and upping his stamina and strength. Still, even Shouta seems better off than him, and his legs are about half the length of Min's.

He manages to catch the tail end of his companion's conversation as he catches up, taking his chance to lean against the vending machine, not even questioning why there is one all the way up here, and sucks in a few lungfulls of air. "That baby needs a hat. He's going to get sun-stroke," he comments off-handedly, taking his own sunhat off and placing it on the dolls head. It's much too big and hides the entirety of the baby dolls head, but he grins. "There. Now Timmy's brain won't melt."

Timmy is, objectively, a terrible name for their 'child'. He's also not sure if he gendered it correctly. Does it really matter? Perhaps his brain is melting. It's not altogether that hot, really. It's warm, but the hike up here had cranked Min's body temperature up so high he was considering pouring the rest of his supply of water over his head. Had he been more confident in his body, he'd have taken his shirt off like Myungsoo, but there's no way he's going to let Shouta compare his significantly less muscular form to Myungsoo's. Not when things are still so... strange between the three of them. What if Min finds himself outsted from the group on grounds of weakness?!

[noelxbe]

mindeullebe

Min hadn't gotten into any new groups in a long time. In fact, it had been a few years since he'd paid great attention to the realm of kpop. He'd tried, somewhat, to 'grow' out of it. That childhood dream of becoming one himself would never come true, and he'd known that from the very beginning, when he sat in his hospital room gazing at the glittery people dancing on the TV screen. But in recent months, when he'd been pushing his body to the extremes, going further than he ever thought was possible for him, he'd found his usual music tastes just weren't cutting it for the gym. He needed something with higher energy, and that was when his sights returned to kpop. It was during this new foray into the modern music of Korean youth that he found Vybe—a group with eyecatching young men and music that made him run just a little bit faster. He liked the youthful sound, the sunny music videos, the boy with the catlike eyes that reminded him of someone special. And so, unbeknownst to anyone in his everyday life, he'd attended a fansign. He'd been shy about it, surrounded by girls over a head shorter than him, all squealing (and some peering up at him between distracted displays of mild hysteria), while he weakly cheered, overly self-conscious of the pitch difference between his own voice and those of the fans surrounding him. But it had been fun in the end. He'd found he got a relaxed and pleasant reception from each of the members—perhaps they were pleased that they had a male fan, maybe it was a sort of novelty, something uncommon, noteworthy, memorable. Min wouldn't have considered himself memorable, and yet here his bias is, remembering him, in a small cafe he'd only stepped into for his cheat treat of the week. They'd only spoken for about two minutes, and yet Noel remembered him, and even remembered his name. "Oh my god- I mean yeah, yeah I was. I... I'm surprised you remember me, after meeting all those people." Act cool, he tells himself firmly, and yet he can already feel his hands shaking.

noel was usually good at remembering names and faces, prior to actually debuting he thought he’d remember the names and faces of all of his fans that he met. that was not the case though… fansign after fansign, there were new fans to meet every single time, and noel had gotten unlucky and didn’t remember the face of someone he already met, ‘i was at your last fansign, do you remember me?’ and noel simply had to lie and say yes. vybe wasn’t even that big yet, yet somehow for noel, there were too many faces and names to remember.

some were more memorable than others, easier to remember. a lot of people simply asked to compare hands or asked for his autograph, it was easier to remember the people that had done something unique or asked a unique question. like the first person who asked him which member was closest to his ideal type, the people asking the same question after that was not as memorable. but amongst the crowd, someone looked different from everyone else, and was hence easier to remember. mindeulle, he remembers it clearly, he was tall as hell, and not their usual fan-girl.

“eh! i remember all my fans” what a lie “i’m thankful you came to our fansign” he smiles, not that anyone can see it when he’s wearing a facemask. “it seems like so far majority of our fanbase is girls, i’m happy other people are interested in vybe too” he nods a bit. “ah! let me pay for you, as a thank you for supporting vybe” he claps the other on their back “and i hope you’ll continue to support us” he tilts his head to the side “is it… too weird talking this casually with your idol? i hope i’m not making you feel awkward”.

[mindeullebe]

Being remembered by someone special feels sparkly. A glitter bomb had just gone off in his chest, and Min could feel his entire face flushing. He has the sudden urge to reach up and cover his ears, knowing they too have likely gone an embarrassing shade of pink, but he doesn't. In fact, he tries hard to control himself, and pretend he isn't as flustered and star-struck as he really is. Noel's just as handsome as he was at the fansign, and even more than he seems on screen. He looks more relaxed, and for a moment Min feels as though he could just be any other guy his own age that he'd bumped into and got into a conversation with.

Deep down though he can't ignore that this isn't just some random guy. He's a guy Min's almost certain he has at least one picture of saved in his phone's cameraroll. It doesn't help that Min had always been flustered by handsome men, celebrities or not.

"Really? You must have a great memory. I don't think I could remember all those people!" But then it must be easier to remember people who stand out more, like Min, who wasn't much like any of the other fans, given he was a man, and significantly taller than probbaly every other fan Vybe had. He's almost too distracted to realise Noel just offered to pay for him, and if he'd been red before, it was nothing compared to the new shade of crimson he'd likely managed to achieve. "Oh you don't have to- I mean I should be paying for you!" But he's sure his words fall on deaf ears.

"It's- ... Not award exactly, just surprising. Nice, though. It's nice to get you talk to you outside of your work. Are you able to get enough rest? Being in Vybe must be so much work." Min, clearly, can never escape his overly concerned nature. Even towards his bias, he can't help but feel concerned about how much sleep and rest and time to relax he might be getting.

[visithollow]

cowboy heartbreak in seoul —

written for 𝐜𝐡𝐨 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞 (@mindeullebe) ♡

myungsoo is already half feral by the time he sees mindeulle standing in the haze, that sticky seoul summer heat clinging to both of them like a second skin. boots new, black and sharp, the ones he bought him, city cowboy style, alpha trip bullshit, glinting under a sun that feels close enough to peel skin. it's quiet up here in the hills, the sprawl of half-forgotten temples and pine-thick ridges keeping their secrets close. no one's looking. no one cares. he lets the silence hang for a second, tastes the sweat in the crook of his own elbow, tastes the want (a coppery thing, sharp as a knife) blooming in his mouth. the heat has him half undone already, shirts tugged open, jeans riding low. there's something in the way mindeulle stares at him that makes his ribs ache, like they'll crack apart if he doesn't press in, if myungsoo doesn't get him closer.

he doesn't ask permission. they don't need it, not here.

he just takes a step, boots scuffing the dusty trail, fingers hooking the edge of mindeulle's belt. a laugh, mean and sweet at the same time, rips through him, choked off before it can get too loud. "you wanna play cowboy?" he drawls, voice sunburnt and soaked in cigarette smoke, dragging that belt closer until their hips collide, "then you better fucking ride."

[mindeullebe]

How he ended up here, Min really isn't sure. It's hot, almost unpleasantly so, especially up here, so much closer to the sun, without a single cloud to hope sweeps in front of the sun to give them a moments respite from it's glare. Climbing up here in brand new cowboy boots had been... an experience, to say the least. In fact, Min was looking forward to stopping, and sitting, and perhaps never getting back up again. Yet there's something that's heating him up even more than the scorching sunlight—Myungsoo. When he'd donned the outfit Myungsoo insisted he wore, he'd felt simply foolish, but Myungsoo wore it like the outfit had been made just for him. He feels something heavy on his chest; something familiar. Something he hadn't felt for anyone besides Shouta before.

In a way, it scares him, the intensity of his feelings around Myungsoo. Almost as though if he weren't careful, he'd lose his footing and drown under them. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, if only he saw Myungsoo's face hovering above the waves.

Thankfully, Min's already very pink from exertion and mild burning from the UV rays, so he's pretty sure Myungsoo can't see how very brightly he's blushing as he pulls him close and draws lewd images into the very forefront of his mind. "Out- ... Out here!?" Min exclaims in a tight whisper, as though there were people close enough to hear them. He chews on his lip nervously, swallowing so thickly it audible. Even if Min weren't woefully inexperienced, he fears he'd be just as flustered by Myungsoo's attention. It's still hard to believe he has any interest in Min, especially knowing now his connection to Shouta. Min is nothing like Shouta, visually at least. Yet even with his hesitations, and insecurities, he can't stop himself from raising his hands to splay across his chest, his weight leant into him, his nose bumping against Myungsoo's, and giving it a little affection nudge. "Lead me?"

[jindallaebe]

GAINS 진달래 → 민들레

at long last, mindeulle's been going to the gym with him. as fucked up as it is, all it took was another health-scare for his twin to finally understand the importance of physical fitness, and while jindallae's always been mindful of his brother's condition and would never push him far past his limits, he's glad that he's getting his act together. this also means that they're getting in more bonding time, too. it's been nice to reconnect with him like this. they're busy living vastly different lives, so whenever they can spend a couple hours in one another's presence, he cherishes it. it's healing to him, somehow. reminds him of when they were younger and their worlds were intertwined more.

giving his arms a break, he wanders over to mindeulle and watches over him; ensuring that his form is strong. "lookin' good..." jindallae encourages, noticing the definition that his sibling's body has taken on. all jin can hope is that min sees how much his hard work is paying off. "you're not getting lightheaded or anything, are you?" this is a habit of his that he's trying to break, but it's hard not to check up on him often. he's done that since they were toddlers, but now, he's much more aware of how annoying it is. he'd hate for mindeulle to feel smothered by him.

"it's june. might be a scandal knowing the type o' douche-bags who skulk around hongdae, but i think we should piss 'em off and put up some pride flags at the restaurant." he laughs, snickering at the thought of it. "if anyone's got anything to say about it, they can deal with me and leave with their tail between their legs. i'd rather us be known as a chill spot for everyone than cater to wrong crowd." if he's given literally any opportunity to be rebellious, he'll take it. to him, there's nothing sweeter than ruffling the feathers. "we'll probably have to order them online, huh?"

[mindeullebe]

Min had never liked working out, or sports in general. The most he enjoyed was a little dance-along to his favourite song choreos while watching music shows on TV as a child. But after last winter, when he'd lost so much thanks to his shitty health, he'd decided enough was enough. He was going to bite the bullet and accept what he'd known for a long time anyway. That to get better, he needed to make sure he was stronger in every way. His immune system wasn't going to get stronger unless he did, as much as it pained him to accept that fact. At least, he thought, he had a very-much willing personal trainer to turn to.

Jindallae had been eager to help, and truthfully, his twins pleasure at helping him work out made it much easier to continue with it, even when it was hard and exhausting and Min found no joy in it. He did as he was told--lifting weights, doing pull-ups, push-ups and burpees until he felt like he was about to die. But, it had been paying off and he was seeing the effects in his shoulders and abdomen recently. He's curling weights when Jin comes over to check on him, which should bother him, but doesn't. He'd never begrudged Jin his protective tendencies. In fact, Min liked known he always had someone looking out for his welfare. "I'm alright," he assures him, finishing his sets and setting down the weighs and swapping them out for his water bottle, which he half empties in one long drink.

Sometimes Min wonders what he'd do without Jin. He'd definitely be a lot more fucked up. Jin had protected him all throughout childhood, and Min wouldn't be half as content with life if he'd not had that barrie between him and people who wanted to hurt him for his differences. Being different had been a constant anguish in Min's life, and it was only in recent years that he'd come to accept it more; not just his poor health, but his sexuality. It was still hard, especially when he thought about his parents potentially wanting grandchildren, and his instinct to be as filial a son as he could be. "That's a good idea." A dangerous one perhaps--he'd be asking for some trouble, but Jin had never shied away from that stuff, and it was just something Min had always been so proud of him for. "Probably. Unless you can think of any local stores that might sell them in bulk," his voice is tinged with laughter at the absolute unlikeliness of such a thing.

[visithollow]

𝒊'𝒎 𝒃𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒐𝒕 —

written for 𝐜𝐡𝐨 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞 ( @mindeullebe ) ♡

myungsoo clocks him the second he walks in. same face. same mouth. same sharp collarbones glinting under the strobe. but this one moves different. this is softer in all the right ways.

not the the other twin brother who he saw wear turtlenecks in july and left poetry books in the kitchen a few months back. no—this one's soaked in sweat and glitter, hips rolling like the bass is wired straight into his spine. mindeulle, someone shouts near the bar. that name hits like a shot of mezcal, warm and dirty, and suddenly myungsoo's already moving, drink forgotten, pulse syncing to the beat.

he's not thinking about what his brother would say anymore. just about that mouth, parted and glistening, and the way mindeulle’s ass would feel pressed up against his thigh. he slides into the rhythm, brushes skin to skin. he grinds against him. myungsoo grins, teeth bared like a dare. this is going to be a problem. he hopes it lasts all night.

fuck.

[mindeullebe]

Min had never actually been drunk before. Perhaps because he was nervous about adverse affects on his health, or merely because he didn't feel he had any friends who'd want to drink with him. His usual circle were more of the studious type. Tonight, he'd agreed to go out with some new friends he'd made from the dance department, and after the first hour spent awkwardly standing near the bar and watching his friends gyrate like the world depended on the perfect twirling of their hips, they'd somehow managed to drag him out with them, once they'd poured enough liquor down his throat. Turns out fruity cocktails really do go down a treat.

He must be doing something right, he realises once he's on the dance floor, twisting his hips the same way his friends had done, and they all cheer. For the first time in his life he feels wild and free. The youth he'd let almost entirely slip through his fingers was finally enveloping him in a swaddle of glitter and neon lights. He's losing himself to the music, eyes closed and arms raised above the heads of the people surrounding him, a strange temperature difference making goosebumps rise on his forearms.

Then there are hands on his waist, and someone pressed against his back. Someone broad, and solid, and just that little bit taller than him, perhaps only a few centimetres, but it makes all the difference when Min looks over his shoulder at him. He's handsome, in a pretty way, with fluffy hair and muscles that seem to threaten to tear the seams of his shirt apart. Min had never felt this small in his life, and yet instead of making him feel vulnerable, it felt exciting. He twirls in the man's grip, his arms raising to wind around his neck as he sways against him. "I'm Min," he says, leaning close to speak his name right into the man's ear, his lips brushing against the shell of it, "what's your name?"

[mindeullebe]

[ BRIDGES TO MEND ]

𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐀'𝐒 𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓, Seoul, SK May, 2025 w. 𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐀

The last time Mindeulle saw Shouta, they'd both been crying. Min, breaking both of their hearts, had broken things off, 'for Shouta's benefit'. He still believed that to be true. Who wanted a boyfriend who was stuck in hospital? Who's health overtook their life over and over again. He'd set him free, and in doing so, he'd lost the only person he'd ever loved. They'd stay in touch, he'd told Shouta. They could still be friends, he'd told Shouta. Yet their messages were sparse, and lacked the feeling they used to hold. Both retained too much hurt and sorrow, and so they'd left their chat room dusty for far too long.

Min had never stopped loving him, even after months apart. He'd lain awake thinking about the boy with the bunny teeth and catlike eyes. He loved him with every fibre of his being, and being without him hurt more than any sickness he'd ever endured. It's what had led to his inevitable return to Shouta's doorstep, ready to grovel for forgiveness, though he knew he'd have to be the luckiest man on earth to win his affections back after breaking his heart, regardless of whether he'd broken his own in the process. It takes a full ten minutes of standing a few metres down the corridor from Shouta's front door for him to finally muster up the courage to just go over and knock. As soon as he does, though, his stomach drops into his feet and he feels like he might faint. He should have texted ahead of time, warned Shouta he was coming. What if he was with a new man? A man better, healthier, stronger than Min? It would be what Shouta deserved, of course, but Min could already feel his heart bleeding at the mere idea of it. What did he even intend to say to him, past 'I'm sorry'? What could he say to make any of it better? At the very least, they had a lot to talk about. Bridges to mend.

[noelxbe]

recognizable

noel honestly hadn’t been prepared for how busy idol life would be. noel had always been busy basically, used to handle multiple jobs while being a student, then handling multiple jobs while being a trainee. once he joined project green, he quit his jobs to focus solely on debuting, figuring, hey, no more work i’ll finally be less busy, that wasn’t the case, and it especially wasn’t the case once he debuted. it was schedule after schedule, and noel felt like he rarely got any breaks.

it was fun though, it was fun performing on stage and interacting with fans, and noel was truly happy he had gotten to debut. and while he has a short break, he heads down to a café to grab something to drink and eat. he’s wearing his cap and his facemask like usual, not that he gets recognized that much, it’s more so just become a habit. 

he’s looking at the menu when a familiar face catches his eyes “min?” ( @mindeullebe ) and he speaks before even thinking. is he allowed to interact with fans outside of fansigns, and is it inappropriate for noel to be the one to approach a fan? ah well, noel is still a new idol, he’ll make mistakes. he quickly pulls down his facemask briefly, just so the other can see his face. “you were uh, you were at vybe’s last fansign weren’t you?” good thing noel is good at remembering names and faces.

[mindeullebe]

Min hadn't gotten into any new groups in a long time. In fact, it had been a few years since he'd paid great attention to the realm of kpop. He'd tried, somewhat, to 'grow' out of it. That childhood dream of becoming one himself would never come true, and he'd known that from the very beginning, when he sat in his hospital room gazing at the glittery people dancing on the TV screen. But in recent months, when he'd been pushing his body to the extremes, going further than he ever thought was possible for him, he'd found his usual music tastes just weren't cutting it for the gym. He needed something with higher energy, and that was when his sights returned to kpop.

It was during this new foray into the modern music of Korean youth that he found Vybe—a group with eyecatching young men and music that made him run just a little bit faster. He liked the youthful sound, the sunny music videos, the boy with the catlike eyes that reminded him of someone special.

And so, unbeknownst to anyone in his everyday life, he'd attended a fansign. He'd been shy about it, surrounded by girls over a head shorter than him, all squealing (and some peering up at him between distracted displays of mild hysteria), while he weakly cheered, overly self-conscious of the pitch difference between his own voice and those of the fans surrounding him.

But it had been fun in the end. He'd found he got a relaxed and pleasant reception from each of the members—perhaps they were pleased that they had a male fan, maybe it was a sort of novelty, something uncommon, noteworthy, memorable. Min wouldn't have considered himself memorable, and yet here his bias is, remembering him, in a small cafe he'd only stepped into for his cheat treat of the week. They'd only spoken for about two minutes, and yet Noel remembered him, and even remembered his name. "Oh my god- I mean yeah, yeah I was. I... I'm surprised you remember me, after meeting all those people." Act cool, he tells himself firmly, and yet he can already feel his hands shaking.

[mindeullebe]

hi all! it's me, bear (he/him) back at it again with my boi mindeulle, twin brother of @jindallaebe !! you can find more info about min here, but i'll leave some info under a read more here for quick food for plotting. in short, currently min is in his final year of a korean lit. degree at snu, graduating next feb. however, over the winter he came down with pneumonia (due to longstanding health issues from when he was a kid that flare up now and the) and had to step back from all social life stuff for a while (if anyone remembers the last time min was here, that's the story of where he's been all this time).

anyway, i would love to plot with any and all, so if you'd like to plot please like this and i'll hope into your dms.

as a child, min was pretty poorly, thanks to being born premature and weak (i blame jin for stealing all the strength in the womb)

he spent a lot of his childhood in and out of the hospital with infections and flus that were doing a number on him, or pneumonia or asthma

this led to him getting bullied quite a bit at school since he was taken out a few times and it singled him out as 'different' to the other kids, but he was lucky that he had jin to protect him

as he got older he did get stronger, but he's always been physically a little behind other guys his age strength and stamina-wise, especially since his brother has always been a lot more strong and fit than him

since he spent so much time alone in hospital or recovering at home when he was young, he developed a great love of books, and a strong, albeit slightly more secret interest in kpop. he'd seen music shows on the tv in the hospital and had grown to love the idea of performing in fun outfits, singing and dancing on a stage with bright lights and people cheering, but he knew he could never do that; he'd never be strong enough

he did well in school thanks to having so much time to study since he had very little social life. during high school he did succeed in making a small group of friends, but they were all more 'bookish' so kept their grades up alongside him

after his first semester at univserity (sept. 2020) he enlisted in non-active military service (due to his health), and after 2 years, he returned to university (sept. 2022)

he's mainly been focusing on his studies, but after his last bought of illness, and having to give up something very dear to him, he decided he's never letting his health get in the way again and has been working out since earlier this year to try and strengthen his body and his immune system

right now he's got his head in his books, but he's trying to turn his life around a bit from being aout nothing but studying and being sick. he doesn't want to let his health ever hold him back again

[shoutabe]

when mindeulle tells him that he has the perfect job for him, shouta looks at him; his head tilting to one side. "mm?" he hums, smiling. "what's that? you'll come to find that i'm really handy in the kit—" before he's able to finish his sentence, he feels min's hand overtake his own, and the feeling of their palms' embrace makes it difficult for him to remain on the same train of thought. instead, he focuses in on how much bigger mindeulle's hand is, in comparison to his own.

it makes his heartbeat escalate, a blush burns away at his cheeks, and he blissfully allows himself to be guided wherever he's wanted, almost as if he's in some sort of trance or stupor; completely and willingly handing control of himself over to his senior.

hormones. they're so silly sometimes. even something as simple as this can cause them to rev and purr. shouta is trying his best not to listen them much. restraint is important, too. however, it becomes even more difficult to ignore his blatant attraction when he's literally swept off of his feet, and placed on the countertop; his face flushing an even more potent scarlet than before.

oh, he's strong... he thinks to himself, fearing that his heart's incessant pounding can be heard outside of his own body, even if it's irrational. a part of him feels like he's being made fun of, but he also isn't reading what's happening as anything negative. instead, the reality of their difference in stature is made more obvious because of this, and he can't help but swoon at it.

so he enjoys men who are larger than he is. sue him.

"whoa..." he croaks afterwards, flustered. though, before he's able to form any other thoughts, he's met with a spoonful of their dinner hovering in his face, and when mindeulle's jokes continue, he rolls his eyes playfully. "watch it, you..." shouta half-heartedly threatens, then leans into taste test their meal. the instant the flavors mingle with his tastebuds, he hums; the depth of them perfect for this time of year.

"wow, that's... like, that's really good!" eyes widen at it, and he looks over to mindeulle; beaming. "what did you put in there? i've had galbi-jjim before, but this is, like, different. like, in a very good way!"

this is one of his favorite things, to be honest; trying other peoples' food. every family has secret recipes, so he wonders if this is one of theirs. "i love the level of spice in this. honestly, that's my favorite thing about korean food. i love how spicy it is." he remarks, looking over to mindeulle. "it's nice to be a little more eye-level with you. i like this view... i get to look at your face without my neck cramping up." with that, he laughs, his self-deprecating humor always shining through.

"your face is so handsome, too..."

[mindeullebe]

Min had never been an excceptionally confident person. His youth hadn't set him up to be, when he'd suffered at the hands of bullies until Jindallae caught wind and stepped in. But, even if people weren't benig mean openly, he was made to feel different. He felt excluded due to his many absences and his obvious health issues. He'd been practically glued to an inhaler for a good few years, had been the only child drencing himself in hand-santiser so often his hands were dry and cracked during the winter. He just wanted to be normal, but elementary school had beaten into him the belief that he never would be. That feeling of being different stayed with him in many ways even till today, despite much of it subsiding during his high school years, when he found some semblance of popularity. It was different to his brother's though--Jindallae was cool, Mindeulle was smart, studious, agreeable and reliable. He'd found other students respected him, now that he no longer missed many days, and kept up a little more during sports. Yet still, now, he's reminded that confidence is sort of a foreign feeling to him. It seems to come from somewhere entirely unfamiliar within himself as he light-heartedly plays with Shouta.

It help that his object of Min's affections always seems so agreeable to his attention in all the ways it's so far been given. Even as he pretends to be annoyed by the mild teasing about his height, Min can tell he liked it, and the boost that gives his ego is entirely unspeakable. Speaking of ego boosts, Shouta's reaction to the meal does wonders for it, and Min can't help the broad smile that splits his face in two.

"Mmm... Well, it could be the water chestnuts I put in, or that I've been cooking the meat for about 9 hours now." He's not entirely sure how to react to compliments on his cooking. It almost feels wrong--he's not the cook of the house; he's nothing compared to Jin when it comes to making good meals. But it's nice to know he can please Shouta. Cooking seems like something someone would want their partner to be at least somewhat passable at.

And there it is, that thought that had been ever-present in Mindeulle's mind recently. He had to admit it to himself; he wanted something serious with Shouta. He wanted more than just casual dating and the risk of losing him to some other man who might come along and whisk him away with even better cooking skills, and probably sports skills as well, knowing Min's luck. "I'm glad you like it. Jin's a much better cook, but... I wanted to make something for you myself. So I could put a lot of love into it." For a moment, he goes quiet, just taking the chance to look at Shouta. As much as he likes being taller than him, and looking down to speak to him, this is nice too. There's something almost intimate about it. Looking right into his eyes like this feels like opening a door inside himself and welcoming Shouta in, throwing light into dark corners he'd never shown anyone before.

Without realising, he'd stepped closer, right up to Shouta's knees, so they were close enough to feel each other's breath on their skin. "You're making me blush..." He whispers, before he leans in and presses a delicate kiss to his pretty little rosebud lips.

[bejiayi]

━━ halloween market◞ monster mash.·( @mindeullebe )

the market stalls have filled themselves to the brim with trinkets and toys just waiting to be touched by the grubby hands of children. "oh can i get this one? it's my favorite character," and "pretty, pretty, please," can be heard as jiayi makes her way through the crowd. she laughs, but of course these objects catch her attention too.

a stall in particular catches her eye, one with what looks to be filled with things of the handmade sort. prints line the tent behind the shopkeeper, big and small. the theme for the artwork is the holiday they're currently celebrating. ultimate, she's intrigued enough to stop by and take a closer look.

as her eyes briefly glance over the artist's work, she notices another market-goer next to her admiring the paintings as well.

"these are good, right? they really capture the essence of halloween," jiayi chuckles, trying to make small talk with the stranger. "i wish i was half as talented."

[mindeullebe]

Mindeulle hadn't always celebrated Halloween. As a child, he'd seen movies from America where kids went out, dressed as ghosts, or vampires, or witches, and got pillowcases filled with candy, and he'd desperately wanted to experience something like that. But, it wasn't really something his family, or anyone he knew, celebrated. At least not to the extent where they'd go trick-or-treating. But Mindeulle always loved putting out his little pumpkin shaped tealight holders and plastic skeletons around his room to put him in the spooky season mood.

As he'd gotten older, Halloween had become much more popular among people in Korea, though it seemed to be mostly teens and older who'd dress up and go out. His first time dressing up he'd decided to be a vampire. It was an easy costume, and he still had a picture from that night stuck on his wall, reminding him of happy, youthful memories. Tonight, however, he was dressed as a glow in the dark skeleton, having just finished the race with Noel, and was perusing the stalls, wondering if Shouta might like anything from any of them.

A woman strikes up a conversation, and after an initial moment of panic, wondering if she knew him but he'd somehow met and forgotten her, he decides, no, he'd never seen her before and says, "yeah, I can't imagine being able to paint like that."

He looks over at her, then back at the paintings and asks, "do you think you'll buy one?"

[shoutabe]

shouta has always loved this time of year.

he was born in the summertime, but in his opinion, there's no better season than autumn. the weather is perfect for oversized sweaters, the trees don hues of gold and blaze, and everything is flavored with pumpkin, and cinnamon, and pear, and cardamom, and apple—all of which are his absolute favorite flavors. that, and it also brings back a flood of memories from childhood, mostly how he and his mom would go all out for tsukimi by preparing hundreds of traditional baked goods and snacks to serve not only to the family, but to all of her customers, as well.

they did the same this year, but it was more low-key; much like how its been every year for them since moving to south korea. however, as he's on his way to mindeulle's place in celebration of chuseok, shouta thought it could be fun to share a little bit of his culture, too, so in tow, he has rabbit-shaped mochi that he and his mom made together, a count of precisely fifteen tsukimi dango, and an entire apple-cinnamon upside-down cake that he baked himself. all he can hope is that everything suits min's tastes. he'll be so embarrassed if mindeulle's allergic to apples or something.

nevertheless, the journey there is short and sweet, and after he rings the doorbell, he's promptly let inside; his cheeks flushed from the sight of his senior with an apron draped over his shoulders. min's always so handsome... and shouta is so mesmerized by how he manages to look so good every time he sees him. "mm, something smells delicious!" he comments, balancing the items he's carrying in his hands as he takes off his shoes; exchanging them for slippers that are much too large for his feet.

somehow, he finds it really cute; endeared.

"it was a little chilly out, but don't worry! i'll warm up in no time." he reassures, smiling. "some tea sounds nice though, thanks! i, uh—... i hope it's okay, but i brought some things for us to share." setting everything down on an empty section of a nearby countertop, he turns toward mindeulle with a grin. "back home, while you all are celebrating chuseok here, we celebrate tsukimi. it's a harvest moon festival."

not wanting to get too carried away with explanations, he stops himself from droning on. "anyway, i baked a cake, and my mom and i made the mochi and tsukimi dango together. i really hope you like them!" offering a warm smile, he pauses for a moment and gazes at mindeulle, totally zoning out; distracted by his beauty. when he snaps back to reality, he blushes, then laughs. "d—do you need help with anything?"

[mindeullebe]

Mindeulle had never really thought of himself as a bad cook, but Jin had always been the one to instincively cook them dinner and look after Min, so he hadn't had many opportunities in the past to hone his cooking skills. However, he'd made an effort to at least learn the basics, and how to avoid burning things or blowing stuff up or setting fire to anything. So far, he'd never had a truly terrible kitchen disaster. He doesn't think of himself as a wonderful cook by any means, so when Shouta comments on the smell, saying it smells 'delicious', a bubble pf pride floats up through Min's chest, his back straightening, as if he's almost puffing out his chest at the compliment.

"I made galbi-jjim!" Honestly, he's pretty proud of himself, given how difficult the dish is with all the meat preparation and the length of cooking involved. But, it's a favourite of his, so he effort seemed worth it. "Oh? Well, happy Tsukimi! What did you bring?" As Shouta tells him about the things he made with his mother, he can't help but smile. He wonders how close Shouta and his mom are, and what being close to your mother's like. He imagines cooking alongside his own mother, but quickly the imagining is ruined by his brain making her nag at him about something mid-cooking. He loves his mother, but he's not sure he'd want to cook anything with her. Some things are better done separately.

"I'm sure they're incredible." Shouta's distracting. It's something that Mindeulle had already learnt from their first date. He has this smile that draws you in, his cat-like eyes shining and his pretty, blushing cheeks all round and soft. He reminds Min, in some ways, of a little fairy, or some creature that, when no one's looking, turns into a fox and dashes off into the forest. But, Shouta is nothing like a fox in personality; he's far too sweet. Foxes are notoriously mischievous creatures. But Shouta, and his eagerness to help, to say kind things and make Min feel so very special surely separates him from the naughtiness of those bushy-tailed canines.

"Mmm... I have the perfect job for you actually." There's only a moment's hesitation, before Min reaches out with feigned confidence and takes Shouta's hand to lead him further into the kitchen, where the galbi-jjim sits bubbling on the little stovetop. Then, he pretends he's assessing Shouta, his eyes narrowed as he peers over him from head to toe. "No no, this won't do." He finally says, before, in one quick motion, he lifts Shouta onto the counter beside the food he'd set there a moment ago. "Much better." Perhaps it's mean to tease him about his height, but he's just so adorably small that Min won't be able to focus if he's curling around his ankles like a cat.

"Now, you're my sous-chef!" Reaching over to the chopping board where he'd left his wooden spoon, he takes a small spoonful of the galbi-jjim sauce and a few vegetables, and carefully lifts it to Shouta's lips. "Say 'aaaah'!" But he simply can't say it without bursting into a cheeky grin, fighting back a little laugh as he does so.

[mindeullebe]

[ i'd rather spend it with you ]

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐄'𝐒 𝐀𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓, Seoul, SK Chuseok, 2024 w. 𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐀

Chuseok is usually not the easiest of holidays. Not that Mindeulle would consider any of them easy, but anything involving a family get together always left him feeling uncomfortable. The tension between his mother and Jindallae was the main issue really, not that Min could judge him for how he felt about being around her. She could be a little... rough around the edges, and while Min rarely felt as if he was the one her sights were focused on when it came to criticism, he knew he wasn't safe from her cutting remarks and judgement of his direction in life. At least he could hide behind his college education. Jin didn't have that.

So, he didn't blame him for his decision to not attend Chuseok this year. It just meant that, without him, Min felt out of place somehow. Being a twin had always felt somewhat like they came as a pair, at leas to him. He'd always relied on Jin, but now that they were older, independece was somewhat expected, and Min just couldn't look to Jin for support in all situations anymore. Which is why he'd decided to put himself first this year as well.

He'd just finished cooking dinner when the doorbell sounds. It's nothing special, and nowhere near as good as Jindallae's food, but he'd tried hard, and was pretty sure it would be at least tasty enough to eat. He couldn't very well live with a professional cook and not learn a thing or two about cooking. He's still got his apron on when he rushes to the door, trying to keep his smile to a reasonable, normal width, instead of the cheek-splitting one that threatens to settle onto his face. As excited as he is to spend his evening with Shouta, he doesn't want to make it into a big thing. To him, inviting someone to spend Chuseok with him is, in a way, a sort of big deal, but he doesn't want to burden Shouta with the knowledge that Min would rather spend the night with him than his family who he most definitely doesn't see often enough.

"Hey!" He swings the door open and beckons Shouta inside. As usual, he looks sweet; small and pretty. It's hard not to stare at him, really. He's the sort of person that you see out on the street and have to do a double take, just to try and commit their face to memory a little better, to appreciate it for a little longer. Like a piece of artwork that sticks in your brain for the rest of the day and leaves you feeling peaceful. "Are you cold? Would you like a drink? I made tea."

[mindeullebe]

[ drenched ]

𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐁𝐎𝐌𝐁 𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐋, Seoul, SK Early August, 2024 w. 𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐍𝐎𝐄𝐋

There's a ferocity to the sun that feels almost suffocating. Mindeulle's skin, slathered in sunscreen, still feels as though it's burning. He checks, every now and than, a hand reaching up to his upper arms and the back of his neck to check it hasn't blistered from the unrelenting rays beating down on him. The only relief is the promise of getting absolutely drenched at the Waterbomb Festival, which Min would rather not admit he'd been looking forward to for months. At first, he'd thought he'd simply go alone, but then he'd mentioned it to Noel during one of their text conversation catch-ups, and they'd decided to meet up there.

It had been a long time since Min had gotten to see his friend in person. He knew Noel was busy being a trainee these days, and while a part of him was terribly jealous, he knew it wasn't something he could ever do anyway, so he managed to muster up the appropriate happiness for his friend. For a while, he'd taken comfort in them both being at a similar point in their lives, but now that Noel was so close to being a real idol, Min couldn't help but feel as though his own position, as a mere Literature student, paled in comparison.

Today, however, wasn't about their differences in life stages, it was simply about having fun, listening to music, and getting very, very wet. It seemed the perfect time for it, what with the sun trying to incinerate the entire population of Seoul. Min just hoped Noel had worn suncreen, though he'd brought his with him just in case. For a fraction of a second, Min envisions himself rubbing sunscreen over Noel's back, then realises he'd not going to be shirtless, and, flushing in embarrassment at his own imagination, hurries to the place they'd decided to meet at.

Along the way, he buys a watergun from one of the stalls; a nice medium sized one, blue and glittery, and very much Min's style. Then, he settles himself in some shade and waits. But he doesn't have to wait long before he spots him, his feline eyes and big, pouty lips instantly catching Mindeulle's eye. "Noel!" he calls out in excitement, waving a hand above his head.