after the rainfall

she/her, a little lost. lost in my twenties,annotating my existence in the margins.

[shreyasips]

🌺 My 21 × 21 Journal (2026 Edition)

Before I Turn 21💌

• 21 things to do before I turn 21.

• 21 lessons I learned at 20.

• 21 memories from being 20.

• 21 things I want to leave behind.

• A letter to my 20-year-old self.

About Me🌻

- 21 favourite things.

- 21 favourite people I've met.

- 21 things I love about myself.

- 21 dreams I'm chasing.

- 21 things I'm grateful for.

Explore & Experience🎌

- 21 flowers I adore and want to see.

- 21 places I must visit.

- 21 foods & drinks I want to try.

- 21 photos I want to recreate.

- 21 drink/random clubs / random decision i wanna experience.

- 21 new experiences to have(it can be anything)

Glow Up💋

- 21 items I want to buy.

- 21-day strict routine challenge.

- 21 healthy habits to build.

- 21 fitness milestones.

- 21 skills I want to learn.

End of 2026🧿

-- 21 movies/series/books to finish before the year ends,

-- plus 21 letters to my future self to open later.

[bluepalmtreesbrowneyes]

"I just hope you never stop visiting me in my dreams, because that's all I have of you."

- Unknown

[shreyasips]

The Boy Who Once Knew My Prayers

The boy I once loved

cursed my name

as if love had never

lived between us.

Isn't it strange,huh?

The same lips

that once called me

his love,

taught the heavens

to fear my name.

I had whispered

prayers for his happiness

into the quiet of every night.

I asked my angels

to hold him gently

whenever I couldn't.

Yet today,

the boy

for whom I folded

my hands in faith

asked those very heavens

to break me, completely.

Strange,

how love can become

a weapon.

How blessings

can return

wearing the face

of a curse.

I still remember

missing him

in the middle of my own chaos,

searching for his voice

while drowning

in my own storms.

And now,

all I hear

is the echo

of his anger

where my prayers

once lived.

Maybe one day,

he'll look at the sky

and wonder

why it feels so empty.

Maybe one day he'll look at those lillies and

wonder why it's not beautiful anymore.

He'll never know

that there was once

a girl

who had filled it

with prayers for him.

And if my angels

ever answer me,

I won't ask them

to punish the boy

who broke my heart and trust.

I'll only ask them

to let him remember

that before he cursed my name.

it was the name

he once whispered

like a prayer.

Every prayer carried a piece of him.

Every hope had his face. Every tomorrow somehow began with him.

But tonight, the boy for whom I begged the heavens to be kind, begged those same heavens to be cruel to me.

I loved him so quietly that even my angels knew his name.

I read his wordsover and over,waiting for love to appear between them.It never did.

Only curses. Only anger. Only the sound of a heart forgetting, it was once loved.

I don't cry because he left.

I cry because the boy I once believed would protect my soul,became the one asking the universeto break it.

If my angelsare listening,I have no revenge to ask for.

Just one prayer.

Let him never know what it feels like to re read the last message from the person you love,

and realize every "I love you"has turned into

"I hope you suffer."

Because I could have survived being forgotten.

I could have survived being replaced.

I could have survived loving him all alone.

But I don't know how to survive knowing that the boy I once called my answered prayer and "angel".

became the reason I am afraid to pray at all.

Because I could survive

losing the man I loved,

but I never imagined

the same man

would become

the reason

I stopped believing

that love

could sound like my name!

[shreyasips]

It rained in the end days of June,

and somehow, the rain knew your name.

And this droplet echoes your name,

Like you echo in my heart.

I wondered if the rain had found you too.

If it rested in your hair,

kissed your eyelashes,

touched your lips,

or carried my silence to your doorstep.

[shreyasips]

It rained in the end days of June,

As if the sky had waited too long to grieve.

The clouds carried letters they never sent,

And poured them softly upon forgotten streets.

It rained in the end days of June,

the kind of rain that made the whole world forget to hurry.

The streets blurred into silver,

and somehow, every road felt like it was leading to you.

The sky confessed what we never could.

Raindrops traced love letters on my window,

spelling your name in a language

only my heart knew how to read.

If you had been there,

I'd have stolen your umbrella just to keep you close,

letting the rain drench our shoulders

while your fingers quietly found mine.

They say the monsoon arrives to cool the earth.

I think it arrived

because even the sky wanted an excuse

to fall hopelessly in love with you.

[shreyasips]

She was gagging frequently,

So, she looked at him with teary eyes, dry throat.

But she saw his-

hungry hunter eyes staring at her,

lips wanting more, and him groaning like a beast.

She says, “Baby, can I stop?” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

He brushed a strand of hair away from her face and smiled faintly. He held her as if she was the most fragile thing he has ever touched.

And replied, "what's wrong with you, pretty little lusty angel"

"Look at you,"he said,his voice was low and rough,

"Already trembling, when we've barely begun, darling".

[shreyasips]

She was getting stressed seeing him struggling,

So, she said "babe, calm down, breathe"

To which, he replied -

"My devilish babygirl,hold my head.

press it between your juicy thick thighs.

if you want, then fucking push my head inside.

I'll be okay,i promise,love".

[shreyasips]

get her to read a book aloud while your mouth is between her legs.

maintain deep, intense eye contact.

then remind her between the strokes and licks of your tongue, read

focus on your novel "princess", keep reading.

[shreyasips]

If I cannot hold your face, if I cannot feel your hands, then kiss the air.

Kiss the air I breathe out, and I'll call it a touch.

Breathe it in, and I'll call it a homecoming.

[shreyasips]

You say we'll collide in every lifetime.But maybe that's the difference between you and me.

You believe in finding each other again.I believe some stories are only meant to happen once.

Not because they weren't beautiful enough to deserve another chance, but because they were so beautiful that they don't need to be repeated.

We met.Against all odds, we met.

A random app.Random conversations.

Random late-night calls.

Two random people carrying entire worlds inside them, unaware about the future.

And somehow, for a little while, those worlds became home to each other.

Maybe that's enough.

Maybe not every love story is supposed to become a forever story, that's how the universe works.

Maybe some people arrive to teach us something, leave a permanent mark on our hearts, and then quietly become a memory we carry for the rest of our lives.

You say you'll always come back.And I know you mean it.

But this time, don't.

Don't wait at the same door.

Don't keep a seat reserved for me.

Don't spend years hoping that fate will do us a favour.

Live.

Fall in love with life.

Chase your dreams and focus on your singing.

Get everything you've ever wanted.

And if one day you remember me, remember me with a smile.

Remember the girl who wrote too much.

The girl who overthought everything.

The girl who stayed awake till sunrise listening to your voice.

But don't come looking for her.Because some endings deserve to remain endings.

Not out of hatred just out of love.

And maybe that's the saddest thing about us.

We found each other.

We loved the version of life we had together.

And still, we had to let go.

So no, dumbass.

In another lifetime, don't come back.

Let's give fate a break.

We already gave it one hell of a story in this one.

[shreyasips]

With you, my hands are full of sparkling stars.

[shreyasips]

The room was dark, except for the faint glow spilling from her tablet screen.

She sat on the floor, knees pulled to her chest, struggling to catch a breath that wouldn't come. Her hands trembled uncontrollably. Tears blurred her vision. Every inhale felt too shallow, every exhale too heavy.

She removed her specs with shaky hands and started rubbing her finger ring.

The panic came in waves.

Silent.

Merciless.

Convincing her that she was too much and never enough at the same time.

"I don't want to be a burden..."

Her voice cracked.

"I don't want to be a problem."

The words barely escaped through the sobs.

She pressed a hand against her chest as if she could physically hold herself together.

"I'm trying."

Another shaky breath.

"I'm trying so hard."

Her shoulders shook. The room felt smaller. The walls seemed to close in around her.

Nobody saw the effort behind her tired eyes.

The nights she stayed awake worrying.

The battles she fought silently.

The courage it took just to get through ordinary days and dull days.

All they saw was someone struggling and complaining.

Not someone fighting.

"I'm trying my best," she whispered, almost pleading with the empty room.As though she needed "someone" anyone to believe her.

Because beneath the anxiety, beneath the panic, beneath the tears, was a girl carrying more than she knew how to explain.

A girl exhausted from surviving.

A girl terrified of disappointing everyone.

A girl who kept breaking apart in private and stitching herself back together before anyone noticed.And for a moment, curled up on the cold floor, all she wanted was for someone to look at her and say:

"I know you're trying.

"Ican see it."

"I Trust You"

[shreyasips]

She was an only child.

Growing up, the house was always quiet. No sibling to whisper secrets to at night, no one to blame for broken things, no one to laugh with when the lights went out. So she searched for companionship elsewhere in classrooms,books, playgrounds, lunch breaks, and crowded corridors.

She spent her childhood believing that one day she would find her people.

The kind of friends who stayed.

The kind who remembered her birthday without reminders. Who called just to talk. Who chose her even when there were easier options. She watched groups of friends sharing inside jokes and effortless affection, wondering what it felt like to belong somewhere without having to earn it.

Years passed.

Some friendships arrived like summer rain and disappeared just as quickly. Some taught her disappointment. Others taught her how loneliness can exist even in a crowded room.

Now she's in her twenties, living alone in a hostel room that echoes with the same silence she knew as a child.

At night, she hears laughter from neighboring rooms. Sometimes she smiles. Sometimes she turns up the volume of her music to pretend the loneliness doesn't bother her. She has learned how to eat alone, study alone, travel alone, and carry her own sadness home.

Yet a small part of her remains unchanged.

The little girl who still hopes.

Who still imagines finding friends that feel like family. Who still believes there must be people somewhere who will understand her strange thoughts, stay through difficult seasons, and make ordinary days feel lighter.

Maybe that's her quiet strength.

After all these years of disappointment, she still leaves a space at the table for connection and love. She still believes in laughter she hasn't heard yet, memories she hasn't made yet, and friendships she hasn't met yet.

And perhaps one day, when she least expects it, she'll realize that all this time she wasn't waiting for friendship to find her.

She was simply becoming the person who would recognize it when it finally arrived.

And "SHE WILL FS."

[shreyasips]

"YOU", i put you in everything I wrote.

[shreyasips]

She said :- never tell someone that you're obsessed with flowers cause then they bribe you on the first day of the month.

He replied:- Haha. expect a lot of corruption in your mere lifetime, then.

[shreyasips]

10. Won't You Reply?

The message remains unread. Yet every few hours I return to check again.

[shreyasips]

9. Those Days, Again

Another summer. Another heatwave. Another attempt to forget your name.