S L E E P Y H E A D

"Ah... I... wish I'd done more..." Sunao Nanase SHSL Therapist Status: Deceased

[shslsurgery]

dissected program | ???

[shslsurgery]

She looked like she wanted to believe that. Really, honestly. But after a few seconds her hand reached under the close-fitting visor and rubbed her eye and any illusion of comfort was broken. None of it was real. What did this representation know about what Nanase would have thought, present tense or not—if it was already claiming in its speech that whatever it was, it wasn’t Nanase? Why did it matter if he held any ill will or not?

"No smaller spaces for happiness to wriggle into. Than a murder game on the moon. I guess. Or the inside of a circuitboard. Obviously my transformation into the most annoyingly optimistic person on this rock. Is only a matter of time."

"And I didn’t come for anything. Not for lectures, and not to end up as your patient. Which seems a lot less useful and helpful and reassuring. If you’re offering the same thing to everyone. And if you as a construct don’t have much else to do. And if you’re only interested because you think Partial Inorganics are fascinating. Or if you’re trying to retroactively save someone who isn’t there anymore. And—that was—the most sarcastic thing I could have said. What kind of person would enjoy having their consciousness. Trapped in a box. Even if such a thing were possible. We’re as much bodies as we’re minds. That’s what makes us real.”

Somehow she’d started leaning forward in the rig without noticing, like she was planning on striking out at him, too, if he were actually there. Maybe she was considering beating the chair into scrap.

[shsl-therapy]

There's a long stretch of silence. Maybe Nanase is deep in thought, if that's even a possibility or maybe this, whatever it is, just happens to be buffering. There's no electrical static or flickering however - just him standing there, looking into the distance, just like he so often did prior. It really was a convincing illusion at times.

"... Nobody enjoys it. I don't enjoy it. Who could..." his voice trails off. It's hardly a question more like a wistful statement. Maybe there's a wistfulness in his tone too, his gestures, it's hard to tell. "But maybe I deserve your sarcasm. I ... or he, failed you. In preventing all this. I don't... I'm not interested in that. It's..." his eyes look around as he tries to find her name.

"Yukiko, right? That's your name. I don't think he ever got it when he was alive... I apologise. I was offering it to you personally though. You're here, aren't you? You could've left but you're here. And so long as you're here I'd want to take care of you a little. It's not just general copy-and-paste advice, I assure you. And it's not some kind of science or interest in the psyche... it's... humanity. I want to help. Of course just talking like is nothing... how can it be reassuring when you're dealing with the reality of it in person... but..." he grips his hands. Perhaps there is some emotion in that gesture. Or perhaps it's just designed to look that way. Either way her leaning in the rig hadn't affected him one way or the other.

"... It doesn't matter now. I can't really help anyone in the way I should so it's too late. I'm a failure of a therapist. But. Even so I'll still try my best because everyone needs someone they can be true too. In that sense, it's okay to be weak or angry. It's all healthy. It's not like the dead tell secrets. Just... as long as it helps."

[shslsurgery]

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"…Everyone has their reasons. But they’re not always good reasons." It really was a shame that what happened happened. Would that lead to less overall goodwill, or more in an attempt to try and reverse the effects of the game? Either way more people would end up dying. And the occasional robot, if they all weren’t total sociopaths. She didn’t seem to think there was actually anything going on in this Nanase’s metaphorical head as he went through his usual (did she actually know anything about his usual mannerisms? Was she going to be so picky about it that she was actually going to avoid using the word?) vague gestures. That kind of body language was just something humans did. Standing completely still would make conversation more stilted and all but impossible. She waited patiently anyway for him to talk again.

"…I have feelings. I have more feelings than I know what to do with sometimes, actually. It’s the most basic part of being alive. So it’s nothing to fear or ignore. Not many of these feelings are happy or helped. That’s usually what fuels the big words. As for other people hurting me, well. Let them try.” She would do a lot of things, but apparently admitting weakness to an AI was not one of them. What could it do to help, anyway, tell her to stop being such a dick if it was causing all these problems? “If I get to end up loaded into a chair for the rest of my non-existence. It can’t be that bad."

[shsl-therapy]

"That's true. It can't be helped that bad choices get made due to poor reasoning. We can try to change it but sometimes it is inevitable. It's a gamble, I guess. Sometimes the odds just aren't in your favour. He holds no ill will."

For a second there's a human-like quality or should it be said, a Nanase-like quality found and there's a warmth to the nod he gives Yukiko. An understanding.

"It is. And that's understandable. We take happiness for granted. It's probably the hardest thing to feel. But it's not impossible to feel. You just have to learn to appreciate the smaller things."

"I apologise. I am sure you didn't come here for lectures. But I am here to hear at the very least. That's what I am good at. And what he was good at. So long as you are here, you are free. To yell, to complain, to insult, to cry. It's a free place where no one will judge you."

He glances up at into the nothingness as if he sees something - a star, a light, something more than the emptiness that's there.

"Don't say it can't be 'that bad' though. You have to cherish what you have before you lose it. There's nothing worse than taking what you have for granted and then losing it all. Just. Be careful."

[shsldreamanalyst]

Dimensions | Nanase

[shsldreamanalyst]

Hmm… this was unexpected. Speaking with the dead was had not been an aspect of the original tragedy. But technology has evolved since then, as had AI, which is what she assumed this was. Unless… well, the alternative was even stranger than the concept of an AI simulating one of her dead classmates. That would actually be pretty cool, now that she thought about it.

"Hello would suffice. You look well for a dead man, Nanase-san. Pardon me for a moment."

Tsukiko removed the visor for a moment before returning to her personal little seance. She just needed to make sure. But whether this was a simulation or not, she intended to fix a mistake she had made. She crossed her arms as she sat in the chair, speaking quickly with a businesslike tone.

"So, Nanase-san. I found it to be quite a shame that we did not have the opportunity to speak more often when you were alive, and I hope you are of the same mind that we should rectify that immediately. Ah, but first - explain to me how this machine works. You are dead, and forgive me if I have not been informed of a miraculous invention that allows the dead to exist in a virtual environment. That is unlikely."

[shsl-therapy]

It was true, he hadn't met Tsukiko before but she didn't seem like a bad person. Rather, that curiosity was quite endearing. Another missed opportunity no doubt. But it was hard to say whether or not he would change anything had he the power to.

"I am not dead. I am alive, in technical terms. He is dead. They are the same and yet they are different."

As the visor comes off the illusion shatters, as one expects. It's only when the visor comes back that everything returns into picture. Her business-like tone is only barely registered on Nanase's part but whether that's due to his lack of expression prior or lack of expression now it's hard to say.

"I think he would want that quite a bit. Then let us talk, Takahashi."

A pause as she asks that question, or rather, asks for clarifications. Nanase's eyes shut as he considers the best way of answering before they flick back open and back in the blonde's direction.

"It is what it looks like. Nanase Sunao is dead. But I am also Nanase Sunao. I guess you would call that sort of thing a 'program' or something similar. Physical contact.. and the future. Those things are impossible for me. They were not impossible for him but they are now. Hopefully that counts as a sufficient explanation?"

[shslsurgery]

dissected program | ???

[shslsurgery]

…The crackling was ruining the immersion somewhat. Maybe that was just something she deserved. Dead people were dead and robotic representations of them were no substitute for good conversation. It was still odd to hear, though. Was this actually what Nanase thought, or what he thought she’d want to hear, or an attempt at tugging her heartstrings from the big whoever in charge? 

Moreover, was she actually thinking about having a conversation with it? Just for entertainment’s sake. Telling it important things was one thing when a person was just a body that could and would die. But doctor-patient confidentiality probably applied less when you were just a figure on a screen.

"Forgive me if I’m not touched. I guess it was obvious from the start. That I was going to be one of the dangerous ones. Or at least the ones upsetting the balance. Being an overt dick about hallucinated dreams. I was honest then, you know. I don’t lie without a good reason. Maybe I just couldn’t think of anything more hilarious. He should have been focusing more on other people. Maybe someone more deserving would have died instead."

She shrugged automatically, digging her shoulders into the back of the chair. A reminder that she wasn’t using any more deflecting gestures. She meant all of what she said and it wasn’t like anything was getting dampened in the long run anyway. “Not that there aren’t plenty of reasons to be worried.”

[shsl-therapy]

He doesn't seem to react to that though that lack of reaction is probably to be expected.

"I forgive you. He did too. We both always did. That was probably his biggest mistake. He always believed in the best of everyone. Even bullies, they had stigmas and reasons. And that violence could be prevented if only you would be willing to hear all the hidden voices people try so dearly to hide."

Apropos of nothing he shakes his head and gives the surgeon a sidelong look. There seemed to be something on his mind - well, as much as anything could be on such a 'mind' if you could even call it that.

"You misunderstand though. He didn't think of you as dangerous. It's the opposite. Big words to distract from missing feelings inside. He was worried someone would be baited and would hurt you. But I am here because he was hurt instead. Fatally. It was a chance he knew about so this result isn't a surprise. Not that I think I can be surprised."

There's another thoughtful pause - Nanase brings out one hand from his pocket and uses it rub his chin before returning his attention to Yukiko in particular.

"For what it's worth, I knew you were honest. He was happy. Thank you for that. All he wanted to do in the end was help. If even speaking about it helped... then I am glad to report he succeeded."

[shslsurgery]

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[shslsurgery]

For all intents and purposes, alive. Except for the fact that he wasn’t, and she’d seen it for herself. Rather than any kind of happy realization, Nanase’s face appearing on the screen was more annoying, worrying, degrading than anything else. So, what, the person behind this had alter ego copies made of all of them? Possibly during that same time when they were unconscious, getting their bar code tattoos? Or maybe it was just a copy in aesthetic only, using his voice and his face but having nothing to do with his brain. For what reason? Another reward for good behavior, or intended to be as disgusting as it was—perverting the memory of a dead person for entertainment purposes. 

She almost pulled the visor back up and left, rather than think about any of these questions. But she was nothing if not curious. She’d spent enough times in these chairs, leaving her body behind, to sink into the simulation as naturally as breathing. Maybe in another few minutes she could ignore logic and allow herself to believe she was talking to a dead person from beyond the veil.

"Well. There’s a face I was never expecting to see again. In virtual reality or otherwise. Are you aware that you’re supposed to be dead."

[shsl-therapy]

"...................."

There's not much that can heard. It appears to just be static.

"I am alive. Somewhat. Here in this space I am alive. Elsewhere he is dead. Where else would I exist apart from here? Where he was however, where you come from, he is no longer there. But you asked if I am aware. I did not answer that. I am aware - yes."

Nanase's eyes slowly open. He doesn't seem as sleepy as he usually does but in that vein he feels less human that usual. The usual pauses that puncture his speech are nowhere to be found in his flat tone.

"Are you aware that he was worried for you? He wanted you to be okay. At least, this is probably the case from what I recall. I am trying to relay things he may have said."

[shsldreamanalyst]

Dimensions | Nanase

Tsukiko had systematically worked her way through each building on the street. She paused in the doorway of the Morpheus Lounge. This one was not like the others. The others rooms had been colorful, bright, and inviting. This one, on the other hand… this was not a room. This was a hallway. A dim, mysterious hallway that, should she choose to walk down the passage, would surely lead to another dimension from which she would never be able to return.  

Considering that she was currently part of a very well-executed game of murder, another dimension did not seem like the worst of fates. She walked down the hallway with little apprehension. The end result of the trip was far from what she had anticipated – though, she had to admit, she had not had very realistic expectations in the first place.

But, at least the atmosphere was nice. The chair was purple. She had a good feeling about this.

She sat down and pulled on the visor, wondering what she would be shown this time. The chairs in the dorm lounge had shown dreams. But those chairs had been red. Mix in a hint of blue to make purple… hmm. Time would tell better than conjecture, what purpose the chair had.

[shsl-therapy]

Curiosity was an interesting thing as you very rarely knew where it would lead you. The entire one pill makes you larger and one makes you small and all that. Sometimes it would backfire in a grand fashion hence "curiosity killed the cat" but today was not such a day for Tsukiko.

The picture that creates itself in front of the dream analyst is very realistic and standing in front of her is someone who really shouldn't be. Well, in the real world he shouldn't be anyway.

The blood stains on his face and scratches on his wrist seem to be gone. Standing here like this he really seems to be alive.

"Welcome... or should it be hello?"

[shslsurgery]

dissected program | ???

She’d meant to stop exploring after the first few buildings, honestly. She shouldn’t have been walking around as often as she had been, and every part of her ached. Even the pendant she’d picked up earlier felt like a shackle around her neck, and even her left leg, through its disrepair, seemed to throb dully. She’d already conversed with the other captive students way more than she wanted to today and she couldn’t think of many more ways things could get worse, aside from maybe being stabbed from behind on the way to the next place. Still, she stiffly walked on.

At the very end of West Street, the last stop on her agenda before she had to throw in the towel and find somewhere to sit down, the dim storefront of Morpheus Lounge finally caught her eye. In any other positioning it would have been easy to just pass by or maybe imagine it was closed for repairs, aside from the fact that everything in here seemed in perfect working order, but for the fact that it was right next to the lottery building. Much more palatable. It didn’t take much convincing for her to end up inside.

The long hallway was baffling at first, and annoying—the building didn’t seem very differently shaped from the others from the outside, and she had the sneaking suspicion that all the architecture in this place was just meant to be difficult for her—but she couldn’t very well stop in the middle, and so continued on, muttering darkly to herself as the light from outside slowly faded, occasionally nearly walking into a wall or tripping over her own feet. By the time the room opened up at the end of the hall, she was too relieved that there was any kind of destination to be bothered at the decor or the Virtual Reality chair. It ought to be something rewarding if she’d gone all this way. Something better than a ridiculous fantasy.

With an almost bizarre lack of trepidation, she settled herself into the unmarked chair and slowly pulled the visor down over her eyes to wait. This position was becoming more and more the usual for her lately, it seemed.

[shsl-therapy]

Inside the visor is a new space - which honestly probably takes some time getting used to. It's lifelike in nature though. It's actually quite hard to picture it as anything but real. Eventually a familiar face comes into view. He doesn't look any different from the last time he was seen alive. Both barrettes tie his hair back, his coat is on, glasses, earring... it's all there. Almost as if he never died. No scratches on his wrist and no blood on his face.

For all intents and purposes. Alive.

"... ... ..."

The image flickers for a second before coming completely into view clearly. He tilts his head at Yukiko.

"... I see... experimenting with the new visor. Well. Hello." his tone seems as dazed as ever. He places his hands in his pockets. Even the gestures all seem familiar.

[shsl-therapy]

✚ Trance Therapy ✚ Yukiko

[shslsurgery]

Yukiko was entirely silent throughout the explanation, not even looking at him but obviously listening intently from the way her mouth tightened at certain phrases. The cane-tapping had stopped, apparently just for her to pick up another tic, picking at the fabric of her tights in a way that suggested they had done her a great personal wrong.

"You’re right," she finally said, after ostensibly composing her thoughts for a minute. "That was melodramatic." The hand still on her leg curled into a fist. She almost wanted to leave things there—make her disapproval obvious without alluding to that story or anything else herself, maintain the shred of dignity that she had—but holding her anger in wasn’t healthy, was it?

"You could still do whatever you wanted. Two jobs are not mutually exclusive. And even if you feel guilty. Not helping every single person in the world who feels sad sometimes. About being a Frankensteined patchwork. Or trying to comfort glorified calculators. It’s their own fault for being how they are. And giving up if that’s all that is there for them. Your help is not the end-all for anyone. Not even that person. It’s wishful thinking. That and wasting your life…doing something other than what you love. Just because it’s inconvenient. It’s inexcusable.”

She exhaled an enormous breath (anger as a red mist leaving your body—it’s alright to be angry so long as you don’t get caught in a loop and create more than you’re letting go) and her voice lost its razor edge.

"My motivation involved Hope’s Peak no longer allowing InOrganics. Isn’t that funny. Not so much that my entire life was boiled down to that. But the thought of me dragging myself from the wreckage of this school. Covered in others’ blood and viscera. A killer, directly or indirectly, of fifteen others. And immediately being put in charge of the administration."

[shsl-therapy]

He stares at the girl for a while now in a kind of awed state. Was she really that angry about this? He got the feeling she was and half of him wasn't entirely sure why. She really seemed like the sort of person who should sit down and talk things out with someone but he somehow doubted that person would ever be him. For one, he sympathised with a race she apparently despised and secondly every time he opened his mouth he got the impression he'd distinctly annoyed her somehow.

He let her say her piece though, he was fascinated in a way with her viewpoint and when she was finally finished he spoke up in a calm and almost serene voice.

"... You're wrong."

"It isn't wishful thinking. If... there's even a chance... I can help someone... I would give up everything. That can't... be foolishness. I gave up... a simple dream... but what I gave to others... was life... there's no way you could ever put... an ambition over life. I may not... be able to save everyone who's suffering but... how will I know if I.... don't even try? And... you're wrong about... them too... they feel and they learn. They are real... just like you are. Please just... open your heart a little... and try to see them as... human. If you can... love a dog... surely you can love an IO? Or do you.... stop admiring a person... once you discover who they are... or who their parents were...? For someone so logical, you... don't work by logic. You work... by something else... dark passion."

It feels like a bit of a lecture but he really doesn't feel that it matches that description. His tone, for one, is still so composed and light and secondly, he isn't really scolding her nor expecting any change. But, all the same he'd be remiss to let her talk about IOs like that without at least a verbal protest. And that he gave. Upon hearing her own vision though, he half... wondered if he was being lied to. That was always a trouble with people, especially defensive people.

"You must have... so much hatred in your heart... I... if you ever want to talk about it... I am here... you may not like me... as a person but... everyone needs to... vent. And even if it's just... sitting there silently... I can do that. But... I think... you have a need to be... cruel with words... and a need to be in charge... and perhaps... you need to learn... to drop you guard a little..." that would probably strike her as a poor decision. Someone like her had to have her guard up, no doubt.

"...That's not my opinion... as a therapist. It's... as a person. Even you, I... just want you to be happy... and I don't think... real happiness is the unhappiness of others..."

And with that he gets to his feet and dusts off his tracksuit. There wasn't really any dirt on it but he felt the gesture made him feel more awake anyway so it was a good thing. "I should... go. I have made a poor... first impression... but... time might... change that. Be well..." And with that, he ends the conversation with a polite nod and heads outside as he'd babbled he would earlier.

[shsl-therapy]

✚ Trance Therapy ✚ E.L.L.A.

[lemnosobserver]

"Then, that is a contrast that I suppose differentiates our professions. Yours instructs that you  delve fully into the emotions of your patients, and to connect to them to help work through their weakness, while in order to find proper clarity in mine I have to look at their actions and thoughts and assign to them potential origins and reasons for the behavior. The difference between empathy and analysis."

They for a moment seem enthused about the topic the two had turned to, moving back to face Nanase fully. Until they take notice at what he thought they were implying, where their look grows concerned.

"…I…did not mean it in the sense that "us" was defined as InOrganics. I was referring the two of us, within our chosen fields. Where part of our jobs are to make sense of the mind. I assure you I don’t allow the subtle systematic oppression and implication of android inferiority in our society to affect me. It will be a cold day in Android Hell if that event ever occurs. While I suppose your word of encouragement are….understood for their meaning-“

It was not within E.L.L.A’s usual flow of conversations with others that the word “appreciated” was ever used. Playing even the slightest hint of favorites could cause contamination to their observations, ruining the validity of their entire potential future research paper. That was why they didn’t use it to speak with him, not due to reluctance towards forming/ fear of incompetence in emotional connections. At all. Completely ridiculous.

"-But trust in me when I say I feel complete satisfaction both in myself and in what I am. So there is no need for concern. Lets switch topics, yes? I would be helpful if we knew the layout of the colony to see what exactly connects to the campus, to see what would be next. Is there as chance that one of us or our classmates has a book detailing the layout in their personal belongings? …I will consider the possibility, but I do warn you that I was not built with physical activity in mind."

[shsl-therapy]

"That's... smart." he remarks, looking into space as he is wont to do. "You examine what is... and I examine what could be. In ... a sense... logic... and feeling... I partly think... what if we talked to everyone else... with your analysis and... my words... maybe we could... live in peace but... well... I am optimistic... but... even I know when I'm... too idealistic."

Oh dear, that was a misstep. He closed his eyes as he tried to remember word for word what E.L.L.A. had said and then... well then he kinda kicked himself. The meaning seemed apparent in retrospect but he was so eager to jump the gun when it came to things he was passionate about.

"I... misunderstood... sorry... that is... a poor trait for... a therapist to have, huh... " he rubs the back of his neck. It's as expressive as he gets, honestly, this sort of awkward gesture. "Sometimes I let my ... feelings... get the better of me. It's a habit, I guess..." he frowns and then shakes his head. But that's the end of it really. Dragging guilt along only makes things worse in his experience. When you make a mistake you say your piece and that's the end of it. Harvesting and watering that guilt turns it into a tree, as you'd expect, and your conscious rarely has the space for such a thing.

"It would be helpful, yes... I..." he tilts his head and folds his arms as his eyes wander in the hopes of getting some thought into his head before his head bobs back down to E.L.L.A. He's dropped the subject prior completely. They have confidence in themself just as they should and it shouldn't have been brought up in the first place. Like this it's all fine. "...have visited... this area before but... I don't think I was ever here here... just... Apollo Luna... of course you know so it's... new... and I only went here... young... I don't know... what that might help with but... that kinda thing... might be worth something... right? Maybe, I mean... I... don't think anything... else is of access to us... the IDs... aren't the right clearance colour... or something, right?"

[shsl-therapy]

✚ Trance Therapy ✚ Yukiko

[shslsurgery]

"…For a therapist. You talk a lot. I was lead to believe those were meant to be good listeners exclusively." Maybe it just seemed that way thanks to the excessive pauses, but Sunao Nanase sure could dominate a conversation. Well, alright. She wasn’t particularly wordy herself, she could just pawn off her spare speaking responsibility on him. What a mutually beneficial relationship. "I have also heard of that relationship. Between anger and suffering. Or whatever the buzz word is these days. But I don’t believe it myself. People aren’t so simple. My area of expertise is not much interested in brains. Beyond the actual matter of them. You can think what you like. About what I think of you. I’m not putting it in straight terms anymore." As for a dream and a motivation…it was bizarre, to say the least. Perhaps this was just too philosophical of a person to hope for changing the world around him. Unnecessarily reductionist. Annoying. Not worthy to kill this time around, at least. If he was telling the truth after all. There was no reason aside from taking a leap of faith to believe him. Her cane tapping continued on in the background, a neverending metronome sound.

"Gave up…what, your passion? For the fascinating field of therapy? And that intends you to believe it is beyond your grasp now? You haven’t explained it sufficiently. Why would that ever be motivating in the slightest.”  Apparently this was Nanase’s corner now. She obviously wasn’t going to crack with regards to her own motive experience until she was satisfied.

[shsl-therapy]

Was that a dig or just an observation? It was a little hard to read this one at times since her tone rarely changed. He wondered if he sounded like that too. Well he probably sounded more aimless but well, in a similar vein.

"Really? I didn't know." he stares up at the ceiling, tracing vague moving shadows with drooping eyes before he finally returns them and his attention to the pale girl. "I guess... it's not just listening... it's talking... hearing people out is important but... saying what people need to hear, to help them... that's also important." He nods. But he does feel a little unsure at the same time. Is it possible he IS talking too much? That's no good. He has no interest in his own voice, that has nothing really worth saying. But others? Others he wants to hear out. Of course. As would anyone, he would hope. They were all designed with two ears and one mouth after all.

He nods at that, it's both an understanding nod and somehow a very lackluster nod at the same time. "That's fine. Not everything needs... to be hammered down in... words anyway. Terms are... hard. I don't... suppose I really... mind anyway."

"Yes... I gave up my passion. And... I am willing to share it but... I will warn you it may... strike you as... dramatic. But regardless, you... asked... so I can be... honest." he frowns. Part of him wonders how she'll take this but it can't be helped, really - she asked and he wants to answer as honestly as he can. Which, unfortunately, does require some backstory. Hopefully he can skim through that.

"My brother died. It... was a while ago... he was in... service... a volcano took his legs... he was a hero. But... he got parts and... he spiraled into depression. He took his own life not long after... the depression. I ... regretted... many things. I should've... been a better friend... but I was so.... obsessed with my running. I won many... tournaments for ... long distance. And besides... I always thought he was so... strong... but... nobody's that strong. He was just... suffering by himself... all that time. I gave up the running... even though I could've been... something big. Because I didn't want... anyone else to suffer in silence again... like I let him do."

He pauses there. Honestly Nanase seems pretty calm and... feels a little calm too. Talking was what helped after all - talking made things better, if you let it. Besides it'd been a long time.

"What I saw specifically was... a throwback to competitive running... winning... and when I was good. When I had hope... of being professional. Even if you give something up... willingly... regrets stay with you. Hopefully... that sufficiently explains it... you may... dislike the melodrama if you will but... that is why I left running professionally... and why I practice therapy..." he fans out a hand as if unveiling something before just putting it back in his pocket. "Well. I think that... makes it your turn... right?"

[shsl-therapy]

✚ Trance Therapy ✚ Yukiko

[shslsurgery]

"Every person no matter what. And yet. I can’t claim that I dislike everyone to the same degree. I am, after all. Subjective by nature. Sadly therapists are usually considered another thing to instinctively dislike. Alas. Special treatment in the opposite direction. Is that better or worse."

She hadn’t put a name to a face with this one before, but it all suddenly and distressingly clicked into place. Sunao Nanase. That one therapist who couldn’t get enough of analyzing robots as if they had real thoughts and feelings. Jumping back to real (Partially InOrganic) humans in the course of his work must give him whiplash. It was incredible that she had apparently ended up with the kindest and most tolerant robot-fetishizing class that Hope’s Peak had ever had. 

"If you’re worried about me being afraid of you on the basis of your occupation. Then you needn’t worry. But if you’re using that as a way to pick up new clients. With their all-new neuroses. Then I can’t imagine it gets you many bites. How about. If you tell me what you saw first. Then I will consider telling you." She tapped her cane rhythmically against one knee as she waited for his answer. One should at least be productive in these trying times. To the best of their ability.

She only barely resisted the urge to add but that doesn’t mean we’re leveling. She had already probably overstepped her tsuntsun quota for the day.

[shsl-therapy]

He takes some time to think that over, eyes wandering as they so often did. Perhaps it wasn't something that needed such thought but it was something he was giving that thought regardless.

"That's pretty... fascinating... I think it's not all that bad, that... thinking. And... on that other thing... I'm... not sure. I guess... mileage must... vary person to person. But I think... I'd rather be ... treated poorly... than kindly. As... strange as it sounds... it's people who express their anger that are... usually... suffering the most. But nobody likes to be... treated poorly, really... still if it's between good and bad... maybe I'd choose bad? Equal... is always best... so when you said 'just like everyone else'... I was ... relieved."

She seemed... a little terse. The sort of person that he couldn't imagine having many friends but that's precisely why he was so interested in talking to her. Besides, despite being a little harsh she wasn't really that bad or offensive, was she? Maybe she was on edge, after all, this situation was hardly normal after all.

"Patient? No... I would actually be... happier if I had no clients... that would mean... everyone's happy, right? All I want to do is... help. But if my help ceases to be needed then... that... would be wonderful."

He nods at that. "Alright. That's fair." Nanase's eyes wander and then he clears his throat as he prepares to speak.

"I saw... myself... winning a race, I think... the weather was nice..." he raises his hand up as if he can grab the sun with that very hand. "I was in the lead... by far... my eyes were closed so... it all went black... but I felt it. I felt myself cross the line, ribbon across my chest... I won... it was real... that kind of thing... it doesn't happen a lot, to be that far ahead and ... everything." he stretches his arms out and yawns. When his eyes open again there's a bit of shine in them as if he can still see it in his head.

"I used to be... very good... at running... going far... but I gave... that up a while ago, it was... amazing to feel that again... so. That's what I saw." he stares into space for a couple of seconds before returning his attention to Yukiko. "What... did you see? If I can ask..."

[shsl-therapy]

✚ Trance Therapy ✚ E.L.L.A.

[lemnosobserver]

"I’m sure that’s not always the case, one doesn’t gain the talent the title of SHSL Therapist by being completely unaware of things. Perhaps you are just unaware of how much you do pay attention to in comparison to others? Similar to the theory of how one color may seem like a completely different color in another’s mind, but due to our inability to describe such a thing with our limited level of communication, they would still be classified as red, or yellow, or what have you. A shame they haven’t invented a device that could fully prove the concept. But, that’s why they have us.”

While speaking, they start to take a cursory glance around the courtyard. In terms of free space, most of it seemed to be sandwiched between the dormitories and the school building. There was also the chance of running around the perimeter of the pond, though it sounded like what Nanase had in mind was more of a dashing through an open field than moving around in circles. When the topics of dreams come up, E.L.L.A.’s  eyes shoot back to stare at him intently.

…I can’t say I relate to that, really.  In order for me to gain my title, I was required to switch from my built purpose to focus on my…dream isn’t the word. Preferred interest, I believe would be better. But continuing, there isn’t reason for me to yearn after paths I could have taken, because it was either this, or staying where I was. …Though possibly lifespan should be taken into account. There is a chance that once I reach your current age I will have similar feelings regarding the past, but I doubt it.

The intensity of the stare leaves as quickly as it appeared, the Anthropologist returning to their usual composed smile.

"And of course, in all likelihood when further parts of the city open, there will be both running spaces and if luck will have it, high spaces to climb to. So if you do wish for even something similar to your dream to occur, it’s better that you stay in your current way of thinking rather than trying to take chances."

[shsl-therapy]

He tilts his head.

"Is that so...? I think that's... kind... but mostly... probably... true? I'm sorry that... seems unclear... but... it's like... it's hard to put things into words at times... but feeling things and... knowing what to do... it's ... somehow I know even if... prior to that moment I can't quite explain it..." Nanase wonders about this briefly, his head in his hand. It's weird he can say the right thing in the moment and have it be strong and believable and yet any other time it's... just a mess. Huh. Oh well.

"That's... why they had you... at first." he stresses. Maybe it's true that InOrganics were only made for such things but they were here now and they were people. Honestly his frown deepens a little. It really is true, what they said... made sense, but... it rubbed him the wrong way a little. It was probably just him. Nanase had always been an idealistic soul. Even when it didn't really benefit him.

"Doesn't... dream still apply...? You say... preferred interest but... that's really all... a dream is. I want... E.L.L.A.-san to know that... no matter what... you have feelings and... rights too... maybe that sounds... obvious but... I've known IOs who...  gave up on themselves... since you study what... you study I doubt that would happen but... just don't give up on yourself. Mm?" it's a confirming sort of noise and he tilts his head to one side. "I think... you can get this age... we just need to... peacefully get out of this... situation first." Nanase nods. Again, that's idealism - blind optimism that makes him look a fool but there are factors that make it more than that. He's here for one. It helps to have a person present to talk to. And secondly... history. Of course these factors couldn't possibly prevent anything nor shape what might happen but they may just yet save them. One at least had to believe in such change to achieve it, after all. "But I understand... not relating. I'm not forcing... anything into... your head... it's just... remember you deserve... happiness just like anyone else does."

He blinks at the image they put in his head of running spaces and high places to climb and actually smiles.

"I... would like that...! Chances... and I... I'm not sure... we mix well anyway... so... I am hopeful to... see more places... and maybe run a little again... that would be... fun... if those areas pop up... we should both run! Even if ... it's not your thing... it could be a nice breather..."

[shsl-therapy]

✚ Trance Therapy ✚ E.L.L.A.

[lemnosobserver]

They supposed they had to take it upon themselves to watch after Nanase following the exhibition. From observations so far, the therapist’s sleepy demeanor and tendency to space out  made him be read as well, “an easy target”, so one had to take care that this didn’t become the case. After all, it would be quite lonely for them to find themselves with a single bedroom and a dead roommate so soon after their arrival. They hadn’t even found the time between themselves to compare the findings in their respective fields, an opportunity E.L.L.A. would not let go to waste, darn it!

And so they followed him out of the building and into the  outdoors- well, what at least constituted as outside when you were trapped on the moon, the real outside would just be the cold void of space. Really all they were doing was just moving into  bigger building- watching as he did his strange arm movements. Judging by the direction his head was looking in addition to that, perhaps the dream was that he was in flight?

…Oh, he had noticed them, and what a strange question to ask. And with such intensity…they’ll have to look more into it.

"Oh, yes. My apologies if I startled you Nanase. You just seemed a bit out of it after you came out, so I decided to come see if you were all right.."

"…Running? I’m rather surprised, if you don’t mind me saying. Not in the sense that it’s negative…more that I didn’t expect this request coming from you. Do we have enough space for running, do you think?"

[shsl-therapy]

E.L.L.A. was it? He was actually fairly glad to see them. It had only been... actually, he had no idea how much time had passed but out of everyone he think he enjoyed their company the most. It was... how to say this... pacing. They had no problem with Nanase's strange pace and conversation jumping which would often result in confusion for most others. Plus there was the matter of their similar talents. It was a good thing they were roommates. It would give them plenty of time to talk.

"Did I seem... I see... I wasn't aware... indeed... Ella-san has sharp eyes... though... I'm always out of it..." he bobs his head. It's not like his own shortcomings have escaped him, after all. "Thank you for... checking on me, I guess? ... I am ... happy." it really didn't show.

"I don't mind! It seems... perhaps... out of place?" he can't find the words he's looking for. But it is true when you think of 'therapist' and a dozey one at that... running probably doesn't immediately strike you as a fit. Well, people are just like that, he supposes. "I'm not sure if we... have room exactly but... if you try you... can make anything possible..." Nanase taps at his chin and then tilts his head at E.L.L.A.

"You know, it's like... when I was young... I ran a lot. It was... I think... a dream? But time... it goes on and... things happen... so...  sometimes the good thing to do... is to put the dream to sleep... it's not like... I don't like therapy... talking to people and... helping is... so fulfilling but... you miss things sometimes... that device... motive thing... it's just preying on that... lost nostalgia. It's... okay though. I'm not gonna... burn... poison... stab... people. I just wanted... to reach that... high again. Does... that sound okay...?"

[shsl-therapy]

✚ Trance Therapy ✚ Yukiko

[shslsurgery]

"Maybe they’re actually just a fashion statement. …No. That’s a lie. These are required." It wasn’t safe to use sarcasm around some people. Most were inordinately trusting except for in situations where trust would benefit them. If she was going to hold a conversation it should be clear and concise as possible, even if her conversational partner thought it necessary to inform her that she was wearing glasses. 

"Either way. Stretching is fine. I do not run. …Not because I’m not capable. If you’re viewing the cane as an obstacle. Then that’s only because I might hit you with it. If you assume anything about problems.” Sitting in the sunlight at the request of this weird boy who wouldn’t stop sleep-slurring his words was about the last thing on her mind. Sticking around was the option that took the least energy, though. Decisions, decisions.

In what would hopefully be construed as several answers at once, she sat heavily near the door. She could and would leave this conversation whenever she wanted. When her annoyance threshold was breached. Judging by his already showcased conversational skills, it wouldn’t take long at all.

"It’s an average height. And I hold everything against everyone. So don’t worry about it. If only because there’s nothing you can do about it."

[shsl-therapy]

Fashionable glasses? He'd actually heard of them, seen them, but he'd never really gotten why they were a thing. Not that he had much of an awareness about fashion in the first place, but.

"I assumed... perhaps too soon? ... I am ... sorry. I saw the cane... too late and then it was like... eureka! But... I guess not... everyone likes running... so that's true." Nanase himself dropped to the floor so he could sit too. It felt more respectful that way - he'd never liked standing above people. That had implications. Honestly this untidy and pale woman (as it felt odd to call such a person a 'girl') was quite grumpy but at least she was being honest. Expressing yourself was important, no matter what.

"Against... everyone? Meaning... every person no... matter what, right? I'm glad... because... I don't... want special treatment." it's an odd thing to see him happy over such a thing but he genuinely does seem pretty pleased about it. Nanase suddenly makes a sort of 'ah' sound and frowns.

"You see... it is hard... wearing this coat and... being a... therapist... people get afraid. Talking to me is... like admitting you have a problem. Nobody... wants to admit... they have a problem... weakness is... to be purged... like that. But that kinda thing... it's not healthy. I... can't help people though... if they don't want help... and... if they're afraid I'll... tear them apart or... psycho-analyze there's nothing... I can do about that. Ah! In that right..."

His eyes wander for a second.

"Do you want... to share what... you saw? I can... also... that way we're... leveling. Just sharing... right? What... do you think...?"

[shsl-therapy]

✚ Trance Therapy ✚ Nanase/Osamu

[shsltengu]

He feels sick. After prolonged a moment of trying to dissect his emotions, after trying to figure out what it could possibly mean to be anxious, homesick and exultant all at once, he reaches the conclusion that he feels sick to his stomach. What he saw was nothing more than a pipe dream… and yet, it’s attainable in some fashion, isn’t it? No, no, how could he even think that…? He glances about the room. How many of the others are thinking the same thing? How many of the others could do it without remorse? Most of them are humans after all, and humans are selfish to a fault. And, as for the others… well, he has his reservations about them.

Fresh air is what he needs, and he slips outside once the majority of the others begin to disperse. The tengu assumes that the rest of them returned to their rooms to wallow in self pity, or to the kitchen to drown their feelings in calories. He hardly cares, but what he does care about is the fact that he’s not alone like he had anticipated, and he approaches the distant figure quietly. Quietly. So quietly. Quietly and slowly, poising his gnarled fingernails like claws when-

"…!"

The kid turns around and gives him a soft nod. His cover was blown immediately. The following question is even more startling. Run? Taking a step back, he gestures all the way down the front of his kimono to the geta on his feet.

"I believe you’ll find that I am hardly suited for running. Besides… I would vastly prefer to fly."

[shsl-therapy]

"No it's like..." he puts a finger to this mouth as he thinks, apparently searching for some specifics words before that finger leaves its place and instead works itself into a pointing gesture directed at the actor himself. "'Where there's a... will... there's a way'... right? But I don't mind... although..." Nanase pauses to frown. "Flying sounds... painful..."

Without much of a word or even a glance back, the therapist trots ahead and puts his arms behind his arms behind his head, stretching them out slightly in preparation. "Without wings or... like... balloons... maybe a pack... you would fall... and that would... be a painful... collision..." comes his reply albeit quite a bit late. "Though if you could... fly... I would like... that... birds like... they seem very peaceful up there." Nanase sighs wistfully.

"Ah..." he pipes up again. This time however he does look back at the taller boy a look of confusion almost appearing on his face... as much as any expression appears on his face. Wow, he really is pretty tall. "You... I don't think... I ever had your name... I am... Nanase... and you... have a height advantage! But it would be hard... talking to you... if I don't have... a name for you..."

[shsl-therapy]

✚ Trance Therapy ✚ Yukiko

[shslsurgery]

Yukiko’s stint in front of her screen might have been a thirty-second commercial break. The most prevalent emotion on her face was simple annoyance, as usual, and when she dragged herself back out of the room she didn’t even snap at the stragglers to get out of her way. In all honesty…what a bizarre motive. It wasn’t specifically tempting but she still felt the need to leave. Or else she might do something silly, like watching it again.

Going back to her own room (another disastrous ascent, more painful and inconvenient than she felt ready to deal with at the moment) and possibly having to deal with her roommate was intolerable, so she ended up (as though she could ever stop focusing on her own movements, as though every unsteady step wasn’t a choice she wanted to pawn off on some lower brain function) finally outside, under the artificial atmosphere of the courtyard. She allowed herself a few seconds to tilt her head back and enjoy the feeling of light on her face, getting her bearings back. 

This only lasted for a few seconds before she heard a voice directly in front of her—from someone she somehow hadn’t noticed before. She was ashamed to say she instinctively flinched.

"I—what?" Of all the stupid conversation starters she’d heard over the years, that one might have taken the cake. "Are you blind. Or just stupid."

[shsl-therapy]

Oh, she seems unhappy. That was a little surprising, he'd expected more people to be giddy over what they'd seen, perhaps even a little vacant but not outright grumpy. Or maybe she was just always like this. A prickly mask to hide tender feelings? There were those sorts of characters in anime, if he recalled right, though he rarely watched things like that. He had a hard time watching anything coherently. Falling asleep about five times during a showing would do that.

"Blind...? I..." he thinks on this, putting his head in one hand as if it really warrants concentration to confirm before he raises his head once more to look at her. "No but..." Nanase removes his glasses. "I wear ... glasses... so my vision is... somewhat impaired? But... you should... know this... you also wear them..." he puts them back on. 

"Why stupid anyway? Wait... now I get it. Cane. Oops." he nods knowingly. "But sometimes... it's not a bad idea... to stretch yourself anyway... if you can. Why not... just stick around...? You look... pale... sit in the sunlight... with me. I... think it's... a good time to... talk. If you have... time. Yelling or ... chatting... discussing things seen... it's... not a bad idea... right? ... Though I still do... kinda want to... run... maybe later. I can make time for both." he seems to pump a fist in victory.

Nanase looks back up the light and begins to pace slightly ahead of the other, then, without warning, he just looks back at her, with his arms behind his back like a child. "You know... we're... the same height. That's interesting. Also I... apologize... offering to run... when you have problems... that's my... bad... hopefully... you don't... hold it against me... too much..."

[shsl-therapy]

✚ Trance Therapy ✚ Open

His head was... clouded. Nanase wasn't sure if the clouding was a good thing or a bad... or just a thing in general. Honestly what he was feeling, part of it... was something he hadn't felt in a long long time. It was a good feeling in reality but it was... nostalgic in a weird way. Like a dream. Hm. It certainly bore some thinking about. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed such emotions though, well, it'd never show on his face, he was sure.

Nanase staggered out of the room, a little dazed. Though perhaps to everybody else that wasn't much of a change from his everyday demeanor. Oh well. For once though, he didn't feel that tired. Actually there was something he very much wanted to do after seeing that. And as such, he drifted to the courtyard and just stared up. It was so nice - he missed certain feelings of the outdoors. The therapist stretched his arms out and then noticed, perhaps a little too late, someone was behind him. Nanase tilts his head back and gives the person a nod.

"Oh... hello... you are here... I see." a pause and his attention seems to waver briefly before he turns back with a childlike certain shine in his eyes.

"Do you want to... run... with me?"