"NICKEL" Claire Lamar / f / 22
"no one's happiness but my own is within my ability to create or destroy." -- ayn rand
status: DEAD
participant of BOUN ANIMA.
im keeping all of NICKEL’s old stuff for my own sake. please know her wave 2 is a SMIDGE different so obviously i can’t police where you look here but ... you know.
"The worst thing about death, and what I regard as the most horrible human tragedy, is to lose someone you love. And while I know that life is for the living -- god, I just -- it's hard to even think about... I miss you so much."
FINAL SCORE: o9/1O affectiono3/1O respect
toll bootler got owned by toll thief and made smol objectivist cry, more news at eleven.
Noelle certainly wasn't someone that Julia had thought -- at first glance -- that she'd come to adore.Her first impression of Noelle was... timid. Too selfless. Too eager to please and put herself out there -- unwilling to speak her own desires and voice her own concerns. She was too willing to compromise -- to take the easy way out. Desperate for connections, but ultimately too shy to go after any for herself.But -- and this was key -- Noelle... actually reminded Julia of herself.Like, a lot.
Before turning over to the gospel of Ayn Rand, Julia had been an overly-generous, selfless, and people-pleasing kind of person. She'd do anything for anyone -- and she was used like a doormat by just about all of her friends. Julia, of course, didn't mind -- and, frankly, was pretty happy with the arrangement; but she considers the point where she realized that this was wrong to be the turning point in her life. Embracing the virtue of selfishness -- selfishness in her own way; selfishness that always seemed to help her friends and family anyway -- had been pivotal to her success and achievement. (For whatever reason, Ayn Rand shit has always worked out well for Julia. It's when she compromises her morals where she gets problems....)She believed, with all her heart, that she could bring Noelle to a similar realization. Living for yourself didn't mean hating people, or being apathetic towards them, or trusting them any less -- it was just something that inspired confidence and allowed the greatest chance at pure, rational happiness. Why stress out about people who didn't care about you? Why bother yourself with a family who scorned you and treated you like a burden?She understood the impulse -- she'd been there once before, too -- but she, above all else, wanted to show Noelle another way.
Noelle's actions in trial irritated her -- okay, it was all well and good to present evidence and do well, but why not VOTE?? -- but she was always so kind, so helpful -- and so wonderful towards her?It... really touched her. Especially went she was given the suit in the first trial.
And... over time, Julia came to realize that that shit didn't actually matter? Noelle was a super kind, sweet, caring person who just needed someone to teach her how to put her foot down -- but that could come with time, couldn't it? And as long as they were friends -- as long as Noelle had people who were looking out for her -- then it was probably alright. In the days leading up to her death, Julia really started growing extremely fond of her. Named the stuffed animal in Noelle's room. Respected her privacy -- and, importantly, had hers respected as well.And... started to realize how callous she had become, really.And while Noelle's selflessness was... too extreme -- Julia came to realize that... her own actions weren't too much better.Not that she would admit this! But it still burned at the back of her mind -- and she came to adore Noelle even more for it.
On some level, Julia was pretty sure that Noelle was at least keeping her sorta-kinda grounded. Sure, she never spoke out against her -- but she could tell!!! She could just TELL when she was sad and when she should stop!!
And then ITSUKI HANZAWA BETRAYED GOD AND EVERYONE.
Noelle's death fucked Julia up. Full stop.She was filled -- entirely -- with hatred toward her killer. She wanted nothing but to catch them -- to punish them for destroying a virtuous, kind person who had so much to experience in life. Though Julia had had friends die before, this was different.Najwa fell to the animal nature of the group -- the sheer idiocy of her peers. Wire, as revenge. These, she could understand. The evil within these actions was implacable -- it had no name or singular identity.But Noelle had done nothing to anyone. And she had only one killer.And Julia wanted to take full responsibility for their utter annihilation.
But she couldn't do it. She'd been tricked cleanly -- falling for simple lies and deceit like a gullible child. She failed herself.And more importantly, she failed Noelle.
And the rest of her squad... spared no detail in this.It'd been Itsuki. And they were going to make them pay.
(And it scared her -- so much about this scared her; and she was hurt because why hadn't her friend trusted them enough to ask for help? Why hadn't she asked for help? And, god, she just wanted her to have been safe--)
It was this that provided the additional catalyst for Julia's own murder -- terrified her with the thought of having no one to return home to -- losing the remainder of the people she cared about. She wasn't permitted a chance to keep Noelle safe -- and it had been her stupid words that had gotten Najwa killed, too -- and despite her hardest efforts, she hadn't been able to protect Wire -- but her mom. Lex. Renjiro's family, too.She could do something for them -- at a terrible cost, of course -- and for that reason, she worked to ensure her motives weren't malicious -- it was a random drawing; nothing personal -- she'd entered her own name too -- it was just for the people she had to save.And she was prepared to die for them -- and, by extension, the loved ones of her peers.(Was it selfish? Was it selfless? She still doesn't know. But she does know that she couldn't stand the thought of losing any of them, too--)
After getting Itsuki executed for her crime (which hadn't sat altogether right with her, due to her own doubts), she redoubled her efforts to find any alternative -- knowing that Noelle could never rest easy with her killer still on the loose -- and wanting to atone for her own virtue-less action.She found none, of course. And this... kinda fucked her up a lot.There was nothing she could do -- and every time she thought about it or herself she just couldn't help but think of how disappointed Noelle would be with her -- how upset she would have made her by forcing her to be friends with a murderer. A murderer who couldn't even find Noelle's culprit!It... gave her a tremendous amount of guilt.
However, which Malachi's admission of Itsuki's guilt -- that's when Julia could finally relax.She had done it, in a way -- they'd gotten rid of Noelle's killer.All of her hatred had long since abated -- such is the curse of being a passionate, flighty creature! -- and all that was left was her relief -- and then regret.She finally had closure, and was able to spend the next week mourning.
Until the end, Julia was sure that Noelle would be furious with her if she knew just about anything that she did -- from her foolish antics, to her murder, to the part where she'd been tricked -- but that didn't impact her opinion of Noelle at all. To the very last, Noelle was one of the people who Julia was proud to call her friend.
TL;DR: noelle was julia's overall Best Gal Pal and not a day went by when she didnt think of her. her death fucked julia up a lot especially because the next week she was spurred to murder so like... "what would ms. noelle think of me, a murderer-- oh she'd hate me and she'd be right--" and because noelle wasnt alive to prove that she Wouldnt Care julia beat herself up over this constantly. still loves her a lot. a ton. WHY DIDNT YOU STAY IN THE ROOM THO OR AT LEAST ASK SQUAD FOR HELP!!! SQUAD TAKEDOWN OF ITSUKI HANAZAWA--
“I saw that evil was impotent—that evil was the irrational, the blind, the anti-real—and that the only weapon of its triumph was the willingness of the good to serve it. In simpler words -- just for you! -- rot in hell, moron. ♥”
FINAL SCORE: oo/1O affectionoo/1O respect
(u cant be less than a nothing! dont be irrational!)
Originally, Julia had... a rather neutral opinion of Itsuki. Marginally positive? Very marginally. Though they had proved themselves to be rather clever during the first trial, it wasn't to the point where they commanded her respect. Also the fact that they TOTALLY misunderstood her asking for their title? Ugh!! No Mx. Hanazawa for THEM, apparently!It made her slightly uneasy, but she was willing to -- grits her teeth -- compromise about it. Which was WEIRD!
The second trial fared them no better. The fact that Itsuki had ignored all the obvious evidence and voted for Najwa was a thing that she... never really forgave them for. Especially because they were just so rancid about it -- especially because they seemed to deny their own part in her death. Extremely irrational. Despicable.Had she been in a better headspace, she might have left it at that and never spoke to them again outside of trial.But she also... started to recognize the failings of her own friend group; the danger associated with garnering a large sphere of influence -- you had to have outsiders who you knew didn't care too much for you... to vouch for your innocence.With Najwa's case, it became clear that this game of Mutual Killing was more than just murder and protect yourself -- it was your reputation with the group, as well. Even if you weren't a murderer, it would have been easy to get mistrialed on -- should you have not cleared yourself early.And while Itsuki wasn't her tier or Koharu tier on the scale of rationality, she could tell that they were probably her best bet. They were an aggressive investigator, and she knew that establishing some kind of repertoire with them would be advantageous, in the long run.
This spurred her to start allowing them to conduct consistent room checks with her, and with that she -- in her way, found herself opening up more to them.There was never really a point where Julia thought Itsuki was her friend, and she could kind of feel how?? Ingenuine they were? But they didn't bother her and they were good at investigating -- and she kind of grew to like them?? Marginal care. Wouldn't ever invite them to squad (LITERALLY LIKE ITSUKI WAS ONE OF VERY FEW PEOPLE WHO WERE NEVER CONSIDERED AS AN OPTION), but pretty okay!Also like they obviously wanted to kiss robots which was?? Really weird??? She's still not over this??? "IF THEY WERE LYING ABOUT MS. NOELLE COULD THEY HAVE BEEN LYING ABOUT LYING ABOUT THEIR LOVE OF MR. MONOBEAR??? EWW!!"
This... changed somewhat during the fourth trial, where Julia, of course, suspected Itsuki -- but--Well they HUGGED HER. And they PROMISED to her and dried her tears and it really, REALLY meant a lot to her?? Like she was genuinely touched -- especially because she had thought that Itsuki didn't care about her much -- and it was because of this that she... let her reasoning be compromised.
And she believed in them even throughout the trial -- despite Koharu telling her, rather bluntly, beforehand of the facts. Julia was being irrational and she KNEW IT -- but she was hoping that a better reality would surface, and that they would find Noelle's true killer in trial.Obviously, this didn't happen.
There were no other options -- and she knew she was annoying her two other friends about it -- but she really, REALLY wanted to believe in Itsuki. She wanted to compromise her own rational mind -- her own reasoning power -- in order to believe; a dangerous impulse, as she was aware, but she still really, REALLY wanted to believe that they would have never hurt Noelle -- and that they were better than to have lied to her, constantly, to her face.(also like they??? hugged her????? how could she NOT TRUST THEM, MR. YUU, THEY WERE VERY PERSUASIVE--)
But... unfortunately for Itsuki, Julia trusted Koharu's reasoning above all else.And Koharu was sure. And while Julia still wanted to dedicate herself to either clearing Itsuki's name or pinning them without a doubt -- well.When #ride or die proposed that they scapegoat Itsuki should any of them murder -- she reluctantly agreed.
So she compromised her own morals to do, well, a very self-interested thing. She anonymously voted for Itsuki during her own trial, and kind of fucking burned about it because "SHIT, SHIT, WHAT IF WE'RE WRONG-- WHY WOULDN'T THEY-- WHY DID THEY GIVE ME THIS SHIT??"
But, in her eyes -- she'd given them a chance. She'd told them of the stakes. Julia had made a point to warn Itsuki of Yuu and Koharu; tried to advise them in order to save their own skin, should they have chosen to. Though she lied, there was still a rational reality that was very apparent, in her eyes -- and she had invited them into her room, hadn't she? She would have permitted them to go as they wished, wouldn't she? She would never have lied about her own involvement -- it's simply that a proper CEO always properly protects her workers. Julia would have never allowed Renjiro to take her fall, and therefore forced herself to defend him.But she would have never done it for herself.And it wasn't her fault that everyone else seemed convinced that they were the escaped murderer, and knew better than to allow them another chance to kill.
So her conscious, on that, is clear. She barely considers herself responsible for Itsuki's death at all.
After Itsuki was executed, she had largely mixed feelings -- but overall, it was preferable to her or Renjiro dying by a LONGSHOT. Still, assuming they weren't lying, she still occupied herself with finding another option -- still forcing herself to re-examine the fourth case fifty times over, looking for an alternative.There wasn't one, of course.
She judged them HARDCORE on their final address to the class, though. How could they have been so cocky about their abilities when they literally could not figure out the case they were dying for? When they hadn't solved the first case? When they voted for Najwa?If there's one thing she hates more than arrogance, it's incompetence. And Itsuki -- well, for all their talk -- was... extremely incompetent, in her view. Because, even if they hadn't killed Noelle -- then who did? And why -- if they were so self-assured of their own power -- could they have not found the culprit? Idiocy.(THANKS JULIA)
When Malachi finally revealed the truth to the class -- well, it was as Koharu and Yuu had said; and what she had known, rationally -- but denied, because, well--She just really wanted to believe in trust.Still, it meant she could stop banging her head up against the wall and bothering the fuck out of Koharu about it, so she was grateful. She felt only closure -- the ability to stop antagonizing herself about it; the ability to move on and focus her mourning on who was important -- Noelle.
Ever since then, she literally hasn't thought of Itsuki at all. They were an animal -- an animal in a rational suit; one trying desperately to appear human -- and there was no pride in winning against them. Their actions -- their slaughter of a virtuous girl, their deception, their idiotic antics -- well, they were irrational, weren't they? Sometimes trusting people gets you hurt -- she knows this well.So, really, fuck them for killing one of her best friends -- but at least now she's had the ability to think about her friend, rather than her murderer.
she basically sums it up better than i can over @ her “if this fucker ever dies” blog so (:
"What was more disappointing -- the fact that you were a lying scumbag, or the fact that you were a moron?I had hoped that you would find me, I suppose, on some level. But now, with it all said and done -- I guess... that really worked for me, for a time. I mean, who was executed for whose trial?Who is worse -- the man who tries to give others the benefit of the doubt and believe in his fellow man at the expense of his own reasoning power, or the one who, while touting the facade of rationality, is trying as hard as they can and still can't see a simple truth that is staring at them full in the face? I at least confess to my trusting nature. But you really thought you were clever, didn't you?Let's rot in this miserable hell forever, idiot monsters to our core. ♥ "
TL;DR: ANIMAL STATUS, also fukk u (and fukk me for believing u but ok well that's NORMAL FOR ME!!!!);
minor thing: also she was totally considering killing them for her murder but on a meta level that would have made the trial less fun (LOSING THE ONE RLY GOOD INVESTIGATOR WHO WOULD ACTUALLY VOTE AGAINST HER??? LMAO NO) so fuck that (their name was in the drawing tho)
happy endgame guys!!! congrats to us oh god thank god
i cant believe the mm is a ROBOT
anyway!! if you want to know julia’s opinion on ur character, just send a “$” to the blog!!
she’s not a very spoilery character so yall can just read her app i dont rly care!! please note how pretentious her history gets to basically say “she still loves her ex ))):”
also i’ll probably be apping to SOD2 with karuli bakshi, shsl popufur!! im going full furry. pregame with me or don’t she’s a risky fuck!
and with that, sod... i leave u....
kianamaiart
dailybridgerton
jacobvanloon
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
pixelskylines
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germansingergirl
izzy806
