$$$$$$$ MY SMOL MONEY FRIEND
"The worst thing about death, and what I regard as the most horrible human tragedy, is to lose someone you love. And while I know that life is for the living -- god, I just -- it's hard to even think about... I miss you so much."
FINAL SCORE: o9/1O affectiono3/1O respect
toll bootler got owned by toll thief and made smol objectivist cry, more news at eleven.
Noelle certainly wasn't someone that Julia had thought -- at first glance -- that she'd come to adore.Her first impression of Noelle was... timid. Too selfless. Too eager to please and put herself out there -- unwilling to speak her own desires and voice her own concerns. She was too willing to compromise -- to take the easy way out. Desperate for connections, but ultimately too shy to go after any for herself.But -- and this was key -- Noelle... actually reminded Julia of herself.Like, a lot.
Before turning over to the gospel of Ayn Rand, Julia had been an overly-generous, selfless, and people-pleasing kind of person. She'd do anything for anyone -- and she was used like a doormat by just about all of her friends. Julia, of course, didn't mind -- and, frankly, was pretty happy with the arrangement; but she considers the point where she realized that this was wrong to be the turning point in her life. Embracing the virtue of selfishness -- selfishness in her own way; selfishness that always seemed to help her friends and family anyway -- had been pivotal to her success and achievement. (For whatever reason, Ayn Rand shit has always worked out well for Julia. It's when she compromises her morals where she gets problems....)She believed, with all her heart, that she could bring Noelle to a similar realization. Living for yourself didn't mean hating people, or being apathetic towards them, or trusting them any less -- it was just something that inspired confidence and allowed the greatest chance at pure, rational happiness. Why stress out about people who didn't care about you? Why bother yourself with a family who scorned you and treated you like a burden?She understood the impulse -- she'd been there once before, too -- but she, above all else, wanted to show Noelle another way.
Noelle's actions in trial irritated her -- okay, it was all well and good to present evidence and do well, but why not VOTE?? -- but she was always so kind, so helpful -- and so wonderful towards her?It... really touched her. Especially went she was given the suit in the first trial.
And... over time, Julia came to realize that that shit didn't actually matter? Noelle was a super kind, sweet, caring person who just needed someone to teach her how to put her foot down -- but that could come with time, couldn't it? And as long as they were friends -- as long as Noelle had people who were looking out for her -- then it was probably alright. In the days leading up to her death, Julia really started growing extremely fond of her. Named the stuffed animal in Noelle's room. Respected her privacy -- and, importantly, had hers respected as well.And... started to realize how callous she had become, really.And while Noelle's selflessness was... too extreme -- Julia came to realize that... her own actions weren't too much better.Not that she would admit this! But it still burned at the back of her mind -- and she came to adore Noelle even more for it.
On some level, Julia was pretty sure that Noelle was at least keeping her sorta-kinda grounded. Sure, she never spoke out against her -- but she could tell!!! She could just TELL when she was sad and when she should stop!!
And then ITSUKI HANZAWA BETRAYED GOD AND EVERYONE.
Noelle's death fucked Julia up. Full stop.She was filled -- entirely -- with hatred toward her killer. She wanted nothing but to catch them -- to punish them for destroying a virtuous, kind person who had so much to experience in life. Though Julia had had friends die before, this was different.Najwa fell to the animal nature of the group -- the sheer idiocy of her peers. Wire, as revenge. These, she could understand. The evil within these actions was implacable -- it had no name or singular identity.But Noelle had done nothing to anyone. And she had only one killer.And Julia wanted to take full responsibility for their utter annihilation.
But she couldn't do it. She'd been tricked cleanly -- falling for simple lies and deceit like a gullible child. She failed herself.And more importantly, she failed Noelle.
And the rest of her squad... spared no detail in this.It'd been Itsuki. And they were going to make them pay.
(And it scared her -- so much about this scared her; and she was hurt because why hadn't her friend trusted them enough to ask for help? Why hadn't she asked for help? And, god, she just wanted her to have been safe--)
It was this that provided the additional catalyst for Julia's own murder -- terrified her with the thought of having no one to return home to -- losing the remainder of the people she cared about. She wasn't permitted a chance to keep Noelle safe -- and it had been her stupid words that had gotten Najwa killed, too -- and despite her hardest efforts, she hadn't been able to protect Wire -- but her mom. Lex. Renjiro's family, too.She could do something for them -- at a terrible cost, of course -- and for that reason, she worked to ensure her motives weren't malicious -- it was a random drawing; nothing personal -- she'd entered her own name too -- it was just for the people she had to save.And she was prepared to die for them -- and, by extension, the loved ones of her peers.(Was it selfish? Was it selfless? She still doesn't know. But she does know that she couldn't stand the thought of losing any of them, too--)
After getting Itsuki executed for her crime (which hadn't sat altogether right with her, due to her own doubts), she redoubled her efforts to find any alternative -- knowing that Noelle could never rest easy with her killer still on the loose -- and wanting to atone for her own virtue-less action.She found none, of course. And this... kinda fucked her up a lot.There was nothing she could do -- and every time she thought about it or herself she just couldn't help but think of how disappointed Noelle would be with her -- how upset she would have made her by forcing her to be friends with a murderer. A murderer who couldn't even find Noelle's culprit!It... gave her a tremendous amount of guilt.
However, which Malachi's admission of Itsuki's guilt -- that's when Julia could finally relax.She had done it, in a way -- they'd gotten rid of Noelle's killer.All of her hatred had long since abated -- such is the curse of being a passionate, flighty creature! -- and all that was left was her relief -- and then regret.She finally had closure, and was able to spend the next week mourning.
Until the end, Julia was sure that Noelle would be furious with her if she knew just about anything that she did -- from her foolish antics, to her murder, to the part where she'd been tricked -- but that didn't impact her opinion of Noelle at all. To the very last, Noelle was one of the people who Julia was proud to call her friend.
TL;DR: noelle was julia's overall Best Gal Pal and not a day went by when she didnt think of her. her death fucked julia up a lot especially because the next week she was spurred to murder so like... "what would ms. noelle think of me, a murderer-- oh she'd hate me and she'd be right--" and because noelle wasnt alive to prove that she Wouldnt Care julia beat herself up over this constantly. still loves her a lot. a ton. WHY DIDNT YOU STAY IN THE ROOM THO OR AT LEAST ASK SQUAD FOR HELP!!! SQUAD TAKEDOWN OF ITSUKI HANAZAWA--
