Or Say That I Drift Too Far | Tarou | Trial 4.3 | RE: everything going to shit, release, Hoshimi sorta??
[CW: dissociation?]
You deserve this. You deserve this.
Those words echoed in Tarou’s head, familiar enough that he had no way of telling whether they were his own thoughts or spoken aloud. None of the vitriolic hate around him held an ounce of his conscious attention. Instead, the entire world had been turned upside down, accompanied by oh so much pain; fire burned in his lungs, his vision swam, his own hands clawed at his throat.
The pain was beyond anything Tarou’s imagination had ever come up with. He gasped for air against the chain that cut across his neck, but the injuries all over his body from Renée’s brutally violent struggles screamed out too. He’d never felt this before… never been in this body. This wasn’t his body, he wasn’t inside it. He wasn’t him. Tarou hung there like a limp puppet, reacting to the repeated impacts of someone’s heavily bruised legs kicking out as they feebly struggled to stay standing while their taller attacker pulled upwards. He shook someone else’s vocal cords to elicit the desperate hacking and wheezing sounds that his classmates were enjoying so very much.
It’s been hours, hours of Tarou silently begging some higher power he didn’t believe in to pull the chain away.
When Joss finally relents, at first it is no relief. Only more agony. The feeling of air rushing down his throat feels as if someone is trying to put out the fire in his lungs using napalm and kitchen knives.
It only takes a moment for the immediate pain to subside, though, and Tarou’s legs crumble. He falls to his knees, his head slumping against the podium in front of him. The wracking shudders of his shoulders and greedy gasps for air are beyond pathetic. For the first time in two years, Tarou tastes the salt of tears pouring down his cheeks.
As much as he wants to block out the world, Tarou can’t stop himself from hearing all of… whatever you call this hell. He listens to them reassuring themselves that they’re right or at least not as bad, that they’re going to do good, when they are so unbelievably wrong. That their only evil act was the torture. Hah. Hah. Hah… He could just lie there. He really could, just let them commit the most evil act possible within these station walls. It would be easier than anything, all he had to do was stay where he was and take more greedy gasps of air.
But no. Tarou rose using the podium to support almost all of his weight, faced the center of the circle, and spat. Even in this state, his hoarse voice croaked with a note of conceit.
“W-Was I suppo-pposed to d-do it nicely? I. Had. No. Choice. Inaga–wggh… Inag–gccck…”
Before he could finish, Tarou’s voice gave out and his head thumped back down onto the podium.