infinitesimal

shsl ??? affiliated with m.a.h.o.u. project waxing / waning

[mahouproject-one]

black hole / tsukuyomi / trial end (re: execution)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

‘Funny question, but… You’ve been here from the beginning right?’

They were the first to forget him.

Even from the start, the hellish emotional roller coaster that was the last motive pulled no punches, ripping the memory of who he was from one of the people he held nearest and dearest to his heart. Not that he realized for sure at the time, the preceding trial to this whole disaster made sure of that, but after having a nice talk with them in the kitchen, combined with the pain he felt from them having forgotten… it helped him sort out things. In the end, Mi-ke was still a dear friend of his.

They were still a friend and that just made what unfolded before him hurt more.

He still wanted to talk to them, spend time with them as a friend now that he’d sorted things out, now that he was sure of things again. He’d already more of less lost them once, them having forgotten who he was entirely, but now they remembered him and he’d gotten them back only to have them ripped away from him again but so much more permanently this time.

The whole ghost thing changed absolutely nothing. It didn’t make what he felt as Mi-ke - as he felt Mi-ke - sink deeper and deeper and… and…

…

Regret, sorrow, and guilt all welled in his stomach at once. Tsukuyomi’s body trembled furiously, tears spilling down his face and onto the floor in front of him. He felt like he was going to be sick, he felt like he was dying, he… he…

He held his head in his hands.

And he screamed.

…and then he stopped.

It was short and sweet, maybe three seconds tops of pure, raw anguish, and then… nothing. Just an eerie silence, the thief staring blankly downward, shaky fingers gripping at his hair and tears spilling down his cheeks. 

Along with how it felt to have companionship, have friends, after so many years of isolation and loneliness, Tsukuyomi had also come to learn how it felt to lose them, how it felt to inch closer and closer back, and that thought terrified him more than anything else the castle had to offer.

And he’d also come to learn that, no matter how badly he wanted those he cared about most to be safe, no matter how much he wanted to protect them, no matter what he did, there really was very little they could do to stop it.

This place tore apart everything he came to Hope’s Peak for, dangling it in front of his face just to rip it away from him, and that really was the worst part of all.

(you should’ve known it was too good to be true you idiot) 

[mahouproject-one]

meteor shower / tsukuyomi / trial four (re: mistrial hell)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

They got it wrong.

Tsukuyomi felt his hand slap over his mouth, breathing growing quicker and more frantic as tears ran down his face. He felt a sob die in his throat as Shinobu ran into him, the taller boy pulling the smaller into a hug as his fear overcame him and he, too, began to sob.

(a distant part of him thought it was a cruel irony, who else did he know who met their first love in high school and lost them far, far before they were ready to say goodbye? he could very much end up the same way, he’d see shortly, wouldn’t he?)

(of course, such a thought was terrifying on its own - would he end up the same way? miserable and in pain even sixteen years later, shutting out everyone else in his life in his grief? it wasn’t like he had a respectable career to bury himself in, either, all he did was steal for cheap thrills)

He caught the manager motioning for him to lean down, and after doing so and listening to what he had to whisper… it was slow, and incredibly hesitant, but Tsukuyomi let the other go (the thought flashed through his mind for a second that that may have been the last time they’d ever–), and run over in front of…

…he couldn’t act like he understood it, but he’d let him do his thing.

Not like that was anything new.

And speaking of the things Tsukuyomi couldn’t possibly understand, of which there were many, was… was… why…? 

Why?

Why.

Why… did these people… talk about the deaths of their own like this? About other people’s lives like this? 

(what fucking right did any of them or any human being at all have to decide who deserved to live and who didn’t?)

He glanced around the courtroom, trembling as anger began to mix in with every other emotion he felt. His breathing grew more rapid, almost ragged, as he opened his mouth to speak…

(but what would, could, he say? ‘mi-ke-san please don’t say things like that even if ueno-san did something awful why would you ever want anyone to die?’ 'myung-san the fact that you don’t regard killing inoue-san and whoever’s about to die in here a mistake is kinda terrifying, even if i understand your motivations?’ 'ueno-san i agree with you on tenshi but how could you talk about what you’ve done so casually’? a whole hodgepodge of things that could ultimately be surmized as 'tenshi hearing you talk about life and death like this makes me sick, shut your fucking mouth’?…)

“Sh… Sh– h-hhh–!!! D-D-Don’t– d-doooonnnn'tt–…”

…all that could come out of his mouth were shaky words and a low sob, the thief’s legs giving out under him as he dropped to his knees and, unable to bring himself to do much more as he fought a losing battle to calm himself down, he buried his face in his hands and wept as his fear took over.

(so much for being stronger.) 

[mahouproject-one]

my brother, my brother, and mi-ke / tsukuyomi / trial (re: mi-ke)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

Tsukuyomi glanced towards Mi-ke when he heard his name - well, it was more like doing a double take, a confused look on his face as he mumbled something along the lines of ‘why did you call me…?’, but he nodded, pulling out his own wand. Could he try and cast from over by his podium…?

(16+1.)

Bingo. He tucked his own wand back in his pocket and shared what he’d found:

“…O-Ok I dunno how much th-this helps…? Unless I missed something… b-but the last spell used by that wand was a major spell?" 

[mahouproject-one]

ghost vote! ghost vote! ghost suffrage / tsukuyomi / trial (re: help)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

As the trial dragged on and on and on, Tsukuyomi felt the dread sinking in his stomach, deeper and deeper. They could be right, or oh so wrong, but either possibility did little for the fear and worry and oncoming panic he felt, the thief continuously giving glances towards the shorter boy at his side.

(the fear was so much more devastating when you had so much more on the line)

He’d had a question to ask, and ask he did, and with an answer given and a mumble of ‘then why did it take us so long to find Inoue-san’s…?’, he fell back into silence until he saw fit to speak up once more. Debate and murder-solving and other such smart people things were hardly his forte - sure he’d read a lot of mystery novels in his time but it wasn’t like that was enough to make him  master detective, or at least he hoped it didn’t because he sure didn’t feel like a master detective right about now - but for his sake and everyone in that godforsaken castle that he cared about, he had to give it his best shot.

“…u-um, I’m not… too sure, um, h-how… helpful th-this is, exactly…? B-But… I got a-a question, from that trivia thing… whether or not the Mastermind was human? 

…th-the answer was yes, they are, which, uh, probably isn't too helpful, b-but, uh, again, it could rule out the dead students, a-at least as the time…? Because… ghosts… uh, I can’t think o-of anything else it could mean b-but I guess if one of us is, like… secretly s-some kinda robot or alien or something that’d r-rule them out. I-In theory.”

(…what, don’t give him that look! if magic was real then who the heck knows what else could be…)

“…o-oh, um– I have o-one of those pins, t-too, um… i-it’s in my room, somewhere, i-if anyone… needs proof, th-that I got it right…?

Another drop into silence, an indication that he didn’t have too much else to add. At least, not regarding who was behind this whole mess - but he remembered that mention of the calvary winners, and peeked over.

”…ah– yeah, that spell, I still h-have full MP i-if you need me to c-cast anything…?? Unless s-someone else wants…“ 

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

supernova / tsukuyomi / trial four (re: mitsuo, shinobu, reiko, miyu)

These… these sure were some interesting developments. He raised an eyebrow at Mitsuo. 

“…Yeah, did– did you l-lose it, or something…? O-Or are… you just hiding it…? I’m not… g-gonna lie, Ueno-san, i-it seems awful convenient f-for your wand to h-have ‘gone missing’… h-honestly, you’re acting… real suspicious, a-almost… too suspicious…?

But… th-the evidence, it’s… a-and if you… really did kill Tenpo-san… hm.”

He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, not having a clue what to make of any of this. This was for smart people, and Tsukuyomi certainly wasn’t that. He didn’t know what to make of that note, or… much of anything. It was all so… confusing.

Not that he had much time to think on it, not at the moment, not after hearing what Shinobu had to say.

He grit his teeth as the knot in his stomach grew tighter and tighter, one of many fruitless efforts to fight back tears of his own. The rational part of his mind told him to stay focused on the case, but since when was that part of him ever at the forefront? He still (REDACTED) no matter how much he tried to 'Logic™’ himself out of it, this wasn’t going to be any different.

(what did he say again, about caring about people who didn’t care about you? that it hurt, right?)

He tried to open his mouth to speak, glancing up to look around the courtroom, trying to say something, anything, about the case or something, but the words wouldn’t come. He, too, fought back sobs, and for a while the only words that would leave his mouth were soft murmurs of 'it’s alright’ and 'I’m right here’ that sounded so quiet even to the one speaking them that it almost felt like they were the only two people in the courtroom.

(how much was reassurance worth from someone who couldn’t even reassure himself? he liked to think he was becoming a braver, stronger person, but when it came down to it…)

Reiko’s outburst only made him jolt a little bit, but he listened quietly as she and later Miyu spoke - the former dropping what Tsukuyomi thought was quite a doozy with the events of the last trial in mind, the latter partially addressing him, among others. He took a few moments, took some deep breaths, before giving an answer - he might as well try, right?

“…i-if it was… Myung-san… then– yeah, w-with Sasamoto-san… I dunno h-how they feel about Ueno-san, b-but if Sasamoto-san and Myung-san a-are close… a-and the whole… spell a-and closet thing… I-I mean– I get…keeping secrets f-for non-murder reasons, I-I’d be a huge hypocrite i-if I didn’t, but at a time l-like this…”

Maybe if he was upfront about his talent from the get-go he wouldn’t be under fire as long in that past trial… or maybe he would, he gave them his spells and they still–

Whatever. Whatever, whatever, back to the present case, please.

“Um, I-I don’t… remember what it does, exactly, b-but I think… Ueno-san and Izumi-san won a sp-spell from when we went into the Suzaku labryinth…? A-As for…  that calvary spell, um– y-yeah, I’ve got it. D-Dunno what… you need it for, i-if you do, but, um, I-I’ve still got… I’ve still g-got MP, so if you need me to use it, o-or something…? If we… c-can find his wand, I-I guess.

…um– s-sorry, if this… i-is stupid, but, um, maybe we should check h-his pockets…? For that note, b-but also to make sure h-he isn’t just hiding his wand…? I-I mean I doubt if he really wanted it h-hidden he wouldn’t just hide it in his pockets, b-but…" 

[mahouproject-one]

so i stayed in the darkeness with you / tsukuyomi / trial four (re: a lot of stuff lskjdsldj / attn: mits + joon)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

Tsukuyomi peeked up when Shiba mentioned who’d had access to the Seiryuu dorm, looking between them and Reiko.

“…Seiryuu, Genbu, and Mitsuo? That’s… i-interesting… um, I-I’m not sure if… this means a-anything… but– b-but the clothes that Eigawa-san listed, th-that we saw in the forest, all of them belonged t-to a Seiryuu or a Genbu. Maybe that’s… j-just how Amemori-san does th-the laundry, I dunno, b-but…”

He’d stay out of the talk of how exactly Airi died, or anything about calling Tama a loser (even if Tsukuyomi thought Tama was not a loser and was very sweet) or anything between Takako and Mi-ke (he did give the resident cat expert a concerned look). The apparent fight between Mitsuo and Mi-ke caught his attention (earning the cat expert another concerned look) and An accusation was thrown towards the composer over… a number of things, up to and including the last case. He’d heard his given name being spoken by someone who was not one of the three people in this hell school that he’d be fine with using that name, leading to his usual:

“S-Sato is fine…”

And Shinobu–

Shinobu–

“Sh– Shin–…?!”

The name, already little more than a low mumble, caught in his throat, tears spilling down his face almost immediately as the boy spoke and pulled out the–

…

…

…

…without a word, Tsukuyomi moved over closer to Shinobu’s podium, slowly wrappng one arm around the smaller boy, his only words being a quiet mumble of ‘I’m here, Shin.' 

He’d heard some others speak their pieces, Mi-ke seemed to be throwing Joon and even Kunie into the metaphorical ring, and Joon spoke up in defense of the three of them. Kris also spoke up, saying (idk) before eventually turning to Shinobu, and while Tsukuyomi could feel a defensive anger flare up in him the very moment he opened his mouth (those closest to him could hear a mumble along the lines of ’Yet? Fuck off, Tenshi’)…

…well ok he was still a little angry after he’d actually heard what he had to say but. Not as much as he thought he’d be. Still a bit angry though, especially towards the end, the thief giving him a scowl.

…but ultimately, as much as he looked like he so desperately wanted to say something, no words came. He hadn’t a clue what to say. With a sigh, Tsukuyomi opted to hop back to the murder discussion.

“…here’s what I-I wanna know. I-If it was Myung-san… w-why would… the stuff in Ueno-san’s…? The potion, a-and… Mi-ke-san’s shirt, a-and he cut off s-some of their hair… I-I mean– you could s-say he’s covering f-for him but if Ueno-san didn’t r-remember Myung-san…”

He sighed, glancing to the side in thought, wiping the tears in his eyes with his free hand.

“…Euh, Ueno-san, Myung-san, I-I’d… I’d do w-what they ask, with th-the spells…? The wand, um… I-I get where you’re c-coming from, but not complying… f-from what I know, tends to look m-more suspicious…

Not that complying did him much of anything when he was under fire, but whatever. 

[mahouproject-one]

we're doin that glitter stuff again fellas / tsukuyomi / trial four (re: shiba, joon)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

Tsukuyomi took his usual place at his podium after an… interesting investigation. He was… worried, but… hey, smart stuff was never his forte. They… usually came around in the end with The Power Of Teamwork™ Or Something, right? This… would be fine…

(he kept finding himself glancing towards a certain manager. the stakes were even higher now, weren’t they…?)

He perked up at the mention of a clothing spell, of clothing in general, and nodded in Joon’s direction once he’d finished speaking.

“M-Mhmm– I-I’m guessing that’s why they knocked Amemori-san out, t-to take some of the clothes sh-she was washing…? Th-There was, euh, a lot out there, scattered th-throughout the forest, um…all of them w-were wet, and there was… th-this trail of water drops… and– y-yeah, there was th-that shirt in the Seiryuu dorm…!”

“Th-That shirt was… yeah, i-it was glittery, but n-none of the other items of clothing w-were…? I guess it’s… r-reasonable to say… it could’ve b-been stolen with the rest o-of the laundry, um… there were Takenaka-san’s s-swim trunks a-and a sock that Mi-ke-san said b-belonged to Shiba-san, s-so there must’ve been… a-a bit of Seiryuu stuff there, but…”

He fell silent for a moment, thinking. 

“…b-but how would the shirt h-have gotten back to Seiryuu dorm? S-Sasamoto-san said no one u-used the secret entrance… does anyone know i-if anyone outside of Seiryuu knows h-how to get into the dorms…?" 

[mahouproject-one]

on my soul i am so, infinitesimal / tsukuyomi / chapter four (re: motive, body)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

…alright.

So.

…

…yeah, this. This bordered just as bad as the last motive.

Maybe he wasn’t in any physical danger or suffering, but if no one in the world had a clue who he was than wasn’t that as good as being dead at the end of the day? Not that Tsukuyomi needed everyone in the world to notice him - on the contrary he quite disliked being directly in the spotlight - but between his friends, his admittedly very scarce family back home, and those who knew him as (REDACTED)…

This motive was threatening to tear apart the very reason he came to Hope’s Peak in the first place and that was the absolute fucking cruelest irony of all, wasn’t it?

The first petal got right to it, too, taking out… ah. Ah.

“A-Ahh…”

Ahhhh.

“A-Ahhhhh–… a-aaahhhhhhHHHHHHH–!!!”

With a short yell of panic and a mortified glance towards a certain cat expert, Tsukuyomi rushed out of the room as quickly and carefully as possible.

… … …

The following days came with some sweet loot (that giant seal plush… very good), some… interesting revelations, and more petal losses, each varying degrees of gut-wrenching. Some classmates, some people who’d recognize his thief work (be it those who… could consider themself ‘fans’, he supposed, or law enforcement trying to track down who he was)…

At some point, closer to the time of the deadly deed, one Hideki Sato forgot the existence of his own son, and Tsukuyomi couldn’t help but question if anything was really any different, if anything really changed, if his life really meant anything to anybody at all–

(maybe everything would’ve been better if he’d had contented himself with rotting alone in that house for the rest of his life. eighteen years cut short, eighteen years plus however many more wasted with nothing to show for it, those were hardly that much different, right?)

The remaining petals rapidly shedding away sent one of the biggest waves of fear shaking his body to its core to date, a scream catching in the boy’s throat as his mind flooded with…

…

…with the opposite of just what it was he was so afraid of. He was… remembering again.

All the people who’d forgotten him remembered, he’d remembered all who he’d forgotten, and as relieved as he may have been (except there was little relief knowing what he knew now about–), those feelings slowly fizzled out and replaced with dread. This… wasn’t for no reason. Someone was dead, and all Tsukuyomi could do was follow the rest of the gang out to the lake.

He couldn’t say he knew Airi all too well, other than she was his clanmate, someone who was kinda intimidating, someone who’d come so close to doing something so dreadful… but someone who likely had a good heart, and well intentions. He vaguely remembered her sticking around to help him out during two of his murder-game-induced fainting incidents, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t grateful.

(and maybe that seemed small to others but for someone like tsukuyomi sato who’d been shown so little kindness or so little anything growing up, even the smallest acts could mean the world to a guy like him–)

“…”

The guilt he felt for this loss didn’t strike him as deep as those that resulted from the last motive, but it still hurt, it always always did, and Tsukuyomi always always got those same tears pricking at the corners of his eyes and spilling down his face.

He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to this. 

(he was sure that he didn't want to)

“…I-I’m sorry, Inoue-san.”

(not that 'sorry’ meant much of anything to a corpse)

With little more than those words, he sought out a group and got to work. 

[mahouproject-one]

rabbit heart / tsukuyomi / trial end (re: kris mostly,,,, help)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

There was little relief to come with the results of their vote.

On the one hand, they’d gotten it correct. No worries about a random execution, no worries about dying or losing someone close to him. On the other hand… in spite of everything…

Even if he was trying to protect himself and his friends and everyone else and their friends, he was still tearing someone’s friend away from someone else, someone’s loved one away from people outside of the castle, and Tsukuyomi would never forgive himself for that.

(away from a hitman a trained killer and in the back of tsukuyomi’s mind he couldn’t shake off the fear that he was gonna be coming for him next)

He didn’t think he’d have anything to say to anyone there, what’s done was done and… frankly… in spite of everything…

It kind of hurt to watch.

Kris’s words caught his attention, and through it all, he couldn’t describe the uncomfortable feeling welling in his chest. The thief frowned, hands trembling at his sides, and he visibly winced once the other shot a glare in his direction, shrinking back. Even knowing what he was, the guy didn’t seem to change very much, did he?

He didn’t… understand… what to think. Maybe he really did only kill the scum of the earth, the overwhelming minority of people who really honestly truly deserved to die? But that didn’t change the fact that he was still a professional trained killer and Tsukuyomi was all kinds of discomforted and angry with that, especially in a place like this and he couldn’t believe that not all hitmen killed people who deserved it people died for no good god damn reason all the time and the fact that this guy was trying to tell him this was pissing him off. And what about Mio, surely they didn’t deserve to die! Not that Miyu deserved to die! Whoever would’ve been picked instead had they gotten it wrong, no one in that courtroom deserved to die!

No one deserved to die and yet here was Kris giving what registered in Tsukuyomi’s mind as a threat to his friend and that was the last straw. Slowly, the thief boy shuffled in front of Shinobu, as if trying to block him from Kris’s view, as if that would sate the later’s anger at the former any. He couldn’t… look him in the eyes, though.

“…real funny, Tenshi. Matsuoka. Whatever. W-Weren’t… you just getting o-on Kanamori-san… f-for, what, ‘not taking r-responsibility… for what he did’…? L-Last trial…? E-Even though you don’t… k-know that he… y-yet– yet you see… S-Suzuki-san do it… b-but if she gets a-away with it a-and someone else… dies in her place th-that's ok? Th-That's fine a-all of a sudden?

I-I ain’t saying… S-Suzuki-san deserves to die… absolutely not– n-no one here deserves to die…! B-But… b-but people do die a-and there are consequences a-and if you r-really cared about saving us y-you wouldn’t be ok w-with risking innocent lives to–!”

He stopped abruptly, with another wheeze, leaning against his podium for support as his legs shook underneath him. Talking so fast with so few breaths between each group of words probably wasn’t… good for him… especially after that hellish motive. Yet…

He could only glance back up at Kris for a second, shrinking back as he began to shake in… sadness, fear, a bit of both? His expression and voice were much softer when he next spoke, much… shakier…

“…I-I’m sorry… th-that your friend… I-I really really am… b-but… don’t… d-don’t you dare… t-touch mine o-or anyone else’s… don’t… touch… d-don’t you… dare… touch h-him…”

…in spite of his efforts to put up a defensive stance, by the very end all Tsukuyomi could do was sob, only able to murmur 'please don’t hurt him’ and similar phrases over and over again, as his body shook and his breathing ran ragged. 

(how can he protect anyone when he’s like this?) 

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

time for giving up the ghost - fuck, it’s you i hate the most / tsukuyomi / trial (re: hell)

…where was Shinobu going.

He was… Kris’s… podium… oh, no. Ohhh, no no no no…

All Tsukuyomi could do as he watched him go was give quiet pleas of ‘no please don’t do that’ or 'Kanamori-san please come back here don’t’ but it’s not enough. The manager’d made his way over and socked the so-called magician right in the face. The latter had answered with a hell of a threat, and had Tsukuyomi’s legs not been threatening to give way under him since the moment Shinobu left, he would’ve rushed over immediately to pull him back.

Thankfully, he returned back to the Suzaku side of the room unharmed. By this point, Tsukuyomi’s tears had quieted, if mostly due to, you guessed it, exhaustion. Any energy he’d gotten back from the beginning of investigation to now had been largely fizzled out, but his worry certainly didn’t. 

“Don’t– p-please don’t d-do– do tha-that again… th-that was cool as hell but–b-b-but please please don’t…”

Thanks. 

Alas, it seemed the chaos had yet to finish running its course - Reiko had moved in to remove Miyu’s bandages, and…

…

…ah.

Ah.

So that’s… how it was…

“…”

The mystery boy… ah, no, no no no, that wasn’t quite right anymore, was it? Not with what everyone knew now - sure, he never explicitly confirmed it, but by process of elimination…

So, let’s try that again.

The thief shut his eyes and sighed, briefly resting a hand on Shinobu’s shoulder as he stared across the courtroom. He couldn’t look Mi-ke in the eyes, not now - and not just because they were on the floor, passed out, mind you - but Kris? Miyu?

“…was it worth it. W-Was it… really worth it. I-If… if you’re going… t-to throw innocent lives away… th-then your actions m-mean absolutely nothing.”

His tears and his trembling weren’t quite as intense as they were before, and his voice was quiet, but as per the usual, the look on his face and his posture gave what he was feeling right away. But it wasn’t the typical fears or nerves, or at least, it wasn't just that, oh no.

Tsukuyomi Sato was mad as hell.

“Th-This doesn’t… change anything. Y-You still… you– y-you– Tenshi-Matsuoka-whoever th-the fuck– you still…! Kill p-people! For a l-living! And y-you all still– t-tried to off o-one of us– a-another one of us– n-not like you knew who it’d be b-but not like you cared d-did you–?!”

He wheezed, coughing a little, clearly not used to talking so much fresh after the motive. Even if it wasn't loud, speaking so much and so harshly made his throat sore. 

“Y-You all tried– t-to play us like a bunch of da-damn fools but– b-but if you think we’re gonna f-forgive this juh-just because y-you had 'good intentions’ th-then you’re the– th-the biggest fools here…!! Y-You fuckin’–”

Another wheeze, the boy beginning to sway on his feet again before throwing his arms out and holding onto his podium for support. This was too much for him to handle right now, everything was spinning and he was sure he’d faint if he kept this up but he couldn’t faint, not now.

He took a few deep breaths, speaking slower once he’d began again. His gaze remained fixed on the disaster duo.

“…a part of m-me… gets it. N-Not wanting to… s-see your friends d-die… wanting to… p-protect them…

But… I’ve g-got friends… t-to protect too. And I… I s-sure as shit ain’t… g-gonna let you take 'em from m-me…" 

Of all the things in the world that Tsukuyomi Sato was afraid of, being left all alone again was definitely at the very top. 

[mahouproject-one]

no dawn, no day, i'm always in this twilight / tsukuyomi / trial (re: welcome to hell! welcome to hell! welcome to h)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

For as long as Tsukuyomi could remember, books were his best friends, his greatest comforts, all he’d ever had on those lonely nights at home while his father was away for work. Stories of fantastical journeys, brave heroes…

(revelations that a lonely fourteen year old boy could become something greater than he ever imagined)

But books could contain awful things, sometimes. They could contain monsters, or they could contain horrible secrets. 

The instant Tsukuyomi heard mention of that book, he felt himself sway dangerously on his feet, the world spinning around him only faster and faster from the combined near-dehydration (that he was probably approaching again pretty fast with how much he was crying–) and the most intense of fears.

Of all the things in the world Tsukuyomi Sato was afraid of, being discovered was definitely in his top five.

And yet… he welcomed it.

Granted, it was much more a ‘lesser of two evils’ situation - and when it came to people either finding out just what he was hiding, or believing he was something much, much worse, Tsukuyomi greatly preferred the former.

So when the hidden talents in particular were revealed, the instant he heard them, his response was an immediate–

“I’m not the hitman.”

He’d repeated those four words over and over, his voice only getting shakier and shakier as he went on, spouting the same sentence over and over and over like some sort of mantra. Shinobu grabbing onto his arm snapped him out of it, the mystery boy(?) holding on tight as he wept.

Most everything else felt like little more than white noise. Kris and Miyu had some sort of argument (he only felt more and more disgusted ever since that magician(?) opened his mouth), Shiba of all people’d gotten angry (he… definitely understood, and he certainly felt the same way himself but it wasn’t like he could say so when he was practically choking on his own tears), Holy said something supporting Tsukuyomi not being the hitman (something clove backed him up on, something that would have filled him with fear at any other time but now in this moment he was so so so so greatful for) and Mi-ke…

Mi-ke…

…

“N.. N-No one… who kills people… f-for a living… i-is a– a-a good… person…”

…is all he could choke out past frantic wheezes and anguished sobs.

(did mio have loved ones back home, that would never see them again? did deborah? did subaru? he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since the motive had started. he could barely handle the guilt of indirectly deciding on a motive that’d taken three lives and would soon take one more - for someone to make a killing out of, well, killing other people and taking them away from their loved ones…)

(tsukuyomi sato could never, would never, forgive someone like that)

He wanted to say more, so bad, so bad because in spite of everything a part of him still cared about Mi-ke. And they still had to figure out just what the hell was going on for sure and just who the hell was the culprit because if he lost one of his friends after all of this then he didn’t know what he’d do–!!

But in the end, all he could do was sob, any attempts to get words out becoming nothing but a garbled mess of sounds and syllables, his hold on Shinobu tightening.

(but what could he do, anyways, even if he wasn’t struggling to breathe let alone to speak? he was just a boy who’d read too many books, and made the mistake of thinking monsters could only ever exist there) 

[mahouproject-one]

the stars, the moon, they have all been blown out / tsukuyomi / trial (re: mi-ke, kris, miyu)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

(tw: strangulation mention, hand trauma mention)

Of all the things in the world Tsukuyomi Sato was afraid of, caring about someone who didn’t care about you back was definitely in the top three.

The mystery boy shifted on his feet as people around him grew frustrated - rightfully so, they had a murder to discuss and they had to figure it out, or one of them would be… 

He mumbled his thanks as Shinobu returned with the results of collar-check, finally getting all he wanted out of that question, come on Horny On Main Crew™, but… something… struck a chord, regarding what he said. 

He felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes for the first time in days. He desperately fought them back.

(he never knew her, but his father did, and even now, sixteen years after the fact, he could see his grief clear as day - tsukuyomi couldn’t put someone through that in good conscious, and he could understand mi-ke wanting to keep their boyfriend safe)

(but if they were willing to throw other people under the bus… if they were willing to risk his life, risk shiba’s, all their other friends’ lives…)

There were several requests asking for Kris to remove his gloves, for him and Mi-ke to show their hands. A person could do a lot of things with their hands. One could hold things, one could open things with them. One could put gloves on them, bandages on them, one could cast spells to strangle another human being with them one could cut another human being open with a scalpel with them one could take the life of another human being with them 

mi-ke’s hands

kris’s hands

miyu’s hands(?)

(his own hands rest on his arms as he hugs himself tighter and tighter, as he feels the world spin around him once, twice, three times over, as his legs wobble dangerously underneath him and as he feels his chest heave with every breath that only seems to get faster and more rapid with panic and dread and fear and anguish and he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t understand he just doesn’t understand–!!!) 

He felt tears rolling down his face for the first time in days.

(he was so worried about leaving him alone but at the end of the day, would he even notice if he was gone?)

“I don’t… I-I-I don’t know– what’s g-g-go-going on–… but… b-but…”

He has to rest a hand on his podium, trying not to get too in the way of Shinobu who’d also taken his place there, in a vain attempt to steady himself. He can barely get his words out between sobs and frantic wheezes, his head down with only the name he used (without honorific, oof) being any indication who he was addressing, but…

“…Tenshi… y-you say… y-you’re protec-protecting… your… f-friends… but… i-if… you’re going… t-to risk… their lives… l-li-like this, th-then… a-are you… r-really…?

I… understand… g-god, do I-I… underst-stand w-wan-wanting… to keep… b-but… if you’re… ”

He took in a breath, having to pause before… taking another, and another, deep (if not a bit wheezy, this was really not doing him any favors after that motive) breaths for a couple of seconds…

Before he lifted his head to face Kris.

“If y-you’re going t-to allow innocent lives t-to be lost then you ha-have no right to claim y-you did it t-to protect them–”

It’s… more than a little alarming, how bitter his voice sounded, even if it did crack near the very end. His ‘composure’ didn’t last, the boy slipping into the same shaking and sobbing state he was in before he spoke his mind, though maybe not as intense this time - something Tsukuyomi felt was made up for by how quickly everything around him was spinning, how lightheaded he could’ve swore he was getting… this probably wasn’t any good for him but he couldn’t think about that or anything else. 

(he was well aware, so well aware, of how they could be willing to put his own life on the line, be it for their own sake or (one of?) their accomplice(s?))

“…T-Tenshi, the… the spells th-that… Ueno-san… as-asked for. Su…zuki-san, p-please show… y-your hands… I-I don’t know… what’s go-going on but… b-but we have… t-to get to the bottom of this… because we… w-want to keep… our friends… s-safe too…

S-So… you two… a-and Mi-ke-san… th-the three of you…please, p-please explain yourselves–!!”

(but he still cared about them with all his heart and that was the worst part) 

[mahouproject-one]

i'm reporting everyone in this thread including myself / tsukuyomi / trial (re: Where Is God, joon, kris)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

…

…

…

What the fuck was happening.

Tsukuyomi could only watch as Mitsuo complied with his request to show off the spell, resulting in him and Outa… god. God he couldn’t deal with this right now. Tsukuyomi buried his face in his free hand, sighing.

Thanks! He hated it.

Mi-ke’s response didn’t help any, nor did Kris’s, Tsukuyomi mumbling a muffled ‘ohhh my god’ before letting his hand slip off his face he tried so hard not to look at either Mitsuo or Outa he couldn't deal with this right now!!!!!

(he tried to avoid looking at sollith’s empty podium - but that was for a whole other reason entirely–)

“Y-You’re not… useless M-Mi-ke-san it’s… I-I mean– there’s still what’s… p-probably that Blue P-Potion…? I-If it’s… a minor spell…

…I don’t– I-I don’t want it t-to be you…! Th-That’s why… why I-I have to… figure out th-the…”

He scratched the back of his head, looking around the courtroom. He kept… catching… the Collar Squad in the corner of his eye and he couldn’t. Deal with this right now.

“God– god what th-the fuck have I d-done– w-we can't do th-this right n-now– c-can someone just??? Ch-Check if… th-the width matches… l-like Kanamori-san s-said…?”

Thank god, someone said something else to catch his attention. No more collars… he’s had enough of these collars. He directed his attention towards Joon. 

“It’s… p-possible…? Agatsuma-san… d-did say there were… th-three voices…? I-I don’t… feel like she’d… c-count her own voice… b-but if her memories… w-were foggy, then maybe… n-not that we really… h-have a clue who…" 

Then, to Kris!

(…What the fuck was a 'Onceler’.)

"I-I mean… yeah I guess, b-but… do we have any proof…th-they were left during i-investigation…? A-All we know… i-is that… they were there… a-after Rosenburg-san l-left…”

He has no fucking clue what 'mini-Kris’ was supposed to mean, but he opted not to press it. He’s had enough of this nonsense for one day. 

[mahouproject-one]

maybe the real furries were the friends we made along the way / tsukuyomi / trial (re: Furry Time, clove / attn: mi-ke, mitsuo)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

(cw: strangulation mentions)

…what the fuck was this trial.

Boyfriends? Fursonas? Ghosts?– well, ok, he was around for the ghost thing. Wasn’t as scary as he thought it’d be, though maybe having a Clan Ghost around regularly just made him used to it.

For… a brief moment, as Mi-ke mentioned their ‘boyfriend’, Tsukuyomi’s expression… grew sour, just a bit. He grit his teeth and looked off to the side, the hand belonging to the arm not being held onto by Shinobu balling into a tight fist. 

(it’s for mi-ke-san’s sake, he has to keep telling himself, it’s for their sake it’s for their sake)

Eventually, the tenseness of his expression softened, and he quickly gave the lad clinging to his arm another pat on the shoulder, as if to try and get across that it’s not him he’s… less than pleased with.

“…w-what… do furries… h-have to do… with th-this…?”

And with that excellent contribution, he turned his attention towards Clove.

“…I-I dunno… how much this… h-helps, but the… cloth scraps…th-those were, um, purple-ish… in color? Though… they had… b-blood on them… s-so, it… might have been… blue, o-originally…? Red and blue… i-is purple…”

Danganronpa blood sure is weird.

“I-I’m not sure… where… t-to go with that, I… I think… T-Tenshi-san wears… b-blue a lot… a-as far as I-I’ve seen… b-but… a n-number of… people do. I-I do, outside of… th-the Suzaku uniform…”

A distant part of him worried that saying that would somehow backfire on him, that somehow he’d end up at the top of the suspect list again, even though it was pretty clear that the culprit wasn’t Suzaku - hell, the dorm they’d picked access to was Genbu, rather than Seiryuu or Byakko. But…

…he shook his head. No, no, he couldn’t be thinking like that right now.

A frown crossed his face at the confirmation that Mi-ke had the spell, but he nodded and mumbled his thanks towards Mitsuo anyways. There was some talk about the ghosts, his frown only growing a bit wider. He wasn’t… gonna think too much about ghost things, not right now.

Finally, Mi-ke spoke up once again to defend themself. Understandable - Tsukuyomi really didn’t want it to be them, either. Mi-ke was… his friend! He cared about his friends, he didn’t want to see them die!

…but that was why he had to find out, for sure, who’d done this. He had more than one person he’d wanted to protect, after all

“M… M-Mi-ke-san, do you… I-I don’t… like to pry, b-but… did.. anyone see you… u-use the spell…? For a-anything… other than…? Preferably… a-at least two… a-also, um, is it… a major… o-or minor spell…?

I-I mean… I can… u-understand… passing out, because of… th-the motive… I-I know I… d-did after… h-hurrying back to my room… a-after seeing, e-er, ‘Rosenburg-san’…”

He mumbled something that sounded like an apology towards Shinobu. Tsukuyomi paused for a bit… before a look of realization hits him. He hesitated a little, but…

“…U-Um– actually… if it’s a minor spell… a-and you have the MP… c-could you show us, Mi-ke-san…? Or– O-Or– Ueno-san, you said… only you… a-and one other person… if… e-either of you… could use it… if you have… th-the MP for it…

I’m thinking… m-maybe…if we c-can see… the, er, c-collar… and compare it… t-to the bruises… around Agatsuma-san’s n-neck…? U-Um, I didn’t… g-get a good l-look… a-at her… b-but… s-someone who has, we… c-can use, um…”

He gestured to the pensieves. He didn’t have a clue if this would work, but maybe it was worth a shot…? 

[mahouproject-one]

this is a gift, it comes with a price / tsukuyomi / trial (re: who was clove, mitsuo, joon)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

Well… this was… interesting.

Tsukuyomi shifted on his feet, continuing to look downward as he listened to the others speak. He felt someone approach, giving a gentle pat on the shoulder to the lad to his right. Hello, Shinobu, welcome to moon boy town.

All this talk of impersonations and whatnot was… wild, and he could barely keep track of everything through his exhaustion. Two impersonators…??? What a twist, he couldn’t say he’d expected that - like something out of the books he enjoyed reading, but very very real, all too real.

“…u-um– I-I saw… er, ‘Rosenberg-san’…” Said with air-quotes and all. “…around… euh, 7:11… I-I think…? She was… g-going through… the Foyer, f-from, uhhh… th-the south… east…? I-I think…? To… th-the north… i-if that… helps any…”

In spite of everything, he couldn’t help but perk up the tiniest bit - what he said about the obi!! Was helpful!! Sorta!! Maybe!! Alas, it didn’t last, the hesitation from Reiko didn’t go unnoticed. 

Then Shinobu said his piece, and… well, it… was… not easy, to tell just what the look on Tsukuyomi’s face was supposed to be. He bit down on his lip, hands trembling furiously at his sides. The boy seemed so terribly tense, and yet, his expression was… strangely unreadable. He opened his mouth to speak a few times, only to close it, coming up short as far as his words went.

The smaller boy beside him grabbing onto his sleeve pulled him out of his thoughts. Tsukuyomi looked between Shinobu and the rest of the courtroom for a few seconds, before opting to simply… pat the boy on the arm gently a few times. The mystery lad’s stance and demeanor was a bit easier to recognize this time around - defensive. Protective, arguably.

With a sigh, he looked between Mitsuo and Joon-young.

“…th… th-the spell…? Does it… b-belong to… either of…? Or… someone else…?" 

[mahouproject-one]

i cant think of titles help!!!!! / tsukuyomi / trial (re: reiko, mitsuo)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

Investigation… was interesting. Sure, he didn’t think he could top getting stabbed, though the aftereffects of the motive made him feel much worse than he did after that incident. But that was then and this is now, and now…

…well, he still felt very much on the brink of death in that trial room, so it wasn’t much different, really!

Tsukuyomi rubbed his temples as Reiko quickly spoke up on behalf of Clove, followed by Mitsuo, speedy as always, in agreement with the detective’s arguments. Tsukuyomi was… more than a little hesitant, after how the last trial went, but he couldn’t just stand around and do nothing, right…? He slowly rose a hand,as if he was in class waiting to ask the teacher a question, before speaking - a much quieter, slower (raspier, even) tone than normal from him.

“…um… I-I… hate to… interrupt… b-but, um… Eigawa-san, i-is there… any reason… w-why Rosenburg…san… couldn’t be…? I-I mean… s-seeing someone… running a-around, with… blood… on their clothes, that’s… e-even if she… isn’t the culprit… th-that’s… pretty suspicious…”

He shrugged his shoulders a little bit, staring more towards the ground than at anyone in particular.

“I mean… I agree… w-with Ueno-san… about… th-the spells. Rosenburg-san… I-I didn’t see… h-her obi… when I s-saw her… I-I don’t know…w-who… would have that spell… o-or what… it is, but… y-you need… your obi… t-to do spells, t-to… to begin with.

…wait. W-Wait– Ueno-san, what… what did… R-Rosenburg-san wear… w-when you saw her…? I m-mean, I…

He scratched the back of his head, clearing his throat (or trying to but it came out more like coughing, he’s doing his best).

"I… I-I saw her, a-at some point… sh-she had a white… camisole… a-and a black skirt… b-blood on them… w-we–” He gestures to Shiba, Mi-ke, Shinobu, Shino, and himself. “–found them… i-in the nonbinary bathroom… o-on the first floor… though, there… there was d-definitely… s-some stuff… in Seiryuu, though, t-too…”

He fell silent after that, opting to take a break and let the others speak. Never one to hog the spotlight, really… 

[mahouproject-one]

coward mont blanc / tsukuyomi / chapter three (re: events + body)

[shslmoonemoji]

mahouproject-one:

(cw: self-depreciation)

Subaru Kurokawa dropped dead on the first day, and even if he knew better, even if he knew that crying in the middle of a constant heat wave when you were robbed of water was a horrible idea, Tsukuyomi holed himself up in his room and he cried and cried and cried.

Sure, it wasn’t like a murder wasn’t going to happen eventually because of a motive he had a hand in choosing, That’s how it was with all of these cycles (it made him sick to think about the fact that maybe just maybe he was getting used to all this), a murder would drive someone to kill. But this was different, vastly different, this was a fellow student succumbing to the hunger and heat death that Tsukuyomi Sato had brought upon the castle’s residents.

And sure, it wasn’t like he and he alone voted for the thing. But he was still responsible for it, and try as he may, try as he might, to convince himself that he wasn’t alone in this, he couldn’t quite get it out of his head that this was his fault, his fault, his fault.

(but he’d just go on and cry anyway because it wasn’t like he was good for much else)

…

Deborah Daze perished the second day, and the only thing stopping Tsukuyomi from crying was that he literally, genuinely, physically could not do so. That was half of Byakko down, if Tsukuyomi remembered correctly, and another for the deep pit of guilt and shame welling in his stomach, another for the bitter taste of regret left in his mouth.

Maybe that other motive they in Suzaku had talked about wouldn’t have been so bad. What did he have that he wanted to hold on to outside of the castle, anyway? It wasn’t like his life wasn’t just a huge joke, it wasn’t like he was anything more than some loser who’d go on to (REDACTED) all because of some book he read because he had so little going for him otherwise.

(he knew exactly why he didn’t go for it, but the more he lay in his room, the more he got to know his own mortality as he felt his life slip from him more and more by the second, he wondered if it was even worth it)

(you can’t remember anyone when you’re dead)

…

(at some point on that second day, shinobu - kanamori, for the record - had stopped by and checked in, a conversation that resulted in the other taking residency in the moon boy’s room. as comforted as tsukuyomi was by the presence of a friend in such dark times he couldn’t help but feel the heaviest of guilt, the consequences of what he’d chosen coming to meet him face to face)

(he’d said ‘what if it was our friends and family suffering instead’, but what did you do when all the friends you’ve ever known were already suffering in the castle with you?)

…

The greater majority of the third and final day passed by in a haze, Tsukuyomi fading in and out of consciousness - or at least that’s how it felt, as far as his memory was concerned, though to be fair it wasn’t like he did much of anything but lie around. At some point, he’d convinced himself that the next time he fell asleep would be his last, and after some fruitless attempts to distract himself from the “comfort” of his room, he slipped out for a walk.

It was then that the image of (REDACTED) came and seared itself into Tsukuyomi’s otherwise spotty memory, filled him with a fear just too much for him to bear. He returned to his room as quickly as his horribly weakened body would allow him to, and against his wishes, he blacked out just as soon as he shut the door behind him .

(as he lost conciousness, as he was so so sure that death had finally come to collect, he thought, for one of many times since he’d arrived at mahoutokoro, that he never should have accepted that hope’s peak invitation)

(this never never never happened to ordinary people)

…

…until he woke up and learned that death had decided to show him mercy.

It took a while to reach the body. Of course it did, there was replenishment to be done, refreshment. They had their food and water back and frankly, if he didn’t get on that soon, there was going to be another corpse to deal with and Tsukuyomi was pretty sure no one wanted that.

As for the body itself, well, Tsukuyomi couldn’t look for long. Real gruesome sight, poor fellow was never any good dealing with that sort of thing, and h was worried that that kind of fear,combined with the state his body was in, would affect him horribly. Still, it did nothing for the guilt that shook him to his core,only adding on as time ha passed up to that moment. Maybe that’s where all his energy had gone, converting itself into raw guilt and shame. 

(and speaking of raw guilt and shame tsukuyomi, for once, couldn’t bring himself to cry, and as much as he was aware it was most likely an aftereffect of the motive he felt so so so horrible about it)

Mio was… someone Tsukuyomi liked just fine. Admired, arguably. Even if his opinion shifted into a more fearful one from the aftermath of the previous trial onward, there was a part of him couldn’t help but admire them. Someone so strong, so brave in the face of danger… to see someone like that lying in a heap as Mio did that evening was… 

…but that just went to show that anything goes in a place like Mahoutokoro. Anyone could go down at any time, and there wasn’t a thing Tsukuyomi Sato could do about it.

All he could do, now, was investigate, and hope that the following trial wouldn’t end up as chaotic as its predecessor.