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@shteagan-blog
velazquezhq:
❝ —- —HUH? sorry, the club was p a c k e d until last call last night. even after, actually. security had their hands full. i didn’t get much sleep, obviously. –and now i’m rambling. was this your seat or something? ❞
"don't worry you're fine. i ramble all the time. you can have the seat. i don't like sitting for longs period of time anyways."
wtfstevie:
“Have you ever been so drunk that you only remember bits and pieces of shit that happened? I’m pretty sure I screwed some guy after my parents’ giant holiday party last night but all I can remember is that he was kind of tall, blonde, and had nice arms. Whoops. I’d say I won’t ever have another drink again but I think we both know that’d be a lie.”
"I think everyones been that drunk at least once in their life. At least the guy you slept with doesn't sound ugly. You should stop drinking once the people you sleep with start becoming unattractive."
yikesneomi:
“ So like a couple of days ago my friend from Hawaii sent me a Christmas package, right? And so I skyped her the other night and she kept telling me that I had to open that Christmas package before Christmas Day and Christmas Eve. So there I was, being pretty darn curious because why would she want me to open a Christmas gift before then right? Like why didn’t she want me to wait until Christmas? So tell me why, like when I opened said package, it was filled with fuckin’ condoms. And I shit you not, it’s not like she got me one kind of condom. No, no, no. She got me a shit load of different kinds. She got the latex ones, non-latex ones, flavored ones, hell, she even gave me some glow in the dark ones too. Which brings me to my next question. Would ya like some condoms, bubs? ”
"Why would one person need so many condoms in the first place? I think I'll pass though. I already have some at home. Thanks for the offer though... I think?”
gfyashton:
“so, i hope all of you had a nice holiday, but i can’t wait for new years. i love parties.”
"i'm excited for all the parties as well. don't get me wrong i love the holidays and spending time with my family, but nothing can beat my love for partying."
ovamp3:
Why must I tell you? Is it really that interesting of a tattoo? I have a lot of others that seem far more enticing.
"You don't have to tell me anything. It's not that it's an interesting tattoo it's the story behind getting the tattoo that's more interesting. Oh, yeah. Like what?"
ayewesley:
“ the amount is unknown. i lost count after shot number six. “
"i'm surprised you could even count up to six. i most likely would have gotten lost after the second shot."
ayewesley:
“ christmas in ireland wasn’t as bad as i t’ought it was gonna be. reckon i’m still a bit drunk, even after sleepin’ on the flight back. “
"how much did you drink for you to be that drunk?"
treyjxhnson:
“That was the plan, for him to become a babe magnet.”
"well looks like your plan is going right so far."
treyjxhnson:
“Look at what I got my nephew. Cute, right?”
"Very cute. The ladies aren't going to be able to stay away from him now."
“ —- imagine if you had a business partner with the last name syrup. ”
"You could have a cool ass company name and slogan."
I will stay gentle no matter what I endure, I am so much more.
Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson (via ghostoat)
adrianncs:
‘ so, i disappeared for a while, expecting to get tons of missed calls, and people askin’ me where i’ve been, but all i’ve gotten so far is a very overbearing mother, and no christmas gifts. guess that’s karma for bein’ a bitch. ’
"Well where have you been? Trust me it's better to have an overbearing mother than a mother that simply doesn't care."
judelmao:
Okay, first of all, Where the hell is everyone? I expected some kind of grandiose celebration at the airport, and you know what I got? Diddly squat. You guys need to step it up. Second of all, I haven’t even been here for half an hour and I’ve already seen a cat fight. God, I’d almost forgotten how much I loved the Hamptons.
"I don't know where everyone else was but personally I was taking a relaxing bath. So, sorry I didn't really have time to make it to the airport. I'll be more thoughtful next time. I love catfights. Why were they fighting? Did you hear?"
sofiawtvrz:
If you haven’t heard yet, I just dropped a new single. it’s me. I’m single.
"Your new single is called 'It's me. I'm single'? That's a weird name for a new single."
ovamp3:
Yes, obviously. It’s nacho cheese, it’s mine. Oh goodness, I’m turning into one of those seagulls from Finding Nemo.
"Fair enough. It's your cheese, not mine. If you do turn into one of those seagulls from Finding Nemo though you have to tell me why you have a cheese tattoo before you fully transition into a bird."
“ see, it’d be pretty cool for a while but would people really take you seriously after? you can be having a conversation with someone and your last name might come up and if it’s pancake you know you’re gonna be standing there for ten minutes while the other person continuously asks if that’s really your last name and then the original topic of conversation flies out the window. ”
"they better take me seriously. that's a very good point, but i'd be so used to people trying to figure out if pancake was actually my last name that i'd get them back on track. the first couple of times it may be hard but after that it's become such a routine you're good at getting people to forget your last name for the time being."
ovamp3:
A lot of people ask me why I have a piece of cheese tattoo’d on me. I simply tell them it’s none of their business… it’s nacho cheese.
"If I ask you why you have a piece of cheese tattooed on you are you going to tell me it's none of my business as well?"
